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Showing posts with the label Wanker

How should we choose our GOTY?

Do we go:

Pretentious Wanker and choose the most obscure flash game, that essentially recreates one alrightish mini-game from an Amiga game once?

Nearer the truth but Crass and choose CoD?

Back to our roots and choose a Wii game that we might be able to play with another normal human being and not get embarrassed because tits/violence-that-adolescents-find-amusing comes up and undermines all that envangelising about how games are worthy or wider appreciation?

Democratic and just say WoW?

Completely wrong and say Alan Wake?

Like a proper fucking man and say Gran Turismo 5?

Full retard and say some iOS game?

Or with our heart and say Monster Hunter Tri?

Decisions decisions.

Pokewalker Hack #25

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Play a Guitar hero or Rock band game from start to finish (or endless setlist etc) with the pokewalker strapped to your strumming wrist. (I got 12,000 for Guitar hero: Greatest hits).

Love and Hey! I wonder how many steps your average wank would produce with this set-up?

Richie X

Games on Display

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Our glorious hobby is now so almost mainstream that it is time to give it up and complain how it was better back in the day before it got popular and spolied. Last week I couldn't sleep so ended up watching people trying to sell a Wii on one of the shopping channels. A year ago I would have smirked and sniggered my way through it as the orange hosts said the names of games wrong or struggled with the controls. Sadly it turns out the presentation was almost flawless and at one point the male orange went on a tangent about Super Star Wars and Metroid. I died a bit inside.

But shopping channels, TV shows, proper adverts aside you know that gamin has made it big when Museums put on exhibitions all about gaming. Museums are the vanguard of culture and no matter how great you thought your latest tweet was in 50 years time if it ain't in the museum then nobody will know about it. In recent years there have been a number of gaming exhibitions. Some good a la Science Museums' Game …

Wanker of the Week

falahda 10 Aug 09, 1:17am

A thirty-eight year old Nintendo player can't really claim the high ground from which to criticize lightsaber phones, Charlton.

From over on the Guardian website. It explains itself really. And she is an Anthropologist. And 37. And female. And American.

Resident Evil Degeneration: A review

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This weekend we got a copy of Resident Evil Degeneration, the new CGI Resident Evil film. Despite watching the first ten second trailer a hundred times we managed to stay away from any kind of exposure of the film at all. After watching it, here are out thoughts on the film and exactly where capcom got it all exactly wrong everywhere. Warning: SPOILERS, although technically there has to be a plot in order for it to be spoiled at all.

What we wanted. You may remember this post (before all the Wow gayness) about our hopes and fears for the film that takes on the most precious game in the entire world, Resident Evil 2. Here was our wishlist:

1) Will Smith cast as the face of Marvin Branagh.
2) Zombie and/or Claire tits.
3) Herbs.
4) The line "That guy's a maniac, why'd he bite me?"
5) The exact same plot as Resident Evil 2. In fact don't spend money making a whole new film just record someone playing Resident Evil 2 and stick it on DVD that would be best.
6) A cameo from D…

2 years old!

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Yes can you believe it! That guy's a maniac is now two years old*!

*mentally, in maturity, socially and verbally.



Here are some Pics from our 2 year party:Chris was on Security


The Cosplayers didn't communicate before turning up


Gratuitous Pic of the new Resident evil 5 Chick


Nemesis and Brad were caught "together" in the back alley.


Alexia brought her own date :(

A few Spaniards tried to gatecrash

Leon was late for his own party...


Here's to another year of barely legible posts and highly inappropriate fanfictions to minor resident evil characters.


LONG LIVE TGAM!!!!

Luv n' Hugs,

Richie n Cunzy


O-o

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Whatever next? My brain age isn't 20? You mean these things aren't telling the truth? So Aeris isn't dead? The Arabs aren't all bad? Frankly, if you are appearing on morning TV because your child was a bit annoyed because her Wii told her she was fat then you must have very very little in your life to worry about otherwise.
Oh well, let's hope Ninty send chubby a check or something.

Happy Birthday Type-O

Yes Richie, or Type-O, as he is now known is enjoying his birthday so we gave him the day off work. This was not in some kind of sickening act of kindness but a lead in into our newest competition.: What did Richie do on his birthday?
Here are suggestions but only the secret webcam knows. And me, I know.

1) Wanking, just wanking- 17 votes
2) Playing Guitar Hero and Wanking- 5 votes
3) Smoking and Wanking- 2 votes
4) Watching anime and smoking- 14 votes
5) Watching anime and wanking - 204 votes
6) Playing GTA San Andreas and taking photos of dead prostitutes' splayed legs interspersed with wanking- 1 vote
7) Playing WoW- 4 votes
8) Playing WoW and wanking- 145 votes
9) Wanking and Crying- 3 votes
10) Wanking over this- 1 vote
11) Making "The Real Umbrella" but getting as far as wanking- 26 votes
12) Wanking over pictures of himself wanking- 0 votes
13) Watching anime and switching between smoking and wanking- 4356 votes
14) Going to the pub and wanking in the ladies toilet- 6 votes
15) N…

Next Gen Please

I'm sure I did a post like this before but couldn't find it in the tons of shit we put on the internet in our humble year and a bit at TGAM Towers (TGAM Small Bedsit would be more appropriate, one of those ones with a totally illegal kitchen cum bedroom-lounge, with no official arrangment with the landlord other than you gave them four grand when you first moved in and since then they have managed to avoid fixing the bathroom like they said they would when the 12 year old crack head in a suit that was your "estate agent" showed you round). Anyway we've been part of the 'next generation' of consoles for quite a while and they are totally fucking dissapointing, the short sightedness of developers and marketing people is absolutely fucking astonishing. Why won't someone, anyone do anything about it? Well I found this secret memo on the internet and I think it tells us all a tale or two:



Three Years Ago THINGS FOR NEXT GEN by games making people.
1) Better g…

Tower Tycoon

Tower Tycoon Palmer is a dick, swanning in with his stupid milotic... You know I'm just enjoying the Battle tower, i didn't ask for you to turn up and ruin my fun with your CHEATY pokemon.

Wanker