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Showing posts with the label off the blob

The Guardian School of News Reporting

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We're... urgh... digital natives and we're now of the generation where mainstream media journalists don't really represent us. They's falling over themselves to appear trendy and more than a little obsessed with Twitter. Last week we read a fascinating story in the Evening Standard about Z-Celebrities reactions to Z list Celebrities leaving Celebrity reality shows for 'medical reasons'. This was whole page. This is loser generated content at it's worst and for those of us who grew up on the mean streets of long forgotten forums and who cut our teeth trolling wicca websites the constant obsession with who said what onTwitter and the sheer laziness and naivety of reporting drives us insane. Richard Bacon's answer to the problems of Trolling (pronounced Trollllling not trole-ing apparently) is to make everyone's profile with their real name and photo.  yeah, because RealID worked out really well.
Anywho. Who are we to complain? We're just the litt…

What is it?

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I can't express in any phrase more succinct than this that it is my sincerest wish that what "it" may be is not the bodily life fluid of my friend, who wears green and goes on missions armed only with a knife who may or may not be developing a serious steroids problem.

Congratulations ONM!

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Congratulations to out favorite Uk-based Official Nintendo Magazine on their new Guinness Book of Records (Gamer's Edition) World Record for:

Most articles published on least content [Nintendo Franchise]

The prestigious magazine picked up the tenuous award upon posting the article titled "New Pokémon outed". This record breaking article made the books as the 2210,0067th article on the unreleased game Pokemon Black and White. So far, a handful of screenshots and a dozen confirmed new pokemon have inspired the skilled team at ONM to:

Write more news articles on this one game than Pokemon in the pokedex (with the new editions).
Produce articles which when printed out and bound, forms a series of volumes larger than that human genome book series that twattish scientists keep banging on about.
Write more words than neurons in the average human brain.
Draw more inane comments than bricks in the Great Wall of China.

The record was previously held by blogger Ed Green, who, due to a pro…

Heavy Rain- TV spots

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Yes citizens, the hype machine for Heavy Rain has sprung to life, opened up one evil eye and focussed it on the sky. Recently, Heavy Rain TV spots have been appearing in between televised shows about cooking and ice skating and all those Wii adverts that dominate the idiot box. We know, we know, you are dying to hear our verdict on them but first we interrupt this post for yet another look at 5/10 butterface leaning against the window in her pants.
There's no way around it. She just isn't attractive. Well done feminism. You won!

Anyway, back to these TV ads. I can't find any of the videos online (depressing in 2010) but basically, if you were a non gamer and you saw them you wouldn't realise that Heavy Rain supposedly represents gaming at it's best, gaming of the non running and shooting and inspiring high school killers kind, gaming for the thinking person. In fact I'd shoot the marketing team behind the spots because it makes the game look more like a video gam…

Breaking News

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Internet fiend and Leaderboard legend the Hockster just gave us the tip-off about the new Resident Evil 4 HD version. We're pretty sure this is breaking so you'll see it in a TTECNK on lesser sites soon.

Here is the original:
Here is Resident Evil 4 HD. You can see that Capcom, fingers burnt from Resident Evil 5, have played it safe and set the whole thing in Asia land.
Can't racist yourself! Except you are being racist if you just racist yourself and not everyone. Try again Capcom.

Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast - Goku Balls Naked Super Street Con IV

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Its become a yearly tradition for me now, each Autumn (That's "Fall" for the more verbally inept of you, or "the bit just after summer") I get excited about the next Dragon ball game. Well... Last year not so much, Dragon ball Z: Burst limit (360) was a bit of a let down being less of a direct sequel to Tenkaichi 3 and more of it's own entity.

But this year! Oooh boy Dragon ball Z: Raging Blast is due out.


Currently it is set for a European release on November 10th 2009, but as with all the release dates I'm taking this one with a pinch of salt and I'll say December 11th 2009, and I'll let future Richie take the responsibility and keep you updated on that one.




So what's good about this one?

Well It's more of a direct sequel it features the copious amounts of characters from the previous games though a full list has not been confirmed it has been stated that there will be over 70 characters, each with alternative outfits (Fingers X-ed for Bad…

Video Games Finally Harnessed for the Power of Good

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A new video game created by celebrity scientist Baroness Susan Greenfield is set to finally harness the power of video games to make children do 'good things' rather than 'bad things'.

Ever since 1996, children have been playing video games to kill zombies, pilot futuristic spacecraft and connect gems of the same colour in a line to make them disappear. "And what we've seen is that children go out into the real world and do these things" Greenfield explains. "Scientists reckon that video games are more powerful than influences from parents, peers and even television".

"So rather than control them to manage a house of people as in the Sims or identify Pokemon footprints as in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time, we've harnessed that power so that children will do better in life by playing this game".

The new game called The best you could probably do given your socio-economic background will launch ready for the Christmas period…

Wolverine Origins Nude Cheat

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Yeah so the new game is pretty fucking cool.

Essentially it is a 3rd person Hack n’ Slash, however there is a multitude of things that set this one aside from the regular crowd of movie tie-in trash games:

1. It is not a move tie-in. Yes it may have a few things in common with the movie, such as the likeness of many of the characters, but the plot seems to be its own entity. (This was because the game was in development before the movie was in production, good call from the guys at Raven)
2. The fighting is a new level of fun. We have all got a hack and slash game that we all love in our hearts, whether it is Devil May Cry or Kingdom hearts. Thankfully this game differs from the usual repetitive Hack and Slash action of other movie tie-ins or trash games, there is a great mix of skill and luck. Basically the action is not repetitive, the combos and the timing of the button pushes are really intuitive, allowing for different types of gameplay, e.g you can choose to counter or just straigh…

The skinny one is feeling up the fatties bewbs.

.Hack

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From Daemon Hatfield's review of Dead Rising chop Til You Drop over at mediocre at best 'IGN'.

"the story is…well, it's one of the worst stories I've ever encountered in videogames"

Really Dougy? Worse than Final Fantasy VII or VIII? Or Halo? Or Gears of War? Or Katamari Pisacy? Or any MMORPG? Or puzzle game? Or most games? Not true.

Most of these conflicts occur against human "psychopaths" who can somehow withstand hundreds of bullets, which is many, many more than any zombie you encounter.

Plus Frank never needs to go to the toilet and like days are really short nowehere near 24 hours long.

The story ends up trying to be a social commentary on our American lifestyle

Are the zombies fat? They are stupid but are they stupid enough?. Do the zombies know their geography? Are they homophobic and racist? Do they all end up going to the prom and being prom queen? Are they whiney and loud. Are the female zombies easy? [that's enough Ed.]

We're reserv…

Killzone 2 exclusive screenshots

We were lucky enough to score an interview with Guerilla games and had some extensive hands on time with the game. They also gave us some exclusive screenshots to use.

SPOILER WARNING: The screenshots were pretty cool with people shooting each other with guns and the like.

It was really good. Thanks Guerilla games and next time we'll bring the biscuits.

When will blogger be working again?

Blogger is currently broken. Which means you can't see our brilliant yet succinct posts and we can't even upload images we stole from the internet to illustrate posts that you the reader cannot see anyway. Unless you can see this post and the two below it, with pictures in which case, it has been fixed. Ignore the above, the below and the on the same line(s) as this sentence.

We're taking bets on when it will be fixed but unfortunately none of you will be able to bet by the very nature of the problem caused and the subject of the subsequent bet. Good luck!

WHEN WILL BLOGGER BE FIXED?:

1-45 Never.
1 Five minutes before the world succumbs to some kind of apocalypse event resulting in the loss of electricity for 50 or so years.
100-1 October 2008.
5-1 November 2008.

Place your bets now kids!

Next-next gen? Hold up....

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Anyone (unlike us) with their finger on the pulse on video games these days might be excited with all the buzz around what the future holds for next--next gen. There's a new DS (no GBA slot!?), updates for the 360 and a host of expensive clip ons and add ons for the Wii. RUmours are also abound that Little Big Planet and Home might, you know, get released. You may be excited but were certainly aren't.

What happened to last and this gen? The PS2 and the GBA, two fine formats still found in many many houses have been all but ditched commercially. Try it. Go to your nearest game shop and try to find some of the classics for these two formats. You probably won't find anything at all. If you are lucky you might find a copy of Okami or a battered copy of Pokemon Emerald in amongst the shovelware shit that Ubisoft insists on churning out for the all but abandoned platforms.

And what for this gen? The choice for each platform is still hugely underwhelming, each consoles has a handfu…

An open letter to the editor of the Official Nintendo Magazine and the MD of Nintendo Europe

Dear Chandra, or whoever.

I won't say I'm a fan of ONM but I am a regular buyer as the free gifts are sometimes good and you do get the lowdown on games that your Future Publishing colleagues gloss over because they have real games to review like GTA and Dead Rising. In addition I have been diagnosed with the deliberating (UPDATE: I totally meant deliberating and not debillitating) condition GFP (Gay for Pokemon). Sadly this means that I often pick up a copy of your magazine.

Monthly your magazine offends me. You seem to be stuck in a 1990s time warp where you OMG! in the magazine when you get a female member of staff and you think that comments about your hair and staff member's real lives are of interest to the reader. Frankly I don't care if Chris or Martin or some other office monkey is looking after a new born baby. Furthermore you really have to stop making captions about curries every time you use a screenshot with fire coming out of a characters mouth or anus. As…

Live Blogging on Location

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Hey kids. Why the sexed up new site you might ask? Well we're expecting the droves to flock to TGAM as soon as the press releases go out for TGAM:The Movie. The old black layout was sufficient for our regular customers but now we have to cater for real people.

So, TGAM: The Movie has just begun shooting following generous support from an anonymous big games company which makes fighting games and survival horror games. This renewed support was not at all in response to threats made here about releasing any viruses. No siree.

It's the first day of shooting. This still here is from one of my favourite scenes, Scene 24: Jill Valentine does explosive diarrhea before all the cosplay faeces fetish sexing starts. There's a great joke about "explosive rounds" just after this bit.

That is actually Sienna Guillory who played Jill Valentine in the Resident Evil films. She is happy to be reprising her role in a film that actually bears some resemblence to Resident Evil. She is …

Women are all the same

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No matter how far you run or where you run to, they are all obsessed after one thing.

Two down....

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Yes!! In Nintendo's bid to turn gaming into non gaming we now have Brain Training and Sight Training which means that we are two more installments closer to penis training and the one I'm looking forward to most, pelvic floor training. Touch generations indeed. Nothing worse than a flappy chappy or a slack front crack. No sir.

TGAM E3

Oh man so I'm all "at E3" even though there is no E3 and oh man here's a list of the top ten most anticipated games at E3 and whatever and then I went to a Sony thing at E3 man they've got things and then I'm like all over at Nintendo E3 and we should have a poll about who is better at E3 and it's like totally Nintendo or something and then there's Halo 3 at E3 and Tony Hawk oh man and I'm all over E3 at E3. Here I am with E3 and like a new sonic game.

WHATEVER VIDEOGAMES BLOGS SHUT UP NO ONE CARES ABOUT E3. If you take one thing from E3 this year take this and shove it down your japs eye like you used to with the paperclips.

Fucking E3.

That Guy's Eye on the Street

It's PS3 launch day here in the United States of Europe and pretty much full time That Guy's Chuff_72 was our eye on the street:

Dude, pretty funny, apparently the Dr (Dr Wo 69) had 22 peeps eager for The Grill (the box, the blockhaus, the PS3) at his store at midnight, pretty good considering the area! But in a strange twist of launch logic Sony has over supplied, by a lot! Of the 25 pre orders, Sony saw fit to send 80 consoles! I mean yes, you could have one hell of a barbacque, but seriously, 80! Their storage room is packed, how long is it gonna take to shift that many Big Black Bricks?

On the way to work I first stopped in The Game, first thing I heard was the manager saying "can't believe I got up a 4.30 for this..." It's bargains gallore, there's a selection of games that you can get for only £35 if you buy a console and HMV are giving away FREE copies of Virtua Tennis (which costs £50 on PS3 and £40 on 360, uh pretty sure it's the same game, and…