That guy's a Maniac...

It starts! Batteries, check. Wii check. Component cable showing green? No. Sort of? Eventually fixed. We're in. To start press A+B. Why. Why not A or B? Save file has been created. Pretty interesting stuff so far. Choose name- Dink. Winner. Dink and Apony. Epic adventures. Water is not as good as Baldur's Gate (better than Wow though). Spirits. Talking about spirits. There's a man with a moon face. It's tough. We're in Hyrule again. We know that much. TRIVIA: The first horse you see doesn't have a penis. We were both looking for it too. Ugh Goat herding. Squirrels. Red colour's gone looks like Gears now. Games been paused to sort out the issue with the colour red. Tits! She's washed our penisless horse. Discussion about whether Dink is mute or not. Sex of Apony confirmed by tits. We have to play an instrument already. This is one of the things we hate about LoZ. On the upside we're riding a horse. Apony to be specific. We've herded some goats an

This is not the exciting exclusive announcement we announced in yesterday's announcement announcement . Last week we were grumble grumble grumble grots about the new Legend of Zelda game. This is not fitting of the World's Second Greatest Video Game Blog of all time as proved by SCIENCE . So we're going to man up and give it a shot. We're comfortable enough in our sexualities to admit when we may have been hasty or wrong. In fact, I might really enjoy throwing boomerangs or throwing those pathetic little bombs about? This evening, along with fellow LoZ hater and extremely occassional contributor Chuff_72 we've decided to give Legend of Zelda Twiglet Princess a go. It is only fair. Apparently, this lady is in it? Why doesn't she wear shoes? We might even live blog it. We say 'might' because we might not get past the first five minutes if Link insists on making that horrible noise he makes. Then that wouldn't make for a great blog at all.

PREVIEW: EXCLUSIVE: We've got an announcement to make: at some point in the future we will be announcing something. Maybe a countdown clock. Maybe we'll finish our TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever , maybe we'll announce another gaming celebrity ? Stay tuned to our constant stream of announcement announcements through all of those social networking sites you are on!

We've mentioned REORC before. We weren't very nice about it. We were concerned that what makes the early Resi's great had been taken away from this game. It was looking like an essentially generic man-shooter affair with the occasional familiar B.O.W. Manshooter syndrome is the new Monster Syndrome , or so we thought. Well this trailer encourages us to commit milnerphagy (milphagy? We want to eat our hat, not a hatmaker although eating a hatmaker is more Resident Evil). It actually looks good! We're excited again! Less focus on generic shooty people with gasmasks and more about the city and the story capcom have told, retold, rereleased and retold and retold again. Then retold in HD. We feel for the Resikipedians as it looks like the canon is going to be slightly retweaked again. Yay! Resident Evil again. We used to be a blog about Resident Evil once.

Wii game Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword is due out in less than a month and already, with some predictability, it is picking up some great reviews. The EDGE review goes as far as to say "How apt that this ultimate tale of hero-making should see Nintendo’s hardware become the console it was always meant to be." and ONM gives the game 98%. The editorial of this month's EDGE encapsulates how we feel about modern gaming. Oh how we've forgotten what "proper" gaming was with the seemingly unstoppable tide of "games" you "play" on your phone. This is gaming. That sense of wonder at a virtual world that is unique to the feeling that games give you. We should be happy. LoZ:SS is evidence (alongside Xenoblade Chronicles and the upcoming project rainfall releases) that there's life in the Wii yet and further proof that graphics do not necessarily make a great game. Much like the Gamecube, at a time when the Wii is increasingly referred to as a &

Play both of these at the same time. It works*. * DOES NOT WORK.

Help Me is an occasional series written about Ashley Graham, daughter to the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. OH SHIT I DUN ACCIDENTAL SEEN HER PANTIES. The internet is retarded. Stay away from it. It is nothing but mind rot and we think it may be spreading.

As you’ll have noticed, TGAM is yet to have brought you a review of Battlefield 3. This is because, unfortunately, we didn't ask EA to give us a copy in advance of release and have never ever made any contact with them so why would they. So instead, below* is a picture of a puppy waering a unicorn. Take that RPS . *Appears above if you are a homs.

