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GameFAQs - Best. Series. Ever.

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First off I have to apologise that this is a bit late especially if you want to enter, but GameFAQs yearly contest has started. In the past few years they have pitted Video game characters vs. other Video game Characters, and the most popular (most voted for) wins.

This year however they have decided, instead of Characters vs. Characters, to do Series’ vs. Series’ i.e. popular franchises up against each other. Anyway from the extensive list I decided that after all the eliminations that Final Fantasy will win.

Unfortunately I checked my entry today and, low an behold apparently Mega Man is more popular that Suikoden. Damn, already fucked up at the 1st hurdle.

Have at you snake

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Here was me thinking our site was shit

Also look what I found on Richie's computer. Disgusting, dude she is like 8.

That Guy’s a Maniac Award… July

This month the “That Guy’s a Maniac…” Award goes to:

“Brice Mellen”

Right Straight up, he's blind! This kid (17) has been kicking ass at fighters and killing the non-sight impared gamers. Now apparently he does it all through listening... Quite a feat. However I really fucking like his attitude, He freaks out people by facing away from the screen, Brilliant!

What I like the most is that he is gonna train for Video Games Design. As much as i am a fan of pretty games, most of the titles nowadays are beautiful yet souless, hopefully this guy will breathe some fresh air into game mechanics, if you get what i mean.

Good luck in Design Brice, and Congrats you are a Maniac

Merry Go Round, Broken Down

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Yes Kids! Once again, I get on my high horse and complain about things I have no right to be complaining about because I probably couldn't do any better. Today it is my favourite subject. Crates and Barrels!

I wrote the funniest article ever here until some cunt wrote serious shit over the top of it. The only bit that is still mine is the bit under sources. This is what the regulator says after destroying the best piece of games related writing to ever appear on the internet :

(Rework of page to remove subjectivity (sarcasm) and make conjecture obvious as such. Also reworked some phrasing to improve flow.)

Mother Fucker! How dare you judge me! Also by "Reworked" he means "make boring like the rest of this shitty Wiki written by people who masturbate over pictures of broken PCs with bits coming out". Well, Mrs. Humorless here is my original article that you so callously deleted.

First Use of Crates and Barrels Appears in: Every Game Ever Description Barrels and cr…

New Wii Lunch Title Announced!

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Today Nintendo announced WWi: Childbirth. The game, aimed at the female market, comes with a foetal attachment. Players then insert the controller, (umbilical chord) nunchuck and foetal attachment into the appropriate body cavity and then have to give birth within a time limit. On screen is a vaginal tearometer as well as an oxygen gauge for the baby. If the oxygen gauge reaches critical, players then have to wave the foetal attachment to get the baby to "wake up" or press the A button (ABORT) on the controller. If the vaginal tearometer reaches critical then players can attempt to stitch it up with a Wi-Fi connection to a special version of Trauma Center: Under the Knife.
The Foetus attachment comes in a range of colours to match the range of colours for the controller. Whether or not a blue version has been considered is unknown at this point.

This revolutionary game will give women who haven't yet had children an excuse to actually experience how painful childbirth i…

Porn Made Defunct as of 20/07/06!

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

There is no point in porn any more! There is game soon to be released called Battle Stadium D.O.N. This will end any need for sexual stimulation ever again!

BS D.O.N. Is a cross over game for 3 Shonen Jump franchises, Dragon ball, One Piece and Naruto, please see the side bar for torrent links to episode of One Piece and Naruto, and Find Dragonball for yourself, just dont watch the original Japanese, the voices are highly irritating.

Umm yeah, expect reviews soon, along with guides on how to masturbate at the same time as playing.

Fuck you sex! we dont need you any more!

P.S. Dragonball is divided into 3 series':
Dragonball - 153 episodes. + 3 Movies
Dragonball Z - 264 episodes. + 13 Movies
Dragonball GT - 63 episodes. + 1 Movie

Wii-dophile

Ha!

"You don't need to know the rules. Just touch and go"

What an excellent Tag-line for a page called touch generations. If a computer game themed carry on film was ever made Nintendo would be Barbara Windsor, forever accidentally saying filthy things innocently.

Saying that, there is nothing better than putting Jill in a corner and touching her up as the zombies get closer and closer.

Oh, oh did I just type that?

