That guy's a Maniac...

Well I hadn't really heard of Divinity II (or Divinity I for that matter), it seems it's another of these under the radar titles, and given this current climate for huge releases I'm sure there are quite a few. This one particularly piqued my interest as it is a 3rd person fantasy based RPG, It seemed very much in the same category as Dragon Age: Origins even down to the 360 HUD. However after playing this, comparing it to Dragon Age is just downright sacrilege. It is a pale imitation if anything, and offers no merits or originality for this genre. The game starts you off as a pupil desiring to be a dragonslayer, you visit a town but in order to become a slayer you conveniently loose all your memory of fighting, It's been done in games before, it's nothing but a contrived mechanic for explaining the level-up process and class decisions, however it felt like nothing more in this game. Now the reason this game piqued my interest was the plot and visual

Bored of video game lists? Loins not set ablaze by underground train stations? Then boy you are in the wrong place because here is TGAM's Top 5 Underground Train Stations* in games list. We may have done this list before that is how low on ideas we are. 5. Santa Destroy Tube Station . This is one of those ones we remembered so put it in here. You don't actually do much in it and all of the stairways and doorways are blocked off with wet floor signs or red cones. There are vending machines. You get the train to fight Destroy Man. 4. Raccoon City Tube Station . Somehow the zombie plague has caused some underground trains to crash. Maybe they ate the driver or something and he braked too hard in his death throws. Anyway, it is a scary place and looks exactly like Santa Destroy station. Is this how all American Tube stations look? My sample size of two says yes. Also, here's a fun fact in America they call the tube (or Underground) the sub-surfarizerotor. 3. Silen

Thanks for everyone who entered our recent competition to find a new contributor! Some of the entries were weird (we would like to stress that we are not willing to entertain three's), some of the entries were disturbing (thanks yiffycunzylover23), and some of them were hurtful (we shan't be eating anyone's anal abortions, on fire or not) But almost all of the entries were downright hysterical!Congrats to you all! So we canned them, both Cunzy and I have severe insecurity issues so we chose the the most plain, boring blogger we could! Please join me in welcoming Doppelganger! Luv and Hugs Richie XXX

Recently, we've been playing through Pikmin 2 (the wiimake) and boy it is still a great game and playing it makes us feel a little bit sad inside that a gamecube port can get us more excited than some of the latest releases. You've can't help but love the little guys and feel genuinely mortified when you see those little ghosts signalling you've just lost one. Speaking of new releases here are our reviews of all the games to come out this month: Bayonetta : Surprisingly good and out Devil-May-Crys Dante himself. Darksiders : Looks like a World of Warcraft character crossed with Devil May Cry and Prince of Persia on acid. Plays like Excalibur 2555 A.D. on poppers. Dark Void : Worse than Resident Evil 4, better than Spyborgs. Dark Ciders : Better than Strongbow, worse than Belgian beer. Dark Darkers 2 : Pretty dark considering. Darkstalkers : We wish. Mass Effect 2 : Will be as talked about and played as much as Mass Effect was for that week . MAG : As much fun as those t

Today Omastar puts his money where his mouth is and predicts that one day, many millions of years into the future sentient beings will extract discharge from a Miltank, wait for it to go off and then eat it after dinner with crackers. Where the hell do you get this stuff Omastar? That's CRAZY TALK. Almost as bad as that time he had a nightmare that beings would cut up Octillerys and eat them in a LASAGNA.

So what did we do in 2009? 1. Richie bought the Steelseries WoW Mouse. The post was a huge rant on the technical problems of the WoW Mouse, in fact Richie was one of the first to review it, being among the first to receive it. WoWInsider ( wow.com ) picked us up (for the second time) and plugged us. The gist of the review was: The mouse was a pile of wank, and as it stands, it still is... We are still getting comments and hits from Google on this one. Post Score: 7/10. Good content, good hit generation, though justified it was a bit ranty and tl;dr. 2. We got a rise out of Kotaku. After spending the better part of 2008 sending in "Tips" we finally got some response and Acknowledgement from the Kotakians. Some people got it, some people honestly thought we were being serious and didnt understand "tips" Post Score: 9/10. Hilarious throughout. 3. Exclusive coverage on Sheva Nude Cheat. Just a joke. Some hastily knocked up pictures of boobs o

Dragon Age full on added expansion!! - Unlock the secrets of the Darkspawn and their true motivations - Rebuild the Grey Warden order and establish their base of operations at Vigil's Keep - Shape your entire experience based on the choices you make and how your handle complex situations - Import your character from Dragon Age: Origins or start anew as a Grey Warden from the neighboring land of Orlais - Encounter five all-new party members and an old favorite from Dragon Age: Origins - Put your skills to the test against an evolved, intelligent breed of Darkspawn and other menacing creatures including the Inferno Golem and Spectral Dragon! I will Bioware, I will... Love and Crushing Prison, Richie.

