Posts

Dear TGAM....

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This is yet another first in a 'probably not going to get past two series of posts' series here at TGAM. It seems that a lot of people stumble upon TGAM by typing filthy questions into search engines. They then stay for an average of 00:00 to 00:01 seconds before going elsewhere, questions unanswered. It seems that nobody has heard of GAMEfaqs, fucking idiots. Well we're here to help you. An agony aunt for the depraved youth of today who don't know how to do searches properly. So this will be a weekly surgery to answer those burning questions that many of you think we can't answer here at TGAM: 1)Every week about a thousand people look for Sheva Nude, Sheva's panties, nude, nude code, nude mods, naked, nude patch, naked cheat, Sheva's ass and combinations of all of the above. The full cheat is here but you're better off just creaming off a hot one over at deviant art. 2) List of dinosaur games. You can cobble together most of them by visitin

Never go full retard.

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Here's a little insight into the world of video games journalism. We've all thought about doing it but no journo with integrity would ever go through with it. Hell, we flew pretty close to the wind one time but we pulled out at the last minute. However, Owen Good at Kotaku has broken one of the golden rules of games journalism. It's so meta we just don't even know where to look or to start reading it from. Yes. Kotaku has lowered the community IQ by several hundred points by doing a top 5 list of other top ten lists . Click only if you are brave enough. Oh and Owen, don't forget some of the top tens we've had here over the years including: Cunzy1 1's Top Ten Non lethal Weapons in Video Games. Cunzys top 10 computer game characters he like to get screenshots/photos of cos-players of, so that he can get hard, as nothing else does it now. Top 5 Shit pokemon that are shit, but not quite as shit as the top 5 lamest pokemon that 1up posted: TGAM&

DANGER: Women in games. Part 2: The Revenge

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So it’s been a while since we last decided to tackle the ongoing issue of the fairer sex grasping at the Joystick of the games industry and giving it a good old tug . Last time we touched on this subject we talked about the industries efforts to entice the female market, the vacant “hotties” keeping the guys interested in the industry, and most importantly painstakingly rendered, gorgeously rendered 3D boobies. Almost two years have passed since that last post, has the industry changed? Well it was this article , brought to my attention by Kotaku , which flared my dismay at the industry/humanity. It reads like an open letter to the gaming community proclaiming that girl gamers should be taken down from their pedestal, claiming that an entire gender is still having a hard time in the industry/gaming because of horny adolescent boys. I'm afraid that I have to go out on an attack on Dairuka, and perhaps TGN, this entire post was clearly written by a cuckolded-pantsu-sniffer

Omastar Comics #23

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Today marks the return of the internationally adored fictional cephalopod, Omastar. Originally, Breloom was to star in her own comic. Breloom Comics? Would have never worked. This week Omastar is annoyed by giving away all the best secrets and getting none in return. Always the last to know. God. Just, just why do I even bother? The monologue in panel 3 was used in scene 2 of the popular film version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Did I see a penny of royalties? Did I f..... In other gaming news: It is the onset of the summer drought so stack up on sun cream and go outside for a bit yar? It's Buddha burning time in England! I really want to see them flames people. Eidos, we'd be happy to give your new game 95/100, just send us a signed copy of the game to www.hotmail.com We read Brian Ashcraft's book! Much like our personal hero, the book was impersonal and missed the point but we forgive it because of its lovely flowing locks [hair]! Next week we're going

The joy of the Xbox 360

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Yo' this weekend just gone was an ace geekend. One of the rare times when the 20 something crew can get together and pretend that we are 16 all over again. Playing games until the eyes hurt? Check. Laughing at fart noises? Check. Laughing so hard that milk comes out of a nostril? Check. Eating junk food caning your knees up sitting on the floor playing games? Check. Only one thing marred it and that was the Xbox 360. Consoles vs. PCs is an age old conflict but the latest generation of consoles have come leaps and bounds, caught up with PCs and carried on going. They have surpassed the PC experience altogether. Constant patch and update uploading, crashes, playing shit games just because they are free, rip off DLC and matchmaking wankybuggery can all be found on the 360 recreating the traditionally desk-based good times that can be found with a PC. This weekend the 360 insisted on crashing every half an hour. Poor performance considering it had only been on constantly for a m

Blinky bill and Breathy Bob

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Call us turn around kings if you will but news of Shadow of Memories coming to the PSP has changed our hearts and our minds. We loved the 2001 original. It was brilliant. Perhaps third greatest game of all time. We still finished it with a bunch of weird objects left over but travelling through time in the sleepy streets blew our minds at the time*. *That and some special biscuits.