Guitar PISH, more like

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I have had this "game" for well over a month now and well, despite what ANYONE says, this means you Gamer Blogs. The game is PISH*. The songs are repetitive, in theory it is just really fast space invaders with an incredibly awkward controller, and the unlockables suck. Reasons to hate guitar hero:

1) The controller makes you look Stupid, no adult holding a Fisher-Price Guitar can look dignified.
2) If you play it too long you get “guitar hero eye” where everything distorts due to looking intensely at the moving fret board.
3) The crowd goes “BOO”, and that bugs the shit out of me.
4) Anything above hard mode demands a definite lifestyle choice, where all you ever do is play guitar hero, practicing every fucking hammer-on and pull-off (hehe, pull-off).
5) Girls are better at it than me.

P.S. Guitar hero doesn’t suck It’s a great game (Do me Harder Red Octane! HARDER! cum in my armpit) , I and just suck really bad it.

*Pish - Scottish vernacular for rubbish/cr…

Game Over. Continue?

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And so with the inevitibility of FPS including barrels, or any RPG having an ice level, England have been knocked out of the world cup. And I am happy. Not because I am one of those pseudo-neomen of the 0's who is so secure in his sexuality that he would rather go shopping with his girlfriend than watch football, or one of those people who complain about the world cup taking over everything.

Respectively I would say to those people:
1) Give up mate because she isn't putting out even if you do pretend to give a fuck about whether her shoes match her toe-ring. The women of the 0's are characterised by only putting out to sleezes they meet whilst "finding themselves" in Cambodia. They aren't interested in knobbage that doesn't give them a great story to tell when they meet up with their similarly boring-but striving to be interesting girlfriends for their weekly lunch.

2) If you don't like football its because you were either a) Really bad at sports at …

Devil May Cry 3: Dante is not a eunuch!

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I have decided to write a little review on this baby as I have just completed it after a year of not playing it, and I should note that it wasn’t the quality of the game, that make me not play it, it was that goddamn World of Warcraft, it came into my life and well, all my "other" gaming has suffered. Anyways, shall we?

Devil May Cry 3 it’s the third in the series, but in name only, this game (at least plot-wise) is a prequel to the first Devil may cry. For those of you who don’t know Devil may cry, it is a 3rd person action game centred around “Dante” a sword and gun wielding half-human, half-Devil. This time round Dante is not the cool smooth anti-hero he was in the other games, he is a mouthy, angry fun-loving teenager, which is a very welcome change from “Devil May Cry 2”, where Dante appeared to have lost all of his quirky-ness and remained a virtually silent protagonist. Dante, to the non-devil-may-cry-aware, may seem a little cheesy, the concept of a demon in a red t…

Bandwagon

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So everyone and their dog is doing this at the moment thanks to this site here but what the hell. If you are going to steal them at least call your old lady Cunzy11 next time you bang her.




First Ever Review (Excluding the Soul Caliber one)

Here is my first ever review of Resident Evil: Deadly Silence written in the styles of some popular magazines.

The HEDGE review
"As I put the catridge into my DS there is a sudden tightening of my trousers. I put down the DS on my perspex limited edition Katamari table in my expensive North London penthouse squat and venture into the bathroom. I strip naked and watch myself in the mirror whilst fondling my manhood. I write for HEDGE, I write for HEDGe. The pummeling gets faster. I am new games journalism I pant. I'm going to lick it off, I'm GOING TO LICK IT OFF...OH.... NMmmmm. I replace my now flacid new games journalist member. I decide not to lick it off . That idea was madness. But I do write for HEDGE magazine-7/10"

The Official Redendo Magazine review
"This is perhaps the greatest version of Resident Evil on any console ever. The only resident evil game to feature a microphone and touchscreen. Can't wait for the Pi i version. If you like this you'll l…

Gamespot

Now I have to admit it... I really like gamespot I love their reviews! and the Podcast is actually funny. But enough Arse licking! I was reading a cool article on "Top 5 games you haven't played but you should. " with some quite interesting stuff in there. And plus it scarily shows up how ignorant these guys are, and they are supposed to be the forefront in games news.

However, and this may just be blatant jealously because these guys work for Gamespot writing articles for games for a living, the first article on the "Top 5 list of why we shoudn't work in the games industry" is written but a guy who has perhaps the FUNNIEST name i have ever heard EVER:

Guy Cocker.

Guy Cocker! the list of gay jokes are almost limitless! I feel like writing to this guy and making him do an article on "Top 5 gay jokes based on my name" That would be good reading!