Ok I should have mentioned this before, but I love Dragon Age: Origins. It's a great wee game, brilliantly acted and interestingly balanced, anyone that likes RPGs should get this one. Yes it is Tolkien-esque, Dwarves, elves, magic etc. Though I have been told that many of the plot elements in it are very similar to the "Wheel of time" series of books. Recently Kotaku did a post on the Voice acting in Mass Effect 2 , but I'd like to give the voice acting in Dragon Age a quick nod, it's not as star studded but there are some classic voices: Tim Curry: Arl Howe Kate Mulgrew (AKA Captain Janeway): Flemeth Claudia Black (Farscape, Stargate): Morrigan There are a few other voices in there that you may recognise but well, they are just not as famous... there's Tuvok from Star Trek: Voyager too (playing an Elf). I have been ploughing through the achievements as a sort of guideline to seeing most of the plot in Dragonage, there are a f

Yes. It is indeed Xmas. The time of year for family, eating, drinking from 11am, presents and sleeping. But as Sir Bob highlighted we should also think about all those people living in the third world who don't get to celebrate christmas at all. They also get stomped on by a dungaree wearing maniac too. Sucks to live in the third world. Believe it or not, this post was inspired by an excellent joke in ONM issue 51. Kidding you, I am not.

This one is from the only other fellow  gaming celebrity   Leigh Alexander. "I prefaced this post with a reminder of the business realities major blog networks face because I find it hard to believe that Brian, who taught me quite a great deal about going the extra mile on news reporting -- because our audience deserves the whole truth -- would thumbs-up a porn star's "celebrity" advice column unless it were part of a larger and necessary Gawker initiative" Brian Kotaku Brian? The whole truth? Good one Leigh. Good one.

Read it . The first part of the article is excellent observational humour and the whole thing sms up the frustration most of gamer kind has come across at some point. Brooker even picks up on the lack of gaming celebrities thing . However. A few comments down and we get the age old console wars stuff, some game snobbery, LULZ I'm a girl, aren't games addictive? etc. the usual stuff. Games may have become a bit more widely appreciated but gamers sure as hell aren't. I'm officially ex-communicating the gaming community until it levels up a bit. Starting. Now.

Is this muggy cunt in Wii Fit Plus (on the right in the image above). I don't know how he is voiced in other territories but he sounds like a proper geeza in the PAL version. Here are a selection of sound bites: "Punch it! Don't touch it up you muggy cunt" "Alright you muggy cunt let's box this mush" "I'm a cockney I'm a cockney" "Ening staaaaaaaaaad. Ening staaaaaaaad" "Jog on you muggy cunt" "Ya muvva ya muvva ya muvva. And ya faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaava" "Love a duck you muggy muvva" "Cost you a pony you muvva" We don't even know his name but we love him. Excercise and video game characters have never been so fun. We can't wait for him to get his own sequel Wii Geezer . Basically you spend the whole game selling pineapples, driving taxis and taking shanks's pony everywhere. IMPROMPTU REVIEW BASED ON CONCEPT ALONE ; Excellent characterisation and a good storyl

As many of you are aware "The Saboteur" came out today. Its a little 3rd person romp through Nazi occupied France, you play an Irishman being a pest to everything Nazi-esque. It's being praised as gritty, dark and atmospheric, but castrated with moderate gameplay. It's a bit of a faux pas releasing anything even slightly 3rd person-y with Assassins Creed 2 still going hot from the shelves, especially one which looks and feels like Altaïr in Nazi France. Negativity aside its a better experience than it is a game. But lastly and most importantly the game has boobs. That's right tits, titties, mammaries, breasticles, jugs, melons, jumper puppies . Because the game is set in France it has, of course, got the lumpenproletariat, bohemian, mid-war desperation. And what better to illustrate that than Burlesque shows and Gambling! Where there are people trying to make money there are always boobs: Cant see them? Now you don't need to even

