That guy's a Maniac...

It is not full on boob, It's not cleavage, It's... UNDERBOOB Coming to a System near you soon!

So yeah, I have been officially playing WoW casually * for a while now, my most recent project has been levelling a Paladin (currently lvl 63) which I have really been enjoying in some slightly risqué ways, I have not been RPing her per say. However she does have the Tabard of the Scarlet Crusade , the whole Scarlet Chains Set , and I made sure I did all the Scarlet related quest lines in Eastern Plaguelands and Stratholme . Enough that I think we can all just agree I am a little bit gay for the Scarlet Crusade. Who are the Scarlet Crusade? I ain't gonna go into it, there are plenty of other websites that can go into the details, they are essentially a bunch of Zealots who beleive that the all the Undead in WoW should be eradicated, along with anyone who sides with them, or indeed anyone who doesn't side with the Crusade. But there is a whole load of meaty story to them, political intrigue, spies within the ranks and corrupt figureheads. So anyways, one

WEWT!!! http://eu.blizzard.com/diablo3/ Another Blizzard game to suck all my life/time/friends away!!!

This rather creepy, Something Awful did a generic gamer guy skit: https://www.somethingawful.com/series/gaming-guyz/ It is worrying how similar this is to myself and Cunzy, putting the OTT homoeroticism to one side of course. Hearty Masculine Handshake, Richie

Seriously how effin cool are these T-shirts! Hypno, Mewtwo, Articuno, Cubone... all done in a tasteful* way. If only there were some other gamer T-Shirts that were tasteful... The hunt begins. * i.e. you could wear them in public, without people shaking there heads or pointing an laughing at the disgrace that comes with wearing a Pokemon Tshirt.

Yes it's Resident Evil Gaiden for the GameBoy Color. Color should have a "u" in it. We've never played it, even though it's ten pounds from amazon. We probably won't either because the GBA is no doubt some kind of corroded battery affair by now. We're also opposed to it because it is called "Gaiden". Which sounds a lot like gay den. Resident evil gay den: After the events of resident evil 1 & 2 Barry and Leon are hanging out at their secret tree house base. After Claire goes to Europe to find her brother, the boys discover through a friendly game of spin the bottle that Leon and Barry may be more than just friends. Play as Barry or Leo in in this exciting adventure for the GameBoy color. Choose the right time to come out to Rebecca. Berate Barry for always going on about Chris as if he is in love with him or something jesus Barry if you love him so much why don't you go to Europe to find him. Tell Leon cunning lies about Ada Wong

Welcome back to the Top 50! What comes after 46? Well, it's only 45! Some of you predicted this one on our Top 50 forum thread . Yes, it's Final Fantasy VIII! This is the only Final Fantasy on the list! We know what you are thinking, "Final Fantasy VIII! Better than VI!". And the answer is yes! Final Fantasy VIII had everything and it is still the most played of the Final Fantasies IN THE WORLD. It had a great storyline, especially the bit where you had to talk to a dog and the bit where everyone remembers that they forgot that they all grew up together! Squeenix gold. VIII makes the grade because it is the only Final Fantasy with three "woulds" in the main line up (Irvine, Rinoa, Tifa). Lastly, like all gamers TGAM cried like a widdle girl when Rinoa died! What a game, what a 45th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever entry! The list so far: 46: Resident Evil Genesis 47: Dino Crisis 3 48: Dead Rising 49: Resident

Well, I'm sure we all saw this coming, but someone has finally done it. As I'm sure most of you are aware, the Wiimote can be linked up to your PC, and using certain homebrew programs it can be used like a mouse, and there are some even some crazy little coders that got the PC guitar hero clone, Frets on Fire, to work with the wiimote guitar! And there was even the inevitable Wiimote vibrator programs. But to take things further, someone has homebrewed some Wii software which allows this vibrator software to wrok with an image slideshow, and has online support for 32 people. There you go, I'll let you contemplate those images for a while... Luv n Hugs, Richie

Taken from the site that took my idea for jillsammichs , and expanded it to include, Halo, Smash bros, pokemon and Orange box, instead of just Resident evil: Yet another site that ripped us off: Halolz

Well we've had zombies, zombies, zombies and zombie dinosaurs in our hotly anticipated TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. What could possibly beat 50-47? Well something has to otherwise the list is pretty flawed no? Chortle! Well today children in at number 46. We're going to get complaints that this one is so low I know it in my heart! Yes, yes it's only fucking RESIDENT EVIL GENESIS for the mobile phone! Not the first, not the last retelling of Resident Evil 1 but surely the most 46th on the list! Yes indeed. I hear what you are saying. Is this really better than Dead Rising? Well check the list because Dead Rising is lower than this so DUR SPAZMOID of course it's better! Does Dead Rising have Barry Burton in it? No? I didn't think so. Wow what an exciting week. Readers have been voting and commenting in the half dozens at least. What does next week's list bring? I'll give you a hint. " NOT METROID OR

Every now and then the internet helps us to find family members and lost friends. We rediscovered Miss Bea Havin from 90s game magazine Playstation Pro and we even found our sister . Our real sister not the one we made up . And today we may have found one of our cousins "droolingmaniac". We found him commenting on some bullshit post over at Game Daily ? (Who? The site looks like IGN and reads like joystiq so were not even linking it). Anyway the article is about reviewers "seven deadly sins" but the author of the post forgets that writing a review isn't some kind of herculean task. Anyone can do it. Few can do it well. Our cousin, who we will refer to as "drool" put him in his place with this lovely comment: "This piece of superficial nonsense doesn't inspire confidence in the gaming press. So much of it points to the author's inability to follow his own advice. He's conscious of some of his transgressions, but at the same time his

So far, so good. Three great games on the list, I'm sure you'll agree (aside from two of them not really being games). So what is better than Dead Rising you might ask? Well it's only frickin Dino Crisis 3! Although much hated by most gamers, we don't share that opinion because we have never played it. The last time I checked it still wasn't backward compatible with the Xbox 360 which is a testament to how much it is hated considering that titles like Catwoman, Dinotopia and Bass Pro Shops Trophy Hunter 2007 have been emulator enabled. However, it remains one of the greatest games of all time because from reading the instruction book, looking at the back of the box, examining the screenshots and watching videos it has genetically altered dinosaurs in space. Which is kind of like dinosaur zombies in space which in turn means that it is practically Resident Evil in space which is where Albert Wesker lives. What a great game! The list so far: 48: Dead Rising 49: Resid

Time for number 48! Excited? I know I am really excited. Here's a clue to the game via an excellent screenshot from Eurogamer. Yes it's Dead Rising (referred to as Dead Rizzling in TGAM circles thanks to a stupid customer). Why so low? Nobody asks. Well it's a compormise, I love Dead Rising but Richie has no time for it. So it's here. The first proper game on the list. Dead Rising has everything: zombies, shopping malls, hot fat lesbo cops, ban in Germany, Jills Sandwiches, everyday violence, cults, guns, storyline, hideous save system, unreadable text, the Dante, Jill and Ryu zombies, cars, viruses and tits mcgee (never forget tits Mcgee). The usual capcom trappings of being a bit confusing on the first playthrough and the aforementioned save system only work to make it better in our eyes. Perhaps the greatest achievement is that the game works properly. So if you feel so inclined you can sit on the roof for the whole game until the chopper arrives*. It still remains t

Might finally be out soon :D Another 800 MS points, on a Live arcade game... ...That I will play for like 5 mins Richie XX

This week Omastar travels to a universe where copyright and anachronisms don't exist. Christ! Just what the fuck is wrong with the people who upload shit to deviant art? For God's sake, it doesn't even make sense. Why would this happen? Who appreciates this abomination? /fap

Yes that's right, it's number 49 in our highly successful TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. After yesterday's non game we decided to include another non game. And todays 49th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Resident Evil Confidential Report: File 1. Never heard of it? Shame on you. It's oft* been described as the mobile phone Halo. Yes, Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1 makes up for what it lacks in being a good game of any sort by having Resident Evil in the title. Did you know reader that in Japan Resident Evil is known as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou? Well it is! Imagine such titles as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Director's cut or Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Outbreak File 2! It's batshit crazy upside down world is what that is. So that's 49. 49 is so today but what does tomorrow bring? Well thanks to the vast number of votes in our

Silly daily mail . Although by googling "daily mail al qaeda" I fear I am now on some kind of to be watched list. See what I do for you reader?

