That guy's a Maniac...

Bored of video game lists? Loins not set ablaze by underground train stations? Then boy you are in the wrong place because here is TGAM's Top 5 Underground Train Stations* in games list. We may have done this list before that is how low on ideas we are. 5. Santa Destroy Tube Station . This is one of those ones we remembered so put it in here. You don't actually do much in it and all of the stairways and doorways are blocked off with wet floor signs or red cones. There are vending machines. You get the train to fight Destroy Man. 4. Raccoon City Tube Station . Somehow the zombie plague has caused some underground trains to crash. Maybe they ate the driver or something and he braked too hard in his death throws. Anyway, it is a scary place and looks exactly like Santa Destroy station. Is this how all American Tube stations look? My sample size of two says yes. Also, here's a fun fact in America they call the tube (or Underground) the sub-surfarizerotor. 3. Silen

Thanks for everyone who entered our recent competition to find a new contributor! Some of the entries were weird (we would like to stress that we are not willing to entertain three's), some of the entries were disturbing (thanks yiffycunzylover23), and some of them were hurtful (we shan't be eating anyone's anal abortions, on fire or not) But almost all of the entries were downright hysterical!Congrats to you all! So we canned them, both Cunzy and I have severe insecurity issues so we chose the the most plain, boring blogger we could! Please join me in welcoming Doppelganger! Luv and Hugs Richie XXX

Recently, we've been playing through Pikmin 2 (the wiimake) and boy it is still a great game and playing it makes us feel a little bit sad inside that a gamecube port can get us more excited than some of the latest releases. You've can't help but love the little guys and feel genuinely mortified when you see those little ghosts signalling you've just lost one. Speaking of new releases here are our reviews of all the games to come out this month: Bayonetta : Surprisingly good and out Devil-May-Crys Dante himself. Darksiders : Looks like a World of Warcraft character crossed with Devil May Cry and Prince of Persia on acid. Plays like Excalibur 2555 A.D. on poppers. Dark Void : Worse than Resident Evil 4, better than Spyborgs. Dark Ciders : Better than Strongbow, worse than Belgian beer. Dark Darkers 2 : Pretty dark considering. Darkstalkers : We wish. Mass Effect 2 : Will be as talked about and played as much as Mass Effect was for that week . MAG : As much fun as those t

Today Omastar puts his money where his mouth is and predicts that one day, many millions of years into the future sentient beings will extract discharge from a Miltank, wait for it to go off and then eat it after dinner with crackers. Where the hell do you get this stuff Omastar? That's CRAZY TALK. Almost as bad as that time he had a nightmare that beings would cut up Octillerys and eat them in a LASAGNA.

So what did we do in 2009? 1. Richie bought the Steelseries WoW Mouse. The post was a huge rant on the technical problems of the WoW Mouse, in fact Richie was one of the first to review it, being among the first to receive it. WoWInsider ( wow.com ) picked us up (for the second time) and plugged us. The gist of the review was: The mouse was a pile of wank, and as it stands, it still is... We are still getting comments and hits from Google on this one. Post Score: 7/10. Good content, good hit generation, though justified it was a bit ranty and tl;dr. 2. We got a rise out of Kotaku. After spending the better part of 2008 sending in "Tips" we finally got some response and Acknowledgement from the Kotakians. Some people got it, some people honestly thought we were being serious and didnt understand "tips" Post Score: 9/10. Hilarious throughout. 3. Exclusive coverage on Sheva Nude Cheat. Just a joke. Some hastily knocked up pictures of boobs o

Dragon Age full on added expansion!! - Unlock the secrets of the Darkspawn and their true motivations - Rebuild the Grey Warden order and establish their base of operations at Vigil's Keep - Shape your entire experience based on the choices you make and how your handle complex situations - Import your character from Dragon Age: Origins or start anew as a Grey Warden from the neighboring land of Orlais - Encounter five all-new party members and an old favorite from Dragon Age: Origins - Put your skills to the test against an evolved, intelligent breed of Darkspawn and other menacing creatures including the Inferno Golem and Spectral Dragon! I will Bioware, I will... Love and Crushing Prison, Richie.

