That guy's a Maniac...

Following in the footsteps of non-game series Guitar Hero, now on it's 16th iteration, and Rock Band (are we on 4? 5? nobody cares), the upcoming DJ Hero is also keen to milk the shit out of mainstream non gamers with these three peripherals so you can play with your mates: DJ Hero Dex - Estimated Retail Price $140 pounds. This killer dex will show how truly easy the job of a DJ is. Just put on a compilation CD and watch the game play itself. In the meantime you can feel up some jailbait who is on an AK trip. DJ Hero Manbag - Estimated Retail price 54 euros. Show off to all your friends how much of a super underground artisan you are with this mass produced man/record bag available at any shitty independent music shop that still sells vinyl. Customise it with up to four slots for anti war and graffiti inspired badges. DJ Hero Beanie - Estimated Retail price £30. Look like a youth knob at and away from the console! Has three slots for official DJ Hero 'ironic goth message badges

For the Wii.Thoughts in roughly chronological order: I love Agatha Christie. She was genius, I hope Nintendo release a 100 Agatha Christie books on the DS. That would be sweet. Oh shit man murder mystery. Who is gonna die first? Sailor Boys indeed. It's the Butler. Cheese? What do I do with cheese? I hope nobody notices I am stealing everything from this house. It's Vera. Vera is hot. Glad I didn't miss that. It's Emily. Blore sounds like 'Boner' It's Boner. Stupid Wiimote safe cracking. GODDAM STUPID WIIMOTE SAFE CRACKING. Oh, wrong code. Goddam AWE and your crashes. Everygame. And again. And again. I should save more. It's the Judge! WHY WON'T EARRING MIX WITH CHEESE? Goats. Goats like cheese? Goats like apples? Goats like honey? Goats like buckets? Goats like cocktail shakers? Goats like books about bird watching? What do goats like? GODDAM AWE GLITCHES SHOULD SAVE MORE OFTEN. Not a glitch actually. It's the Doctor. Goats like walking st

Via Kotaku via Official PlayStation Magazine: It's difficult to talk about Nintendo because we don't look at their console as being competitors. They're a different world and we operate in our world — that's kind of the way I look at things... And with the Xbox — again, I can't come up with one word to fit. You need a word that describes something that lacks longevity... Last time I checked, they've never had a console that's been on the market for more than four or five years and we've committed to a ten year life cycle, so you do the math... And unless things go really bad, there's no way that at the end of a life cycle our competition is going to have a higher install base. RAGE RAGE RAGE. How are you competing at all? We're all sick of this shit. No one believes you anymore. No one believes that you aren't royally fucked. Otherwise there would be some kind of new gaming news instead of endless stat tweaking reports about how the

Comment on a PC whinge blog on a post about PC gaming and how EPIC games (the company) left it's nice smart, flat-chested girlfriend (the PC) for an attractive big chested slut (consoles). If this taken out of context, context isn't cringe-worthy enough: "… and she has a drawer full of the most variegated toys and an active imagination concerning how to use them. This explains why, when slagging off on the ex, from time to time the new Console Elite’s pupils will dilate, his gait will devolve to something between a stagger and a waddle, and he will start muttering something about “configuration problems landing me in A&R a few times." Dude. It's a PC. Make some graphs and leaflets if you need to but keep your trousers on whilst you do. Oh and stop watching Battlestar Galactica. In other news: TGAM's Top 10 PC games 2008: 1) The Sims 2. Dual heritage edition. 2) The adventures of super person in super land, where everyone else is entitled to and has the sam

Sorry I couldn't finish the title because my computer crashed. Lets start again. Conso Sorry I had to install a patch there. I'll try again Consoles arrererherjehjrhe Sorry I had to install another patch. Hello? Hello? Is my microphone working? Hello? I'll try again. Hang on. COnsoles are Sorry. Three of my friends came over so we were playing multiplayer games. You know the kind you don't get on the PC. Only got shitty RPGs and RTS. Where was I. Did that work? No. No. I think I need a new graphics card actually. Oh. I'm sure I had a save file. It's probably on my old PC or I deleted it or something. Hang on. Yeah I'm at a friends house now. What? I can't use it on her PC? Hang on. Graphics Card issues. Now my monitor won't work. Nope. Cra@ ~~^^ggg1. Cra^#ing Finally. On a Mac now. So, today children my point is consoles are deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Exclusive from the legendary RAM RAIDER! There has been a walkout at PC Zone magazine! A guy, a guy and some other guy and another guy have walked out leaving the Future Publishing magazine in potential jeopardy! We asked our source in the heart of Future Publishing some questions surrounding the ordeal: Us: So what is a "PC". Our source: Umm it's like a machine for making books and graphs. Us: Oh. Okay. So what was the magazine about? Our secret source whose name shall never be revealed: It was about how to write good books and to make cool graphs and to print out labels for CDs and shit. Us: Shit. And why the walkout at the magazine? Our super spy inside the actual heart of the "enemy" in between the valves: I think someone accidentally printed out a graph on the wrong side of some glossy paper and someone called it the worst F*****g graph they ever saw. Us: Damn man! So what is the future for the magazine? Our source: Both readers of the