The second pleb to get interviewed for the "Top 5 reasons to not listen to the Gamespot UK reviews"…

That was close

lWhew! I am alive. I wasn't dead. Here is what happened

About a week ago there was an incident involving zombies in the outskirts of London City. During this incident my father was murdered so I went seeking vengeance with a big sword. After finding a pirate, who I thought was responsible, and beating him I learned that it was me who killed my father. I went mental for a bit and ended up wandering into a science facility. No sooner had I turned up than something happened transporting me to an alien planet. After what seemed like forever I was picked up by a passing ship. Upon arriving on earth I found out that my mother have died so I flew to my home town. After the funeral I stuck around and found out that the old hood was in a right state so me and my homies set about cleaning it up that was until a giant monster turned up. We eventually felled the foul beast and I went back to my house only to find it wasn't my house anymore. So I moved to a new house in a new city. But then…

Lvl 60, Discuss...

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As a sort of follow up to this post, I’d like to give you guys a little insight to the “endgame” in WoW, or at least my view so far on it. As far as I can see there are really only 2 directions you can go in once you hit lvl60, the first is PvP and the second is to go raiding. So I have dabbled in a bit of both:

PvP: This consists of doing Battle Grounds over and over. When you do battle grounds you gain two things Reputation and honour. You gain reputation with the faction you are fighting for the more you get of this allows you to buy cooler things from their vendor, usually armour and weapons. You gain honour for killing things in general in the game for any PvP activities including just killing a random player from the opposite faction. Honour is well complicated but essentially, your characters PvP activities are calculated every Wednesday morning for the whole week and you gain honour from it, as you proceed up the ranks, gaining more honour you are able to buy very cool armour.

New Niche Market!

I was thinking right, with the invention of ePaper that there will be more and more and more need for regularly updated sites, so that people can check it whenever they want. And you know when do people want a quick read? In the toilet! And well I think we should corner this market and change our name to “That Guys a Maniac… why’d he bite me? Updated every time you go for a shit.” We may need some market research: How often do you expunge your bowels? What is your estimated reading time when making a deposit?

Opinions?

Tony, Hang your head in Shame!

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Right you see this Smug bastard:



He’s the fucking cunt responsible for the depraved filth seen on TV nowadays, and I am not talking about weird porn or snuff films I mean this fucking Advert. It’s disgusting sickening and I’m sure it can be linked to recent homicides in the UK.

For those of you who care these are the lyrics:

They’re gonna taste great
They’re gonna taste great
Tony (Cunt): Well everybody knows Frosties taste great.
Even ladies who wait.
Or a pi-rate.
And you teenage brother who’s out on a date.
If you live in Aus, Mate.
Or the empire state.
They’re gonna taste great
They’re gonna taste great
They’re gonna taste great

Fuck you kellogs.

Wii will, Wii will... Rock you!

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Yeah so today’s GameFaqs Poll is "Who do you think will win the next-gen console war?". For now we set aside the fact that this is blatant propaganda, and is unjustifiably fuelling the fires of hate for game systems every where. But let us also note the winner, or at least the current contender for winning. It’s the “Wii” by a whopping 45%. This really does seem promising people are seeing that although underpowered the games will be good. Well that’s one interpretation of it, of course it could easily be that its only morons who like the novelty of the wand controller. Or indeed GameFaqs could just be over-run with Nintendo fan-boys… Hmm I wonder.

FYI: I voted for “I think they will all do well” not that I am middle-of-the-road fuck, but also because they all will do well. I have a feeling Xbox360 will get the finger out soon and drop the price, they also have Xbox live arcade which is brilliant, Sony will be a specced-out beast with Final fantasy’s Resident evils and Devi…

Cunzy11 M.I.A.

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So you’ll probably have noticed that Cunzy11 is missing from That guys … Well that’s because he has gone AWOL, presumed dead. We’ll be tracking him down and we expect him extracted from whichever Circle of hell he’s got himself trapped in this time, soon. We’ll be checking Circle #7.3.2 first, as he usually ends up there…

And though Megatron has killed you, we’ll continue…

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Right well the Transformers live action movie. From the scraps I have found on the internet:

1. The main plot is that there are 2 humans (boy and girl, spewy romantic potential).
2. Bumblebee is not a VW Beetle.
3. Megatron is not a Gun, but a spaceship(?)
4. Soundwave will be a CD player.
5. There will be transforming Xbox360s and iPods.

All this may sound shit, but check out the site: When it started up I think I came a little bit.

And here’s a little MP3 to keep you going till July 2007.