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Public Service Notice 48

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This public service notice relates to the use of the term "facepalm". The use of such a term is increasing in forums, on blogs and on those motivational poster images. The users of the term may wish to rethink using it as it is only really used by american people who spend more than two hours a day watching cartoon network. Here are some suggested alternatives to use to impress fellow children on the internet:

Gosh that was really embarassing for that person.
Whoops.
Oh dear that was unfortunate that that thing happened to that guy and everyone saw it.

Please help make the internet a cleaner, more respectable place so that alien archaeologists don't have to shift through so much shit when trying to work out whether or not humanity was all that or not.

Omastar Comics #21

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The first Omastar comic of 2009. Will it be any good? The answer is a single click away unless you have good eyesight.

Today, Omastar tells Shieldon about his wishes for how his body is to be treated when he eventually departs this life. The comic then shows that his wishes were not carried out. This subject and the way in which the story ends may be a sensitive topic to some people so they may wish to give this one a miss. It's okay though because in the next comic he becomes president of Tethys. The first ammonoid president of a pan-global oceany state thing. It's a very uplifting story about overcoming adversity, furry sidekicks, friends who fall out but make up again and an eventual happy ending. Parts of the comic were edited out for American release. Namely, a scene where Omastar is forced to snort a dildo made out of rusty razor blades on prom night by the school bullies. As the prom king and queen laugh and dance around gaily.


IN OTHER NEWS.

No gaming news. The horizon is…

Welcome Strangers

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After years of attention seeking it finally happened. It's the fourth biggest day of our lives. We got a link on Kotaku after we sent a link to this post after Brian C (Big C we call him) didn't take to kindly to our latest tip. Tip 25 reposted here for your eyes only:
25. Rumours abound tips too
Handwashing and gargling? Seriously. Are you even trying over there? Here is a good tip for you though which might cause your stomach to erupt if handwashing floats your boat!
In the game 100 Classic Books for the Nintendo DS, the summer evening BGM makes a fine accompanyment to a quick read of the Hunchback of Notre Dame because, wait for it, it has bells tolling in the background. Share this tip carefully boyos.
He replied with "Hey how’d that happen? You’ve landed on my spam filter."
Then I shared the link to the post and it turns out he was a lie head because he then went on to share the link with the whole of Kotaku.
What happened next?
Then overnight we recieved an influx o…

Dry Entry Anal Justice

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Yep this post should generate some more traffic. Soul Calibur XXX, Dante tits, Hitomi vadge, Ayane breasts, Dead or Alive nude naked, World of Warcraft anus, Misty cum, Lara croft with her beef out, Taki from soul calibur eating a peach, night elves baking a small sexy cake, aeris and tifa building a card house on a rainy day, Vikki blows walking the dog, that bird from perfect dark going to the post depot to pick up a parcel that was sent to her house when she was working, Amy Rose putting some candles on because there is a powercut, Zangief upskirt, Chun Li forcing a sausage back into the pack because she can only eat four today not five like she initially thought, green and bloody douche juice, princess peach ramming daisy in a bumper cart, Cloud shaving before an operation, samus aran smothering a slice of bread with honey, master chief bending over backwards for the rights of displaced minorities, Zelda showing link her creamy muffin she bought at a nice shop in the village, tits…

Kaz Hirai and Sony full of shit

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Via Kotaku via Official PlayStation Magazine:

It's difficult to talk about Nintendo because we don't look at their console as being competitors. They're a different world and we operate in our world — that's kind of the way I look at things...

And with the Xbox — again, I can't come up with one word to fit. You need a word that describes something that lacks longevity... Last time I checked, they've never had a console that's been on the market for more than four or five years and we've committed to a ten year life cycle, so you do the math...

And unless things go really bad, there's no way that at the end of a life cycle our competition is going to have a higher install base.

RAGE RAGE RAGE. How are you competing at all? We're all sick of this shit. No one believes you anymore. No one believes that you aren't royally fucked. Otherwise there would be some kind of new gaming news instead of endless stat tweaking reports about how the PS3 is outse…

Delicious Irony

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Wow. We are on fire today with three posts n all. Anyway does anyone else find it ironic that a site/franchise called 1Up just died?

We do. Ah haahahahahahahahaha.

Also, it was shit anyway. Yeah.

You know when you are in trouble...

....when you make game consoles and you have more editions of your console than you do platform exclusive games that score 9 or more on metacritic.

Which is exactly what happened upon the announcement of the "Cloud Black" PS3. In fact it happened after they released the Gun Metal version.

Here's a tip, get some of those designers to make some friggin games rather than spray paint logos on your frikin consoles.

Resident Evil Degeneration: A review

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This weekend we got a copy of Resident Evil Degeneration, the new CGI Resident Evil film. Despite watching the first ten second trailer a hundred times we managed to stay away from any kind of exposure of the film at all. After watching it, here are out thoughts on the film and exactly where capcom got it all exactly wrong everywhere. Warning: SPOILERS, although technically there has to be a plot in order for it to be spoiled at all.




