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Showing posts with the label Aeris Biff

On the Faces of WoW

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Yo, 
WoW's Character creator is shit. Just putting that one out there. Don't get me wrong the initial models are fine, but when it comes to customisation of the actual character its pretty fucking limited. especially when you compare it to the multitude of slider scale options seen in other games. Curiously not much has really changed on this even in today's iteration of WoW.
So lets jump into it. I am just going to mention a few of the races and the more iconic looks. If you, gentle reader, feel that there are looks missing that is because the looks are so fucking bland and indistinguishable that they are not even worth mentioning.
Foresaken Male, is actually probably the best in terms of "individuality" i.e different looking from one male foresaken to the next. 
First up Bondage Zombie, easily the most iconic look of the undead characters, leather straps to hold their skulls together, they are blind, yet at no disadvantage... I guess you don't question it …

Are Mobile Games Any Good Yet? Miitomo Edition

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Not got enough Nintendo accounts? In between your Nintendo.com account, Pokemon Global Link account, Nintendo ID, Nintendo Online Store account and MiiVerse accounts, Nintendo has recently launched MyNintendo the new-all you need account for worse news and updates that independent Nintendo fan sites and the first vehicle that uses the MyNintendo account is mobile 'app' Miitomo
Ninty has been trialling gentle-disgustingly fierce micro-transactions from free to play games like Pokemon Shuffle and Pokemon Rumble World through to not-ware Nintendo Badge Arcade and presumably a lucrative line in customising your handheld with 3DS themes.  
Miitomo, like Nintendo Badge Arcade, takes pay-to-not-really-play to the next level. What is Miitomo? It's a hyper scummy new social network that uses Miis. The app is so blatantly aimed at capturing the social network hype, for example, you can earn large amounts of one of the three new MyNintendo currencies just by linking Miitomo to your…

Demo Seen and the 3DS:Part 2

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Hurrah! The 3DS being so nice 'n' all has pulled us kicking out of the slump thinking about all that time we'd spent on gaming when we felt that gaming just didn't love us anymore (thanks XBONE and PS4). We've spent over 15 hours playing through demos alone. Here's Part 2 of our coverage. If you're even here reading it, congratulations, you're unique. Part 1, for the hard of clicking is embedded in the word here not that here or the last here or that here, it's here. 
Dead or Alive Dimensions We remember Dead or Alive. We still say "It is like the desert" when the situation calls for it. Dead or Alive Dimensions looks like Dead or Alive and sounds like Dead or Alive.It's probably Dead or Alive which means playing it online will be an experiment of continuously getting destroyed by the three people still playing it. We're happy to report that there was slow motion upvag in the cutscene and vibratits in the demo alone. Just in case a…

1001 A Good Start

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We like to play games and we love to read about games. Sometimes it's hard to get the balance right so the reason why we've been quiet in past months is because it was all reading about games and snarking about games and very little actual playing games. We also like to read books about games. We've recently picked up Grand Thieves and Tomb Raiders: How British Video Games Conquered the World and it'll be a nice addition to the growing library of good books about gaming and Resident Evil novelisations. As ever it says a lot about the coherency of gaming beyond the insides of consoles and boundaries of the Internet in that there isn't a massive section in the biggest bookshop by you called 'video games'. Invariably, books from This Gaming Life through to critically under-read Replay the History of Video Games might be under the Internet or indoor games or computing or web/graphics. I'm not going to get on my high horse and say that all gamers are illite…

International Women's Day!

So let's thank the new Tomb Raider  for paving the way for more games with female protagonists in them. Before the new Tomb Raider there weren't any games with female protagonists in them at all*. This exciting new trend means equality for all!







* Except Koudelka, Urban Chaos, Tomb Raider, Tomb Raider 2, Tomb Raider 3, TOmb Raider Chronicles, TOmb Raider: The Last Revelation, Tomb Raider the not very good one, Tomb Raider the remake of the first one, Tomb Raider LEgend, TOmb Raider Underworld, Resident Evil, Resident Evil Director's Cut, Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil the GC remake, Resident Evil the Wiimake of the Gamecube remake, Parasite Eve, Mirror's Edge, Heavenly Sword, Haunting Ground, Silent Hill 3, Silent Hill 3 HD, Metroid Prime, Metroid Prime 2: Stir of Echoes, Metroid Prime 3: Optimus Prime, DIno Crisis, Dino Crisis 2, Metroid, Super Metroid, Metroid Fusion, THOSE OTHER METROIDS, Beyond Good and Evil, Daikatana, Perfect Dark, Enslaved (sort of), Syberia, Syb…

FFXIII-2 Done!

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So I just thousanded FFXIII-2.

I had been apprehensive about this title as FFXIII was a little too long winded, especially at endgame, specifically because the final few achievements required 100+ hours and creating a spreadsheet to complete. FFXIII-2 however was a bit more fun to play. I took the plunge over the holidays as it was £9 brand new.

The Good:

A really fun storyline, jumping through different time periods, seeing how the events of FFXIII turned out and where they went. An oddly pokemon type mechanic where you recruit and level monsters throughout time.Though some of the areas are reused from FFXIII it doesnt feel like it, as they have been redone with different time-period themes.Feels like a classic Sqeenix game, A touch of final fantasy mixed with Chrono trigger but with a sleek new façade. The multiple "paradox" endings, where you can replay certain events and change their outcome.

The Bad:
An overly teenage angsty theme; the younger protagonists with the usual…

Why is sqeenix missing the Shinra Cargo ship?

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More chatter about the Final Fantasy VII re-release. A few days ago some intrepids spotted squeenix had written a menu for what seemed like a FF7 remake, this however turned out to be simply a re-release, most likely a digital download for iPad or the like


Now a few months back I mentioned bootleg from qhimm.com, it simply takes your original install of FF7 and updates music, graphics to make it much prettier to play (also you can add silly, but well thought out, mods like Aeris resurrection). Squeenix say: Optimized for PC – FINAL FANTASY VII has been updated to support the latest hardware and Windows Operating Systems. But will it be prettier, like will they optimise it for widescreen? will the models be updated? will it still have the terrible midi music when it can be replaced so easily with MP3s? That's the information, for some reason, I care about.
Meh, I bet it doesn't. But then I suppose there is always the argument that it wouldn't be a "pure" re-release…

Final Fantasy VII: Revisited

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As I mentioned earlier, I played through FF7 with some nice mods, to increase the quality of the graphics and such. There were some other mods to break the 9999 limit on everything, allowing you to deal over 9999 damage, and your HP could be over 9999 too. however enemies could also hit you for over 9999. and the most fun one was "Aeris Resurrection" the guys over at Qhimm.com created a little patch to keep her in your group and to allow you to keep using her and the time you invested in her, they even added dialogue for her during the rest of the game and a hand new upgrade to her "ultimate weapon" replacing the Aeris ghost scene when revisiting the church later in the game. Done really well!

I thoroughly enjoyed replaying it, remembering 99% of the secrets and locations. I even bested Emerald and Ruby Weapon, though cheaty... I used Aeris level 4 limit break which renders you invincible for the duration of a battle, but still, I wasnt really in that game for the …

Pelvic Floor Training

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We’re sure we came up with this as a joke ‘game’ around about the time that Eye training for the DS came out. Looks like we’ve got grounds to sue because it’s actually been fucking released on wiiware. How did we get to this?



UPDATE: Proof http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2007/10/two-down.html that's a four year old idea.

Dick and Shoes... 3 years later

Richie pointed me in the direction of this Wall Street Journal article (via a pretty piss poor editorial on the article at ripten).
Now we were all geared up for writing a rebuttal but actually we did that over three years ago.

Turns out that Kay Hymowitz has gone up in the world from turning trashy poorly researched diatribe on Dallasnews into a book called Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys. Sadly, she didn't really use the time for any rewrites or even to update the references. If she can't be bothered then neither can we so Kay if you are reading this here's our tops tips to you getting a clue:

1) Read Replay A History of Video Games by Tristan Donovan and you'll realise that your trendy mac which you use to google yourself on as is virtually every piece of software you use is a product of gaming. Surely the hypocrisy of you using these technologies to disseminate your moronic ideas isn't lost on you?

2) Three years ago we'd already won.…

Microfanficcing- Our Story.

We've literally just invented microfanficcing everybody. And now after all the lies, plagiarism and law suits we're now ready to tell our story about how it all started.

Richie: Well it all started when we I was excited about the Chocobo for the Xbox 360 avatars.
Cunzy1 1: Yeah. I was ridiculing him for having a light sabre, chocobo and megatron hat and being over the age of 15.
Richie: That's right. Well I went on to say that the only reason I wanted the chocobo was to pretend I was Irvine from Final Fantasy 8 and get to bad touch Selphie.
Cunzy1 1: Then... oh god this sounds so bad. Then we went on to talking about Zell. I mean here is this guy in this band of merry men each with different skillz and all he can do is punch people.
Richie: He doesn't even have a dog.
Cunzy1 1: Exactly and then I asked Richie what he called Angelo because I called Angelo 'bitch' so Rinoa's limit break was Bitch Strike and Bitch Rush. Then Richie fan ficked the Bitch name origin s…

Why games are not art.

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Did you see what I did there? The games are/aren't art thing is long dead. Nobody talks about it anymore and we're not ones to be ahead of the curve! However watching some of the top artists and art critics talk absolute bollocks about what is or isn't even good or bad art in the excellent Saatchi's Best of British TV show has inspired this post. We are not ones to bore you all to death with information written in paragraphs. Our preferred method is the list:

1) Games are of too broad appeal. From a midnight addiction to Minesweeper through to the latest mini game on the iphone. Everyone has at some point played a game. It is really hard to be elitist when everyone knows what you are talking about and can call you out on the BS. So games aren't art because it is too popular. Also, a game which nobody has played makes headlines for a scene taken out of context. A tunnel in which an artist rapes people barely makes Gawker media. People care about games even if it is i…

Why I hate Street Fighter [Maximum Risky]

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All the time, the cold lonely empty silence of the comments section and TGAM's email inbox seems to be asking me "Why if you are the official Capcom website do you never do anything on the Street Fighter series?". I'm sure that is what the silence asks of me. And if I were to answer it, my answer would be a three parter. Firstly, why do we only seem to ever write about Pokemon and Resident Evil? This is the bigger concern. Why pick out Street Fighter? Jeez. Secondly, I hate Street Fighter but it isn't because I think the fighting genre hasn't progressed at all in over a decade, it isn't because now there are stupid bars everywhere and nobody tells me what each of them mean or how to activate any of them so I just button mash until something explosiony happen and it isn't even because 'So there is this fighting tournament' has been the standard plot for fighting games since forever. Thirdly, the real reason why I hate Street Fighter is because…

The six degrees of Dante

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From Dante to Mario. Can it be done? Started off quite hard because we figured we couldn't get out of Capcomland. But here's how it is done kids.

Dante-Viewtiful Joe courtesy of Viewtiful Joe.

Viewtiful Joe-Ryu courtesy of Tatsunoko vs Capcom

Then we go Ryu to Mitsurugi courtesy of Namco X Capcom

Then we go from Mitsurugi to that Link chap via Soul Calibuuuur 2.

And finally from Link to the podgy plumber via Superu Smashu Brotheru!


Can you do it with less degrees? Do have a go. And while you are at it see if you can beat:

Mickey Mouse to Sonic the Hedgehog- 4 degrees.
Master Chief to Solid Snake- 3 degrees (cheating a bit).
Megatron to your own Mii- 2 degrees.

And if you can get those you can get practically anywhere! Anywhere worth going anyway. Characters with no degrees to anybody just aren't worth it people.

We're going to Glastonbury

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Cause he called our* girlfriend fat innit.


*Yeah we share one.

The skinny one is feeling up the fatties bewbs.

Dry Entry Anal Justice

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Yep this post should generate some more traffic. Soul Calibur XXX, Dante tits, Hitomi vadge, Ayane breasts, Dead or Alive nude naked, World of Warcraft anus, Misty cum, Lara croft with her beef out, Taki from soul calibur eating a peach, night elves baking a small sexy cake, aeris and tifa building a card house on a rainy day, Vikki blows walking the dog, that bird from perfect dark going to the post depot to pick up a parcel that was sent to her house when she was working, Amy Rose putting some candles on because there is a powercut, Zangief upskirt, Chun Li forcing a sausage back into the pack because she can only eat four today not five like she initially thought, green and bloody douche juice, princess peach ramming daisy in a bumper cart, Cloud shaving before an operation, samus aran smothering a slice of bread with honey, master chief bending over backwards for the rights of displaced minorities, Zelda showing link her creamy muffin she bought at a nice shop in the village, tits…

Yes! TEKKEN 6

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Hi guys! We're going to take time out of our regularly updated TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever to bring you this very very exciting news:



It's bifs again! But not just bifs filth seekers it's Tekken 6 bifs. Tekken is a great game and for those young 'uns who don't remember it here is how the series went:

Tekken 2: The series was so crazy it didn't even start at 1! Tekken 2 was a mashup of your favourite childhood toys, Lego, and your favourite beat em 'up game, Street Fighter. But it was better than Street Fighter because there was no fighting! There was never any contact, contestants just hit each other with neon fireworks until one of them gets tired or something. It was successful and on the PlayStation. Not even the PSOne yet!

Tekken 3: This was Tekken 2 but with a cheaty character introduced to the series.

Tekken 4: See Tekken 2.

Tekken 5: See Tekken 3.

Tekken 6: See Tekken 5 plus "sweat". Lots of …

Once you go fat, you never look back!

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You can't. It is physically impossible.




Anyway TGAM are going to wade into the cluster fuck bandwagon about some game where the job is to rescue a fat princess. It's by Sony or some shit. Anyway the low down is here and here. It turns out that some parties are upset because it depicts a fat woman or something along those lines. That is such a lazy line to take especially when we are judging from press releases and screenshots. Here are some further (and frankly better) complaints to make so that everyone can jump on this bandwagon and rail against evil sony, catering the whinge to whatever floats ones boat.
1) Fat Princess is racist both the titular princess and the katamari dude are white. What? Asians can't be princesses? Blacks can't be fat? Racist filth etc. etc.

2) Fat Princess is ageist. The princess looks young. What? Old people can't be princesses? Babies can't be princesses?

3) Fat Princess is sexist. The princess looks like a woman. What? Men and tra…

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 45

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Welcome back to the Top 50! What comes after 46? Well, it's only 45! Some of you predicted this one on our Top 50 forum thread. Yes, it's Final Fantasy VIII!

This is the only Final Fantasy on the list! We know what you are thinking, "Final Fantasy VIII! Better than VI!". And the answer is yes! Final Fantasy VIII had everything and it is still the most played of the Final Fantasies IN THE WORLD. It had a great storyline, especially the bit where you had to talk to a dog and the bit where everyone remembers that they forgot that they all grew up together! Squeenix gold. VIII makes the grade because it is the only Final Fantasy with three "woulds" in the main line up (Irvine, Rinoa, Tifa). Lastly, like all gamers TGAM cried like a widdle girl when Rinoa died! What a game, what a 45th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever entry!

The list so far:

46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Conf…