That guy's a Maniac...

Fuck this shit, the game is flawed, you do a move the AI counters it, you try to counter and nothing fucking happens. The manual doesn't even go into detail on how the countering system works, even though it raves on about the countering system being all re-vamped and amazing. Lies. So I'm fighting some fucked up drunk dickface (dont know his name nor do i care to know it) and he just continuously counters it over and over. OH! great job team ninja, or should i say "team wank-fuck-cock-faecal-cunt". And I am on like the tenth time trying to kill him, well actually just trying to get a move in to prevent getting perfected, fuck you team ninja. I know at the start of games you are at zero on the learning curve, it is like tossing a coin, 50:50 chance of winning. Team banjo-string just seemed to ignore this. Yeah so 10th fight with Drunk fuck, and theres nothing i can do He starts som 9 chain combo, which leaves me being juggled, and with nothing to do, except l

Fuck off cats more like. Here is the definitive LOLCAT and I don't want to hear anymore about it. CLICK FOR THE TRUTH

In the small hours of last night I finally did it! I reached Level 70! After hours and hours of grinding , questing and farming I finally did it, My Mage hit Level 70! Whats this you say, you thought I had given up? Yeah I had, but after recent negotiations with the editorial staff it was agreed that to save thatguys.co.uk It was required that someone made a sacrifice. And bring back the classic days of Thatguys, much like in heroes when that artist guy has to take heroin to save the cheerleader. And since i am the most 1337 we needed a level 70 sharpish. So i went out and bought the burning crusade, spoke with a nice GM who re-activated "Richie" the fire mage. News that is six months too late: Well, I say "hours and hours" I started playing again as Richie not long after the recent announcement of Wrath of the Lich King. which led me into a flurry of WoW research and pranging desires to throw some fireballs. The Burning Crusade, is everything WoW should

It's true. I recently bought ONM (for the free gifts of course) and the free gift was crap. A keyring made out of hideous cheap-off-the-market-for-a-quid-"lego"-plastic so I decided to get my money's worth I'd actually try to read the magazine. It was hideous. The writing is by four year old never heard ofs who desperately try to sound like they don't have to give all the games above average marks. Anyway, this is besides the point. They had an article on the hot 100, trying to convince Nintendo fans that there was a reason they have a Wii other than to play Wii Play and Wii Sports or Wario Ware (Zelda can just fuck off). And what games was I interested in? Was it Pokemon Battle Revolution? Well a bit but everyone knows it's just an expensive husk of a game. Was it Mario Galaxy? No. I don't particularly like space as a setting for things and it just brings back memories of playing Super Mario 64 which is sometimes a good thing but sometimes bad too.

Alien Resurrection for the Playstation. Post-Post Analysis. Oh! I've made so many mistakes here. What I did, was explained too much in the title which, left me nothing to expand on in the 'meat' of the post. Also, the parameters I set myself were way too narrow. If I'd spent a bit more time thinking about it, this post could have even been some kind of list. If I'd gone even further, I could have made some comment about horror games in general and how sometimes the old ones are always the best. I didn't even put an image in. Oh this is all wrong. Sorry guys. Dropped the ball a bit here. I'd say 3/10 try harder ? Or maybe 3/10. See Me !

I hate using the word meta. There used to be a time when we didn't use it. Those were good times! Anyway here at TGAM we try our damdest to bring you the latest news about videogames. By 'latest news' I mean stuff we thought up/dreamt up and by 'videogames' I mean Resident Evil and occasionally Pokemon and by 'our damdest' I mean infrequently and with fluctuating quality. However, none of you probably remember this post here called Destroy the Techno Union Chips . This was TGAM journalism of the highest quality and we received attention from outside of the three- people-we- already-know readership. That was when we first received virtual affections from the one, the only, Miss Bea Havin from 1990's playstation pro magazine . She even created a new category for us called 'rampaging stupidity'. Sweet. Anyway just over a year on and this post continues to be the most popular post on the whole blog with as many as 14! Yes One-Four comments. It turns

Physically? Well with the new iBrate application, your iPhone can now show you some lovin too, for some literal “Phone sex” The application offers… Nothing really, vibrate or don’t vibrate However iBrate v2.0 is said to include the following: Removable waterproof silicon sleeve, variable speed settings, a pulse mode, music playback, a bluetooth remote control, lube, clitoral stimulator, callback function.

This week Omastar tells us about the time he fought racism, real racism, not the internet kind. Alas, that stupid kid getting in the way just as you were about to finish off the bad guy. That's how it always goes dude. ALWAYS

Yeah sold, like the veritable female object she is. SCi need some cash so they are thinking about selling her on. Of course, soulless money grubbing EA have already expressed their interest. They are possible already ejaculating their tainted devil seed it into their boxers, at the thought of twisting, mangling and destroying our beloved gamer icon. I know Eidos have not done their best with her, but if I owned Lara I would feel a responsibility to not allow EA to get their hands on it. Fuck it… I’d probably sell it to an indie for half the price, purely in the hopes that here already mangled polygons do not get violated any further with EA. Aside from her turning up in every EA game as a bonus character, she already has a game lined up... Tomb Raiderz Urban: Set in WWII on the beaches of Normandy , Lara Croft has to street race her way around the globe with her skateboarding sidekick Tiger Woods to retrieve the EA Trax stolen by John Madden and the Evil Fifas. F

You've no doubt read the story now. The new RE5 trailer came out and showed Chris (from Resident Evil) or a Chris look-alike in Africa just walking around thinking about buying some beads 'n' shit. Then you see some zombie zombieness and afterwards, footage of Chris taking them out a la Resident Evil 0-4. Oh, yeah but most if not all of the zombies are black. So this inspired all of these cunts to talk about it and the nasty gaming community came out of their A-Holes to be racist to everyone and the anti-racist and race awareness part of the blogosphere mobilised and put up a bit of a fight. Good points were put forward by both sides blah blah blah....... What none of these idiots (some of them are real idiots and others are self confessed intellectual idiots) picked up on is that it should be Resident Evil 6 not Resident Evil 5 . For fuck's sake guys focus on the real issue. Capcom you still ain't wrote me back and to be honest it's getting near to "

Sometime soon, not today, maybe not even this year, but before the end of the world Richie and I are going to liveblog playing the ultimate pokemon drinking game. Drinking? Pokemon? Game? I hear no-one say. Yes that's right. Oh you want to play too? Here's the rules: 1) Equitment You have to pronounce equipment as equitment and skeleton as skellington and vehicle as vericle. It's all part of playing the drinking game. Anyway to fully enjoy the Pokemon Drinking Game you need the following: Every single episode of Pokemon the animated series including the films and the Pikachu films (You can illegally download all of these from the internet. I strongly advocate that you do because when 4Kids or Nintendo or whoever finally decide to release all of them in your region there will be 2.5 episodes per DVD and it'll cost £15 each, even then they'll release only half of them). A whole week (7 days, preferably 8) with no other commitments. It might be advisable to send your b

If you were in the UK this summer you may have noticed that there was in fact no summer, we have lost “seasons”, we have expelled so may fucked up gasses into the atmosphere that we have effectively killed summer. It is this writer’s humble opinion that we have in fact fucked-up the whole world, beyond fixing. Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Seas drying up, and all sorts of other weather related extinction events happening on bigger and grander scales. This of course makes things like wars, oil, Jihads, Politics, Religion, PS4, the 9th WoW expansion, Nintendo doing a global release of a title, the end of Lost, the iPod-killer and the Spice girls re-uniting, all redundant. And so what does our government do to try and stop this issue… it encourages us to use less carrier bags from the supermarket. Yeah nice. The whole problem is that there is too many of us, and we have reached a point in our social evolution to the point where no-one cares, we work 9-5, then eat our tea in front of Coron

It’s the new Mario vs Sonic and not the new Olympics game *, I mean classic fucking Mario Vs Sonic like: Super Mario World vs Sonic 2 (ah those were the days) Well for those of you who don’t know Rock band is and online version of Guitar hero with loads of new attachments to play all the different sections, guitar, bass/rhythm, drums, and singing. Recently it was delayed (RE: Kotaku) till 2008, and I found myself not caring, and in fact scrolling slightly further up the page to check on the Guitar hero 3 updates. Now as with all computer games “versus” situations there will be split factions i.e. in this case Guitar hero fanboys and Rock band fanboys. Right now I think I’m sitting on the Guitar hero fanboy side, purely because guitar her takes itself as a game, Rock band seems like it is trying to be a grown up sophisticated version of Guitar hero, which is slightly preposterous given that you are using a toy guitar… Reasons Rock Band will fail: - Too much money on gimmicky pe

Goddammit! another year another fucking Dragonball Z game! EVERY YEAR at the same time (end October) Atari bring out another Dragonball Z game each time more refined or with more characters. Oh and every fucking year it gets delayed! Even if it is just a couple of weeks. I don’t think I even care about Dragonball Z any more, however I will follow the release of this game with a morbid fascination. Right anyways so right now the game is pegged for 26th October, but I am going to hazard a guess that the game will be released on November 16th. Watch this space. Oh and even though I don’t care about Dragonball Z anymore, and that there are many more games that I am looking forward too. I will probably still buy this game. If you care about the previous Dragonball "late October" releases. 2003 - Dragonball Z: Budokai 2 2004 - Dragonball Z: Budokai 3 2005 - Dragonball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 2006 - Dragonball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 2 Kame-pishy-hame-fucking-ha [Insert Sad-Sad S

So recently we were involved in a bit of a spat with those kooky fellas over at Stupid Fucking Customers and then we were graced with the presence of both of the two angry men from Two Angry Men and then some minors and anonymooses popped over to say things like "Cunts" and other such pillow talk. However, it didn`t really end up as a fullly blown blog war for the following numbered listed reasons: 1) That bint at HR made a cock up with the annual leave arrangments so both Richie and I were on holiday at the same time. ROOKIE ERROR. Never abandon your post just after leaving childish comments on other two male 20 something oh-I´m-so-witty-in-my-own-head white text on black background blogs. The only time in history we´ve had more than one reader (including authors) and there was no one around to call other men gays. HR bint has subsequently been fired and she can think about her mistake as she packs little Johnny off to school with clothes four sizes too small this term. 2)

So it finally got a release! If you want any more info please checkout: Any other Games news site. All we at thatguys care about is: Manhunt 2: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Strong Language, Strong Sexual Content and Use of Drugs. Nice. Laters

Position Vacant: Videogames (or related) blog to War with. The position will be in a submissive role. To the second greatest videogames blog of all time: Thatguys.co.uk. Warring on post by post basis, commenting on the flaws in each others posts. Qualifications: * Able to argue at a 12 year old level. E.g. “Takes one to know one.” * Finds talk of genitals hilarious E.g. “Willy” * Must have plenty of web traffic (so we can steal it) Desirable * Pokemon Diamond/Pearl * Lady bits Please submit your Blogs/comments to: thatguysamaniac@googlemail.co.uk Wnak.

So everyone on the internet likes to whinge but there is nothing worse than a loser and a not so loser that like to whinge about their shitty job, online, whilst they work at their shitty job. Go here to read this big bag 'o' shite. Here are the problems with the website "I'm a stupid customer service nerd" in a numbered list: 1) They whinge all the time about how crappy their job is yet never do anything about it like skim people's credit cards or leave the store unlocked on purpose. 2) It's as if they haven't seen Clerks or understand that they just come off as whiney nerds. Everyone has worked shit jobs but most of us managed to move on with our lives. 3) The woman (Mario Mark) almost never talks about women's issues such as periods, pregnancy boobs or grief online. Get with it bird. 4) They so desperately want to be UK:Resistance that they write about it in the comments all the time and steal their posts and spend most of the day in the work t

Some of you might say that there is a lot wrong with ffics, fsubs, fdubs, fvideos and fart but all in all I don't hate it all. I do hate Linkin Park ruining an otherwise lovely, well put together machinima, GMV or AMV or whatever the fuck Wikipedia tells you you should be calling your creative output. However, the whole enterprise is often completely ruined by one little thing and the picture below sums it all up completely. Here is a nice image, a nice concept, some good art, nice composing, good perspective, nice lighting, it ties in with the storyline, it's dramatic, nicely rendered oh yeah but DON'T FORGET TO PUT A SNIPPET OF AERIS BIFF IN. Oh and now you've gone and ruined it for everyone. So here is another public service notice to the thousands, if not millions of gamers and gamer fans hemorrhaging content onto the internet. DEAR GEEK OTHER PEOPLE WOULD TAKE YOU A SMIDGE MORE SERIOUSLY IF YOU WEREN'T SO PREOCCUPIED WITH RAPE, TITS, UPSKIRTS, OMINOUS

We all know that there is a 101 things you could probably say about this picture being overly sexist and chauvinistic. There is Princess Peach using her bum as a weapon. What undertones! and Overtones! We all know it's so wrong and so demeaning especially with the wink as well. It would be really serious and perhaps spark debates amongst feminists. However, she is a Princess of a Mushroom Kingdom and she is named after a piece of fruit. Kind of undermines the whole argument doesn't it? Non-lazy feminist gamers might point out the merits of using the Princess as a character in Super Smash Brothers Melee, disspelling the rumour that she is a weak character if used by someone who knows her moves. They might even link to a Youtube video showing some of her greatest combos. They might go one step further and say that at least she gets to play golf and tennis competitively against the men and giant lizards of the Mushroom Kingdom which is more than real life athletes can. U

So what have we got to look forward to? Assassins Creed [Xbox 360] [PS3] Stealthy, 3rd persony slash-em-up set in medieval times for the next gen. Of course it looks pretty its next-gen, pretty comes as standard. Now everyone seems quite keen for this badboy to come out, but aside from it being a “launch” title (i.e. we knew about this one before the 360 was released). I still worry that this will be shite. Heavenly Sword [PS3] 3rd persony slash-em-up set in a fantasy world for the next gen. Of course it looks pretty its next-gen, pretty comes as standard. Now everyone seems quite keen for this badboy to come out, but aside from it being a “launch” title (i.e. we knew about this one before the PS3 was released). I still worry that this will be shite. Boobies. Halo 3 [Xbox 360] Next up ol Master Chief himself has returned for the 360, more shooting aliens, more laser swords, more classic FPS. In a world where FPS’s are standard, what makes this one stand out from the crowd? Answer: It

This week in Omastar Comics, the web's 2871st most popular gaming webcomic, Omastar weighs up fatherhood or a career. A decision that all fictional cephalopods have to make at one point or another in their lives.

They put out a call to all bloggers as they are looking for some weekend staff. So we thought we would apply. Why not? Well because Joystiq is a bit of an in joke for all gamers. And as with all great humour, you should never have to explain your own joke. So we're going to explain our own joke: Joystiq is a site that has ambitions. It so desperately wants to be Kotaku that it regularly steals posts from it except the posts are never as good. Also, they have stolen a site design from the early 1990s and I think you'll agree that it looks like one of those sites you get when you accidentally type http://www.hotmaik.com/ or if you type " bored at work " into a web browser. So here's the application and before you start it does look like we are a bit ghey for Kotaku. That's not neccessarily the case but they are the best place for regularly updated gaming news. Dear Nintendo Blogger at Gmail This here email is an answer to the ‘call for bloggers’. We’ll

Who are “They”? “They” are the driving force and motivation for all games: “They” are the elite of the 1337. “They” are some times referred to as “Them”. “They” can challenge you at any point. “They” have a complex understanding of all game mechanics. “They” have 1000 gamer points in every game, before it has been released. “They” probably take part in competitions and win. “They” play PC FPS titles and are good at them. “They” are able to juggle their gaming and social life perfectly. “They” have beat Jordan of Expert. “They” have a higher score on Garibaldi. “They” write the FAQs even though the game has not been released “They” were EV training since Gold/Silver. “They” are what we all aspire to be. “They” are the metaphorical carrot on a stick, on any game which has high score, or online competitive mode. “They” are our inspiration to delve further into the game. “They” stimulate us to stop button mashing, and start timing the button presses correctly. “They” are the ones that enco

"Endgame" was originally some word used in chess for the final moves, or something similar to that, but no-one cares about that nowadays, endgame is a mystical place where the 1337 live. The most common and arguably the most recognised is WoWs endgame. It used to be lvl 60 (Highest level you could reach), once you hit lvl 60 you would then team up and do really hard quests to get better "gear", to "enhance" the gameplay experience. Sounds quite cool doesn't it. Bet you have always thought after completing games like Mario or Zelda, "Woo, I have beaten Bowser/Ganon lets take a stroll through Mushroom kingdom/Hyrule and bask in the glory of how great i am" Well its not all Peaches and cream. Take Pokemon Diamond/Pearl... I beat the 1337 4 after about 40-50 hours, and now i have clocked up 200 hours... what have i done? Well I have been basking in the the world of endgame One you beat the 1337 4 you then (in theory) have to collect the remaining

OK there was that video and then the really good official site and then that hideous sound as 100 million Nintendo fanboys and fangirls started typing up their wish lists. There was widespread panic and confusion. Despite the fact that it was very clear this still happened (check out the retarded comments). My favourite is this "Um…considering that Final Fantasy is only for Playstation, I doubt that they’d include characters from the series. If anything, it’d probably be a moogle or chocobo since they’re in pretty much every game of the series. I would, however, really like to see Sonic in this game (and Spyro)." Oh how they got called a 'noob' because everyone knows that the worst 6 Final Fantasies before it ('it' being FFVII the most acceptable of the series. That's right acceptable, not as good as you claim it was. Especially the 'story') were on the SNES. However, I can out-noob all the noobs who pointed out that this guy was a noob becau

OK do you remember we used to do a regular feature called That Guy's A Maniac? No? Because we only did three in a year and a half. Anyway, it's the return of That Guy's A Maniac and this years maniac is Randy McSporran. Randy McSporran used to be both our housemates and was a cool guy but now he's getting married and stuff in Estonia, so his wedding is essentially a funeral for the man we used to know. He's all about commitment and changing himself now. I'm kinda worried about it because I still owe him £200, but I always remind him when I see him, so it doesn't count. He also pronounces else as "elts" and is the only person I know who was once on the True Man List but then he did something which meant he was taken off the True Man List and could never get back on. No one can remember what he did though but it was during University so it was probably something like he wouldn't go to the shop at 3 in the morning to buy munchies. Anyway he is a g

So it looks like pokemania is taking over the world * and at the same time nothing of interest is happening in the rest of gaming. Seriously, check Gamespot's news page. Snorarama. Looks like everyone took the month off because they aren't going to knock Diamond and Pearl off the top spots (except umm Transformers the DS game apparently). Anyway this week in Omastar Comics, well, see for yourself. This one goes out to TTEchidna in a bad way. *This may not strictly be true but wikipedia doesn't have an article on "Is Pokemania taking over the world?" so what do I know about it?

Yep. As you may be able to tell we're pretty gay for pokemon and we don't feel the need to put the accent over the e either. The games have been going for 10 years or so now but for those who truly want to catch 'em all there is a heap load of effort involved. The question I'm asking today is IS IT TOO MUCH? For example if you wanted to get all of the pokemon from the start here is what you have to do: Buy Pokemon Blue/Red/Yellow (£30 at the time) And Gameboy (£100 originally) Play the games and trade with 'friends' (Probably 150 hours to get them all) Buy Silver/Gold (£30) And Gameboy colour (£90) Play the game and trade between friends or yourself to complete the dex (200 hours including legendary efforts to get the legendary dogs) Buy Pokemon Stadium 2 to get pokemon unavailable and to facilitate self trading (£120 N64, Pokemon Stadium for GBA Adaptor £40, Pokemon Stadium 2 £40, Extra N64 pad £30, spare GBA adapter £15) Buy GBA in preparation for th

Yeah Omastar Comics number 6! This week Omastar takes a little stroll down memory lane. He doesn't often like to reminisce because then it dawns on him that HE HAS LIVED A LIFE AND DIED ALREADY . He didn't ask to be resurrected. No siree. Next on Omastar Comics:- Controversy at the MORTO (Music of Rock Type Origin) Awards.

An anonymoose sent me this link (via the Beeb). It's former EDGE editor Margaret Robertson on why she plays games. She starts the piece very controversially saying that games are rubbish! Oooh1 I'm outraged but then she ends it by saying this about Guitar Hero: "But somehow, even though I can't do it, my brain can. And so I get to watch, astonished and really rather proud, as my hand taps out the right sequence. If I'm playing Guitar Hero on the expert setting, I know as a matter of certainty that I can't keep up with the sequence of notes streaming by. Not least because my eyes go completely out of focus within about a minute. And yet, somehow, my brain and my hand have done a deal, and notes are streaming out of the screen and my score is through the roof. Check me out - I'm amazing. And that's not arrogance. I don't take any credit for it. I can't." And I think she is saying something here that I haven't really seen expresse

You may have heard of a machinima called War of the Servers already. If not watch it now! That's an order private! Here's the trailer: It's good machinima it has a classic plot retold and revamped, it's beautifully shot, plenty of action a splash of drama, there are in-jokes,,cameos. It really is great, the score even. If you have never liked or even watched machinima then give this one a go. It's all on Youtube, some meaty 7 episodes and over an hour of material. Watch it! Watch it! Watch it! You won't be sorry. http://www.waroftheservers.com/ "Kind of like Blue Screen Of Death without the cringeyness mixed with Red vs. Blue without the boredom of all the bopping men" Four Stars, Cunzy1 1 TGAM Put that on the DVD box Stoneman you mentalist

Pretty straightforward post. Just name your pokemon one of the names on the left if it has one of the moves on the right and LOLLERCAUST city here we come* Midwife used Cut Nympho used Horn Attack Cock used Horn Drill Richie used Leer Tia used Bite** Butt used Gust, Mist, SonicBoom etc. Injacuzi used Hydropump Gimp used Submission/Bind/Wrap/Disable Richie used Siesmic Toss ToxicSS used Absorb Penis used Growth Penis used String Shot STI used Toxic Daterap used Hypnosis/Disable Cock used Harden Cocks used Double Team Postorgas used Minimize Catholic used Withdraw Sensible used Barrier/Protect Hutchence used Self Destruct Fellate used Lick Butt used Sludge Vagina used Waterfall Bum used poison gas BJ used Lovely Kiss/Sweet Kiss Tranny used Transform/Double Edge Cock/Vagina used Explosion Ozguy used Bonemerang AgresivLes used Conversion Suicidal used Slash Richie used Substitute Daterape used Powder Snow Imcumming used Scary Face Brown love used Sludge Bomb Poofetish used Mud Slap No4play