That means it's still not legal :( But yeah statutory rape jokes aside, fifteen years ago we were eyeing up that one big parcel under the tree crossing our fingers that it was a Playstation! Then on 25th being delighted and playing Demo1 over and over. Ah memories Tomb raider, Crash Bandicoot, Broken sword, Descent, Wipeout, and that weird thing where you could control a T-Rex... Yeah so 15 years, bet that makes you feel old! Merry playstaionmas, Richie XX

You are inappropriately dressed and have been shot and fallen down a fuck off huge long ass metal shaft, probably bumped down the sides a bit and landed on a cold hard metal floor and then had to carry around a Rocket Launcher to throw to your "boyfriend". Racked with pain, alive against all the odds and probably going to die. What would you do next? a) Phone an ambulance ASAP. My bones are broken. The pain, the pain how am I not dead. b) Just lay there and hope to bleed out sooner rather than later. c) As above with crying. d) Put some bandages on my horribly broken limbs and then limp slightly. CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER NOW The correct answer was d) just put some bandages on and get on with it and SPOILERS kill a whole bunch of hunters, dogs, zombies, lickers and a weird stone Tyrant thing. If you answered a), b) or c) then you aren't cut out for the worst spy ever industry I am afraid. Try your luck at retail management or maybe custo

As some of our more diligent readers are aware we don't like Kotaku very much. For those of you who are not so diligent and here because you were linked here, these are the reasons we don't like it: 1. The colour scheme. 2. The half truths and rumours. The dodgy reporting  and then reposting their own failed reporting  as some kind of flaw in ' games journalism' . 3. The dross you have to sift through... Nobody cares (and if you do, you really need to rethink your priorities) about the latest maximum risky doll from a 10 year old jRPG. 4. Day/night note. We thought we killed it off but it has come back. Remember kids, you should buy Arcade Mania. 5. I have never laughed with Kotaku, only at it. To say it is devoid of genuine grown up humour is being overly generous. 6. It's too American. Way too much attention on tits. There are even better parts on a woman (hint:around the armpit and pantsu regions work well) and almost no talk of the wang despite 25%

We've literally just invented microfanficcing everybody. And now after all the lies, plagiarism and law suits we're now ready to tell our story about how it all started. Richie : Well it all started when we I was excited about the Chocobo for the Xbox 360 avatars. Cunzy1 1 : Yeah. I was ridiculing him for having a light sabre, chocobo and megatron hat and being over the age of 15. Richie : That's right. Well I went on to say that the only reason I wanted the chocobo was to pretend I was Irvine from Final Fantasy 8 and get to bad touch Selphie. Cunzy1 1 : Then... oh god this sounds so bad. Then we went on to talking about Zell. I mean here is this guy in this band of merry men each with different skillz and all he can do is punch people. Richie : He doesn't even have a dog. Cunzy1 1 : Exactly and then I asked Richie what he called Angelo because I called Angelo 'bitch' so Rinoa's limit break was Bitch Strike and Bitch Rush. Then Richie fan ficked the Bitch n

Did you see what I did there? The Saatchi's Best of British TV show has inspired this post. We are not ones to bore you all to death with information written in paragraphs. Our preferred method is the list: games are/aren't art thing is long dead. Nobody talks about it anymore and we're not ones to be ahead of the curve! However watching some of the top artists and art critics talk absolute bollocks about what is or isn't even good or bad art in the excellent 1) Games are of too broad appeal. From a midnight addiction to Minesweeper through to the latest mini game on the iphone. Everyone has at some point played a game. It is really hard to be elitist when everyone knows what you are talking about and can call you out on the BS. So games aren't art because it is too popular. Also, a game which nobody has played makes headlines for a scene taken out of context. A tunnel in which an artist rapes people barely makes Gawker media . People care about games ev

All the time, the cold lonely empty silence of the comments section and TGAM's email inbox seems to be asking me "Why if you are the official Capcom website do you never do anything on the Street Fighter series?". I'm sure that is what the silence asks of me. And if I were to answer it, my answer would be a three parter. Firstly, why do we only seem to ever write about Pokemon and Resident Evil? This is the bigger concern. Why pick out Street Fighter? Jeez. Secondly, I hate Street Fighter but it isn't because I think the fighting genre hasn't progressed at all in over a decade, it isn't because now there are stupid bars everywhere and nobody tells me what each of them mean or how to activate any of them so I just button mash until something explosiony happen and it isn't even because 'So there is this fighting tournament' has been the standard plot for fighting games since forever. Thirdly, the real reason why I hate Street Fighter is beca