Ritin little stories about PC games is the new new games journalism

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Enjoy it before it gets: a) derivative, b) covered by a ""cutting edge"" piece in the guardian TV guide c) Copycatted to death d) wedged into your Xbox 360 a la facebook and twitter in the place of some more useful kind of functionality like, finding the fucking game you've just inserted without negotiating 14 pages of trailers, all your friends' defaultly dressed snoozing avatars, advertising and Rare videos produced using a camera obscura and an etch a sketch.

Is the PSP worth getting yet?

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Let's check. The last time we paid any attention to the "little handheld that could" there was nothing going on. From field data gathered by observing people using it on the bus and on the train it seems that 98% of them use it to watch Family Guy or South Park episodes. The other 2% play GTA. Apparently, it can connect to the PS3. Which is a shame because the PS3 is probably the least useful thing an appliance could ever connect to. In fact plugging your PSP into the ground probably offers up infinitly more exciting gaming opportunities. And what of those "games" that Sony used to do? Hmmmm Tekken is the best game for the PSP according to Gayspot. Looking at Metacritic there has only been one game post launch better than Lumines and Wipeout. Thems are four years old y'all. Well I do not know about you but I certainly can't wait for PSP Go! to play those four year old games on. Can you?

The last revelation

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We're going to Glastonbury

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Cause he called our* girlfriend fat innit. *Yeah we share one.

Dead Fantasy IV, V and VI

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We're fans here of the one man project which despite being an overwhelmingly fan pleasing endeavour and entirely violence oriented manages to put most modern games and the whole of Hollywood to shame including blockbuster movies featuring transforming robots with million dollar budgets and fight scenes which are made by putting a kettle, two forks and a sieve into a washing machine, setting it on spin and filming it. This one guy, with less time, staff, money, technology and cocaine does better. By a million. I would happily pay full price for Dead Fantasy I-V on DVD than Resident Evil Shitgeneration, those awful other Resident Evil Films and Advent Children put together. And who needs a storyline? Buy a fucking book if you want stories. Pricks. Anyway Dead Fantasy IV, V and VI are kinda up on the net. But we're not going to post a link here until Monty Oum himself uploads the full versions any day now....

Black Wii (racist)

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Aw isn't that cute... They made it look like a real console, adorable. Yeah it's some bundle with Monster Hunter Tri (3) so dont expect the EU to get it, ever. Luv and shiny wired controllers, Richie XXX
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We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it. By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

Heavy Rain

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Hot on the heels of E3, there are a couple of Heavy Rain trailers up on the PS3 network. I've seen em both. One of them is your typical trailer packed with mysterious sound bites, action sequences and a quite impressive looking dance floor. The other is a demonstration of how the game will play. Now, we were fans of Fahrenheit for the first hour until Monster Syndrome kicked in. Then we weren't fans. Then we were fans for the dead man sexing bit. Then we weren't fans again. Heavy Rain does look good but the demonstration showing a rather plaid looking woman going into the bogs to sex herself up a bit did leave us feeling. Well. A bit cold. The idea of the demo is that she has to sex herself up a bit to, I dunno, sex a dead man or something. So she enters the toilets and then looks into the mirror. At this point a bunch of arrows pop up around her hair, face, tits and cooch and the player has to help her get slutified through a bunch of analog stick movements.

Omastar Comics #22

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Hidden beneath literally millimetres of wit, satire and irony, the joke in this latest installment of the paint created, pixellated, irregularly posted, fully clickable, popular webcomic Omastar Comics will be missed by all but the sharpest of readers. This week Omastar is minding his own fucking business thank you very much. In other gaming news: We turned 3 years old a while back. The party was awesome thanks for all those who came along. Guitar Hero 5! looks like Guitar Hero. Dread Kong in the upcoming New Play Control! Donkey Kong Jungle Beat has been officially confirmed as racist. Expect N'Gai Kroal to be on the case ASAP.

We need an ability to project the Penis in to other rooms!