Ok I should have mentioned this before, but I love Dragon Age: Origins. It's a great wee game, brilliantly acted and interestingly balanced, anyone that likes RPGs should get this one. Yes it is Tolkien-esque, Dwarves, elves, magic etc. Though I have been told that many of the plot elements in it are very similar to the "Wheel of time" series of books. Recently Kotaku did a post on the Voice acting in Mass Effect 2 , but I'd like to give the voice acting in Dragon Age a quick nod, it's not as star studded but there are some classic voices: Tim Curry: Arl Howe Kate Mulgrew (AKA Captain Janeway): Flemeth Claudia Black (Farscape, Stargate): Morrigan There are a few other voices in there that you may recognise but well, they are just not as famous... there's Tuvok from Star Trek: Voyager too (playing an Elf). I have been ploughing through the achievements as a sort of guideline to seeing most of the plot in Dragonage, there are a f

Yes. It is indeed Xmas. The time of year for family, eating, drinking from 11am, presents and sleeping. But as Sir Bob highlighted we should also think about all those people living in the third world who don't get to celebrate christmas at all. They also get stomped on by a dungaree wearing maniac too. Sucks to live in the third world. Believe it or not, this post was inspired by an excellent joke in ONM issue 51. Kidding you, I am not.

This one is from the only other fellow  gaming celebrity   Leigh Alexander. "I prefaced this post with a reminder of the business realities major blog networks face because I find it hard to believe that Brian, who taught me quite a great deal about going the extra mile on news reporting -- because our audience deserves the whole truth -- would thumbs-up a porn star's "celebrity" advice column unless it were part of a larger and necessary Gawker initiative" Brian Kotaku Brian? The whole truth? Good one Leigh. Good one.

Read it . The first part of the article is excellent observational humour and the whole thing sms up the frustration most of gamer kind has come across at some point. Brooker even picks up on the lack of gaming celebrities thing . However. A few comments down and we get the age old console wars stuff, some game snobbery, LULZ I'm a girl, aren't games addictive? etc. the usual stuff. Games may have become a bit more widely appreciated but gamers sure as hell aren't. I'm officially ex-communicating the gaming community until it levels up a bit. Starting. Now.

Is this muggy cunt in Wii Fit Plus (on the right in the image above). I don't know how he is voiced in other territories but he sounds like a proper geeza in the PAL version. Here are a selection of sound bites: "Punch it! Don't touch it up you muggy cunt" "Alright you muggy cunt let's box this mush" "I'm a cockney I'm a cockney" "Ening staaaaaaaaaad. Ening staaaaaaaad" "Jog on you muggy cunt" "Ya muvva ya muvva ya muvva. And ya faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaava" "Love a duck you muggy muvva" "Cost you a pony you muvva" We don't even know his name but we love him. Excercise and video game characters have never been so fun. We can't wait for him to get his own sequel Wii Geezer . Basically you spend the whole game selling pineapples, driving taxis and taking shanks's pony everywhere. IMPROMPTU REVIEW BASED ON CONCEPT ALONE ; Excellent characterisation and a good storyl

As many of you are aware "The Saboteur" came out today. Its a little 3rd person romp through Nazi occupied France, you play an Irishman being a pest to everything Nazi-esque. It's being praised as gritty, dark and atmospheric, but castrated with moderate gameplay. It's a bit of a faux pas releasing anything even slightly 3rd person-y with Assassins Creed 2 still going hot from the shelves, especially one which looks and feels like Altaïr in Nazi France. Negativity aside its a better experience than it is a game. But lastly and most importantly the game has boobs. That's right tits, titties, mammaries, breasticles, jugs, melons, jumper puppies . Because the game is set in France it has, of course, got the lumpenproletariat, bohemian, mid-war desperation. And what better to illustrate that than Burlesque shows and Gambling! Where there are people trying to make money there are always boobs: Cant see them? Now you don't need to even

That means it's still not legal :( But yeah statutory rape jokes aside, fifteen years ago we were eyeing up that one big parcel under the tree crossing our fingers that it was a Playstation! Then on 25th being delighted and playing Demo1 over and over. Ah memories Tomb raider, Crash Bandicoot, Broken sword, Descent, Wipeout, and that weird thing where you could control a T-Rex... Yeah so 15 years, bet that makes you feel old! Merry playstaionmas, Richie XX

You are inappropriately dressed and have been shot and fallen down a fuck off huge long ass metal shaft, probably bumped down the sides a bit and landed on a cold hard metal floor and then had to carry around a Rocket Launcher to throw to your "boyfriend". Racked with pain, alive against all the odds and probably going to die. What would you do next? a) Phone an ambulance ASAP. My bones are broken. The pain, the pain how am I not dead. b) Just lay there and hope to bleed out sooner rather than later. c) As above with crying. d) Put some bandages on my horribly broken limbs and then limp slightly. CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER NOW The correct answer was d) just put some bandages on and get on with it and SPOILERS kill a whole bunch of hunters, dogs, zombies, lickers and a weird stone Tyrant thing. If you answered a), b) or c) then you aren't cut out for the worst spy ever industry I am afraid. Try your luck at retail management or maybe custo