From Dante to Mario. Can it be done? Started off quite hard because we figured we couldn't get out of Capcomland. But here's how it is done kids. Dante-Viewtiful Joe courtesy of Viewtiful Joe. Viewtiful Joe-Ryu courtesy of Tatsunoko vs Capcom Then we go Ryu to Mitsurugi courtesy of Namco X Capcom Then we go from Mitsurugi to that Link chap via Soul Calibuuuur 2. And finally from Link to the podgy plumber via Superu Smashu Brotheru! Can you do it with less degrees? Do have a go. And while you are at it see if you can beat: Mickey Mouse to Sonic the Hedgehog- 4 degrees. Master Chief to Solid Snake- 3 degrees (cheating a bit). Megatron to your own Mii- 2 degrees. And if you can get those you can get practically anywhere! Anywhere worth going anyway. Characters with no degrees to anybody just aren't worth it people.

Exclusive: Lady Gaga: Glitz, Glamour and Gaming. Ok well... when we heard about this we were worried that it was going to be some kind of soulless cash-in, but after chatting with the (undisclosed) developer we have reconsidered our stance a little. "We are attempting to encapsulate Gaga's individual fashion, glitz and glamour and translate that to a playable medium. It is not our intention to create some droll dress-up aimed for tweens, we want to create something iconic and playable, essentially a game worthy of the uberstyle that Gaga herself represents. Without giving too much away, fashion and music will feature highly in the game, along with re-imagining of many of the current gaming themes on the maket, but with a Gaga-twist." There you go, yet another Thatguys exclusive. Love and Disco-Sticks, Richie XXX

Artist rendition of how Miyamoto actually sees the world. So recently he said: “I don’t think everything needs to be 3D, or that just because we’re seeing more 2D games now, that everything’s going to shift back to 2D. Instead, I think that what’s going on is that people are realizing the benefits of a 3D game, and at the same time, remembering what the benefits of 2D games were. When going 2D, you need the courage to not be so attached to visual appearance of the games and to really pursue the gameplay experience.” Interestingly this also reads well if you replace 2D for SD (Standard Definition/Poor-man's TV) “I don’t think everything needs to be HD, or that just because we’re seeing more SD games now, that everything’s going to shift back to SD. Instead, I think that what’s going on is that people are realizing the benefits of a HD game, and at the same time, remembering what the benefits of SD games were. When going SD, you need the courage to not be so attached

Well the Hunk competition is over. After two years we've had no entries. This can be taken as proof that you can't trust the Machinima community. Fuck you Machinima community. Fuck you. How will the fanfiction guys fare? We're running another competition (wow now we're just like the official Mega Man site !). As you may well now, Wesker is to appear as a rip off DLC pish in Lost Planet 2. What we want to know is how did he get there? Feel free to dick around with the "Resident Evil Canon" as Capcom so frequently do but do make sure your fic. contains the following elements: 1) Barry Burton's daughters Polly and Moira. 2) Tits McGee from Dead Rising. 3) Dante slicing a whole train in half. 4) A non racist justification for Sheva's totally racist costume in RE5. 5) Jill and Rebecca talking about who they fancy in S.T.A.R.S. 6) Cheryl Jones' supplementary mission in it's entirety. 7) A recurring joke about how Mega Man is into Moir

Oooh ooh you have to shoot civilians! Boo hoo! It's all a bit morally challenging. SHUT UP. SHUT UP MW2 PRICKS. Nobody gives a shit anymore because we talking bout MUTHAFUCKING TOFU: You can shove your DLC, your customisable characters, your Valve Pish, your Fallout 3 stories. It's over. End of day. Shut up shop. Time at the bar. This is it people. Nobody does games with Tofu in them like Capcom. Review of Darkside Chronicles based on the single above screenshot : Game of the year. Game of the year. End of. Game of the century even! It's got Tofu in it. What more do you want? Tofu. Can I say anymore? No. But I will and that it muthafucking Tofu up in this muthafucking, muthafucka.