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So yeah Project: Natal? We all know and realise it is a glorified Wiimote (but better). But it must have some use in that moral grey area dividing sex and games, here are a couple of suggestions. 1. Interactive Web chat. Webcams all over the world are currently being used to allow wannabe pornstars work from home, and using the conduit of the internet project themseves naked into the bedrooms of curious teenagers who stole their parents credit card. So why not apply this to Natal, allowing gamer chicks to make some cash to fund their habbit. Hell I can see in the near future a website of gamer chicks avatars showing who is online and you just buy their gamertag. So where does Natal play into this? Well from those of you that saw the Natal preview you'll have seen that there were two burds discussing what outfit to wear and projecting it on them. Cue the frenchmaid, dominatrix and Jill Valentine outfits... But how will this funtion from the fappers point of view? Well ideally you

More on the Rotombrator

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Bulbabpedia have now updated their site with the new Rotom Formes. So how long till the crazy Japanese actually create one of these... Luv n Hugz Richie XX

Wolverine Origins Nude Cheat

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Yeah so the new game is pretty fucking cool. Essentially it is a 3rd person Hack n’ Slash, however there is a multitude of things that set this one aside from the regular crowd of movie tie-in trash games: 1. It is not a move tie-in. Yes it may have a few things in common with the movie, such as the likeness of many of the characters, but the plot seems to be its own entity. (This was because the game was in development before the movie was in production, good call from the guys at Raven) 2. The fighting is a new level of fun. We have all got a hack and slash game that we all love in our hearts, whether it is Devil May Cry or Kingdom hearts. Thankfully this game differs from the usual repetitive Hack and Slash action of other movie tie-ins or trash games, there is a great mix of skill and luck. Basically the action is not repetitive, the combos and the timing of the button pushes are really intuitive, allowing for different types of gameplay, e.g you can choose to counter or j

That Natal Video

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So, Milo, where's you Mommy Milo? She's dead Milo. Died of the bad AIDS. You gonna cry? Oh you can't because you haven't been scripted to. Here's a picture of a wang Milo. Do you like it? Here's a picture of a swastika Milo. Do you like that? We're going to play a game now Milo. But you can't tell anyone about it.... Achievement Unlocked: Do a "Peter Molyneux".

The skinny one is feeling up the fatties bewbs.

Hideo Kojima updates site with cryptic message

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Hideo "hasn't made a decent game for quite a while and won't be continuing Metal Gear series" has been updating the Kojima productions site with all kinds of bullshit. Scenic imagery, counters that countdown to more counters and other crap that has Kotaku and nobody else even remotely excited. Until this morning that is. At 4am this morning GMT the above image went up on the site. What does it mean?

The New Forms of Rotom

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As you may know we are fans of the children game Pokemon. A new remake is out ensuring yet more millions of daktarin for Nintendo. This time around though Pokemon Platinum adds nothing new to the game series and the new edition is very very stingy with the introduction of a very generous no new pokemon. Yes, that's a fat zero. It appears that 'forms' are the new thing to get adults to part with money to please their children. So it's the same pokemon except they have slightly different sprite set. And Pokemon Platinum isn't short on delivering remakes of existing pokemon inside a whole game which is essentially a remake. Giratina and Shaymin now have two different forms (seriously does anyone even care about this. We don't and we're a semi-interested party). But Rotom get's a whopping six new forms to not care about! Originally pokemon used to be about mirroring the organisms we find in nature (as well as representing legends, myths, umm art forms and

Wii Play Tanks! has been doing my head in, I just want a gold medal but keep dying god it is so annoying I just want to beat it but can't.

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Shit. Did it again .

DJ Hero peripherals announced!

Following in the footsteps of non-game series Guitar Hero, now on it's 16th iteration, and Rock Band (are we on 4? 5? nobody cares), the upcoming DJ Hero is also keen to milk the shit out of mainstream non gamers with these three peripherals so you can play with your mates: DJ Hero Dex - Estimated Retail Price $140 pounds. This killer dex will show how truly easy the job of a DJ is. Just put on a compilation CD and watch the game play itself. In the meantime you can feel up some jailbait who is on an AK trip. DJ Hero Manbag - Estimated Retail price 54 euros. Show off to all your friends how much of a super underground artisan you are with this mass produced man/record bag available at any shitty independent music shop that still sells vinyl. Customise it with up to four slots for anti war and graffiti inspired badges. DJ Hero Beanie - Estimated Retail price £30. Look like a youth knob at and away from the console! Has three slots for official DJ Hero 'ironic goth message badges