As some of our more diligent readers are aware we don't like Kotaku very much. For those of you who are not so diligent and here because you were linked here, these are the reasons we don't like it: 1. The colour scheme. 2. The half truths and rumours. The dodgy reporting  and then reposting their own failed reporting  as some kind of flaw in ' games journalism' . 3. The dross you have to sift through... Nobody cares (and if you do, you really need to rethink your priorities) about the latest maximum risky doll from a 10 year old jRPG. 4. Day/night note. We thought we killed it off but it has come back. Remember kids, you should buy Arcade Mania. 5. I have never laughed with Kotaku, only at it. To say it is devoid of genuine grown up humour is being overly generous. 6. It's too American. Way too much attention on tits. There are even better parts on a woman (hint:around the armpit and pantsu regions work well) and almost no talk of the wang despite 25%

We've literally just invented microfanficcing everybody. And now after all the lies, plagiarism and law suits we're now ready to tell our story about how it all started. Richie : Well it all started when we I was excited about the Chocobo for the Xbox 360 avatars. Cunzy1 1 : Yeah. I was ridiculing him for having a light sabre, chocobo and megatron hat and being over the age of 15. Richie : That's right. Well I went on to say that the only reason I wanted the chocobo was to pretend I was Irvine from Final Fantasy 8 and get to bad touch Selphie. Cunzy1 1 : Then... oh god this sounds so bad. Then we went on to talking about Zell. I mean here is this guy in this band of merry men each with different skillz and all he can do is punch people. Richie : He doesn't even have a dog. Cunzy1 1 : Exactly and then I asked Richie what he called Angelo because I called Angelo 'bitch' so Rinoa's limit break was Bitch Strike and Bitch Rush. Then Richie fan ficked the Bitch n

Did you see what I did there? The Saatchi's Best of British TV show has inspired this post. We are not ones to bore you all to death with information written in paragraphs. Our preferred method is the list: games are/aren't art thing is long dead. Nobody talks about it anymore and we're not ones to be ahead of the curve! However watching some of the top artists and art critics talk absolute bollocks about what is or isn't even good or bad art in the excellent 1) Games are of too broad appeal. From a midnight addiction to Minesweeper through to the latest mini game on the iphone. Everyone has at some point played a game. It is really hard to be elitist when everyone knows what you are talking about and can call you out on the BS. So games aren't art because it is too popular. Also, a game which nobody has played makes headlines for a scene taken out of context. A tunnel in which an artist rapes people barely makes Gawker media . People care about games ev

All the time, the cold lonely empty silence of the comments section and TGAM's email inbox seems to be asking me "Why if you are the official Capcom website do you never do anything on the Street Fighter series?". I'm sure that is what the silence asks of me. And if I were to answer it, my answer would be a three parter. Firstly, why do we only seem to ever write about Pokemon and Resident Evil? This is the bigger concern. Why pick out Street Fighter? Jeez. Secondly, I hate Street Fighter but it isn't because I think the fighting genre hasn't progressed at all in over a decade, it isn't because now there are stupid bars everywhere and nobody tells me what each of them mean or how to activate any of them so I just button mash until something explosiony happen and it isn't even because 'So there is this fighting tournament' has been the standard plot for fighting games since forever. Thirdly, the real reason why I hate Street Fighter is beca

From Dante to Mario. Can it be done? Started off quite hard because we figured we couldn't get out of Capcomland. But here's how it is done kids. Dante-Viewtiful Joe courtesy of Viewtiful Joe. Viewtiful Joe-Ryu courtesy of Tatsunoko vs Capcom Then we go Ryu to Mitsurugi courtesy of Namco X Capcom Then we go from Mitsurugi to that Link chap via Soul Calibuuuur 2. And finally from Link to the podgy plumber via Superu Smashu Brotheru! Can you do it with less degrees? Do have a go. And while you are at it see if you can beat: Mickey Mouse to Sonic the Hedgehog- 4 degrees. Master Chief to Solid Snake- 3 degrees (cheating a bit). Megatron to your own Mii- 2 degrees. And if you can get those you can get practically anywhere! Anywhere worth going anyway. Characters with no degrees to anybody just aren't worth it people.