What we wanted. You may remember this post (before all the Wow gayness) about our hopes and fears for the film that takes on the most precious game in the entire world, Resident Evil 2. Here was our wishlist:

1) Will Smith cast as the face of Marvin Branagh.
2) Zombie and/or Claire tits.
3) Herbs.
4) The line "That guy's a maniac, why'd he bite me?"
5) The exact same plot as Resident Evil 2. In fact don't spend money making a whole new film just record someone playing Resident Evil 2 and stick it on DVD that would be best.
6) A cameo from…

Steelseries World of Warcraft MMO Gaming mouse

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Right so I may have been outed as a bit of a WoWophile with my many characters and such. I usually play with the Belkin Nostromo N52, which is a great piece of hardware, nicely customisable and extremely functional.

So when the Steelseries WoW mouse with it's 15 mouse buttons was announced I have to admit I was straight in there with a pre-order. Which incidentally was pegged for a November 2008 release date (to coincide with the release of the latest expansion pack Wrath of the Lich King)



After over a few weeks of waiting on December 11th I get this in my email:

Arraywith kind regards,SteelSeries Order Support


Seriously that is all I got just the word "Array", so I reply:

Hi there,Not sure what 'Array' means, is the mouse now available?


They reply:

The demand for the World of Warcraft MMO Gaming Mouse has been much higherthan anticipated, even compared to our most optimistic forecasts. As aresult, the mouse is still delayed, despite our best efforts working aroundt…

Fanservice Inc

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Is anyone else totally addicted to the diorama mode on Super Smash Brothers Brawl? YES! You too! Great here are some of my creations for people to use to add some spice to their fan fictions. I've given some title and synopsis hints but feel free to use your own okay? And don't say I don't ever give you anything disgusting fanfiction people.


Suggested Title: BigglypuffStar.
Synopsis: The galaxy is in a state of civil war. The Psychic Type Alliance has stolen plans to the Normal type empire's BigglypuffStar: a space station capable of annihilating a planet.


Suggested Title: High School Musical (Fire emblemxPokemon)
Synopsis: Marth and Lyn both have strong feelings for Wobbuffet even though they are all in the same band with Donkey Kong. Will Marth and Lyn manage to sort out their differences before the performance of the high school musical? Or will their fueding ruin the whole thing?


Suggested Title: 'Upskirt days'
Synopsis: Rumours are abound that Palutena is in fac…

How many emails does it take to get a rise out of Kotaku?

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Almost exactly a year ago, we started emailing tips to tips@kotaku.com for those of you who don't know, Kotaku is a gaming news site, probably the best one actually at least in terms of volume and frequency, not neccessarily consistency. Anyway the above email address is for Kotaku readers to email in tips or rumours so that Kotaku can copy and paste the post on their site with some insightful sentence of commentary from one of the editors, 80% of which are called Brian. From here the escapist and then EDGE copy and paste all their news.

So, for the last year we've been emailing in 'tips' sometimes once a day, other times once a month. But we did get a rise out of Brian Crecente once before they presumably blocked any email we send to them anymore. Question is can you guess after which one we got a response? Answer is on the reverse.

1. Hot Tip

If you look at the ground in Golden Eye on the N64 you run a tiny bit faster.

2. Another Hot Tip

In the videogame Halo, jumping aro…

Resident Evil Degeneration

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Resident Evil:Degeneration is out in the Europe on the 12th of January.All of you should buy it and show your support for Leon and Claire.

Word on the grapevine is that if they sell enough copies of this film they'll do a Resident Evil 2: Wii edition so buy it now!

We saw the trailer ages ago and it looked okay. To be honest we'll be upset if it doesn't have:

1) Will Smith cast as the face of Marvin Branagh.
2) Zombie and/or Claire tits.
3) Herbs.
4) The line "That guy's a maniac, why'd he bite me?"
5) The exact same plot as Resident Evil 2. In fact don't spend money making a whole new film just record someone playing Resident Evil 2 and stick it on DVD that would be best.
6) A cameo from Dante.
7) A reference to Okami, Viewtiful Joe or at least We love golf.
8) An explanation of those other Resident Evil films like it was all just a dream or something.
9) The nemesis fighting 104 Hunters.
10) A bonus feature with Hunk dancing to 'Umbrella'
11) Taking all …

Christmas 2008

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Aaaah, Christmas. A time to spend with your loved ones. I hope you all had a good Christmas. I did, I spent it with my friends and family. My real friends and family:


Looks like my party has been cancelled! AH HA HA HA HA HA. Get it? Anyone?


So looks like I moved into a nice neighbourhood. Unlike the last one which was all horrible and sexist and stuff.


Sure but don't use gloves this time. I want to feel it.


More game franchises from Nintendo should thank me for buying installments of what is essentially the same game over and over again.


I, like Scoot, from this point on, will precede statements of trivial matters with obscenities. When they arrest me I can say a game made me do it.


Sweet. Upskirt.


If I said 'not really' could I stop?


Everyone was thinking it but only Twiggy has the balloons to say it.


Another murder in GayWood. When will the mayor act I ask?


Yes you will you crazy purple bird.


Oh man. This is worse than Baabaragate.


So. Gotta catch them all. Again. Again.


So. Gotta p…

Some of the problems with MMORPGs

I'm not an MMORPG fan. This you may know and I'll say it upfront. Some of the stuff that happens in MMORPGs is interesting to read about and there are some creative folk who can spin a nice tale around something they experienced in an MMORPG. For me though the problem is that the worlds just aren't compelling enough.

Okay, that isn't entirely correct, the worlds are compelling but as soon as you set foot in it the effect rapidly wears off. The cutscene generates excitement but then grinding and questing and PvE events etc. etc. work to make the game into some kind of numbers and skills drive. Nice if you like it, total immersion breaking if you don't know what you are signing up for in an MMORPG.

Case in point? I recently had a look at WAR. It looked nice and everything (immersion breaking HUD aside). My friend (playing as a Magus) summoned his disk of Tzeentch, left the beautiful crystal cave he was in and then crested a hill to end up in the middle of an Elven fort…

Preserved for future use

Comment on a PC whinge blog on a post about PC gaming and how EPIC games (the company) left it's nice smart, flat-chested girlfriend (the PC) for an attractive big chested slut (consoles). If this taken out of context, context isn't cringe-worthy enough:

"… and she has a drawer full of the most variegated toys and an active imagination concerning how to use them. This explains why, when slagging off on the ex, from time to time the new Console Elite’s pupils will dilate, his gait will devolve to something between a stagger and a waddle, and he will start muttering something about “configuration problems landing me in A&R a few times."

Dude. It's a PC. Make some graphs and leaflets if you need to but keep your trousers on whilst you do. Oh and stop watching Battlestar Galactica.

In other news:

TGAM's Top 10 PC games 2008:

1) The Sims 2. Dual heritage edition.
2) The adventures of super person in super land, where everyone else is entitled to and has the same lev…

Have you played as the monkey yet?

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Oh dear, rumours abound that Free Radical might be in trouble. Pre-2005 us are very sad indeed. This could be the saddest news ever.

But that is only because we haven't heard this news yet, which in late 2008, will make us kill ourselves. Truer words are not written anywhere else.

Post-2005 us will be holding a fourteen day party to celebrate, if the rumours are confirmed. The whole world is invited and we'll be burning copies of Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Haze and getting high and then getting dead on noxious fumes.

The Facebook page for this party is up so feel free to bring yourself and all the chav kids from the bloc to ruin our house and stab each other so we can be on TV in a filler spot on BBCNews 24, in between the news about how to save money on mince pies and more news about the end of the world.

The (almost) a year that was. 2008

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It is nearly the end of 2008. Which means it is nearly time for all the vidjogame blogs to start posting "top 100"s and retrospectives of the year.

Here at the laughable TGAM we make no exception and are virtually thrilled to review the trash we put out throughout the year.

January 2008.
No. No. I just can't be bothered. There's too much to look at and it wasn't that great to start with. New initiative. Here are some of the best and worst bits of TGAM this year.

Best Bits.
Probably the Hotel Dusk review if I was being not very modest.
The Front magazine interview and photos continues to generate 98% of our traffic and visitors stay for just under 18 seconds presumably before clearing the search history and logging off.

Worst Bits.
The ten days of Dante-mas which to be fair we did bother to finish but perhaps ten days was too long. No, it was too short, we did eleven days of Dante-mas. Yeah, eleven days was too long and the game wasn't even that great.
Waytoomuc…

Where has Richie been?

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Gone since September. Ha he been working hard? Doing research? Travelling the world and conversing with the interesting people he found therein? I am proud to reveal the answer in a rare email from the estranged co-author of this blog.

Okay so playing Wow for some of it but not for 3 months surely?



Oh okay so maybe one month. Anything else?



Jesus Christ. Expansions work people is the lesson here.



Some people are just happy in Wow I guess.



Seriously though, I'm informed they are all level 70+. This is a lapse for him. Perhaps we should send over the big ass crane that winches WoW fatties from their bed to his house before he explodes.



Thank god! A casual game. There's hope for her yet. RIP in Richie.

Animla Crossing Let's Got to the City

Has arrived and been played by me. It's good or is it? Well yes I think it is.

You start off and it is all so familiar, you can import your face, hair and some of your catalogue from wild world but unfortunately, you are still back to square one otherwise. As ever, you need to meet the villagers, undertake some tasks for Nook, and then start afresh increasing your box flat to a mansion, destroying the local ecosystem through over harvesting and turning your hick town into a thriving country 'destination'.

Some veterans might be a bit peeved that although your catalogue can be transferred from the DS version, you still lose all your fish, bugs, gyroids fossils, art works, resident potraits, golden equipment and Sahara carpets and walls.
I am peeved at this. I don't mind catching them again to give to the museum but would it have been so hard to have transferred over the data so that it shows that you have, at some point, caught a banded dragonfly, without neccessarily col…