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Showing posts with the label off-the-blob

Marvel vs Capcom vs Mortal Kombat

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So a while ago I was really excited about Marvel vs Capcom 3. After completing it a couple of times I grew tired of it, after pondering why, given that I love the characters and also Capcom games, I think it was just shallow. Short of a ladder to fight over and over and some unlocks, which are either crappy gallery things, or the hidden characters, which can be gotten in a couple of hours. In short, completed it once, unlocked the characters, and that was me done with it.

Then Mortal Kombat came along. I had been a fan of the original Mortal Kombat since disk swapping it on the Amiga. Though I ignored many of the 3D iterations, MK4, Armageddon and Deception. The latest Mortal Kombat is great! Primarily because they brought back all the retro fighters and moves, but also because it had more depth than MvC3! I'm going to say it, Marvel versus Capcom 3 is a shallow game! Mortal Kombat has over 300 challenges, story mode, and some worthy alternate costumes to unlock.

The online debate…

A friend in need

Semi-retired Ram Raider have come back out of retirement again again to bring us this news about a game called Darkfall. The essence of the issue, for those too lazy to hit the link is that Eurogamer staffer Ed Zitron was unfairly treated by the company behind Darkfall Online, Aventurine. Including the not deleting of personal details put up on a forum. Or something.

This is unfair treatment and an issue that we are happy to bring more attention to, through the time honoured review of Darkfall Online Boxart.

Cunzy1 1: What? No boxart?

Richie: No due to the cutbacks we can't afford to google images anymore so we'll have to review the game title itself.

Cunzy1 1: Another world first from TGAM. Second greatest etc. etc.

Richie: Hmmm. Darkfall. Doesn't that game exist?

Cunzy1 1: No you are thinking of Darkwatch.

Richie: No. I was thinking of the Darkness.

Cunzy1 1: Isn't that a band? Also, I was thinking of Dark Stalkers.

Richie: Racist.

Cunzy1 1: Not racist. But by finding me racis…

Brute Update 21/04/2009

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Well... the thatguys brute is off to a slow start. and seems to be getting used as a pixelated punching bag. She has almost made it to level 3 and through very little merit, she has only won one match so far.

On the upside though we got a couple of new brutes:
RandyMcSporran

and
brt0nfnk

Well so far so... Pish.

Laters,

Richie X

My Brute. Challenge us, or you are gay...

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So in our random fumblings in the vast soiled panties that is the internet, we stumbled across "My Brute" where you create a little fighting character where random features and stats are created by the name you enter.

Anyways this is a shameless shout-out to all the readers/haters/random-perverts-looking-for-Sheeva-nude to follow the link below and help the thatguys brute level up, follow the link below to become our pupil, and well... beat us up.

http://thatguys.mybrute.com/

Luv n HugZ

Richie XXX

.Hack

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From Daemon Hatfield's review of Dead Rising chop Til You Drop over at mediocre at best 'IGN'.

"the story is…well, it's one of the worst stories I've ever encountered in videogames"

Really Dougy? Worse than Final Fantasy VII or VIII? Or Halo? Or Gears of War? Or Katamari Pisacy? Or any MMORPG? Or puzzle game? Or most games? Not true.

Most of these conflicts occur against human "psychopaths" who can somehow withstand hundreds of bullets, which is many, many more than any zombie you encounter.

Plus Frank never needs to go to the toilet and like days are really short nowehere near 24 hours long.

The story ends up trying to be a social commentary on our American lifestyle

Are the zombies fat? They are stupid but are they stupid enough?. Do the zombies know their geography? Are they homophobic and racist? Do they all end up going to the prom and being prom queen? Are they whiney and loud. Are the female zombies easy? [that's enough Ed.]

We're reserv…

Preserved for future use

Comment on a PC whinge blog on a post about PC gaming and how EPIC games (the company) left it's nice smart, flat-chested girlfriend (the PC) for an attractive big chested slut (consoles). If this taken out of context, context isn't cringe-worthy enough:

"… and she has a drawer full of the most variegated toys and an active imagination concerning how to use them. This explains why, when slagging off on the ex, from time to time the new Console Elite’s pupils will dilate, his gait will devolve to something between a stagger and a waddle, and he will start muttering something about “configuration problems landing me in A&R a few times."

Dude. It's a PC. Make some graphs and leaflets if you need to but keep your trousers on whilst you do. Oh and stop watching Battlestar Galactica.

In other news:

TGAM's Top 10 PC games 2008:

1) The Sims 2. Dual heritage edition.
2) The adventures of super person in super land, where everyone else is entitled to and has the same lev…

Next-next gen? Hold up....

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Anyone (unlike us) with their finger on the pulse on video games these days might be excited with all the buzz around what the future holds for next--next gen. There's a new DS (no GBA slot!?), updates for the 360 and a host of expensive clip ons and add ons for the Wii. RUmours are also abound that Little Big Planet and Home might, you know, get released. You may be excited but were certainly aren't.

What happened to last and this gen? The PS2 and the GBA, two fine formats still found in many many houses have been all but ditched commercially. Try it. Go to your nearest game shop and try to find some of the classics for these two formats. You probably won't find anything at all. If you are lucky you might find a copy of Okami or a battered copy of Pokemon Emerald in amongst the shovelware shit that Ubisoft insists on churning out for the all but abandoned platforms.

And what for this gen? The choice for each platform is still hugely underwhelming, each consoles has a han…

Pushing the PC gaming boundaries

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The BBC has this nice little article about how PCs are better at games than consoles or some such. I don't really know as I haven't fully read it as my attention span only lasts for a paragraph before I'm bored. But I got the gist.


All I do know is that whatever you may think about PCs, the people that play them are GEEKS. Nerdo-rama. They wear big rimmed glasses and have braces. They don't have sex either. They just beat off over video game characters who sex with other dead video game characters (see above Fahrenheit).

Some guy from Nvidia says:

"It's absolute nonsense to think that consoles are at the cutting edge,"

Yeah but only fucking nerds buy your shitty graphics cards and that clearly isn't enough. That's why you put those little leaflets in every single one of Future Publishing's console oriented magazines going on and on about how Nvidia is the future and good. BTW Nvidia, those leaflets are shit. Purely because PC games are mostly bor…

Women are all the same

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No matter how far you run or where you run to, they are all obsessed after one thing.

Two down....

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Yes!! In Nintendo's bid to turn gaming into non gaming we now have Brain Training and Sight Training which means that we are two more installments closer to penis training and the one I'm looking forward to most, pelvic floor training. Touch generations indeed. Nothing worse than a flappy chappy or a slack front crack. No sir.

Dear Capcom#3

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Dear Capcom

Right. This is it. I have written to you on manyoccasions and not a single reply. This is not on, especially considering how many of your franchises only sold so well off the back of our glowing reviews and hard hitting articles on Capcom and Capcomcharacters. But that's it now. You took it too far. Dido is dead. I stuffed her in the boot of my car and drove it off a bridge. I phoned the police and told them you did it. Ha! how do you like that?

This will be you if you do not comply with our demands: But also, it seems that not only are you ignoring our pleas but you are deliberately doing things to annoy us. Case in point? Well Lost Planet for starters. What the Fuck? But also look at Devil May Cry 4. What the fucking fuck is that poor man's homoerotic excuse for a younger, camper much much less cool Dante, that you call Nero?
Are you having a laugh? Did you even play MGS2? No one likes Raiden and no one will like Nero. I've scoured the internet and no one has e…

The problem with Fan Fictions, Fan art, Fan subs and dubs and Fan videos summed up with one image

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Some of you might say that there is a lot wrong with ffics, fsubs, fdubs, fvideos and fart but all in all I don't hate it all. I do hate Linkin Park ruining an otherwise lovely, well put together machinima, GMV or AMV or whatever the fuck Wikipedia tells you you should be calling your creative output. However, the whole enterprise is often completely ruined by one little thing and the picture below sums it all up completely.

Here is a nice image, a nice concept, some good art, nice composing, good perspective, nice lighting, it ties in with the storyline, it's dramatic, nicely rendered oh yeah but DON'T FORGET TO PUT A SNIPPET OF AERIS BIFF IN. Oh and now you've gone and ruined it for everyone.
So here is another public service notice to the thousands, if not millions of gamers and gamer fans hemorrhaging content onto the internet.

DEAR GEEK
OTHER PEOPLE WOULD TAKE YOU A SMIDGE MORE SERIOUSLY IF YOU WEREN'T SO PREOCCUPIED WITH RAPE, TITS, UPSKIRTS, OMINOUS BULGES and C…

That Guy's A Pokemaniac

Yep. As you may be able to tell we're pretty gay for pokemon and we don't feel the need to put the accent over the e either. The games have been going for 10 years or so now but for those who truly want to catch 'em all there is a heap load of effort involved. The question I'm asking today is IS IT TOO MUCH?

For example if you wanted to get all of the pokemon from the start here is what you have to do:

Buy Pokemon Blue/Red/Yellow (£30 at the time)
And Gameboy (£100 originally)
Play the games and trade with 'friends' (Probably 150 hours to get them all)
Buy Silver/Gold (£30)
And Gameboy colour (£90)
Play the game and trade between friends or yourself to complete the dex (200 hours including legendary efforts to get the legendary dogs)
Buy Pokemon Stadium 2 to get pokemon unavailable and to facilitate self trading (£120 N64, Pokemon Stadium for GBA Adaptor £40, Pokemon Stadium 2 £40, Extra N64 pad £30, spare GBA adapter £15)
Buy GBA in preparation for the new generation o…

Because You Need Some Light Comic Relief Whilst Making Your Lobunny Happy :)

Pretty straightforward post. Just name your pokemon one of the names on the left if it has one of the moves on the right and LOLLERCAUST city here we come*

Midwife used Cut
Nympho used Horn Attack
Cock used Horn Drill
Richie used Leer
Tia used Bite**
Butt used Gust, Mist, SonicBoom etc.
Injacuzi used Hydropump
Gimp used Submission/Bind/Wrap/Disable
Richie used Siesmic Toss
ToxicSS used Absorb
Penis used Growth
Penis used String Shot
STI used Toxic
Daterap used Hypnosis/Disable
Cock used Harden
Cocks used Double Team
Postorgas used Minimize
Catholic used Withdraw
Sensible used Barrier/Protect
Hutchence used Self Destruct
Fellate used Lick
Butt used Sludge
Vagina used Waterfall
Bum used poison gas
BJ used Lovely Kiss/Sweet Kiss
Tranny used Transform/Double Edge
Cock/Vagina used Explosion
Ozguy used Bonemerang
AgresivLes used Conversion
Suicidal used Slash
Richie used Substitute
Daterape used Powder Snow
Imcumming used Scary Face
Brown love used Sludge Bomb
Poofetish used Mud Slap
No4play used Bone Rush
BJ used Milk Drink/S…

Omastar Comics #3

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One more before bedtime. Today Omastar discusses (angrily) the english on holiday in Spain


Next week on TGAM:
We do a really boring review of an old game to make ourselves sound better in the oh-so-intellectual field of writing about videogames.

Richie, the supposed co-author of the world's second greatest videogames blog in the world, That guy's a maniac thinks about doing a post. CO-AUTHOR UNCONVINCED

Nintendo make an original Wii game, exclusive right here. Apparently it is controllable.

We explore the 'PS3 online' rumour sweeping the internet. Click here for a sneak preview of the result

Counter Strike Priapism Syndrome: We get all the details on this disturbing medical condition affecting America's youth.

Until then, take care and I'll expect to see you 'all*' next week.

*Well I'm guaranteed to be here so Richie, I'm expecting to see you here is what I'm saying

Just Fuck Off

What happens when a bunch of lazy academics who don't do any real research but want to play Second Life, MUDs and WoW all get together and try to think of something to do?

This
Dear Terra Novaet al.Nobody cares until we've seen you beat Emerald and Ruby weapon. Until then stop trying to outdo each other by trying to find the first innovation by trawling through MUDs and other crappy subject material to find the first time Chicken Sandwiches were featured in games, sorry platforms or virtual worlds.

And in response:
A Declaration of Virtual Worlds Policy
made by the writers of That Guy's A Maniac, the Second Greatest Videogame Blog of All Time In the World, assembled in full and free convention with a temporary no cybering cease fire in Gaylando in Animal Crossing: Wild World as the first true Synthetic Worlds Congress. Whereas virtual worlds are places with mostly furries or paedos or unhappy middle aged America, unless we are talking about interesting virtual worlds (otherwise…

Deconstructing Weak-Ass Arguments about gaming on the Internets #48

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If you are as nerdy as me, you have no doubt gone about the web and read a plethora of girl gamer blogs, sites that have four posts on them, (most of which are copy and paste Etsy rummages from the excellent Wonderland) the latest post is about four months old, the comments boxes are largely empty and the only thought out article is one about “There are no strong female characters in video games”. Today I’ll be arguing that this is a bogus statement.

This argument isn’t new but the release of Super Princess Peach prompted a revival in the “computer games femmes are often portrayed as weak argument” by male and female gamers alike. Now it seems that any female gamer wanting to say something on the internets has to have written something like this in order to demonstrate that they really care or have something of worth to say about it.

Personally, given the choice I will play as a female character most of the time. They tend to be more interesting and less generic than male characters but…

Hey- Low!

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So All-Star and TGAMer, Chuff_72, our eye on Xbox Live reports that yesterday:

"Well I got home yesterday, and everyone in the world was logged into Crackdown waiting for the Halo 3 Beta to go live (it was supposed to at 2pm) and for some reason it wouldn't, so I went online and it was basically carnage! There were people on Bungie.net threatening to sue and one dude said he was gonna hang himself! Sooooo funny, I love people I do! All Bungie were saying was "sorry" so it left all these retards crying like little girls… Anyways they have apparently fixed it and both the Dr and I set it to download this morning, ready to go tonight - I will have a full TGAM Special on it tomorrow… probably."

Which reminded me that there have been a couple of low blows to the Halo community in recent days. A lot of people rolling their eyes because there's a new game and it's going to so popular but no-one understands games anymore. It's not all about the twitching it&#…

A new Resident Evil DS?

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Yes, yes there is but it isn't Resident Evil Deadly Silence, it's Resident Evil Douche Simulator! We have insider information from someone currently testing the game. You'll be able to douche some of your favourite characters from the series racing against the clock to 'fresh that fem'.

It was revealed to us that there will (surprise surprise) be unlockable characters. One of which is Zombie Female 3 from Resident Evil 2. Capco said:

"she has green and bloody Douche-juice"


Of course she does Cacpom. Of course she does. Expect to see it hit shelves in August and probably stay there for two days before being replaced with Sponge Bob Squarepants meets Catz: Barbie Princess Army Men.

Something old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

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Hey kids you may have seen our new feature (right) the shout box. Feel free to use it but try not to impersonate me or Richie and leave derogatory comments.

In other news LET'S ALL GO FUCKING MENTAL FOR THE END OF APRIL/MAY

That's right kids. It's almost gaming like we used to know and love. The gaming gods are smiling upon us


Something Old-4th May



Something New-27th of April



Something Borrowed-25th May



Something Blue Nothing really. It falls apart a bit here.