I can't express in any phrase more succinct than this that it is my sincerest wish that what "it" may be is not the bodily life fluid of my friend, who wears green and goes on missions armed only with a knife who may or may not be developing a serious steroids problem.

Silent Hill, Devil May Cry, Resident Evil , Beyond Good and Evil, Zone of the Enders, Ico and SoTC and Halo Anniversary. All of these franchises have HD re-releases due out or out already. Although, we're hugely appreciative that older games are kept alive we're fans of being able to play the versions we already own. Important to note that aside from the original Halo it is impossible to play SH, DMC or RE on current generation platforms (okay so if you have an old PS3 or Wii you could still play some of these). But of course, HD re-releases are different from straight up re-releases but I can't shake the feeling that this kind of stuff is happening because the ideas are running out. Is this spate of HD re-releases a confession that this generation really wasn't much cop for innovation besides a graphical enhancement? Team TGAM is probably split on the issue but I'm of the opinion that technology has progressed faster than game designers and developers can keep up

Okay, so I know we've been a bit Pokemon heavy content-wise recently but tough. Deal with it. Today's topic is the Pokemon Global Link . For those of you who aren't Pokemon fans, the latest "proper" DS Pokemon games, Pokemon Black and Pokemon White, allow you to upload a pokemon to the Dream World. Then, via a PC you can go on shallow and limited adventures in the Dream World via the Global Link. The Dream World itself allows you to catch a bunch of Pokemon through playing mini games with them (fun but not very useful if you have a living dex like myself), grow some berries (sort of useful because there's very few other ways to get them in game) and make a bunch of virtual friends by visiting their houses in the Dream World. There are multiple areas of the Dream World to unlock by visiting it over and over again. On top of this there's a whole sims-esque aspect of upgrading your house and buying furniture with berries. Also, via the Global Link you can d

So I finished Resident Evil 4 on the 360. It was again great fun, The only places I really got stuck were the silly slide puzzles, the Graphics are great, and all the gameplay was back there, enjoyable as ever. I played Resident Evil 4 originally on the Gamecube, then again on the PS2 with all the extras, I then tried the PC version, and of course the stupidly easy Wii version. So I have played it a bit too much. The 360 version remains faithful in all ways to the original sight sounds and scares. The only problem was I had done it 'all' before. Unfortunately there is 2 achievements on the 360 version I will not get. And that is playing it through on professional version, because I just cant be bothered, been there done that, and annoyingly, remaining faithful to the original, you have to play through normal difficulty before unlocking the professional difficulty. Secondly, is gaining all the bottlecaps for the shooting gallery, I spent ages on the PS2 version getting

Like listening to music? Stuck for suggestions? HG101 ran a poll and has come up with this massive list . Okay, so 1000 might be too many and yes, the list reads more like a snooty gamer's list of musics from those games that are darlings to the hardcore. Far too much music from games beginning with Chrono . Waaay too much Castlevania , Mega Man, Persona and Final Fantasy. But a valiant effort. I've spent the last few days going through the list and downloading some songs I'd forgotten or never heard of. Recently EDGE's Steven Poole bemoaned the lack of decent video game tracks these days. I don't know if there are less great tracks these days or that gamers of my generation just don't play games as much as we used to so there is less time for these songs to worm their way into our heads. I definitely have a soft spot for mega drive/ SNES era music and part of the reason for enjoying video game music (I almost exclusively listen to VGM or VGM remixes) is

Back once again with the renegade master D4 damage. Power to the people. Omastar is back in the house but it is nearly Autumn and he is still rocking HIS SUMMER WARDROBE. Not cool dude. Yeah, like that ever solved anything Archeops? Jeez.