So, as promised, here it is. No pussying around we're going straight in there without so much as a thought for preheating the oven. Readers have voted in their droves* So what is the first game in the TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Which game did we feel deserved recognition but not too many playthroughs? Which game did we think was better than number 51 but not quite as good as number 49? Well kids, it's....it's Biohazard 4D-Executer . That's right, we're going there. So superior is our list to all out competitors, the first one on the list of TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever isn't even a fucking game. That's right we're going there. It's a film thing. The whole thing is on Youtube so make sure you watch it before complaining. This ""game"" makes the list because we're sick of EDGE, IGN and Joystiq including fucking Myst and the s

In order to belatedly celebrate our 2nd birthday and Capcom's 25th birthday and because there is nothing happening in games at all we're going to sell out like IGN and do TGAM top 25 no a top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. To shake up the usual format we're going to start at number 50 and work our way through until we get to number 1. Then we're going to stop and do other posts. Given our recent activity levels this will probably take 38 years because we'll lose enthusiasm after number 47. So don't just sit around wanking over big brother for the next 38 years. Instead start pointless forum posts hypothesising about who is going to be number 11. Write a letter to EDGE when we include Final Fantasy XI but not VI or VII! Try to convince us to put any Zelda or Metroid* games in the list. You even have your chance to vote** for the top ten in this list so try to get all those underated multimillion selling games like Ico

That guy's a maniac, the world's second greatest videogame blog , through reasons not well understood managed to score an interview with the legendary Hideo "Hideo, HIDEO" Kojima. The interview was GREAT SUCCESS! A number of nibbles and nice tea were on offer. Lots of questions were asked, most were answered. Richie wore a hat throughout the whole thing and didn't even realise. Score: The interview was perhaps the third best we ever done and made us proud to be part of the fourth estate for just a couple of hours. 7/10.

Well this is weird... While sifting through the usual internet dross we found this site: That Girl's site It seems this site is newer than ours, so she is blatantly ripping us off... And to top things off she has some friend called "Punzie"... Punzie??!?! I know what you are all thinking, "That is a little too close to Cunzy". True story though. Watch it Thatgirls! we've got our eyes on you Luv n' hugs Richie

Yes can you believe it! That guy's a maniac is now two years old*! *mentally, in maturity, socially and verbally. Here are some Pics from our 2 year party: Chris was on Security The Cosplayers didn't communicate before turning up Gratuitous Pic of the new Resident evil 5 Chick Nemesis and Brad were caught "together" in the back alley. Alexia brought her own date :( A few Spaniards tried to gatecrash Leon was late for his own party... Here's to another year of barely legible posts and highly inappropriate fanfictions to minor resident evil characters. LONG LIVE TGAM!!!! Luv n' Hugs, Richie n Cunzy

Cunzy1 1: You know what would be neato chap? Richie: What's that? Cunzy1 1: A picture that showed family life of the Birkin family from Resident Evil 2 Richie: Oh. You mean before William Birkin impregnates his own daughter. Cunzy1 1: No. Like way before. Richie: Before Sherry is even born? Cunzy1 1: Yeah, you know. Just the Birkins chilling out at the lab. Annette is due any day... Richie: Cha ching. Thank you deviant art! Cunzy1 1: Isn't that nice. Richie: Yeah. That's magic. Cunzy1 1: And look their home is a lab! Richie: Or maybe they are at work. Cunzy1 1: Yeah William Birkin is totally trying to get her to go home. Richie: But the research Willy. Cunzy1 1: Yeah, she does call him Willy doesn't she? Richie: Yes because in America it's not as funny as it is here. Cunzy1 1: You know what would also be awesome? Richie: A picture of the so totally underage Sherry Birkin all hypersexualised with a gun and her butt hanging out?

So instead of the normal whinging about games as if we played games (we just play Resident Evil 2 over and over again). This bank holiday meant that I had some pretty full on game time. Heres some reviews for the usual reasons; 1) Dynasty Warriors 6 Unbelievably, significantly worse than Dynasty Warriors 3. 2) Haze. Imagine Half Life on the PC set in the jungle from the original Crash Bandicoot with a sprinkling of AI taken from Marvel Super Heroes. From now on, Free Radical did nothing after TS2 in our eyes. They went under and will be missed. 3) Zack & Wiki. Genuinely very good, beyond our normal Capcom bias, actually very very good. Wii owners please stop buying shovelware and pick this up. Ya? 4) Endless Ocean. Game of the decade. 100/10. Deadly serious. 5) Devil May Cry 4. Yeah, well I used to be a fan of DMC. Too much annoying capcom checkpoint saving annoyingness. :( 6) Grand Theft Auto IV. Life draining, fun but a bit bland? 7) Resident Evil Umbrella Chro

Whatever next? My brain age isn't 20? You mean these things aren't telling the truth? So Aeris isn't dead? The Arabs aren't all bad? Frankly, if you are appearing on morning TV because your child was a bit annoyed because her Wii told her she was fat then you must have very very little in your life to worry about otherwise. Oh well, let's hope Ninty send chubby a check or something.

Stupid gamers. Stupid stupid gamers. Nobody cares about anything you think is important so stop wasting the internet filling it up with trite and pseudo-intellectual bullshit like you are debating the future of the human race. Like masturbation, building cathedrals out of matchsticks, and knifing grannies, gaming is a hobby. Some people enjoy it, others don't. the difference being that most other hobbyists don't obsess about it to such a horrifying degree There's a lot of "debate" at the moment around video games here they are all summed up and solved by yours truly hopefully freeing up the internet for some more hand drawn Tifa porn pictures. Games need stories. By far the most popular whinge by game developers themselves. However, here is the lowdown;No they don't. Game makers want to be wanked off by the film and movie critics and the only way to do that is to make your game arty and cinematic and wanky. A film gets released and there are glamorous

Is this article a joke that we are too stupid to get? For those of you too lazy to click the link it is an article on Next Gen, the home of EDGE online about paper advertisements in the American Press, "The Best and Worst New Game Ads". At first I thought it might be interesting if their were some godawful ones because we all know that game ads can be pretty shite because marketing people assume that games are only played by young men with violent tendencies. It isn't that though because all the ads are pretty standard. The "worst" isn't at all bad and the best is a bit generic. Then I thought maybe the analysis of the ads might be interesting. But it isn't that either. Here's the bit next to an ad for World in Conflict, the ad is a picture of the box and "Strategy Game of the Year" in big letters: The product has been well-known to this audience for some time. Half the page is devoted to the text “Strategy Game of the Year,” with a large

71,000 people dead, 10 million WoW Subscribers left farming their own gold. Tragedy…

Some review, I* did in my spare time The gaming industry, for better or worse, enjoys comparing themselves to the movie industry. Call it insecurity, call it a benchmark, but for years now we’ve heard talk of the need to make games more “cinematic”. From the old FMV games, to the deluge of cut-scenes, it can be argued that games have never quite achieved that goal of completely weaving quality gameplay with the cinematic feel of Hollywood movies. In development for the better part of a decade, Pony Friends, despite some significant flaws, is a definitely positive step in reaching that cinematic sweet spot. From the engrossing introduction and opening credits, to the suggestive epilogue, Pony Friends does a great job of finally making the player feel as though he is playing through a Hollywood blockbuster. But as would be expected, it often does so at the expense of the game. Yes, Pony Friends is a short - and quite easy - horse FPS. The entire adventure will last you only six to seven

Let's milk the cash cow till only blood comes out. Milk it like a Polaroid picture. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it. *We're still gonna buy it like a bunch of kidulthood fags.

So GTAIV still grabbing headlines. Some good some bad. But one statement that crops up time and time again, by the naysayers, then reiterated for ridicule by the defenders, is that GTAIV is some kind of prostitute murdering simulator . Which, to be fair it can be. But why focus on such a tiny little possibility in the game? Oh to grab headlines and take up some column inches. But come on journos, senators, presidents and prime ministers. You ain't gonna beat GTAIV. No the game is way too popular and successful. Rockstar has had more court cases than hot dinners and there is even a book out that pretty much says GTA, it's okay. So come on hacks and political wannabes. Rockstar and GTA are a well defended fortress. You aren't gonna beat them. But if your criticism about games you never played boils down to repeating a single sentence to get the mob going, why not choose a softer target than the battle hardened Rockstar. So once again Christian Mothers Against Everything, Dai

Woah now, so last night saw the launch of some DLC (due for today, but we wont persecute MS's timekeeping). This DLC included the much anticipated additional Katamari content... with a hefty price tag. Each "new" zone to create a Katamari in was either 200 or 300 MS points, couple this with the new cousins and accessories. Each of the new zones is 384kb, for the non technologically savvy, there is no way that 384kb can be new content, it is simply a wee file that unlocks content that already exists on the disk. All in all this "new" content will set you back over 2000 MS Points (Nearly £20). Shocking. Also on XBL last nigh the Muse Guitar Pack was up, costing 500 MS Points for a meaty 60mb download including 3 muse tracks. Much better. Luv n' Hugs, Richie X

Introducing the SaSi... This ingenious piece of tech is due in stores very soon. How does it differ from every other sex toy out there? Well for starters it retails for £225, but don't let that put you off, Lets see what you get for £225: From the manufacturer website Je Joue : SaSi is the ultimate, customisable vibrator. Using the latest Sensual Intelligence technology, SaSi is uniquely intuitive. It learns and remembers exactly what you like, giving you the perfect, intense sensual massage every time. Fantastic for partner foreplay or solo massage Splashproof, non-porous and bacteria resilient Removable covers made from phthalate and latex-free medical grade silicone, using the newly patented SMITEN membrane technology Fully customisable with fascias available in different colours. Rechargeable Beautifully packaged ideal as a gift A smooth, rounded head undulates under a thin, silky cover, creating a soft kneading sensation that can be customized by adjusting m

Back by popular demand. Unfortunately, due to the Hollywood Writer's Strike, Omastar wrote this one himself. As you can see it's not the greatest of adventures. EXCLUSIVE REVIEW OF OMASTAR COMICS 18. They're just cranking them out now. It used to have a plot but now it's just like Lost. 4/10.

We got a reply!! Which will go down in TGAM history because no one normally replies to our open letters. Here it all is: Hi Cunzy1 1, or whoever. Thanks for your email. I always appreciate it when somebody takes the time and effort to contact us, as you have done, regardless of your opinion. Thank you also for continually buying the magazines. Your loyalty pays our wages and funds our passion. Thanks for your points and the detail of your email. All criticism is taken on board. It's kind of flattering to see that you're 'onto us hacks'. It's always nice to hear that people actually read the words and don't just look at the pretty pictures. I look forward to reading further analysis of the magazine, should you see fit to provide it. Lastly, let me reassert the point that I/we really appreciate the fact that you continually buy the magazine despite thinking it's far from the standards needed to satiate your refined gaming ideals. Have a great Bank Holiday, Cha

Aussieman: So I'm really tired today. I was up till four last night playing GTAIV. Aussieman's friend: Oh yeah? Any good? Aussieman: Well it isn't as good as Gears but maybe I haven't played it enough yet. Aussieman's friend: I used to play Vice city on my housemates PS2. It was sweet. Aussieman: Yeah well it's okay but there was another game on the 360 that was much better. The graphics were smoother and the story was better. No one I know has ever played it though so.. Aussieman's friend: What game was that? Aussieman: Saint's Row. O-o. So yeah GTAIV. I had a bit of a throw down with it the other day. It's good but as you are pissing around you know that this game is huge and you start to feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. The side missions, cheevos, hidden packages? and silly easter eggs. But as Aussieman shows maybe GTAIV isn't such a big thing for the casual gamer. Oh well time will tell but at least someone may notice when Saints Row 2 com

ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD REVIEW For Nintendo DS Animal Crossing isn't a game. It's a career. A vocation, a mini alternative life. You could educate a child with it and it would turn out OK. It teaches you everything you need to know about the real world. It teaches you the importance of money, shows you the true value of patience, punishes you for lying, and when characters move out of your town it's an important lesson about the harsh realities of bereavement in adult life. Bunnie is gone, Timothy, she's gone to another town very far away and she's never coming back. It's not a game, it's a job. You HAVE to collect your fruit to begin with, else you can't afford the cool furniture. You HAVE to keep fishing, else you might miss a rare fish. You HAVE to collect all the fossils, fish and insects because something cool might happen when you do. Animal Crossing uses an enhanced version of the COLLECTEVERYTHING(TM) engine that Nintendogs used. I

Dear Chandra, or whoever. I won't say I'm a fan of ONM but I am a regular buyer as the free gifts are sometimes good and you do get the lowdown on games that your Future Publishing colleagues gloss over because they have real games to review like GTA and Dead Rising. In addition I have been diagnosed with the deliberating ( UPDATE: I totally meant deliberating and not debillitating ) condition GFP (Gay for Pokemon). Sadly this means that I often pick up a copy of your magazine. Monthly your magazine offends me. You seem to be stuck in a 1990s time warp where you OMG! in the magazine when you get a female member of staff and you think that comments about your hair and staff member's real lives are of interest to the reader. Frankly I don't care if Chris or Martin or some other office monkey is looking after a new born baby. Furthermore you really have to stop making captions about curries every time you use a screenshot with fire coming out of a characters mouth or anus.

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this... The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may. The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end. "Release the GEGH!!!! DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’. FROM HE

As if Adding Yoda and Vader wasn't geeky enough! Check this Shit... Yoshimitsu has an Ammonite on his flag :D Ammonites in popular culture include: Omastar Omanyte Luv n' hugs, Richie