A weekend of two (4) games

Yes children! This weekend I actually played some games. Shock and awe is what you are no doubt feeling now. Not satisfied with persistently sitting on the sidelines poo pooing any game that someone else might be interested I decided to see if I still had it and played me some games*.

First up I played Turok for the Xbox 360. Totally bog standard shooter that borrows more than quite a lot from Gears of War from the token black guy who carries big guns to running around for six levels for the sake of some comms device. However, it had dinosaurs in it which means an instant 10/10. I totally busted it too! It took me a shocking 15 hours-ish but I enjoyed it nonetheless. All that crap about decent AI was still total bullshit too but it did have some nice boss battles. It is sad that the cheevos were so poorly thought through with the majority linked to multiplayer crap.

Then I busted up Dinotopia The Sunstone Odyysey. It took about 5 hours and 50 minutes of my life. The game started off as truly awful and then got progressively better until it peaked at 10/10 around 2 minutes into the game. If you haven't heard of it, buy it and play it. It's an underrated classic, you know like Beyond Good and Evil and Ico. In fact there was a general consensus that it was similar to but much much better than WoW.

I also tried to do Dino Crisis 3, going for the holy Xbox Dino Games Triathlon but the smart guys at Microsoft haven't made it back compatible yet. SAD SMILEY FACES ON THE HOUSE GUYS.

Then we did some museuming, firstly in Liberty City Museum, taking in the Triceratops, Tyrannosaurus and Whale (below). Then in Chicago Historical museum(above)! It was sweet!

Expect all this dinosaur related-shittery to get the full treatment over here sometime before 2009.


*Assholes in the audience point out that Turok, GTA IV, Stranglehold or Dinotopia are not real games, then go back to playing Guitar Hero and WoW.

360 controller i can dig!

Finally!

XBL: Total Rip-off

Woah now, so last night saw the launch of some DLC (due for today, but we wont persecute MS's timekeeping). This DLC included the much anticipated additional Katamari content... with a hefty price tag. Each "new" zone to create a Katamari in was either 200 or 300 MS points, couple this with the new cousins and accessories. Each of the new zones is 384kb, for the non technologically savvy, there is no way that 384kb can be new content, it is simply a wee file that unlocks content that already exists on the disk. All in all this "new" content will set you back over 2000 MS Points (Nearly £20). Shocking.

Also on XBL last nigh the Muse Guitar Pack was up, costing 500 MS Points for a meaty 60mb download including 3 muse tracks. Much better.

Luv n' Hugs,

Richie X

360 are Losers?

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this...

The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may.

The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

"Release the GEGH!!!!

DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’.

FROM HERE ON, ANALYSTS WILL BE CALLED ‘PROFESSIONAL GUESSERS’, OR ‘PROGUESSERS’.

So the new report calls for ‘strong’ sales of the PS3. FFS - SONY HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR STRONG SALES OF THE PS3 SINCE THEIR PISS-POOR LAUNCH DAY WHERE THEY HAD TO GIVE OUT 42” TV’S BEFORE ANYONE WOULD BUY THEIR BLU-RAY TROJAN HORSE.

Sony have already lost a big chunk of their PS2 install base and guess which console they’ve been lost to? Yes, the XBOX360. STRANGELY ENOUGH, THE XBOX360 IS A GAMES MACHINE. I actually feel a little sympathetic to those folk who believed in Sony’s propaganda, as EVERYONE WHO COUNTS is playing the latest, greatest games on Xbox Live. With easy multiplayer invites. And voice comms.

(Actually, I’ve changed my mind since writing that last paragraph indicating sympathy to the Sony loyalists – FUCK THOSE LOSERS THAT BOUGHT A PS3. I TOLD THEM IT’D BE SHIT, BUT THEY BELIEVED SONY RATHER THAN ME AND FOR THAT, DESERVE THE RIDICULE.)

Wii is expected to dominate but won’t move software like the PS3?

STUPID PROGUESSER, THE XBOX 360 IS THE CONSOLE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY *GAMES* FOR. NOT SOME SHIT “EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN AND BALLBAG” SYSTEM FOR UNDER-5’s AND OVER-50’s.

Let me point something out to you, Mr. Guesser.

Thursday 17th April, 2008 - Xbox 360 is the number one next-gen console in EMEA, owning 42% of the market in terms of life-to-date revenue. Xbox 360 continues to enjoy the highest software attach rate of any game console in Europe with more than 7.0 games sold per console (PS3: 3.8; Wii 3.5) after 27 months on the market.

Please indicate where the ‘struggle’ you indicate the Xbox is going through?.

Finally, many proguessers abide by the 51% rule; if you get at least 51% of your predictions right, you're a good proguesser. So, let me spin that initial article around for the other 49%:

“The analysts at GEGH Stupidity have gazed into the crystal ballbag to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Microsoft. But it's far worse for Sony & Nintendo. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the Xbox360 but knew that Microsoft expected to lose a "big chunk" of the Xbox install base. PS3 is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the Wii may.

The professionally guessing idiots at GEGH see a PS3 future filled with doom and gloom, with the PS3 "continuing to struggle" worldwide, despite minimal Japanese acceptance. They have bad news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2009 expected "to not break any records." That’s because I predict there won’t be any games coming out in 2009.”

SO I’LL TAKE MY 250K SALARY NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHATS.

GIANT PROFESSIONAL GUESSING HERO

Representing GEGH Stupidity Inc.

Love n' hugs...

Microsoft: Logic

Right so, I tried logging on to Xbox Live last night, but couldn't as, I have got a new credit card since then...

So I check my mail: and I have this in my inbox:

To update your credit card information:
1. Select your gamer card.
2. Select Account Management.
3. Select Memberships.
4. Select the membership you want to update.
For more info, go to www.xbox.com/support or call Xbox Customer Support at 0800 587 1102.
If you have already resolved this issue, please disregard this notice and accept our thanks.

Thank you for using Microsoft Online Services.

The Xbox Live team.

FAIL at step 2.!!

The moment you select Account management, it then says "you must be signed in to Xbox live", -.-

Caught in a viscous circle where Microsoft wont let me give them my money...

To be honest, I'm not actually that surprised, to think that this kind of stuff would be a painless procedure is just wishful thinking.

Maybe catch you kids on Live, Maybe.

Luv n hugs,

Richie

Web 3.60

You know what has been bothering me for a while? Aside from the gradual decline of our ecosystem and natural resources....

Why doesn't the 360 have a web browser? I mean its connected to the net, it has that controller addon-keyboardy-thing. surely just getting Internet Explorer (or even Opera god-forbid) on there, wouldn't be the craziest idea.

360 browser Pros:
1. Online sign ups for clans.
2. Youtube.
3. thatguys.co.uk on your 360.
4. Email with background notifications.
5. Direct links in-game to Gamer sites for 360 content.
6. Achievement points.
(Achievement Unlocked: You looked at porn 10 Gamer Points)
(Achievement Unlocked: You looked at Nintendo's website 0 Gamer points)
7. Online Rankings without going in-game.
8. Settling IMDb arguments.
9. Xbox live bandwidth could be transferred to different sites/hosts. reducing the lag on XBLA.
10. Porn.

Luv n' hugs.

Richie xxx