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Chuff_72 Speaks Yet Again: Assasin's Creed review

Yes, here at TGAM, we have lost the plot a bit. We don't actually play games anymore but we like to think we are characters in a Douglas Coupland book*. Fortunately, Chuff_72, our man on the street, does play games. Here are his thoughts on hyped to the max Assasin's Creed. SPOILER_O_RAMA

Dude, I rented Assassassassinssss Creed over the weekend and busted that bad boy right open - CAUTION, OPINION WITHIN MAY NOT BE OF THE POPULAR VARIETY.

First off, I DO like this game, it is fun and looks pretty. However, it is also, misleading, rushed, boring, repetitive, annoying and overrated.

Fun. I finished this game and enjoyed it, I liked the story and the characters, I thought the future elements were nice and especially that you are a Bartender called Desmond (Spoiler?), though very divisive (this game is basically a setup for a new franchise, even EA would be ashamed of the obviousness of this) and the game felt cool to play, it does a good job of making you feel like a badass (except …

Console in grooming scandal

Fanboy…. It seems a harmless term, no?

In most cases fanboyism starts when someone claims to prefer one system’s merits over another. Be it the aesthetic qualities, technological differences or accessibility.

People generally have to choose one particular system due to pricing, and dependant on the “flavour of the generation” people will change their arguments. In the case of the current generation you have a new breed of Nintendo fanboy who chose that system because of the “innovative” Wii-mote, these people will claim that graphics are non-essential and that gameplay is core. Or in the case of the 360, more and more 360 fanboys are cropping up as previously PS2 players bite the bullet, and buy a 360 due to the extensive catalogue and pricing which the PS3 cannot currently offer. That’s all fair and good these are good reasons to buy the consoles. But it does not stop there, certain people then feel that they then have to either justify their purchase, either with almost religious like…

Finally! 2

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You probably don't remember when webcomic cretin Tom Bickley of Catl Ult Doll gave us a secret nod. If you don't here it is.

Well after several years of randomly emailing Ryan North and telling him that he stole my idea, Omastar Comics, for his longer running comics series Dinosaur Comics (the similarity is shocking Mr North), he has finally given us the nod we so deserve here.

Whaddya mean you can't see it again?

Here it is:

It's obvious to you and me. Once again it is shown that That Guy's A Maniac is a site for the discerning millionaire Canadian, time travel-to-steal-ideas webcomic artist. Just another reason why we are the World's Second Greatest VideoGame Blog of All Time as proved by science

You are only part forgiven Ryan. The head, one arm and one leg specifically. You get to choose which side you get to keep.Nooch.

Pushing the PC gaming boundaries

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The BBC has this nice little article about how PCs are better at games than consoles or some such. I don't really know as I haven't fully read it as my attention span only lasts for a paragraph before I'm bored. But I got the gist.


All I do know is that whatever you may think about PCs, the people that play them are GEEKS. Nerdo-rama. They wear big rimmed glasses and have braces. They don't have sex either. They just beat off over video game characters who sex with other dead video game characters (see above Fahrenheit).

Some guy from Nvidia says:

"It's absolute nonsense to think that consoles are at the cutting edge,"

Yeah but only fucking nerds buy your shitty graphics cards and that clearly isn't enough. That's why you put those little leaflets in every single one of Future Publishing's console oriented magazines going on and on about how Nvidia is the future and good. BTW Nvidia, those leaflets are shit. Purely because PC games are mostly bor…

World of Warcraft: Rapid Edition

Yeah so it’s been a while since I went off on a WoW Rant.

As you know I have a lvl 70 Mage on a PvE server. But a while ago I started an Undead Priest on a PvP server and now he has hit lvl 60. It really was the long Haul from 1-55. But when patch 2.3 hit last week, the experience gains were very noticeable! I flew up 5 levels in a matter of a few days. Patch 2.3 added a lot of new things, a new instance, a revised Duskwallow marsh with more quests for people ranged 35-45, and have made the items gotten from instances more burning-crusade-ish, and of course increased experience gains. When I was levelling my mage to 60 (back in the day) levels 58-60 were really epic, it took weeks of running Strat and getting Eastern Plaguelands quests completed. But in the recent updates it took about 1 night to do both those levels! On that note, I did not do any of the Outland quests to get to that level, I did it purely in Silithus and EPL, just for old times sake. So levels 61-70 now await.