What a prick

So GTAIV still grabbing headlines. Some good some bad. But one statement that crops up time and time again, by the naysayers, then reiterated for ridicule by the defenders, is that GTAIV is some kind of prostitute murdering simulator . Which, to be fair it can be. But why focus on such a tiny little possibility in the game? Oh to grab headlines and take up some column inches. But come on journos, senators, presidents and prime ministers. You ain't gonna beat GTAIV. No the game is way too popular and successful. Rockstar has had more court cases than hot dinners and there is even a book out that pretty much says GTA, it's okay. So come on hacks and political wannabes. Rockstar and GTA are a well defended fortress. You aren't gonna beat them. But if your criticism about games you never played boils down to repeating a single sentence to get the mob going, why not choose a softer target than the battle hardened Rockstar. So once again Christian Mothers Against Everything, Dai

Aussieman: So I'm really tired today. I was up till four last night playing GTAIV. Aussieman's friend: Oh yeah? Any good? Aussieman: Well it isn't as good as Gears but maybe I haven't played it enough yet. Aussieman's friend: I used to play Vice city on my housemates PS2. It was sweet. Aussieman: Yeah well it's okay but there was another game on the 360 that was much better. The graphics were smoother and the story was better. No one I know has ever played it though so.. Aussieman's friend: What game was that? Aussieman: Saint's Row. O-o. So yeah GTAIV. I had a bit of a throw down with it the other day. It's good but as you are pissing around you know that this game is huge and you start to feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. The side missions, cheevos, hidden packages? and silly easter eggs. But as Aussieman shows maybe GTAIV isn't such a big thing for the casual gamer. Oh well time will tell but at least someone may notice when Saints Row 2 com

So Apple are releasing a 32GB version of the iPod touch... Just in time for Valentines day. Fuck spending £329 on your partner!! Seriously!! and that tag line... "A little touch of romance." Who ever came up with that needs dragged out in to the street and their throat slit . I would like to suggest "Like most Apple fans you will spent most of Valentines day touching yourself." Ugh.

Taken from some genius anonymouse over at RAM RAIDER , regarding Jeff Minter's RR Games Writer Twat Of 2007 Award: This is probably the most deserved award of the lot.Despite the fawning of EDGE and a few other rags, Minter is plainly a childish, petulant charlatan - he knocks out a half-broken game based on someone else's idea anyway (that he then messes up still further with updates), takes half a decade to do so, throws a hissy fit so extreme when someone didn't like it (and what did he fucking expect? It's hardly as accessible as Mario is it?) that he and all his mates felt it necessary to tromp all over the Live! scoreboards to show how fucking ace they are, and STILL expected the world and his dog to bow down at his feet, tell him how great he is and throw money at him. Space Giraffe did do one good thing: it went some way to finally exposing the lie of the Minter "legend" - he's just a backroom indie programmer knocking out rehashed games barely abo

We are proud and sad to bring you this exclusive. Apple and Nintendo are merging! Shock I hear you say. There's more though. They've been working on a console already. It's called the iii. Our woman on the inside say that the iii will merge the best bits of Nintendo and Apple. Great. Here's some of the features for the iii. You can never turn the machine off. No games that aren't already out on the GameBoy. Exclusive launches that require bloggers and nerds to queue up overnight. You'll be able to go online but not really do anything. The console will be taken off the shelves in a year. Japan will get 15,0000 games The US will get 20 Europe might get five. Third party developers will not be asked to make games for the machine. Everyone will think you are a tosser for having one. And a child. The iii will have a massive 1,000,000 features but you'll probably only use the alarm, time and call functions. For the first time Wiimotes will be