A friend in need

Semi-retired Ram Raider have come back out of retirement again again to bring us this news about a game called Darkfall . The essence of the issue, for those too lazy to hit the link is that Eurogamer staffer Ed Zitron was unfairly treated by the company behind Darkfall Online, Aventurine. Including the not deleting of personal details put up on a forum. Or something. This is unfair treatment and an issue that we are happy to bring more attention to, through the time honoured review of Darkfall Online Boxart. Cunzy1 1: What? No boxart? Richie: No due to the cutbacks we can't afford to google images anymore so we'll have to review the game title itself. Cunzy1 1: Another world first from TGAM. Second greatest etc. etc. Richie: Hmmm. Darkfall. Doesn't that game exist? Cunzy1 1: No you are thinking of Darkwatch. Richie: No. I was thinking of the Darkness. Cunzy1 1: Isn't that a band? Also, I was thinking of Dark Stalkers. Richie: Racist. Cunzy1 1: Not racist. But by findin

Brute Update 28/04/2009 FINAL

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Fuck it! I remained patient, I thought it may be a fun thing to track the progress or out little virtual thatguys. But I cant be fucked with it any more! Constant error pages Thatguys brute... R.I.P. Cheers to all of you that supported us. Richie

Brute Update 23/04/2009

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Oh FFS another 3 losses today, probably the worst Brute out there! New Pupil... DAVEMELLIS Lets get some comments on the go, we'd like to know who you guys are... Until next time, Richie X

Brute Update 22/04/2009

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Another fucked day for our brute, she lost 3 matches... She's currently struggling her way though level 3. We do have some new recruits: Wilfmadbloke and pisspants Fingers crossed they have better luck than our brute/punching-bag Laters, Richie X

Brute Update 21/04/2009

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Well... the thatguys brute is off to a slow start. and seems to be getting used as a pixelated punching bag. She has almost made it to level 3 and through very little merit, she has only won one match so far. On the upside though we got a couple of new brutes: RandyMcSporran and brt0nfnk Well so far so... Pish. Laters, Richie X

My Brute. Challenge us, or you are gay...

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So in our random fumblings in the vast soiled panties that is the internet, we stumbled across "My Brute" where you create a little fighting character where random features and stats are created by the name you enter. Anyways this is a shameless shout-out to all the readers/haters/random-perverts-looking-for-Sheeva-nude to follow the link below and help the thatguys brute level up, follow the link below to become our pupil, and well... beat us up. http://thatguys.mybrute.com/ Luv n HugZ Richie XXX

The REAL reason why EDGE-Online's Whole Team Quit

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Because copying and pasting articles from the magazine and news from Kotaku can get really really tiring quite quickly.

Exclusive content TGAM wallpaper

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to download a wallpaper. FREE. That is right totally free. This is just one of the gifts from the team here at TGAM to our readers who have stuck with us for nearly three whole years. How to get your free TGAM Wallpaper. See the image below? Just click on it. You will be taken to another window with a big version of the image so you may wish to write these instructions down on a piece of paper so you can follow them when you are in another window. You then need to right click on the image (Use the B button if you are on a Mac) and click on save as desktop. Or is it use as desktop? Something about a desktop. Then, MAGIC! YOU NOW HAVE THE EXCLUSIVE WALLPAPER. You can also save it as a JPEG and use it on other computers. Or on your Wii even. The image was created* by one Tatsuo Kayagumi, lead dolly on Resident Evil 2 (GC version). For blind readers it is a picture showing the legendary Omastar, star of Omastar Comics , as a giant peering over a mou

The Peggle nude cheat

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Hardly... This game was originally sold to me as "Crack for gamers" And it really fucking is, it is hard to explain but, it seems to have just the right about of skill and luck to enjoy continuously playing it. Throw in different modes, Multiplayer, Xbox live multiplayer and boom all you could want in a time-wastey game. Luv n Hugs, Richie.

TGAM will return

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At the moment the only active member of TGAM is in Africa on fieldwork, proving once and for all if RE5 is racist or not. Normal service will resume shortly. In the meantime......YOU FUCKING PERVERTS!