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Showing posts with the label Frozen ovaries

International Women's Day!

So let's thank the new Tomb Raider  for paving the way for more games with female protagonists in them. Before the new Tomb Raider there weren't any games with female protagonists in them at all*. This exciting new trend means equality for all!







* Except Koudelka, Urban Chaos, Tomb Raider, Tomb Raider 2, Tomb Raider 3, TOmb Raider Chronicles, TOmb Raider: The Last Revelation, Tomb Raider the not very good one, Tomb Raider the remake of the first one, Tomb Raider LEgend, TOmb Raider Underworld, Resident Evil, Resident Evil Director's Cut, Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil the GC remake, Resident Evil the Wiimake of the Gamecube remake, Parasite Eve, Mirror's Edge, Heavenly Sword, Haunting Ground, Silent Hill 3, Silent Hill 3 HD, Metroid Prime, Metroid Prime 2: Stir of Echoes, Metroid Prime 3: Optimus Prime, DIno Crisis, Dino Crisis 2, Metroid, Super Metroid, Metroid Fusion, THOSE OTHER METROIDS, Beyond Good and Evil, Daikatana, Perfect Dark, Enslaved (sort of), Syberia, Syb…

I Love Dead Rising

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We buy EDGE. We read EDGE. We are EDGE readers. Randy Smith writes for EDGE. We've previously wished that Randy Smith didn't write for EDGE. However, we may have to renege our wishes because he has written a nice article about Why Dead Rising Stands Out From The Horde.

As with all good game writing h e has perfectly enshrined my thoughts into words, thoughts I didn't realise I had until I read this.

I love Dead Rising (including the Wii port). Randy sums up why. It's that feeling of me against the Horde. The way I play the game changes from moment to moment. I might be trying to save survivors, I might without really noticing it, decide to eradicate all the zombies from a particular area. I might just stroll about the casino/mall checking out the environment but always with one eye on the nearest group of goons. I know what I want to do and most of the times there's hundreds of zombies in between me and my own personal objective. Things go well I move on to the next …

On things Achievementwise:

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I have had a recent campaign to "thousand" quite a few of the games on my 360 list. I have completed Dragon Age: Awakenings and the Expansions (1550 GP), along with a couple of other titles too (Nothing cheaty like Avatar or King Kong though). Rather dauntingly I decided to start up Final Fantasy XIII with intent of thousanding it, I've invested serious amounts time into previous Final fantasy games, why not do it with this one? Because endgame sucks... I have pretty much run out of things to do except grind...

I have spend 60 hours on the game I have completed 62/64 missions ( I have decided to leave the remaining 2 missions until I fill out the crystarium AKA get to the maximum level) and well, if I complete mission 64 it makes the grinding process slower.
So I'm sitting on 720 gamerpoints: 
I'm missing 6 achievements *SPOILERS*
Adamant will: Killed an Enemy that spawns after mission 64 Masters Seal: Maxed everyone's roles. Treasure Hunter: Collected all items in…

Saboteur Review: Kotaku are Racist badmen

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As many of you are aware "The Saboteur" came out today. Its a little 3rd person romp through Nazi occupied France, you play an Irishman being a pest to everything Nazi-esque. It's being praised as gritty, dark and atmospheric, but castrated with moderate gameplay. It's a bit of a faux pas releasing anything even slightly 3rd person-y with Assassins Creed 2 still going hot from the shelves, especially one which looks and feels like Altaïr in Nazi France. Negativity aside its a better experience than it is a game. But lastly and most importantly the game has boobs. That's right tits, titties, mammaries, breasticles, jugs, melons, jumper puppies .

Because the game is set in France it has, of course, got the lumpenproletariat, bohemian, mid-war desperation. And what better to illustrate that than Burlesque shows and Gambling!




Where there are people trying to make money there are always boobs:




Cant see them?



Now you don't need to even play the game!


But yeah, bewb…

Video Games Finally Harnessed for the Power of Good

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A new video game created by celebrity scientist Baroness Susan Greenfield is set to finally harness the power of video games to make children do 'good things' rather than 'bad things'.

Ever since 1996, children have been playing video games to kill zombies, pilot futuristic spacecraft and connect gems of the same colour in a line to make them disappear. "And what we've seen is that children go out into the real world and do these things" Greenfield explains. "Scientists reckon that video games are more powerful than influences from parents, peers and even television".

"So rather than control them to manage a house of people as in the Sims or identify Pokemon footprints as in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time, we've harnessed that power so that children will do better in life by playing this game".

The new game called The best you could probably do given your socio-economic background will launch ready for the Christmas period…

Little Big Planet and Spore revisited

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So....

Spore. Guess we were right about that one then. Anyone still playing it? Anyone at all? No. Told you so.

Little Big Planet. Team TGAM doesn't own a PS3 for a number of reasons, the one we most like to pretend is true is because we have standards. The real excuse is that the fucker is still too expensive and there still aren't anywhere near enough decent games to justify a purchase. Anyway, if we did have one I would probably get LBP because I like creating shit in games like gay little designs for Animal Crossing, Crap Levels in Timesplitters or Miis that look like Charles Darwin. We do have some friends (21 to be exact). And some of those friends own a PS3 (12) they aren't gamers in the classic sense. They are normal people with cars and houses and the like. They don't obsess over games or write 2 and a bit games blogs. Aside from dusty copies of Resistance they all own LBP and without exception:

1) Haven't even tried to make their own levels. Some don't e…

The skinny one is feeling up the fatties bewbs.

Dead Rising Chop Til You Drop: Review (of the book)

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Yes! As you may know today is the day Dead Rising Chop Til You Drop came out for the Nintendo Wii. AND I GOT IT.Last time we looked at the box. It was generally good. Now we look at the book which was in the box.


This photo is pretty bad. I was so excited I was shaking. You can see they used the art from the box which is pretty standard practice actually. The book is informative but it is in black and white.


You probably can't tell but this is the notes section of the book. We were worried that there would not be a notes section even though we never ever write in the notes section because it devalues the game and everyone can see you cheated. We have a designated note book for all our gaming notes.

Up next: Dead Rising Chop Til You Drop: Review (of the disc).

An end to DLC?

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Nobody likes DLC. Nobody at all. Oh what's that? You couldn't get your act together long enough to finish that level before release so we can buy that shit later? Great. Thanks. However, the end of DLC is in sight. We got a quote from Alistair Darling, UK Chancellor of Treasures:

"Nobody got any money. This means EA and everyone else has to fuck the fuck off about DLC."

He then went on to say:

"Media pissing molecule keep going on about how they made Little Big Planet with five people in six hours. Now they expect me to shell out 14 euros for the privelage [sic.] of a fucking Mario sackboy and I have to build my own levels to play on..... You wouldn't go to MacDonalds and be satisfied when you order a hamburger to get a roll, a 'patty' and a gherkin laid out on a tray and then be expected to build your own burger and pay for that sodding sauce. This gets right on my tits"

Hurrah Mr. Darling. Hurrah we say. We'll vote for you at the next electio…

Going underground...

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As you are no doubt aware the end of the world is nigh. If we don't deforest it to death we'll all poor ourselves to death. Fortunately, for the moment the recession seems to be hitting people who have more than one houses and mortgages and savings hard. So for the meantime gamers are safe. For now.

However, Midway are not safe. Apparently they risk being delisted from the New York Stock Exchange. This is bad apparently.

Obviously, this sucks for Midway employees and for that we are sorry. On the upside we hope to god that the IP rights for Mortal Kombat are lost in the ensuing sell offs and folding because we, for one, think the world would be a much much better place without the poor man's Street Fighter.

Good bye Mortal Kombat.

And good riddance.

Dingbat

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Alright Kids,

It's Friday and for a laugh I have created a Video game related Dingbat... Leave a Comment with the solution...

Hint: The answer is not a video games related.

List of things wrong with Halo 3

Right well, on Friday The second most popular video games blog: www.thatguys.co.uk managed to get a hold of a copy of Halo 3. As such we will do a review of it though whether you read it is entirely up to you, we will not try and force our views upon you.


Gameplay
FPS Action shooter, and it knows it. Strafe. Aim. Shoot. Repeat until done.

There is not variance in the weapons:
Pistol = 2 shots to kill enemy. 1 to remove armour, 1 to shoot in the head.
Shotgun = 2 shots to kill enemy. 1 to remove armour, 1 to shoot in the head.

Equipment is not necessary, throwing the odd shield, rarely helps you out, though these may be more useful in the harder modes

Crouch (L3 by default) has to be held down, and since L3 is one of your movement sticks, it makes crouching and moving very hard, there is also no sniper position.


Story
Makes absolutely no-sense if you have not played Halo 1 and/or 2, it is disjointed all the way through, the plot also seems to be catering for 12-13 year olds. Do not expect anyth…