Sorry guys, look like our fantasy of being taken over by robots and molested and dissected for pure mechanical fiends' entertainment isn't going to be this year. Look like all so Scy-Fy (yeah!) writers were wrong again. Robots have only just learned, been programmed, become remotely controllable worked out how to do corners so that Pac Man can be played very very slowly . Sadly this means sex robots are still at least 1500 years away people :(

Was the front page news the Metro was running today. Is it the first ever gaming news front page in a publication with semi-decent circulation? Probably. Anyway to the story as reported by the Metro. One gamer, cut off by MS had this to say: "I was gutted, completely gutted. It's like telling someone their dog's just died" Our thoughts on this. 1) Why is only people in newspapers say gutted. They are always gutted about things in newspapers but we all know nobody actually says gutted since the late 90s. 2)It is not like telling someone their dog just died because normally dogs last longer than a console generation, you can play with your dog any time regardless of whether you are connected/Xbox is working, you can entertain more than two people with a dog at any one time without having to set up Rock band, people know what a dog is, a dog is fully compatible with any dogs you may already have, girls are interested in dogs, you can take your dog outside or on holiday

As if you needed more reasons to not play your Wii, here are 2 massive ones: Ant and Dec Fig. 1. Ant and Dec are playing Mario Kart, as you can see they are also making racist Asian faces, furthering their racist stereotyping, they are likely playing badly. Fig. 2. Ant and Dec are amused that the DS has 2 screens. Fig. 3. Ant and Dec playing with the Wii balance board, I couldn't think of anything funny here... Just observe their massive shiny foreheads and perhaps pretend they are making "NEEEEOOOW" Aeroplane noises  For those of you who don't know (i.e. outside of the UK) Ant and Dec are a TV presenting duo lacking any sort of talent. They are huge corporate cash-ins who are involved in pretty much every reality show in some shape or form. There is very little spark of life left in their eyes, further likening them to a money driven automatons and I'm sure you can envision where you insert the cash. Cheating Cockba

And this years most underwhelming promotion in video games goes to.... ... ... ... *Rustles envelope* ... ... A quiet hush captures the ceremony ... ... Congratulations Bayonetta!!! Nobody cares. Love and hugs. I find Mr Vaz's Modern Warfare outrage arousing, Richie X

Yeah well, we cant really call ourselves a gamer website without mentioning this. Consider it mentioned. Oh and by the way, Makro have it for £20, that's the cheapest in the UK. Love and Hugs, Right between the eyes Richie X

Theif and MP Keith 'clueless' Vaz, having got over being ridiculed for various tedious and hyperbolic lambasting of games based on no evidence whatsoever once again gets in the Daily Mail off the back of "outrage" at a big game launch this time over Modern Warfare 2. Read all abaaaaat it here "Outrage as new video game lets players kill civilians in terror attacks". Bored, bored, bored. Surely Mr Vaz has more important things to be sorting out? Or maybe he could plough back all that money he skimmed from the tax payer into fixing Leicester before attacking games? Change the tune Vaz. You're so out of your depth once again. How about instead of knee jerking every time you want a bit of press coverage, you do some proper research into the non issues you soap box? God knows the UK government is so shit at supporting the games industry, to be even more damaging when you make moronic comments is insult to injury. Do you want to drive the gam

So am I looking forward to Dragonage? You bet I fucking am! Its a huge expansive RPG on the 360!! (And some other platforms I think Sony's will run it. And I believe if you have a PC bought in the last 45 minutes it should run). Admittedly its a middle-earthy RPG with Orcs and Elves and whatnot, however Oblivion (the other middle-earthy RPG on the 360) has redeemed my faith that these archetypes no longer belong to Tolkien-fappers (Dwarves are just the right height to chow down on my "Garden of Elrond"*), Blizzard, and D&D mouth-breathers. Anyway I'm gonna lube up and find my industry contacts and get this game before Friday assuming I'm not too humiliated or the welts are still open. *Yes this is referring to lady bits, see we're not sexist we know that girls fap over obscure images too. DragonLove, DragonRichie XX

Yes people an exclaimed SIGH! This is the cause of the now doubly exclaimed sigh!!. We are literally sitting two clicks away from a whole section on wikipedia called List of Disney video games by genre Mickey Mouse Series.

The other day we were reading the TGAM archives and laughing out loud at ourselves. Out loud. That’s pretty wrong no? But it was when we were reading the TGAM archives that we realised that WE ARE FUCKING GAMING CELEBRITIES! Yes folks, without actually knowing it we went from mediocrity to gaming celebrity stardom. Like that news about the goose that levelled up and became a swan that time. Here is the story about how we discovered we were celebrities (this will probably be in our second autobiography when we publish our book now we are gaming celebrities). We got a link on Kotaku once and not one of those news stealing links a proper link for creating something unique. Our best friend totally met Pentadact , secretly James secretely Tom at University. He even emailed him to check and Tom emailed back. What a nice chap. We insult Richard Cobbett on a regular basis and he doesn’t even hate us. We interviewed that photographer who did the Devil May Cry shoot for Front magazine. We are