Pokemon White Pokedex. SEEN 642 OBTAINED 640 Probably won't mean a lot to most people. The translation is, I've spent a shit load of time on this game and I've only got 8 more Pokemon left to get*, five of which have never been made available in Europe. I spent a long time yesterday trying to get two more. Each generation of Pokemon games is normally released in two editions (possibly with a third remake). Red and Blue, Gold and Silver, Ruby and Sapphire, Diamond and Pearl and Black and White. The "genius" move is that some Pokemon are only available on one version and not the other requiring players to trade with each other or failing that buying both copies of the game to ahem, catch 'em all. In the DS iterations of the games, trading has been made much easier with the Global Trade Station. You don't have to physically meet up with another player, you can go online and leave a Pokemon of your choice on the GTS, specify what you want in return and nine ti

No sooner than I throw a wobbly about the underused Nintendo Channel then they go and upload some half decent videos. This week is a video about Mario Kart 7, confirming that Metal Mario and Lakitu will be two new playable characters to the series. Also, unlike most tracks the WuHu Island course won't be a three lap course, instead the race will take place as one long lap across the island. Now, we're all for change but we can't help but be disappointed by the announcement of these two new characters. Firstly, in between Mario, Luigi, Waluigi, Wario, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi, we would have expected a bit more originality in character choice than yet another Mario. Secondly, if the characters from MKWii are returning too Lakitu adds to the already koopalicious choices of koopa trooper, dry bones, Bowser and Dry Bowser. With Mario Kart hopefully boosting sales of the 3DS we were secretely hoping that Nintendo would shake up the series. Perhaps by including characters from

Chuff_72 is an occasional correspondent who has been even more (or is that less) occasional in recent years because, well, here's his story. Chuff_72 used to be a proper gamer. He used to run a clan . He has an impressive collection of games, particularly an amazing collection from the PlayStation era. Then, as happens to us all, life happened. A job, a girlfriend (who does not tolerate gaming on the family TV) and a mortgage meant that game time just disappeared. Gaming was reserved for rare geekends, two filthy days holed up with other men, geeking out on video games, CCG and movies. Then one of the geeks died. And one moved to America. And now we meet maybe three times a year. A sorry existence for Chuff with but a fingernail hold into the world of gaming. Then the Xbox 360 broke. Now his only window into gaming is finding games to play on the iphone on the daily commute. We're informed that mobile games are the future, well here's a perspective from someone who

A great advert.

This is part of an occasional series. Normally we catch up with the Nintendo Channel every fortnight and give the low down on what's happening. In August we got pretty fucked off because the only new content on the channel since August was a weekly downloads trailer that included 1950s Lawnmower Kids as its only download. I wish we were lying. YEAH THANKS BECAUSE I WASN'T SOLD ON THE CONCEPT UNTIL THIS STUPID ANNOYING VIDEO CAME ALONG. EGG ON MY FACE. I TAKE IT BACK. 1950s LAWNMOWER KIDS IS AN UNDER APPRECIATED CLASSIC. I IMAGINE. This months output has us grinding our teeth into dentine dust. It drives us nuts. Nintendo has a channel that sits on every single Wii . That's about 87 million owners right there. Okay so probably not all of them have ever used the channel but the channel has been watched for over one million hours by approximately 500,000 users. This number could be more but that's the minimum amount of players who have allowed their data to be com

Yes they be. SEE OUR PICTURES. See them. That is all we ask. Super Smash Brothers is a game that just keeps giving. We've been hard at work taking snapshots to remake the Bible as a webcomic only using Nintendo characters. Suffice to say it is a lot of work. In the meantime here's a bunch of stuff that may or may not make the final cut. Angel Land or something. Coming soon to a 3DS near you. INSERT CAPTION HERE. She's giving birth to a zero suit Samus. Which makes sense. I wonder how many bells Tom Nook will pay for this? Despite the hundreds of Zero Suit Samus photos on our Wii, we don't play her that much. TELLING. (:( ) HA HA HA JUST LIKE REAL HEDGEHOGS. This is for my illustrated fan fiction set in a Universe where Slippy isn't a massive prick. It's just like the film I imagine because it has never been released in Europe. IN OTHER GAMING NEWS: Nothing. Nothing of note is happening in gaming.

We love shit like this. The "way too much time on their hands" ness of it, the elaborate set up, hundreds of opportunities for cock ups and a seven year wait. THIS is hardcore. And thank god (punctuation aside) someone has the sense to make a video that's understandable.

