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Showing posts with the label couldn't even be bothered to upload an ironic image

Excited About....

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Xenoblade Chronicles. Here be the trailer. What's not to love? It's got more than a little bit of Monster Hunter and Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers about it, two games which I like a lot. Talking to a couple of gaming pals about it, their response has been "since when did you like JRPGs?". A fair question. I don't and I don't normally like games with Xeno in the title. But I do like big open games with a sense of environment and it looks like great care has been taken over the setting. Finally! A game I'm actually excited about. Let's hope it doesn't dissappoint.

Golden Joystick

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That time of year again. Another stupid gaming awards ceremony. The problem with game awards is that they try to be like film awards but games don't really work like that. Let's have a look at the UltimateGOTY nominations: Sad face just doesn't cover it. Maybe the selection isn't that bad it's just well, this screenshot says everything doesn't it? Is this it? Is this what we'd be dreaming next generation was going to be delivering? Here's the same selection with sequels and remakes taken out. Two interesting but flawed games. Do that excercise again but only keeping PC games, or downloadable games or pah. Same old arguments. Unlike films, there are a bazillion games released every year and I know that my personal choices don't overlap with everybody's but there are a few outstanding issues. What's with the categories? Either have categories that work or just make em up. I know I'd never put Portal 2, Dead Rising 2 and Little Big Planet 2

Amen

The only good thing about the Escapist has this to say: Gaming could be one of the most exciting new forms of storytelling in all media but you're all cancelling Pride & Prejudice to show the Friday night football. It's like being stuck at some excruciating wedding reception with a lot of extremely drunk and raucous relatives who are trying to get you to join in the conga. I do not have the same concepts of fun as you. I would not have a good time if I just let my hair down. Having to share physical space with squawking maiden aunts who still forward lolcats to each other makes me want to spit up my kidneys. Now bugger off and leave me to my cake. The whole post here . He's just specifically talking about stories in gaming but he could be talking about a lot of aspects of gaming.

Something for Nothing

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The wii is good an’ all but what I’d really like is 51 episodes of an awful Kirby TV show, for free as a wii channel. Not all at once mind, I want them to be staggered over the next 6 months. Would you look at that! It’s come true. Sure, let’s mess around with Kirby ‘canon’. Let’s give King Dedede a stupid voice. Let’s add two annoying kid characters. Let’s make Meta Knight some kind of Johnny foreigner. Let’s add a stupid theme tune and let’s not use any of the awesome Kirby music that already exists. Still it’s free and yes I’ve watched every episode and will continue to watch them all until episode 51 on the day of release. I’m gripped. Turn on your wii and download the channel now!

Person Will Mention a Game Somewhere Soon

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We're all hyped here about rumours that somebody will sometime soon mention a game. But don't click away because were going to be generating over 1000 posts of absolute fluff that if you're lucky will reveal one or two new features of a game. If you are unlucky we'll just spoil the game bit by bit for you over the coming months until it releases, stays in the shops for six days until that next new thing comes along! BREAKING!! Remember when we just brought you that breaking announcement about a possible game at some point in the future? Well anonymous sources have just confirmed that there will possibly be another game after that! Don't go anywhere and put up with our mid article advertisements as well as those poorly animated ones and the tit ones until we bring you the next article which pretty much says the same as this one but might have a screenshot. If we can be bothered we'll even try to crop out the IGN logo and post it within four hours of whoever publ

Pokemon Black & White and the failure of imagination

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We've been putting a lot of time into Pokemon Black and White. One of the best new(ish) features of the game is that now it is easier than ever to play online. All of the online bits from before are bundled in the new games almost to the point of inundation. Not all of the online functionality is up and running yet but there's still lots to do with the Global trade service the doesn't really work GTS negotiate, random WFC battle match-ups and the Wi-Fi battle subway. Problem is that most players seem to be lacking in imagination and if you spend the slightest bit of time online you'll end up seeing a lot of the same pokemon over and over again. For example, expect to battle endless Hydregion and Volcarono. Not only does this make the game very boring but now that there's more pokemon than ever it would be nice to see some teams that were mixing it up a bit. Yeah sure, picking the pokemon with better than average base stats lets you win easier but we could all be p

3DS features nobody will be using in six months time

The predictions are in. Remember the GBA-GC controller and the four games that used it? Remember the proto street-pass thing in Nintendogs and Dragon Quest and pretty much only in those two games? Wasn't playing your own music in Endless Ocean great? Shame that didn't take off. Here's the tech that will probably be dropped almost instantaneously by gamers and developers on the new 3DS: Street Pass - Fine for Japan where gamers actually congregate. Virtually useless here. Backwards compatibility - Expect this to be dropped with the 3DSlite or the equivalent. Augmented reality Fun the first four or five times and for showing non-gamers how fun the 3DS is. Doubt there will be a sixth time. 3D messaging Remember those three messages you sent via the wii message board? Expect more of the same here. Video content Ever played music through the wii or even visited the photo channel? Nah thought not. Call us bitter but c'mon face it. This gimmickery is fine for filling up the

Vikings

Clint Hocking writes an inspired column comparing the games industry to Viking raiders in this month's EDGE. I suggest you read it. In other gaming news that I've got anything to say about: Pokedex 67.

Check out this crazy shit

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This is craziness from Little King's Story. Not just "whacky, I'm so random, everyone calls me mad" crazy but properly walking down the street talking to yourself and shouting at passers-by crazy.Just watch the first one minute and twenty of this here vid, which is relatively spoiler free although this is one of the bosses you fight. Be bewarn.ed. I mean it just doesn't make one bit of sense does it? Can somebody better educated than us give us some idae what's going on, or this, SHOCK. HORROR. Original stuff? TV tropes has got nothing . Remember when TV tropes used to be fun? They've ruined it now. Is a fat girl really a trope? Back to the game it's just brilliant. I'm finding that Little King's Story is a game that just keeps on giving. Just as I was expanding my city, expecting the game to start wrapping up and the ending to be on the horizon it seems that the game is only realy just beginning. I'll be honest I really wasn't expectin

Albert berates the Paed

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Most proper gamers would probably not engage with those silly little channels on the Wii menu like Everybody votes or the Mii Contest Channel. We do though and this piece of machinimart is the direct result of such engagements Is the contest channel really a game? Is it machinimart? Or just art? It's neither. This is high art. WANKY BOLLOCKS. The digital image depicts an angry Albert Wesker standing over a prostrate Paedo Stu. Wesker, a super human cunning soldier and scientist stands over a fallen Stu. Or is Stu enticing Wesker? Either way, Wesker seems to be shouting PlayStation QTEs at him. How will Stu react? MORE NONSENSE This image is from the game Little King's Story and really examines age appropriation and how well games are tested. Is bewbies really a suitable term for seven year olds? Will Worhar ever make its way into the OED or is that just for serious words like Zig-a-zig-ah and ugh LOL ? These images and others by the TGAM Art Collective willn't be on disp

Turns out we're pretty odd

This excellent little piece is up on Inside Voice about what we mean by the average gamer. It's worth a read. We're constantly worried on behalf of the nation of gamers in that the term gamer doesn't mean anything anymore. "I play WoW exclusively" is not the same person as "I only play Fifa and CoD on Friday nights after the pub". But what we love about the post is the following list quoted word for word: * Facebook has become the platform of choice for the average gamer. * The iPhone has taken over as the most popular platform for the average gamer. * The console continues to be the primary gaming platform for the average gamer. * Due to the massive popularity of free-to-play, the average gamer won’t pay for anything anymore. * The average gamer has a subscription to Live. * The average gamer loves microtransactions and cannot wait to buy absolutely anything offered for sale. * The average gamer doesn’t have any online friends, is unfamiliar with chat

David Cameron and Silicon City. Wot no games?

Last week David Cameron was widely covered in the newspapers surrounding his ambition to create a Silicon City in East London. Although you might expect us to be excited about this it actually left us feeling a bit deflated and annoyed. Why, why is it time for a bulleted list? Yes yes it is. Reasons Why David Cameron and Silicon City annoyed TGAM. Video Games weren't mentioned at all in the coverage we read and we've just finished reading the excellent excellent Replay: the History of Video Games which is not just a damn fine book but it is so meticulously researched that we had revelation after revelation about how games came to be but also how games ended up being responsible for a great deal of the technological stuff that we now take for granted (including operating systems, twitter and facebook). To omit games seems a little bit short sighted when in fact we do have a good games industry in this country........ Especially with the increasing frustration over the scrapping

Back!

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Married now though. Which has nothing to d o with the absence. I gave up games for three weeks voluntarily. Because I AM IN CONTROL. Did go here though: So. What didi I miss?

Dear Dragon Quest IX. We're Sorry

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Nintendo are pushing DQIX so hard and via the various channels that we consume all things video games we run the risk of getting Dragon Quest indigestion. Both EDGE magazine and ONM have run DQ retrospectives and articles in addition to those horrid PROMOTIONAL FEATURES that look like NON-PROMOTIONAL OBJECTIVE FEATURES. There have also been a couple of DQIX videos on the Nintendo Channel and a number of prime-time TV spots. Even the bloody real-life newspapers were carrying reviews and previews on Sunday. There was no escaping it. And yes, we know how they all go. "DQ sold a bagillion copies in Japan". "Nobody is interested here". Except for the PS2 version. That was quite good. Yet, for all this rhetoric and the unanimous glowing reviews we aren't even going to bother buying it, here's why. Firstly, and least importantly, there just isn't the culture of ad-hoc multiplayer play here that there is in Japan. I lose count of the games that have these 'n

Lost Planet 2

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We played and wrote about (in yellow?) Lost Planet and pretty much hated it because it let us down. This was supposed to be next-gen. Then Richie tried to hide his excitement following the hype train for Lost Planet 2 and bemoaning the near-transparency of this IP amongst several 'hardcore' gamers. Well, like the adolescent boys we are we've had a little play for the first time [of Lost Planet 2] and we like it. WHAT WE LIKED 1) This is essentially an HD, fighting large things version of the truly truly excellent Freedom Fighters. Why didn't a single review (disclaimer: that we read ) draw this parallel? Freedom fighters was excellent. This game is also mostly excellent. Space dwelling snow pirates freedom fighters! 2) The Capcomness. Unlockables include emotes, nom de plumes, weapons and clothes. There are thousands of emotes and nom de guerres to collect and it''ll take even keen players forever to unlock them all. Once again, some of the unlocks are CAPCOM

Sigh!

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Yes people an exclaimed SIGH! This is the cause of the now doubly exclaimed sigh!!. We are literally sitting two clicks away from a whole section on wikipedia called List of Disney video games by genre Mickey Mouse Series.

Top ten genicon gaming characters.

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It's Monday okay! Much easier to bash out a dirty top ten than it is to do any actual thinking. Here are our top ten characters to get you 'there' if your current humpee ain't doing it no more. 1) Q Bert 2) Merchant from RE4 3) Zangief 4) Lickitung 5) Ms Pac Man 6) Aeris (dead). 7) Zelda as Sheik. 8) That tranny from Neir. 9) The gorilla dude, above, from Alex Kidd when he loses a game of paper, scissors, stone (and also his undies) 10) Murdered maidens in Tenchu. All of these are tried and tested winners according to our girlfriend.

Total Cunts

Total.

We got a reply!

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Remember that lost post when we emailed LEGEND Graeme Norgate? Well he only friggin emailed back, which to be honest has made us gush like a mucopurulent teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers gig under a waterfall. Here's what Big G had to say: Hello, Thanks for the email, glad to hear you like my stuff...going all the way back to KI too, that is retro :) the "is that too loud" bit is just me messing around with sounds and for some reason putting them on the gameover screen of Timesplitters 2. I can't quite remember the reasoning behind it now, I think it stems back to when I would listen to vinyl as a kid, and sometimes you'd get a "hidden" message right at the end. Thanks again Regards Graeme This email gave us lots of useful information about Graeme. Like, if we want to be like Graeme we'll say KI instead of Killer Instinct. Also, we got a fricking emoticon. I'm never gonna wash my email inbox ever again. So that's the reason

The top ten of Iphone games/apps

Yes. I'm capitalizing Iphone and I'm spelling capitalizing like a yank. It's going to be one of those posts. But we mustn't shun the new platforms when they come out we should welcome them with open arms to join the fold. Recently, Steven Gates (is he the apple man? It really doesn't matter) tried to prove that the Iphone was the shit because it had more games than the DS and the PSP. By that reckoning the PC is then the best gaming device! Didn't think about that Gates did you, you lemon. Anyway, much like the Nintendo DS, the Iphone does have a whole load of steaming shit available for it with the occasional warm gem hidden in the pat. Nobody is going to suggest that any of them are all time greats but here's a summary of the best presented in the tried and tested Top 10 tradition: Top Ten Original Iphone Games. There isn't a single original Iphone game. Every Iphone game is either a port, a clone or in the worst cases an adaptation of a mini game