That guy's a Maniac...

I have decided to write a little review on this baby as I have just completed it after a year of not playing it, and I should note that it wasn’t the quality of the game, that make me not play it, it was that goddamn World of Warcraft, it came into my life and well, all my "other" gaming has suffered. Anyways, shall we? Devil May Cry 3 it’s the third in the series, but in name only, this game (at least plot-wise) is a prequel to the first Devil may cry. For those of you who don’t know Devil may cry, it is a 3rd person action game centred around “Dante” a sword and gun wielding half-human, half-Devil. This time round Dante is not the cool smooth anti-hero he was in the other games, he is a mouthy, angry fun-loving teenager, which is a very welcome change from “Devil May Cry 2”, where Dante appeared to have lost all of his quirky-ness and remained a virtually silent protagonist. Dante, to the non-devil-may-cry-aware, may seem a little cheesy, the concept of a demon in a re

So everyone and their dog is doing this at the moment thanks to this site here but what the hell. If you are going to steal them at least call your old lady Cunzy11 next time you bang her.

Here is my first ever review of Resident Evil: Deadly Silence written in the styles of some popular magazines. The HEDGE review "As I put the catridge into my DS there is a sudden tightening of my trousers. I put down the DS on my perspex limited edition Katamari table in my expensive North London penthouse squat and venture into the bathroom. I strip naked and watch myself in the mirror whilst fondling my manhood. I write for HEDGE, I write for HEDGe. The pummeling gets faster. I am new games journalism I pant. I'm going to lick it off, I'm GOING TO LICK IT OFF...OH.... NMmmmm. I replace my now flacid new games journalist member. I decide not to lick it off . That idea was madness. But I do write for HEDGE magazine- 7/10 " The Official Redendo Magazine review "This is perhaps the greatest version of Resident Evil on any console ever. The only resident evil game to feature a microphone and touchscreen. Can't wait for the Pi i version. If you like this you&

Now I have to admit it... I really like gamespot I love their reviews! and the Podcast is actually funny. But enough Arse licking! I was reading a cool article on "Top 5 games you haven't played but you should. " with some quite interesting stuff in there. And plus it scarily shows up how ignorant these guys are, and they are supposed to be the forefront in games news. However, and this may just be blatant jealously because these guys work for Gamespot writing articles for games for a living, the first article on the "Top 5 list of why we shoudn't work in the games industry" is written but a guy who has perhaps the FUNNIEST name i have ever heard EVER: Guy Cocker. Guy Cocker! the list of gay jokes are almost limitless! I feel like writing to this guy and making him do an article on "Top 5 gay jokes based on my name" That would be good reading! The second pleb to get interviewed for the "Top 5 reasons to not listen to the Gamespot UK reviews&

lWhew! I am alive. I wasn't dead. Here is what happened About a week ago there was an incident involving zombies in the outskirts of London City. During this incident my father was murdered so I went seeking vengeance with a big sword . After finding a pirate , who I thought was responsible, and beating him I learned that it was me who killed my father. I went mental for a bit and ended up wandering into a science facility . No sooner had I turned up than something happened transporting me to an alien planet . After what seemed like forever I was picked up by a passing ship . Upon arriving on earth I found out that my mother have died so I flew to my home town . After the funeral I stuck around and found out that the old hood was in a right state so me and my homies set about cleaning it up that was until a giant monster turned up. We eventually felled the foul beast and I went back to my house only to find it wasn't my house anymore. So I moved to a new house in a new cit

As a sort of follow up to this post , I’d like to give you guys a little insight to the “endgame” in WoW, or at least my view so far on it. As far as I can see there are really only 2 directions you can go in once you hit lvl60, the first is PvP and the second is to go raiding. So I have dabbled in a bit of both: PvP: This consists of doing Battle Grounds over and over. When you do battle grounds you gain two things Reputation and honour. You gain reputation with the faction you are fighting for the more you get of this allows you to buy cooler things from their vendor, usually armour and weapons. You gain honour for killing things in general in the game for any PvP activities including just killing a random player from the opposite faction. Honour is well complicated but essentially, your characters PvP activities are calculated every Wednesday morning for the whole week and you gain honour from it, as you proceed up the ranks, gaining more honour you are able to buy very cool armo

I was thinking right, with the invention of ePaper that there will be more and more and more need for regularly updated sites, so that people can check it whenever they want. And you know when do people want a quick read? In the toilet! And well I think we should corner this market and change our name to “That Guys a Maniac… why’d he bite me? Updated every time you go for a shit.” We may need some market research: How often do you expunge your bowels? What is your estimated reading time when making a deposit? Opinions?

Right you see this Smug bastard: He’s the fucking cunt responsible for the depraved filth seen on TV nowadays, and I am not talking about weird porn or snuff films I mean this fucking Advert . It’s disgusting sickening and I’m sure it can be linked to recent homicides in the UK. For those of you who care these are the lyrics: They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great Tony (Cunt): Well everybody knows Frosties taste great. Even ladies who wait. Or a pi-rate. And you teenage brother who’s out on a date. If you live in Aus, Mate. Or the empire state. They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great Fuck you kellogs.

Yeah so today’s GameFaqs Poll is "Who do you think will win the next-gen console war?". For now we set aside the fact that this is blatant propaganda, and is unjustifiably fuelling the fires of hate for game systems every where. But let us also note the winner, or at least the current contender for winning. It’s the “Wii” by a whopping 45%. This really does seem promising people are seeing that although underpowered the games will be good. Well that’s one interpretation of it, of course it could easily be that its only morons who like the novelty of the wand controller. Or indeed GameFaqs could just be over-run with Nintendo fan-boys… Hmm I wonder. FYI: I voted for “I think they will all do well” not that I am middle-of-the-road fuck, but also because they all will do well. I have a feeling Xbox360 will get the finger out soon and drop the price, they also have Xbox live arcade which is brilliant, Sony will be a specced-out beast with Final fantasy’s Resident evils and

So you’ll probably have noticed that Cunzy11 is missing from That guys … Well that’s because he has gone AWOL, presumed dead. We’ll be tracking him down and we expect him extracted from whichever Circle of hell he’s got himself trapped in this time, soon. We’ll be checking Circle #7.3.2 first, as he usually ends up there…

Right well the Transformers live action movie. From the scraps I have found on the internet: 1. The main plot is that there are 2 humans (boy and girl, spewy romantic potential). 2. Bumblebee is not a VW Beetle. 3. Megatron is not a Gun, but a spaceship(?) 4. Soundwave will be a CD player. 5. There will be transforming Xbox360s and iPods. All this may sound shit, but check out the site : When it started up I think I came a little bit. And here’s a little MP3 to keep you going till July 2007.

Right so for a laugh I am doing an online Gaymers survey now, so far the test has been quite innocent, aside from the making me feel guilty for clicking “never” for things like “actively playing a part in your (offline) community” or “Contacting a local MP”. I have now reached page 2 and things are hotting up! “In Western societies, our culture tends to try to impose a binary categorization of gender, a socially constructed notion of what is feminine and what is masculine. Where would you place yourself on this continuum?” I won’t get bogged down in the semantics of “imposing a binary categorisation of gender” as I can’t really be bothered with the ambiguity of the statement! But what a brilliant question, needlessly wordy, might I suggest, “Do you consider yourself:” as an alternative to that question. The answers are almost as fantastic as the question e.g. “My concept of my own gender is not on this continuum.” Oh crap… “Have you ever been romantically or sexually attracted to a v

First of all, for those of you who don know, Bif Naked is primarily the main singer in the band "Bif Naked". But she has also been known to dabble elsewhere. Notably as the voice of Zoe from SSX Tricky, “ I can see my house from here ”. But had also starred in the terrible film House of the Dead , and had made loads of TV appearances, including Buffy: the vampire slayer. Anyway so for like the first time EVER Bif Naked has performed in the UK as a support act for some pishy band called Alterbridge . And well She played on Friday 9 th June at the ABC venue in Glasgow , So I paid my money just to see Bif Naked, and fucked off before crappy Alterbridge came on. Well, the gig was short , she played mostly new stuff but it was still awesome! However! No one knew her! I was gutted! A crowd of lifeless plebs all just staring blankly! I was RAGING! “APPRECIA TE THE BIF!” So on behalf of Glasgow I want to extend an apology for the MINDLESS PHILISTINES! And we a

In the small hours of Saturday night/Sunday morning I finally did it! I reached Level 60! After hours and hours of grinding , questing and farming I finally did it, My Mage hit Level 60! Let me take you through it: Me pointing at the "mob" that's gonna take me to level 60 Me hitting level 60! Me dancing on the remains of the "mob" If you are interested, or want to give me Gold/Items/Cybaaaaaaaar, my server is Runetotem, and I am a Human Mage called Richie….

He is actually still-a-fucking- alive . Ed, we're not worthy! We're not worthy. For those of you who haven't read this blog or played disc 12 of PlayPlusses (or Some old magazine) Demo Disc, Ed Federmeyer is a god. Do you remember Net Yaroze Playstations? They were black and people could program really shit games. They cost about 4 grand and for a while every magazine used to have a section on their demo disc with a selection of the same 9 homebrew "This is what you can do with Net Yaroze"games. Most of them were poor but one game, Haunted Maze , was head and shoulders above all games then and since. You played as a man in a maze..... anyway the best game ever, and whilst it loaded the game up it told you that Ed Federmeyer made it in three weeks. Even now when we have a get together at some point in the evening Haunted Maze goes on and it takes a force of nature to get it turned off, so we can carry on playing not-free, this gen games.

Well, yesterday I found this article (on Game Girl Advance , well you've got to pretend right? Whats the point of going online if you can't pretend to be a girl anyway), read all three posts, and thought WOW! They have kinda done what I mused about here . A great place for people to go and game in comfort, with leagues, big screens, spectators, games for sale usw. usw.! So I checked out the Game Time Nation homepage and it's been closed now for about two years. Nevermind. That's that experiment I can cross of my list of things to do.

Just as a follow up to Cunzys Letters to Mr Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo: I realised in some way each one of these companies is striving to get you to play the games that they want you to play: Example 1: Sony – Hmm, these are the least evil, however they pile out any shite possible on the system. Example 2: Microsoft – Quote: “Fuck back compatibility! You will only play our (Huge range) of new 360 games… Dicks.” Example 3: Nintendo – These guys are the worst! Not only are they fucking releasing what they feel like localising to Europe , but they also tell you how you should play it! Fuck that if I want to play Animal Crossing for 6 hours then not touch it for a month I will! Laters

Yeah that’s right, I am posting about Mobile games! As well, unfortunately I am an osmotic expert in this area. Now I know ‘gamers’ quickly dismiss mobile gaming, and quite rightly so, there is a myriad of terrible cash-ins, all because there are fucking retards out there that are willing to buy screensavers, wallpapers, ringtones and games based on fads (Crazy frog anyone). And all these fucking mobile distribution fucks do is charge it to their mobile accounts for a picture or a midi file, if anybody just realised the 90% of the phones out there have pc connectivity you could download a better jpeg/midi file and be slightly more individual. Conclusion if you EVER even THINK about downloading a ringtone from one of those FUCKING ADVERTS on music channels, you are a braindead fuck who doing nothing but contributing to the lowering of standards of media everywhere, YOU “SUN” READING FAECAL ABORTION! All that’s aside in amongst the shit there are actually some good games which are well

Ok so, yesterday was a bit ranty so here is some medicine to remind me why I bother. For years I’ve lived a double life. In the day I do my job, I ride the bus, Roll up my sleeves with the hoi polloi. But at night I live a life of exhilaration, Of missed heartbeats and adrenaline, And, if the truth be known, A life of dubious virtue. I won’t deny I’ve been engaged in violence, Even indulged in it. I have maimed and killed adversaries, And not merely in self defence. I have exhibited disregard for life, Limb, And property, And savoured every moment. You may not think it to look at me, But I have commanded armies, And conquered worlds. And though in achieving these things I have set morality aside, I have no regrets. For though I’ve led a double life At least I can say, I have lived. Still as effective now. Video here. Although almost everyone is naked in this vid.

Mr.Nintendo What the fucking fuck are you up to. You are the penultimate offender on my list but you re the worse. Simply I tell you: If you hate European gamers soooo much then don’t bother at all. Just fuck off. You re so bad that this genius has set up a site just to track how crap you are. Let’s examine your naughtiness. NES, SNES and N64. Okay these were alright despite the fact we only ended up with 30% of the games that came out in Japan and America but an impressive backlist nonetheless; Goldeneye, Super Mario everything, Killer Instinct, Zelda etc. (I say etc. but what I mean is that is it. Perfect Dark doesn’t count. It was terrible. It really was). You even managed to make Star Wars games good which was a first. Gameboy. King of handhelds, can’t be faulted still going kinda. Awesome right on dudes. Gamecube. This is where you stopped not giving a fuck about Europe and started actively hating it. The launch games came out two years after the console. Any original or good gam