My cha…

That Guy's Are The Worst Wedding Guests

Last week, Richie and I travelled to snowy Estonia for the wedding of our old friend Randy McSporran. Suffice to say the event was chaotic and it's probably a good thing that Cunzy and Richie are normally seperated by several hundred miles. Memory is still a bit hazy but here is the summary;

Stansted at midnight, vodka, coke, Pokemon Diamond, smking, checking-in, vodka and red bull at 3 in the morning, legendary battle, Ponyta, Omastar, Focus Band, Cunzy afraid of flying, airport dimensia, immaturity, Doug and Liz, Easy Jet, flying, landing, Randy and Ollie, new friends, sniffer dogs, bus, 'fit' or 'fat', hotel, mini bar, spluff on beds, snooker, MacDonalds, Kat, supermarket, Seaman's shot, Absinthe, Dark Dog, cheese waffles, Kent fags, drinking, raging, stupid cocktail, some other liquer, mixers, bull pish, more absinthe, Richie vomit, pub, Pokemon talk, stag night, kissing men, fighting, beer, Richie wiping things of his shoe onto a girl, strip club, lots of m…

Still Homophobes

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You may remember last week I was disgusted with the way that Kotaku just can't handle comments from a woman and my account was banned. It appears that my appeal to the masses was heard and my account has been sort of reinstated [see above] but I still can't comment I can only clip articles and follow friends.

This is the suxxor because:

1) Following friends on Kotaku is like swapping spit in an HIV clinique. Just because you've got it doesn't mean you should only hang out with others who do. In fact you should do the opposite.
2) Clipping articles is not something that I would ever do. The only thing I want to do is to tell the Brian who lives in Japan to shut up about his boring life and give us more games news. I hate it when site administrators rise above their stations. Would you like it if the monkey stopped mid dance and started to give us a comment on how it is to be a monkey forced to dance to a grind box day in day out? No! Dance you fucking dance monkey.

In othe…

Omastar Comics #13

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Many people don't realise that Omastar Comics is not a recent phenomenon. We do which makes us superior and veritable kings in the eyes of other people who "camp" the wikipedia pages for Omastar Comics. Omastar originally made a debut in the 1922 silent comic, Oma Lordy. The original comic was recently rediscovered by comic archivists in the heart of Russia. Here it is for your eyes only.

Thrilling I think you'll agree no?

Guitar Hero: Groupies [Results]

Tried the Line... and well, I was shot down :(

She in fact looked at me disapprovingly and stated that she was not interested because Guitar hero is no longer made by Harmonix.Of all the ways I expected that line to go… I did not see that one coming.Next time… I’ll use Rock band.

Homophobes

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Although we all try our best to be inclusive, some gaming websites just can't handle the gays or women. Imagine my disgust at seeing this this morning:

For those of you who can't read or don't want to click the above image, essentially I was banned from Kotaku before I'd even had a chance to shine. For those of you who don't know it, Kotaku is a website on the internet that has lots of news about games, it's what Joystiq is trying to be . It was going to be the platform from which we launched BRAND TGAM!But it's ok, I won't cry too hard because as fate would have it I already voted for one of the co-editors, Brian Ashcraft as Games Writer Twat of 2007 in the RAM RAIDER Awards 2007. How do you like that Brian? Imagine the dissapointment on the spunk filled rubber faces of your "family" when they hear you won that award from the only decent, respectable, industry recognised games award ceremony. Unfortunately, I think I reffered to him as Brian …

Guitar Hero: Groupies

The Giant Enemy Guitar Hero, recently made an observation that for Guitar Hero 3 to really pull its weight and recreate the rock star life style, then players must have groupies.

So the gauntlet was layed down, this weekend I have to brag about getting Guitar Hero 3 early to chicks, in the vein hope that they will swoon and perform sexual favours.

Update after the weekend.

Peace out.

Richie

Icanhasjillsammich #4

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Hey All,

Not that many Submissions this week. Just to remind you, all you need to to is find a picture (Google Image, Deviant-Art, Screenshot) then upload the picture to the Cheezburger Factory, add your own text, then send it into icanhasjillsammich@thatguys.co.uk, and boom, It'll get uploaded.