Wow a proper review. Makes for a change huh? We were huge fans of the first game and although it didn't set the world on fire sales-wise it has a dedicated following. The second game is an improvement on the first in every way. The first game was a very relaxed adventure, leaving the player with relative freedom to explore the fictional region of Manauri, discovering various oceanic animals, photographing them and guiding visitors around the ocean. There was a very loose story driving the game but fittingly, the game was endless. You could (and we did) just keep playing forever with the goal of collecting all the species information and salvaging treasure. Each species has three bits of information, unlocked by finding an animal and then tickling, feeding or drawing for it. However, some of the creatures were a bit too crytpic and very hard to find once let alone three times (our playtime is up to well over 100 hours and there are still four species we've yet to see). Salvagin

The genius of Animal Crossing is that in the early days, you find new furniture, clothes, insects, fish and all the other items at such a rate you quite quickly become adept at organising your inventory and running back and forth to Tom Nook's shop a la Diablo. As time goes on, new items get rarer and rarer. Finding and catching those last elusive fish and insects become all night hunts, camping rivers and beaches to catch that damn tarantula or coelacanth. Weekly shopping trips to Crazy Redd get so disappointing as you look for that last painting or obscure bit of furniture. The good days get rarer. UNTIL TONIGHTS BUMPER HARVEST THAT IS! Perhaps the lucky clover had something to do with it? FINALLY Crazy Redd gave up the Triforce. By comparison, Link's various quests for the Triforce are a cake walk. One of the elusive squid visitors moved to town! I'd begun to believe they didn't exist. Like Animal Crossing's own Nessy or Jesus. We were resigned to the fact that t

Nintendo fans will know that if you buy new Nintendo games you get a little voucher which you can redeem online to earn Nintendo stars. In order to get the stars you have to fill out a quick survey about where you saw the game advertised, where you bought it from, who plays it etc. In return you earn nintendo stars- normally 250 per game and more for a console or handheld. You can then redeem these for exclusive nintendo gifts. Back in the gamecube days these would be pretty sad affairs, ringtones or desktop wallpapers. More recently though there have been some really nifty bits and pieces and seeing as the stars you earn are "free", why not splash out. In the past I've got a stuffed pikmin, a wiiwheel keyring and a metal pokemon DS game case (albeit in Spanish, however, as much as I begrudge it within two weeks of receiving it a bookcase fell on it and the metal case saved my DS games). It had been a while since I'd redeemed any stars and so I browsed through the cat

We've been playing a bit of Pokemon White recently (well, a third of us has at least). It tends to be how we play pokemon games, Weeks of intense activity, followed by months of abstinence. Then we're back in again and in again big. I've still got quite a lot to do, players will know how it is. Pokemon to catch, Ghetsis Goons to find, trainer card stars to acquire. I thought I'd try some online battling. My god. Frustrating. We already complained about the lack of imagination that players have back in April . Well it turns out that since then, the nuances of the meta game, tested through millions of online battles have trimmed down the options for a competitive team to what seems like a handful of team combinations. Not only does this make for very boring games but the easiest counter-strategy is for players to join in with a me-too team. Currently, you can expect to see Hydregion, Amoongus, Reuniclus and Chandelure in 90% of double battle teams. SNOOZE.

Yet another Pre-owned hurt my games sales. This time it's Q uantic Dream . I actually remember looking for a copy of it a month after it launched. For sale. In a games retailer. In London. Couldn't find one. But yeah, hey. I'm sure it the secondhand sales thing.

Hey kids, remember Omastar Comics , TGAM's hit webcomic featuring everyone's favourite fictional ammonite parody? Well there's a reason there hasn't been a new comic since April and that's because we've been in discussions with a major film studio to turn it into a film! Because films based on comics are always awesome right? There might be a game of the film too but that is still under discussion. Imagine being able to play as Omastar in a video game? Amazing. Here's a sneak peek at the current draft of the script for Omastar: The Movie. OMASTAR: THE MOVIE AN ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY BY Cunzy1 1, Richie!, Đoþþelgänger September 10, 2011 Directors' Revisions ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ OMASTAR: THE MOVIE TITLE: OMASTAR: THE MOVIE -- ON BLACK, DISSOLVING TO COBALT BLUE EXT. OCEAN/UNDERWATER Blue, deep and featureless, the twilight of fi

Remember Syndicate? that classy retro sci-fi shooter the isometric backgrounds? An extremely original style and way of playing, still unique to this day? Well it's being rebooted!!!! Awesome, finally a chance to play this corker again... Oh... Wait... No... Turns out it's just being rebooted as an FPS: Bugger it Love and Persuadertrons, Richie X

Ninja Theory "the big retail model is creaking" and "the digital revolution can't come soon enough" Via EDGE Yeah sure it can't. Especially when you can't be bothered to do any market research before you spend three years and millions of pounds on making a game, do any proper marketing, don't do product support beyond launch day, you don't even sell your own game through your website*, new or pre-owned copies aren't available on the high street after week 1 and you don't do much localisation beyond English. Yeah. Gee. I wonder why your products haven't been selling like hot cakes. Boo hoo. * In fact on their official website they haven't even bothered to list their game Enslaved. You know the one that came out almost a year ago.** ** In fact... to: webmaster@ninjatheory.com subject: Your website kinda sucks To "The Webmaster" You haven't even listed Enslaved yet, you don't tell people where they can buy your ga

You play as a host of characters including; a legendary troll who cheats on his pregnant wife, a millionaire author, and a gang of deviants who have a reputation of rape, drug abuse and violence. They are controlled by an organisation rife with corruption, money laundering and various shady operations in impoverished countries. Answers on a postcard!

*/___ _ //[[ \/ || | * *|¬ / ~ === | \/__________/ * * |_ |/ * *\ \_| Fuck it. Imagine "Gears of War 3" written here in ASCII. =========== CONTENTS=============== [01] CONTROLS [02] Walkthrough [03] Tips [04] ============CONTROLS==============[02] Same as all the other games. =========== Walkthrough==============[03] Watch the cutscene at the beginning of the game. Then walk along the obvious path until the end of the game. Occasionally, the path might be interrupted by a cutscene or a shooting gallery section. Watch the cutscene or shoot all of the baddies from the fixed position and then go back to the beginning of this section, repeat until the game ends. ============Tips==================== [04] Sometimes you might find yourself exploring familiar scenes that have been mirrored. This means you have turned around and are walking the wrong way down the pa

We're not even going to do a proper Now Showing this week because it is so dire but jump on the Wii and check out the latest weekly download video. For those nintendinly challenged the only download this week is this .

Sexy-charged game Catherine has been hyped over the pond and beyond, but the EU have yet to get an actual confirmation on its release. Provisionally a few distributors have tagged this as December 2011, which is not unreasonable, with only its sub-risqué subject matter delaying (or perhaps even cancelling) its release. Catherine is set around a dude and his obsession with a girl surprisingly called Catherine and Katherine. Much of the sexyness of the game can be peeled back to a platform puzzler set in the protagonists guilty dreams. You know what? I'm just going to stop there, that is fucking cool. I know you can call it sleazy but c'mon my previous sentence... That's an original concept I'm playing it, Fuck all you nay-sayers saying it's for pervs. FUCK YOU. This game is worthy of my time, deal-with-it! Love and Guilty dreams about a game. Richie X

As summer begins to close its legs to the sporadic penetration from the suns rays, and winters chill creeps its icy fingers up those luscious thighs, we get stuck in the limbo that is Autumn, leaves turn brown and fall, but most importantly the nights get longer and darker. And thus we are justified in sitting in front of the box rather than constantly saying to ourselves that we need to get outside and soak up that hokum "Vitamin D". Rather than catching up on that latest drama series, or episodes of Family Guy, don't you thing you should give your console some love? This Autumn, Xmas comes early with a plethora of KILLER games, we kicked off the season a week ago with the much awaited and highly regarded sequel to Deus Ex! Booya some Sci-fi Action RPG with some beautiful and haunting sci-fi goodness. A long awaiting sequel that is a swing and a "hit" that hardly ever happens! but we also has some mishaps XBLA and PSN got the Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollect