360 are Losers?

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this...

The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may.

The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

"Release the GEGH!!!!

DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’.

FROM HERE ON, ANALYSTS WILL BE CALLED ‘PROFESSIONAL GUESSERS’, OR ‘PROGUESSERS’.

So the new report calls for ‘strong’ sales of the PS3. FFS - SONY HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR STRONG SALES OF THE PS3 SINCE THEIR PISS-POOR LAUNCH DAY WHERE THEY HAD TO GIVE OUT 42” TV’S BEFORE ANYONE WOULD BUY THEIR BLU-RAY TROJAN HORSE.

Sony have already lost a big chunk of their PS2 install base and guess which console they’ve been lost to? Yes, the XBOX360. STRANGELY ENOUGH, THE XBOX360 IS A GAMES MACHINE. I actually feel a little sympathetic to those folk who believed in Sony’s propaganda, as EVERYONE WHO COUNTS is playing the latest, greatest games on Xbox Live. With easy multiplayer invites. And voice comms.

(Actually, I’ve changed my mind since writing that last paragraph indicating sympathy to the Sony loyalists – FUCK THOSE LOSERS THAT BOUGHT A PS3. I TOLD THEM IT’D BE SHIT, BUT THEY BELIEVED SONY RATHER THAN ME AND FOR THAT, DESERVE THE RIDICULE.)

Wii is expected to dominate but won’t move software like the PS3?

STUPID PROGUESSER, THE XBOX 360 IS THE CONSOLE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY *GAMES* FOR. NOT SOME SHIT “EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN AND BALLBAG” SYSTEM FOR UNDER-5’s AND OVER-50’s.

Let me point something out to you, Mr. Guesser.

Thursday 17th April, 2008 - Xbox 360 is the number one next-gen console in EMEA, owning 42% of the market in terms of life-to-date revenue. Xbox 360 continues to enjoy the highest software attach rate of any game console in Europe with more than 7.0 games sold per console (PS3: 3.8; Wii 3.5) after 27 months on the market.

Please indicate where the ‘struggle’ you indicate the Xbox is going through?.

Finally, many proguessers abide by the 51% rule; if you get at least 51% of your predictions right, you're a good proguesser. So, let me spin that initial article around for the other 49%:

“The analysts at GEGH Stupidity have gazed into the crystal ballbag to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Microsoft. But it's far worse for Sony & Nintendo. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the Xbox360 but knew that Microsoft expected to lose a "big chunk" of the Xbox install base. PS3 is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the Wii may.

The professionally guessing idiots at GEGH see a PS3 future filled with doom and gloom, with the PS3 "continuing to struggle" worldwide, despite minimal Japanese acceptance. They have bad news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2009 expected "to not break any records." That’s because I predict there won’t be any games coming out in 2009.”

SO I’LL TAKE MY 250K SALARY NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHATS.

GIANT PROFESSIONAL GUESSING HERO

Representing GEGH Stupidity Inc.

Love n' hugs...

GTA4 obligatory review

Soooo GTA4 then?

Might as well get this review out of the way before it “officially” comes out on Tuesday.

So for today’s review we are going to set it out in a classic divvied up review with each section out of ten.


Section 1. Gameplay.

Well this one is quite easy, have you played GTA3, VC, SA? It’s pretty much the same: run, shoot, drive. Except this time they have added some spanky tweaks, including GPS system, a better aiming system, and being able to hide behind cover. There isn’t much wrong with the GTA formulae, it’s non-stop fun and they have not strayed away from this standard.

Score: 9/10. Good to see GTA back again, with so many sandbox rip-offs its good to go back to the roots, new and improved roots at that.


Section 2. Graphics.

Graphics eh? I honestly don’t know how to approach this one… I have always had gripes with GTA’s (rockstar’s?) graphics. I remember when San Andreas was out on the PS2 and everyone was banging on about how great it looked, but I couldn’t see it. Whenever I looked at San Andreas I saw Lego-esque character models and painfully evident draw distance, a far cry from the graphics of the then current PS2 graphics. And as much as I have tried not to pay attention to this in GTA4, I am still painfully aware of the flaws. Firstly the characters models are not fantastic, the clothes on the models are quite blatantly skins on the characters, clothes don’t look like clothes, they have come on quite a bit from GTA:SA the models are not polygon-y they are well rounded, but surrounding the characters there seems to be garbled pixels, flecks of white highlight the joins between torso’s and legs. However!!! despite these little niggles the cars are amazing, the city is so detailed, and the draw distance flawless (no more Skyscrapers appearing on the horizon).

Score: 8/10. Some of the graphics bother me. Not quite up to current 360 potential, but still very good.


Section 3. Sound.

Hunners of Radio stations, loads of dialogue, realistic 5.1. Seriously there are so many nice little additions like still being able to hear the radio playing after getting out the car, or thunder rolling after you see the lightning. My only gripe was that some of the dialogue at the start was incomprehensible, as it turns out they characters were speaking a different language, but slinging on the subtitles sorted that out.

Score 9.5/10. It doesn’t get much better than this.


Section 4. Multiplayer.

Umm, well I haven’t really tried this cuz, well… I had it early…

Score 9/10. It has multiplayer… nuff said.


Section 5. Conclusion.

It’s GTA 4, it’s a worthy addition to the GTA series. The hard fact is that it is good, if you liked the previous GTA games then you are gonna like this one, end of. Couple that with improved everything cuz it’s “next gen”.

If you own any of the systems that can play this… Buy it.

Score 9/10

Oh yeah and a little side note to IGN, 10/10? Really? What happens when they bring out GTA 4: Vice City? And improve on all those things that have bothered you from this version… Get a grip, it’s a good game but it aint “perfect”. Losers.

Luv n hugs,

Richie.