That guy's a Maniac...

Dear Snowflakes, What is your fucking problem, pie and mash not good enough for you, why don’t you go and have a word with yourself before I anti-vax your Pain au Chocolat! Yeah that’s right jog on before you do yourself a culturally appropriated mischief, innit. You think the fucking King of all Cosmos is watching the latest fucking lecture from Dr Who on woke culture? Nah m8, he’s putting his boys out on the front line, gettin ‘em learning the family trade and any of you muggy cunts out there sipping on gender fluid organic cruelty free soy lattes, who are not doing the same should be ordered to ring the parents of a soldier who has died serving their country in Afghanistan and tell them their reasons. Brexit means Brexit! Imperial measurements, blue passports, mothers pride bread and tesco value beans, top of the pops and rehashes of games from 2004. Fuck the 350 million to the NHS, I’ll give £16.99 of my hard earned for that privilege! Just the price of a pint of milk in

Hi guys, Another year has gone by, and we out-did our productivity from the previous year by one whole post! Which I'm sure on a chart somewhere we could spin into some kind of TGAM Renaissance . This year we are turning 13 which is, I'm sure, a milestone for many bloggers. Is blogging still a thing? We have seen so many die... Last year we made some bold statements, did we follow through on them? More "reviews", this year we are going to enter the world of steam curators. Expect more obscure and awkward scoring systems. Um well we actually did do some reviews, and at least one of them was current. and we genuinely became a steam curator, Steam expect more questionable creepy anime games to pop up on that one! Sex sells, as does Cephalopods. Due to our dulling imaginations we will do sequels to our most "successful" posts (Boobs, Nude Cheats, and Omastar, see below). Kinna, we did reference our old stuff on DMC4 , but it was sad to watch.

We love video game music here at TGAM and although there's been a rise in acceptance that listening to video game soundtracks or going to see concerts of the greatest hits isn't a weird thing to do, it's still an under appreciated part of video games. Nintendo have been knocking it out of the park recently with their sountracks, especially on collaborative projects. Pokken Tournament had a soundtrack far too good for it ( Haunted House ,  Neos City  and the phenomenal Magikarp Festival are favourites). Kirby games just keep remixing and reworking the seriously strong themes, Kirby's Epic Yarn 's Lava Landing is a particular highlight of recent titles. Fire Emblem's game is strong with the J-Pop earworms from Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE  through to Fire Emblem Warriors  ( This Precious World  stands out in particular blending Fire Emblem Awakening and Fire Emblem  Fates ' themes). The Splatoon series is deserving of a thesis or two on the storytelling thr

Yo! Following on from my  other post  about how there are far too many Neptune Series games in my life. Today we have:  Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls This one exists to dominate my mobile gaming gaming urges, on the Vita . Yup while everyone is playing with  their Switch's on their commutes. I'm happy to just sit down in a train full of passengers, pull it out and start playing with it... ...Anyways, yeah this one is a weird one and it took me a while a while to get my head around its premise... Right so you are aware that (more or less) the goddesses are anthropomorphised (albeit as Anime girls) representations of the console wars: Left to Right: Blanc (Nintendo), Neptune (Sega), Vert (Xbox), Noire (Sony) In superdimension they have also included a crossover with the "Sega Hard Girls" which, to make things more confusing, are representations of all Sega Hardware (geddit? Hardware/Hardgirls) Left to Right: Dreamcast, Saturn

The brick path was laid out before me. The sky hung above me, empty save for one cloud, the air was charged with tension; an electric blue.  Behind me the proud outline of a hill, distant and calm. I ran forward. I ran with determination, as I ran past some bushes I noticed a strange floating square, golden and flashing with an inscription. But before I could investigate further, a creature came ambling towards me, as big as a man, round and with a terrifying stare. Instinctively I leapt into the air, soaring as high as I could, then came crashing down onto the creatures head, flattening it. My foe dispatched, I decided to investigate the floating golden block, but yet there appeared to be more squares. Throwing myself into the air again, I raised my fist and punched the block. The block went dead, turning into a dulled brown, however as a I landed I realised, through whatever trickery, I now had a coin!  Venturing forth with my new found power, I slammed into the next golden block.

MCV reports that Nintendo will be shutting down several Wii online services . Our heart skipped a beat for a second thinking that maybe the plug had been pulled on Monster Hunter Tri or Mario Kart Wii and our hunter might be trapped in subexcellent armour or our online ranking on MK might be forever frozen at a measly 8500 points. Fortunately, for the meantime, these games aren't affected but come the 28th of June Nintendo, News, Weather, Everybody Votes and Mii Contest Channels will be mothballed forever. Also going is the ability to send messages on the Wii Message Board This illustrates something that really pisses us off about modern consoles; increasingly the console and games you buy are really just a license to use services until such time as the servers are unplugged.  Now most people probably won't mourn the loss of these services but as this series has shown we thought they were pretty great albeit underused service. We've had some hands on time with New Su

So that's that busted then. Not wishing for the 11 or so hours we spent on the game to be completely wasted we thought we'd fire our thoughts about the game into the ether because, you know, there are millions of people out there wanting to read a two year late review of Metroid: Other M . Its those millions that keep us going. Well for those of you who made it to this bit, we've got some exclusive behind the scenes stuff right here where we talk about our feelings and stuff. We're letting you see our soft squishy innards rather than the darksteel exterior of our shared internet persona. We find ourselves as the unlikeliest of Nintendo fans. If you could turn, turn back the hands of time to the PS2 days we'd happily bet money on the fact that we wouldn't (well I wouldn't) be playing a Nintendo home console pretty much exclusively. See there's nothing wrong with Mario, with perhaps the exception that almost everything has a smiley face and eyes, bu

No sooner than I throw a wobbly about the underused Nintendo Channel then they go and upload some half decent videos. This week is a video about Mario Kart 7, confirming that Metal Mario and Lakitu will be two new playable characters to the series. Also, unlike most tracks the WuHu Island course won't be a three lap course, instead the race will take place as one long lap across the island. Now, we're all for change but we can't help but be disappointed by the announcement of these two new characters. Firstly, in between Mario, Luigi, Waluigi, Wario, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi, we would have expected a bit more originality in character choice than yet another Mario. Secondly, if the characters from MKWii are returning too Lakitu adds to the already koopalicious choices of koopa trooper, dry bones, Bowser and Dry Bowser. With Mario Kart hopefully boosting sales of the 3DS we were secretely hoping that Nintendo would shake up the series. Perhaps by including characters from

This is part of an occasional series. Normally we catch up with the Nintendo Channel every fortnight and give the low down on what's happening. In August we got pretty fucked off because the only new content on the channel since August was a weekly downloads trailer that included 1950s Lawnmower Kids as its only download. I wish we were lying. YEAH THANKS BECAUSE I WASN'T SOLD ON THE CONCEPT UNTIL THIS STUPID ANNOYING VIDEO CAME ALONG. EGG ON MY FACE. I TAKE IT BACK. 1950s LAWNMOWER KIDS IS AN UNDER APPRECIATED CLASSIC. I IMAGINE. This months output has us grinding our teeth into dentine dust. It drives us nuts. Nintendo has a channel that sits on every single Wii . That's about 87 million owners right there. Okay so probably not all of them have ever used the channel but the channel has been watched for over one million hours by approximately 500,000 users. This number could be more but that's the minimum amount of players who have allowed their data to be com

If you believe the moronic notions of some of the bigger internet games """"journalists""" and seasoned developers then the Nintendo Wii , aside from having the dust continuously wiped from it is now a legacy platform. You know, now that the Wii -U hasn't even been released yet. Anyway, judging from the output on the Nintendo Channel the hype might be true. This is what we find odd about the Nintendo Channel. It is essentially a marketing tool for Nintendo products that comes with every Wii and according to the software data there's at least 500,000 players that watch it. That being said, the coverage is inconsistent at best. A number of promotional series have started and then abruptly been discontinued (the Warioware and Monster Hunter ones spring to mind) and since ONM have been in charge of the 'regular' Nintendo News episodes the quality has been very hit and miss. The recent E3 round ups were pants and there hasn't b

I don't know how many other people spend a lot of time on the Wii's Nintendo Channel but it is a mine of useful information. Aside from hit and miss video uploads and video series that don't go beyond one or two videos, you can view records for virtually every Wii game released, including reviews by the people who play them. Players not only review the games they play (using a sliding scale) but they rate whether they think hardcore or casual gamers would appreciate the title and whether the game is best played alone or with friends. The number of times played and the average play time are also recorded. The Games Anyone can view this data by going to the Nintendo Channel and seeing All Recommendations. Unfortunately, the list that is brought up doesn't contain all reviewed titles and from what I can work out there may be some regional filtering. I can't work out why this is, the legend to the list describes the games as those currently available . However, No More