Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles Unboxing and Review

Yes readers. Everyone is doing unboxing these days and pretending it is an interesting thing to do. So much like our Dead Rising unboxing we're going to go through the motions with the new Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles although this time in one big fat update rather than separate blogs for the box, disc and book and eventually game.
So we got Darkside Chronicles off the internet so no bag this time. But it did come in cellophane which is nice. Sometimes in GAME you buy a new game and it doesn't have the wrap which makes us sad. This time we know we're the first ones to see it outside of China as you might be able to make out from this image:

We got a new phone so you can see things better in this update. So the box looks good. It has shattered glass on it which is a theme throughout the game. A nice theme mind. Naturally, once you've seen the front you have to flip her over and pretend she is a boy:

Tasty, tasty and you've got to love the unprovable claim of MIND BLOWING GRAPHICS and it isn't as if you can't stick together to STAY ALIVE because it is a shooter. On rails. There is no splitting up by definition. Still. Whack it on the box ey! We are so desensitised to back of box lies and this is a prime example why. Ridiculous claims that appear to be aimed at exciting FIVE YEAR OLDS and "screenshots" mixed with artwork. Still we are not ones to judge a game by the back of the box. Next let's look at the spine:

Oh you mother fuckers. You did not. You did not. You may not be able to tell from the above screenshot, but instead of putting the title of the game in nice understated letters on the spine, in order for the box to nicely fit on the game shelf without looking like something the aforementioned FIVE YEAR OLDS would get excited about, what has happened is nothing short of a tragedy worse than starvation and or genocide. This game had to be different with bloody great letters with some kind of edgy survival font on it. This is shit. Here is how shit it looks on the shelf:

Nice job Capcom. You might be able to make out that this is "Way to ruin the shelf". It was bad enough coping with Umbrella Chronicles' confusing capitalisations or Resident Evil 4's metal box mucking up the PlayStation 2 section but this is the pits. Ugh. So angry. Why? Why do that? Anyway disc-art next before we commit suicide. Let's see if they have 'accidentally' printed it onto a platinum disc to ruin the look of the binder whilst we are at it.

Oh no, could be worse. You might be able to make out that the Jobs a good 'un. Not quite as good as Umbrella Chronicles mind. Now there is a disc. The logos are too busy and what the hell is that usk logo? Anyways, after spinegate this is acceptable. But what does the book look like?

They've gone for the classic technique of just using the box art for the book cover. Which is fair enough I guess. A tad disappointed but to be honest the spine thing is still dominating our "fucked off meter". Now for the biggest question. Is there a notes section in the book?

That is a negative! Instead of the time-honoured notes section there are adverts for the Capcom community using characters fromsome shit franchise and another ad for yet another Capcom shoddy wiimake. By the way this is the same Capcom that was sassing off over their mature titles not being bought by the gaming public as much as they wanted? Sassing off because people don't want to buy lazy ports of games they already have? Oh no! Poor little Capcom. Best replace the notes sections in books with adverts for said wiimakes then. That'll encourage sales.

REVIEW
I'll be honest, I haven't played all of it so expect a review down the line but within an hour or so of starting up I found something to delight and two things to annoy. Bad news first I am afraid:

TYPO in the first ten minutes. Who tested this? Fire them all, lazy bastards working minimum wage under the pretense that they will break into the industry. Ha! Not with a school boy error like this my under paid under appreciated friends.

Secondly, do I really want to see "wtf" in a Resident Evil file? The answer to this question is a short sharp and convincing no. Okay, sure the storyline in Resident Evil has never reached the heady heights of say, a direct line advert, but in previous games at least it was pretending not be a really poorly written fan fiction. Also, what kind of prick Sewer Manager; a)Keeps a diary at work b) Writes down "wtf" and c) Calls themselves Sewer Manager on their own diary. Anyway enough of dwelling on the bad. Here's the good:

I could go on about how all the reviews I have read so far have been uber lazy corner cutting cash in hand scribbles. But I won't. I could go on about how one reviewer complained that you had to shoot everything you saw which didn't make sense in terms of the characters and then didn't mention that at least in DC you don't have to do it to get a good score for the unlocks like you had to in Umbrella Chronicles. I could go on about how another review boo-hooed it because it "ruined the storyline" we all knew and loved from Resident Evil 2 by chopping bits about but also failed to mention that this has been happening in Resident Evils ever since Director's cut. I could mention how the levels set in the daylight look edgier than the editor of EDGE shaving the Mirror's edge logo into the sideburns of Tim Langdell with broken glass shards but I won't. All I will say is that there are ZOMBIE FUCKING PIRANHAS and that Resident Evil 6 will have to be fucking awesome to beat that.

Game of the year until Endless Ocean 2 comes out. 8/10

Why I hate Street Fighter [Maximum Risky]

All the time, the cold lonely empty silence of the comments section and TGAM's email inbox seems to be asking me "Why if you are the official Capcom website do you never do anything on the Street Fighter series?". I'm sure that is what the silence asks of me. And if I were to answer it, my answer would be a three parter. Firstly, why do we only seem to ever write about Pokemon and Resident Evil? This is the bigger concern. Why pick out Street Fighter? Jeez. Secondly, I hate Street Fighter but it isn't because I think the fighting genre hasn't progressed at all in over a decade, it isn't because now there are stupid bars everywhere and nobody tells me what each of them mean or how to activate any of them so I just button mash until something explosiony happen and it isn't even because 'So there is this fighting tournament' has been the standard plot for fighting games since forever. Thirdly, the real reason why I hate Street Fighter is because there are no like able characters. They are all goonbods. Totally unlikeable, would not be friends with in real life idiotic posers. At least the Darkstalkers characters are deliberately a total nonsense. This may well make me an Angry Internet Man you may be thinking. There are people starving to death who have never even heard of street fighter. Starving right now. Probably already dead and all you can do with your luxurious life is get angry about some silly videogame because the characters aren't up to your expectations. This is all true but in fact it makes me angrier because now I am jealous of the starvers because at least they haven't been exposed to the clown brigade that make up the Street Fighter crew.



Ryu- Or captain generic as he is known by his pals. Boring, boring boring. Just look at him. What does he stand for? Probably goodness and being nice to people but we can all tell he is a bit of a twat. His favourite sandwiches are egg and cress. He actually prefers ready salted crisps and keeps a count of the number of beers he drinks because he doesn't want to get drunk. Probably a christian too. And he punches and kicks. How original Ryu. Punching and kicking. Zzzzzzz

Ken- as annoying as Ryu for all the same reasons and then even extra annoying because he is smug. Only smugs wear red. I also really hate the way his nose bleeds in SSFIITurbo. YOUR OWN NOSE BLOOD IS GOING INTO YOUR MOUTH KEN. Use a tissue. Or just use your PJs. They are red so your nose blood wouldn't even show up on it. You disgusting obnoxious Ryu variant.

Akuma, Dan etc.- All the fake Ryus. Different PJs and a hair cut is all that makes them different. I would also include T-Hawk in this category. Nobody cares. Akuma is emo Ryu and Dan is gay Ryu. Dan is extra annoying because he has a pony tail and also because no matter what buttons you press you always end up doing that sketch at the most inappropriate time. He is even more annoying because he is meant to be annoying but is the least annoying of the Ryu-alikes in the game.

Balrog - Can't even jump. Combo wannabe. Is probably the least dislikable because he is just unlikeable and rubbish.

M Bison Stupid name, stupid hat, stupid moves. And racist. Stupid racist head stomper. What even is a head stomp? Ridiculous. And who wears a cape anymore? Ken. Ken probably wears a cape.

Blanka What is even going on here? Did an intern design this character? Is this what Capcom think Brazilians look like? And that stupid chest hair saves Zangief from having the stupidest chest hair in games. How did he get electricity power? Learned it from the eels or maybe caught it in an electrical storm. Yes of course. Caught it from a storm.

Cammy Leotard wearing fake British girly hair camel toe memory loss.

Chun-Li Chun-Lis constant yipping when she jumps about drives me right up the wall. Also, as you'll see from the delightful images in this post Chun-Li is the nearest to a woman that most sweaty palmed deviant filth freaks will ever get. Nobody cares about her story and I don't think wearing a bra on your head has ever been fashionable.



Dhalsim-Capcom racism at it's best but because nobody in Japan or America actually believes in India it's fine.

Guile- Rubbish hair and I don't know about you but I never trust a man who does kicks when he is upside down. So inefficient. He also lisps which isn't a bad thing in itself but does start to grate when all you say is Thonic boom every two seconds.

E-Honda- Pantsu! Plus I really hate people who walk like a crab. What are they trying to prove? Crab walking up and down the place.

Sagat- Sagat reminds me most of somebodies Dad. Somebodies baldy pirate Dad embarrassing his children with those shorts. Almost the most personality free character, were it not for Ryu.



Zangief is okay actually. I don't mind Zangief. My one complaint would be that he isn't real and that there just isn't as much Zangief deviant filth as there is from slutty titti-head. This is a great shame.

So there we have it people. I understand that there are more characters than that but nobody cares. And I also don't care if it is just "one go". I'm not playing. I hate them all with a passion.

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 41

We didn't forget. We were working on it all the time. Yeah that's right.

Anyway, number 41 on our list of the TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever, well, it is none other than Johnny-come-lately Resident Evil 5.

Unlike all the other Resident Evil games on this list, this game is new. That is why it is so low on this list. What kind of elitist list making pricks would we be if we put a new game in the top 40? No kind. That is what we would be.

Resident Evil 5 was a departure from the classic series. Staple enemies like white male skinny zombie, white woman skinny zombie, fat man zombie and spanish people was replaced with just black people in this iteration of the classic survival horror series. For the first couple of chapters anyway. Then it was gas mask people. The game received stacks of criticism and some flip reversed racism against Japanese people for it's perceived racism. Then the game came out and everyone kind of got over it. That is the great thing about the great gaming nation of ours. Everything is so transient. So fickle. Forgotten in weeks.

The game itself was actually quite good despite including the following sins: Crates and boxes, enemies in crates, crappy co-op loading up the level then loading up player 2, 70% of the screen used, casual sexism and casual racism. A few reviewers complained about the akward inventory system but those reviewers are proper noobs. Noobs. Some people complained that you still couldn't move and shoot. Those people are no-scoping fags. It's just simply the best co-op game of all time. There was also a nude cheat for Sheva which is cool because you can see her boobies and they jiggled when she ran.

The game was just brilliant in fact. More brilliant than:

42: Wii Play Tanks!
43: Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze
44: Resident Evil "gay den"
45: Final Fantasy VIII
46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

Less brilliant than ...... Well you'll have to just wait and see won't cha?

This post is kindly sponsored by Metal Powder. For more information about Metal Powder and Metal powder related products please go to the metal powder products website http://www.metalpowder.com/

Wolverine Origins Nude Cheat

Yeah so the new game is pretty fucking cool.

Essentially it is a 3rd person Hack n’ Slash, however there is a multitude of things that set this one aside from the regular crowd of movie tie-in trash games:

1. It is not a move tie-in. Yes it may have a few things in common with the movie, such as the likeness of many of the characters, but the plot seems to be its own entity. (This was because the game was in development before the movie was in production, good call from the guys at Raven)
2. The fighting is a new level of fun. We have all got a hack and slash game that we all love in our hearts, whether it is Devil May Cry or Kingdom hearts. Thankfully this game differs from the usual repetitive Hack and Slash action of other movie tie-ins or trash games, there is a great mix of skill and luck. Basically the action is not repetitive, the combos and the timing of the button pushes are really intuitive, allowing for different types of gameplay, e.g you can choose to counter or just straight up button mash.
3. Lunge. Lunge is a fucking cool game mechanic! Basically allowing you to leap at an opponent from far away and start combo-ing. Yes I know you have probably played with similar mechanics in a multitude of games but this one is better, it’s hard to explain it’s a sort of “you had to be there” mechanic.
4. Fan service. Plenty of homage’s to X-Men and Wolverine, from an elevator-music remix of the X-men theme tune to classic yellow spandex Wolverine outfits.
5. Levelling up. You can’t go wrong with some XP to level up your dudes, and they do just that in this game, there are plenty of modifiers and skill ups to make going to the character menu actually fun.
6. So much blood. You slash and kill hoards of enemies, there are achievements for dismembering, and at one point Wolverine actually breaks someone in half!

And much more, the game is quite plot driven, it spans two time lines, and during the course of these levels there are well placed laptops which give insights to the plot while you are working out where to go next. Generally each puzzle or boss fight is punctuated with a cut-scene, they are all well acted and generally good. It also play’s very much like Ravensofts other Geekout game, Marvel Ultimate Alliance. The game also lasts a long time, it’s a good 12-20 hours of gameplay plus you have the hard mode after it unlocked.

So what’s bad about it? Well the enemies are a bit samey, a couple of them are just re-skins. When playing it I have encountered some bugs (a classic fall through the world one and one where I was stuck in a wall) but thankfully there is a “restart from last checkpoint” option in the menu.

Other than that, spot on, great gameplay, great fun A worthy movie tie-in game, that actually is not a tie-in

On the Moh’s hardness scale it’s a Solid Corundum (not sure where Adamantium fits on this scale)

Luv n Hugs,

Richie.

My Brute. Challenge us, or you are gay...

So in our random fumblings in the vast soiled panties that is the internet, we stumbled across "My Brute" where you create a little fighting character where random features and stats are created by the name you enter.

Anyways this is a shameless shout-out to all the readers/haters/random-perverts-looking-for-Sheeva-nude to follow the link below and help the thatguys brute level up, follow the link below to become our pupil, and well... beat us up.

http://thatguys.mybrute.com/

Luv n HugZ

Richie XXX

The Sheva from Resident Evil 5 Nude Cheat

Surprisingly, we've managed to find a little Easter egg from Capcom in their latest survival horror game Resident Evil 5. That is right sports fans, you can unlock a nude(ish) Sheva. Here's how, accompanied by some artists reconstructions because we'll be damned if we can take screenshots. Them shits is too professional.

Here's how to do it. You need to beat the game first. We beat it in co-op so it doesn't seem to make a difference if you do it solo.

Then start the game again when you get back to chapter 3-1, (the boat level) you'll need to pick up the Beast and Warrior slates (this is what we did, we don't know if you need to pick up these slates but it's best to be sure). If you then check your map you should see a tiny island to the west of the long tentacle looking thing (the stream) on the South West of the map. Head here.

On this island there is a small hut (previously not much to do with it). If you approach it an "Enter" command will pop up. Press to enter, the screen will black out and you'll hear the familiar zipping noise straight from Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 3 when you change into alternative costumes using the special keys you get from completing the game. Then you can see Sheva in her natural beauty (she still has pants but her rack is there to see).

Buzz Bonus: By pressing the locate partner button, Chris will automatically focus on Sheva as normal but this time he gives off a "woot-woo" sexy whistle.

Remember kids you read it here first and thank you capcom.