For now, please enjoy these lates submitted Sammiches :D




Till Next Time

Richie

Musing on Music

Video Game Music. The music of video games. Some of it is epic, some of it is very evocative and some of it is nausiating in the extreme. There are a lot of very active video game music "rearrangers", remixers and performers from the grand Video Games Lives concert, hit and miss OCremix, very raw soundclick to TGAM favourite Diversion (check the show every Thursday).

From the weaboist of obscure JRPG music to the new tunes of Portal a vast swathe of it is shit. It is, don't pretend otherwise. Do you remember in the 90s where every game had an American "ROCK" soundtrack? Instantly forgotten by the next loading screen.
And if video game music is mostly bad the remixes are even worse. The world does not need tinny electric guitar "rock" versions of the three notes in the chorus of the Hyrulian Field theme. There also seems to be a race to remix the dullest least memorable theme from the most obscure Japanese RPG. For god's sake just remix One Winged An…

Live Blogging on Location

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Hey kids. Why the sexed up new site you might ask? Well we're expecting the droves to flock to TGAM as soon as the press releases go out for TGAM:The Movie. The old black layout was sufficient for our regular customers but now we have to cater for real people.

So, TGAM: The Movie has just begun shooting following generous support from an anonymous big games company which makes fighting games and survival horror games. This renewed support was not at all in response to threats made here about releasing any viruses. No siree.

It's the first day of shooting. This still here is from one of my favourite scenes, Scene 24: Jill Valentine does explosive diarrhea before all the cosplay faeces fetish sexing starts. There's a great joke about "explosive rounds" just after this bit.

That is actually Sienna Guillory who played Jill Valentine in the Resident Evil films. She is happy to be reprising her role in a film that actually bears some resemblence to Resident Evil. She is …

Guitar Hero 3: Arrives early!

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Dude! Calling all UK-ites:

As you are no doubt aware Guitar Hero 3 has been released in the US and Asia... But because we are classed as part of the EU, We are not getting it for another Month!

Well not exactly!

Check this shit.

Observe: NO REGION PROTECTION

And it has been tried and tested to work on UK PAL 360s!

The only downside is that the shipping upps the RRP (£69.99) by £17. but fuck it, I'm willing to pay £17 to get it a month earlier!

Just another helpful tip from us at That Guys. (And the Giant Enemy Guitar Hero)

You knows we luvs ya!

Richie xxx

Its all Changed!

That Guy's a Maniac is dead...




Long Live That Guy's a Maniac!

Resident Evil: Wnakery

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There comes a time in every blogs life, when all the rantings, drivel, and fantasies actually pay off!

You remember “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within”, do you remember the feeling you felt when it was first coming out, when you though it was going to be everything “Final Fantasy: Advent Children” was?

Well it’s that time again except it not Squeenix its… CAPCOM, and instead of Final fantasy it’s

RESIDENT FUCKING EVIL

Now I know that Resident evil has not had the best track record at the cinema, with that pissy trilogy, of defiled characters, and tainted plotlines. But this time Sony (You better not pull a PS3 on this one, you fucks) and Capcom are copulating in the hope of conceiving a CG Movie. Of Resident evil proportions

Catch all the news here.



What we want to see in Biohazard: Degeneration or we will actually start to MDK people starting with whoever is the nearest. This is the definitive list any slight variation and it's curtains for everyone.

1) Jill, Chris, Claire, Rebecca, Leo…

Women are all the same

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No matter how far you run or where you run to, they are all obsessed after one thing.

The Top Ten, Top Tens.

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It's too easy right? Deadline looming, traffic dropping, you need to say something, anything. Well that's alright because you are a gamer. Just pull a top ten out of your arse, it's easy to write and provokes a lot of responses. The key to writing a good top ten is to namecheck some really fucking obscure titles and then spaff some big cheesy blockbusting games in there too. The point is, no one will agree perfectly with you and everyone will argue.

What's that? You are writing a top ten now? Well, here's my Top Ten, top ten writing hints.

1) Don't ever mention Zelda or Metroid. In their heart of hearts every gamer knows them to be truly shitty series but about the only thing Nintendo has going for them in terms of real games. Still, just leave them out now. Surely we are all grown up right?

2) When everyone least suspects it pull out a really shitty retro game to fuck off all the youg'ns. If you can't think of a good retro game (because essentially there …

Icanhasjillsammich #3

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Thanks again to all those Submissions this week, Enjoy: