Exciting E3 news!

Bored of Summer shitty games? Want something more than news about more crappy rock updates for Rock Band/Guitar Hero? E3 is here to deliver. Every year E3 has a theme. This year the theme is "innovation" and the line up of games on show really underpins that.

New Resident Evil 5 trailer!- Like Resident Evil 4 but shinier with vehicle sections.

Final Fantasy XIII- Like Final Fantasy X but shinier with more androgenous characters/airships and the same summons etc. from every other game. Vehicle sections yet to be confirmed.

Gear of War 2- Like Gears of War but with vehicles.

Dante confirmed for Soul Calibre IV!- Like Soul Calibur III but with Dante.

Metal Gear Flaccid 4 special edition- With extra cutscenes and the option to turn "jam" on/off because it's wacky you see! It's random and wacky! Kojiiiima is a random whacko! Woo! Woo! I am a train.

Rockband 2 Band Manager peripheral- Introduce yet another key aspect of being in a real band! Mobile phone peripheral allows the manager to order coke whilst the band plays. Peripheral priced at $600 and £111400 for the UK. Also, Rockband 2 set to include vehicle sections and dual wielding.

Galaga sequel planned- Remember Galaga? No? Well it was shit then and is shit now but a sequel is coming. Potentially with vehicle sections.

Wii Talking about shoes and whinging about boyfriends announced- Comes with shoes peripheral that carve up your feet and improve your blister plaster applying skills.

Gangland Marine Dizzy- The first new Dizzy game in 50 years! Play as Dizzy through an open world of warehouses and post apocalytpic ghetto areas. Fight generic aliens and use an innovative cover system! Vehicle section tbc.

Ubisoft announces new Ubisfotz game for the DS- Play as a real world Ubisoft employer! Come up with derivative copy cat games to earn money!

Wow. Exciting times readers. Exciting fucking times.

A special holiday message from Jill Valentine

To all those people who have just woken up from an 8, 20, 32 or 44 month coma. Here's Jill Valentine wishing you merry christmas!


Thanks the internet! Thanks Jill!

Next on TGAM! Happy VJ day and welcome to the 21st Century for those who have had comas for a very long time.

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 44

Yes it's Resident Evil Gaiden for the GameBoy Color. Color should have a "u" in it.



We've never played it, even though it's ten pounds from amazon. We probably won't either because the GBA is no doubt some kind of corroded battery affair by now. We're also opposed to it because it is called "Gaiden". Which sounds a lot like gay den.

Resident evil gay den: After the events of resident evil 1 & 2 Barry and Leon are hanging out at their secret tree house base. After Claire goes to Europe to find her brother, the boys discover through a friendly game of spin the bottle that Leon and Barry may be more than just friends. Play as Barry or Leo in in this exciting adventure for the GameBoy color. Choose the right time to come out to Rebecca. Berate Barry for always going on about Chris as if he is in love with him or something jesus Barry if you love him so much why don't you go to Europe to find him. Tell Leon cunning lies about Ada Wong in order to keep him the right side of the fence......

All we know is that Resident Evil purists worry that Gaiden isn't strictly "canon" but anyone worrying about a story with zombies on a boat being canon or not canon deserves to be purged from the internet and indeed the wider world. GIVE WIKIPEDIA BACK PURISTS.

List so far, so good:

45: Final Fantasy VIII
46: Resident Evil Genesis
47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 46

Well we've had zombies, zombies, zombies and zombie dinosaurs in our hotly anticipated TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. What could possibly beat 50-47? Well something has to otherwise the list is pretty flawed no? Chortle!

Well today children in at number 46. We're going to get complaints that this one is so low I know it in my heart! Yes, yes it's only fucking RESIDENT EVIL GENESIS for the mobile phone!

Not the first, not the last retelling of Resident Evil 1 but surely the most 46th on the list! Yes indeed. I hear what you are saying. Is this really better than Dead Rising? Well check the list because Dead Rising is lower than this so DUR SPAZMOID of course it's better! Does Dead Rising have Barry Burton in it? No? I didn't think so.

Wow what an exciting week. Readers have been voting and commenting in the half dozens at least. What does next week's list bring? I'll give you a hint. "NOT METROID OR ZELDA". Yes. Can you guess what it is yet?

The fairest and most empirical list of greatness so far:

47: Dino Crisis 3
48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 47

So far, so good. Three great games on the list, I'm sure you'll agree (aside from two of them not really being games). So what is better than Dead Rising you might ask? Well it's only frickin Dino Crisis 3!

Although much hated by most gamers, we don't share that opinion because we have never played it. The last time I checked it still wasn't backward compatible with the Xbox 360 which is a testament to how much it is hated considering that titles like Catwoman, Dinotopia and Bass Pro Shops Trophy Hunter 2007 have been emulator enabled.

However, it remains one of the greatest games of all time because from reading the instruction book, looking at the back of the box, examining the screenshots and watching videos it has genetically altered dinosaurs in space. Which is kind of like dinosaur zombies in space which in turn means that it is practically Resident Evil in space which is where Albert Wesker lives. What a great game!

The list so far:

48: Dead Rising
49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 48

Time for number 48! Excited? I know I am really excited. Here's a clue to the game via an excellent screenshot from Eurogamer.

Yes it's Dead Rising (referred to as Dead Rizzling in TGAM circles thanks to a stupid customer). Why so low? Nobody asks. Well it's a compormise, I love Dead Rising but Richie has no time for it. So it's here. The first proper game on the list.

Dead Rising has everything: zombies, shopping malls, hot fat lesbo cops, ban in Germany, Jills Sandwiches, everyday violence, cults, guns, storyline, hideous save system, unreadable text, the Dante, Jill and Ryu zombies, cars, viruses and tits mcgee (never forget tits Mcgee). The usual capcom trappings of being a bit confusing on the first playthrough and the aforementioned save system only work to make it better in our eyes. Perhaps the greatest achievement is that the game works properly. So if you feel so inclined you can sit on the roof for the whole game until the chopper arrives*. It still remains the only reason to buy an Xbox 360.

The list so far:

49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1
50: Biohazard 4D Executer



*Did you hear that Bioshock with your infinitely long "the place is falling apart, you must escape" sequence at the end? Bastard.

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 49

Yes that's right, it's number 49 in our highly successful TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. After yesterday's non game we decided to include another non game. And todays 49th TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Resident Evil Confidential Report: File 1. Never heard of it? Shame on you. It's oft* been described as the mobile phone Halo.

Yes, Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1 makes up for what it lacks in being a good game of any sort by having Resident Evil in the title. Did you know reader that in Japan Resident Evil is known as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou? Well it is! Imagine such titles as Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Director's cut or Gendengi Shen Doru Obu Natsuome Ou: Outbreak File 2! It's batshit crazy upside down world is what that is.

So that's 49. 49 is so today but what does tomorrow bring? Well thanks to the vast number of votes in our hotly contended reader voting (visit the forum to join in), we have a surprise entry to the so-far Resident Evil dominated list.

The list so far:

50: Biohazard 4D Executer

*This meant to read "further in this sentence".

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 50

So, as promised, here it is. No pussying around we're going straight in there without so much as a thought for preheating the oven. Readers have voted in their droves* So what is the first game in the TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever? Which game did we feel deserved recognition but not too many playthroughs? Which game did we think was better than number 51 but not quite as good as number 49? Well kids, it's....it's Biohazard 4D-Executer.

That's right, we're going there. So superior is our list to all out competitors, the first one on the list of TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever isn't even a fucking game. That's right we're going there. It's a film thing. The whole thing is on Youtube so make sure you watch it before complaining.

This ""game"" makes the list because we're sick of EDGE, IGN and Joystiq including fucking Myst and the sequels on top 100 lists. Seriously, I've sat through more interactive power point presentations for god's sake. Myst. Ha! It was wank. And then there were 100 sequels which no one ever played yet yearly some beardy who worked on it attends some videogame conference and everyone listens to them as if they are some kind of sage/mage. I cannot impress how much I hate Myst. In the grand old game of videogame top trumps, Myst would be the card that loses against ever single other card on all categories.

So Biohazard 4D executer is a film thing designed to be played in a cinema where bits of the seats would move and people would lick your ear at certain points for the "ultimate scare". I can't even be bothered to look but in all likelyhood it never made it out of Japan because Capcom like to roll like that. It has zombie things and guns and sewers and warehouses and zombie crows and mutating baddies that look like various prolapses so it's a winner in our book.

Tomorrow: That's right, we're gonna do number 49. See if we don't**



* Artistic use of readers and/or have voted.

** Quite likely actually.

Next week on TGAM

In order to belatedly celebrate our 2nd birthday and Capcom's 25th birthday and because there is nothing happening in games at all we're going to sell out like IGN and do TGAM top 25 no a top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. To shake up the usual format we're going to start at number 50 and work our way through until we get to number 1. Then we're going to stop and do other posts.

Given our recent activity levels this will probably take 38 years because we'll lose enthusiasm after number 47.

So don't just sit around wanking over big brother for the next 38 years. Instead start pointless forum posts hypothesising about who is going to be number 11. Write a letter to EDGE when we include Final Fantasy XI but not VI or VII! Try to convince us to put any Zelda or Metroid* games in the list. You even have your chance to vote** for the top ten in this list so try to get all those underated multimillion selling games like Ico and the Ubisoft one with tits and the pig in it into the top ten! It's almost exciting. I'm so excited it reminds me of the time I first saw a fire engine and "nearly" wet myself.

*Don't.

**No you don't.

<3 Deviant Art

Cunzy1 1: You know what would be neato chap?

Richie: What's that?

Cunzy1 1: A picture that showed family life of the Birkin family from Resident Evil 2

Richie: Oh. You mean before William Birkin impregnates his own daughter.

Cunzy1 1: No. Like way before.

Richie: Before Sherry is even born?

Cunzy1 1: Yeah, you know. Just the Birkins chilling out at the lab. Annette is due any day...

Richie: Cha ching. Thank you deviant art!

Cunzy1 1: Isn't that nice.

Richie: Yeah. That's magic.

Cunzy1 1: And look their home is a lab!

Richie: Or maybe they are at work.

Cunzy1 1: Yeah William Birkin is totally trying to get her to go home.

Richie: But the research Willy.

Cunzy1 1: Yeah, she does call him Willy doesn't she?

Richie: Yes because in America it's not as funny as it is here.

Cunzy1 1: You know what would also be awesome?

Richie: A picture of the so totally underage Sherry Birkin all hypersexualised with a gun and her butt hanging out?

Cunzy1 1: Yeah butt only if the artist makes pains to point out that she is totally 18 now so it's fine.

Richie: LOL butt.

Cunzy1 1: Yeah.

Richie: What is wrong with people?

Cunzy1 1: I guess they just obsess about Resident Evil 2 way too much?

Richie: Yeah. Listen I have to go right away now to ummm floss my hair.

Cunzy1 1: Yeah me too, and I need this tissues for my allergies.

Richie: Stupid. Fake. Allergies.

Would you like to play a game

So instead of the normal whinging about games as if we played games (we just play Resident Evil 2 over and over again). This bank holiday meant that I had some pretty full on game time. Heres some reviews for the usual reasons;

1) Dynasty Warriors 6 Unbelievably, significantly worse than Dynasty Warriors 3.

2) Haze. Imagine Half Life on the PC set in the jungle from the original Crash Bandicoot with a sprinkling of AI taken from Marvel Super Heroes. From now on, Free Radical did nothing after TS2 in our eyes. They went under and will be missed.

3) Zack & Wiki. Genuinely very good, beyond our normal Capcom bias, actually very very good. Wii owners please stop buying shovelware and pick this up. Ya?

4) Endless Ocean. Game of the decade. 100/10. Deadly serious.

5) Devil May Cry 4. Yeah, well I used to be a fan of DMC. Too much annoying capcom checkpoint saving annoyingness. :(

6) Grand Theft Auto IV. Life draining, fun but a bit bland?

7) Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles. Great. Maybe only for Resident Evil fans but hey CHECK THE NAME OF THIS BLOG. Second greatest game of the decade 97/10

8) Echochrome. Nice although the PS3 is trying a bit too hard to be all Indie at the moment. Flow and Echochrome are nice and everything but no one payed £1600 to play shiny flash games did they? Perhaps some real games soon? Yeah?

9) GT5 Prologue. £25 for a demo. But yeah, it's Gran Turismo with all the tissue box collision and zero damage you've come to expect. Meh, like GT and GT2 and GT3.

So that's what we've been playing recently and sad to say it, but it looks like the Wii has the edge. What have you been playing recently? And how much would you give it out of ten, not that it matters because it is completely subjective? First one to say "Your mum" is an Erik Von Markovik.

Omastar Comics #17

Could it be? Has he? All those years of research which is hampered by underwater labspaces? It all paid off?


Wow! Things will never be the same again. That. Is for sure.

The New DS?

It's just rumours or whatever but if it ain't. Fuck off you money wringing wankers. What's wrong? do you not already have enough money? How about stop pissing about with a new DS and get some decent franchises on the DS instead of all that awful animated film tie in shit that literally fills the shelves of GAME and spills out onto the street knocking over frail Grannies and blocking traffic. By decent franchises I very specifically mean:

Resident Evil 2

Yes "it" isn't a franchise. But it is. Just pay Capcom all that money you are sitting on and stop making crappy Mario, Zelda and Metroid games that no one even likes or remembers and get them to remake, no reimagine, Resident Evil 2 and make it 140000 player co-op online, no friends codes or stars instead of other players and all that crap that prevents losers like us from actually playing online. Oh and don't mess around with Mp3s and SD cards and all that crap that only "homebrew boys" and gadget losers want. You'll just ruin it all and try to make the DS like some kind of lifestyle neccessity that will get Frankestein, sex-changed Violet Berlin and the other bint from the gadget show going off but will make the every day gamer barf with manbag-wearing-trendiness-sickness and then they'll all finally buy the PSP they've been putting off buying. "Yeah hi, yeah. I'm skyping from the bus using my DS. Yeah I'm so fucking important that I need to be on my DSphone on the way home. Otherwise my generic office twat office would completely collapse without me. No. I'm going to the Gym where I can check my email on my DS whilst I pump iron and eat organic pork scratchings and drink freshly squeezed lychee juice to make all the other office tossers insanely jealous. No she broke up with me last week. Silly dykey bint. It's her loss, she was crap in bed anyway. Alright, yeah, keep it easy Trent, I'm at Shoreditch now. Bye".

No one wants that scenario to come true now do they? Thanks Ninty.

Cunzy1 1.

Front Magazine's Steve Beech: An Interview

Hey all,

After getting really excited about Front Magazine's great work on the Devil May Cry Images, we decided to get some input from the great minds behind these genius works of art!

So we spoke with Front magazine's Art Director: Steve Beech

Where did the idea for replacing Dante and Nero with a female model come from?
Well, we were approached by the lovely people at Capcom after they saw a similar project we did for Call of Duty 4 and they just asked so nicely we couldn’t say no.

Are you a fan of the Devil May Cry series?
To be honest I am not a big gamer (although a lot of the staff here are) even though I have worked on a few gaming titles in the past, but I generally like the whole look of the game as I love Manga films and thought that I could get that energy across with the lovely Vikki Blows.

What do you think of Devil May Cry 4?
I think it looks like a really slick game, and the graphics and artwork kick ass.

Are you an Xbox 360 man or a PS3 man?
I play the 360 in the office when we have clocked out after gawping at women all day. I rock at Guitar Hero and suck at Pro Evo.

What is the next big title you are looking forward to?
Space Harrier 2? LOL

Are there any other games that you would consider doing something similar too?
Something like Metal Gear Solid would look pretty ace I reckon.

Could I persuade you to do something similar for the ladies of the Resident Evil series?
Yeah, they are dead sexy.

Do you reckon, since games have much nicer graphics, we can expect to see more of these types of images?
Yeah I reckon, the higher quality of the graphics gives much more to play with when it comes to dropping the real life girl over the top without the two looking too separate.

Games have gotten a lot of bad press recently with rating violence, sex and nudity. What's your standpoint on the recent government involvement in the censorship of violent or sexual games?
I have no problem with the violent content in games, it’s just the same as films and music at the end of the day, kids will always get their hands on it. But more sex in games can’t be too bad can it?

Who would win in a fight, Vikki Blows or Dante?
Vikki, coz she gave me a look on the shoot after a bad joke that said more than any lethal blow could do.

Will we ever see the Vikki Blows images as downloadable content for the 360?
I’m sure, just keep looking on the Capcom site or FRONT’s MySpace (www.myspace.com/frontmag) Once the mag is off the shelf we will release the naughtier images as wallpapers.

Can I have Vikki's number? You know… for work purposes…
She communicates only by smoke signals, sorry.

There you have it...

Steve, you are a God, thankyou for putting those images into the world.

We at thatguys.co.uk are forever indebted to you.

Buy it!!! March 1st!

Love n Hugs,

Richie X.

George Romero vs. Capcom. The company line

Kotaku reports here and here that The MKR Group, who hold the rights to George Romero films, is suing Capcom for similarities between Dead Rising and Dawn of The Dead. This is a sad day indeed, hopefully Capcom will come up trumps but I have my doubts and so do all our buddies at Capcom HQ who as we speak are burning all their production notes, we managed to photocopy some of them before they were destroyed.

But fear not! Either way Capcom wins! If the law suit fails then hopefully Capcom will make infinity more Dead Risings set in malls. If the law suit is a success then Capcom can successfully sue any bastard who makes a game or film that includes the following:

Bad voice acting and zombies
Zombies Elephants
Zombie Sharks
Zombie Crocodiles
Zombies in a Zoo
Zombies in a mansion
Zombies in a police station
Zombies in Arklay mountains
Zombies on a train
Zombies on an underground train
Zombies on a tram
Zombies on an island
Zombies in a military facility
Zombie dogs
Zombies that vomit harmful liquid
Fat zombies
Zombies that hide in cupboards and/or lockers
Zombies in a cosmetics lab
Paintings with puzzles
Zombies in a guardhouse
Zombies in the sewers
Zombies that make a clik-clak sound when they walk
FMV zombies
Zombies in an underground laboratory
Zombies on a train turntable
Zombies on a boat
Spanish zombies that secretely are not zombies
Zombies called Marvin
Zombies called Marvin that have a striking similarity to the actor Will Smith
Reporters in jail cells that break in half
Mayors in torture dungeons that break in half
Eyeballs in shoulders
Zombie leeches, worms, moths and crows
Lickers, Hunters etc.
Top of the range elite bioweapons created with their hearts on the outside of their bodies
Mutated plants
Scientists who inject themselves with their own virus and then stalk about trying to impregnate their own daughters
Bioweapons that say "S.T.A.R.S"
Zombie like mutated dinosaurs in space
Bioweapons on emergency evacuation trains that used to resemble a man type thing but then go on to resemble a diseased vagina*
Joe Kendo
Spinning bird kicks

Surely Hollywood would come to a standstill! Good luck MKR, try opening that can of worms and bring the zombie horror film genre to it's knees!

*Last time we mentioned vagina we got a into trouble with all the gamefem blogs. So before you type a complaint, play resident evil 2 on the B scenario get to the end of the game and SPOILERS fight the thing in the train and tell us it doesn't remotely resemble a diseased sideways smile. If you can't do that then 00:18 seconds here gives you some idea or watch this.

Tomato Juice and Black Umbrella

Sup maniacs? We were at GDC and we've had precious little blogging time so here's a brief catch up in the form of a numbered list:

1) The Guiness World Records: Gamer's Edition is now out (already reduced by 33% in many shops) and it is worth picking up in the future when it is somewhere around the £5 mark. Packed with a lot of tenuous records and inaccuracies but it's worth ignoring the blindingly obvious mistakes (Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 3 are not PlayStation2 games, why didn't anyone consult us?) to discover some lesser known gaming related gems. So for example, did you know that David Lynch directed the PS2 'Third Place' adverts? Or that the PSOne could connect to a number of Sony mobile phones? I don't know what they could do when they were connected but you could do it. In Japan.

2) Both myself and Richie have had our IPs banned from the Resident Evil Wiki for trying to add the articles "Jill Sammich" and "That Guy's A Maniac". Quite frankly a "Resident Evil wiki" without those articles is a misnomer. They don't even have an article on Akuma for christ's sake. So in facetious spite we looked at all 1843 articles on the REwiki over a gruelling two days and discovered 1223 and 1/2 mistakes and didn't correct them! Ha! Wiki that arseholes.

3) Despite claiming to quite like the Resident Evil Series neither of us had ever played the reportedly bad Resident Evil Outbreak.... until now that is! And yes. It's bad. Here's a brief list of things that are wrong: story is non canon :(, characters can make vocalisations that are pointless offline, way too many cutscenes (14 cutscenes on the first level, a level which takes about 14 minutes if you are fast so that's one cutscene per minute of gameplay! Must be a record Guiness!), AI characters are frankly arseholes and will run off or just refuse to follow commands despite getting mauled in the face and the dub on some of the cutscenes is completely different to the subtitles. This list is not comprehensive but all these issues do mount up and unfortunately bring the score down to 9/10: best game on the PS2. It could have been so much more though.

4) Someone needs to go to Tim Buckley's house and check that he's taking the proper meds. First there is this ridiculous I'm not too sure what it even is "storyline" that smacks a bit too much of Bouncer's Dream in Neighbours. Be it an early mid-life crisis or a bad break up, someone should check on Tim. You know, just in case.....

5) GDC was okay but as with every year, a bunch of Peter Molyneux's and Peter Molyneux himself were bigging up the "next big things in gaming" (online gaming apparently). I think they meant to say Brain Training 3, Halo 4 and shit like Mario and Sonic at the Olympic games. The sandwiches at GDC were really nice although next year some kind of sticker or flag to highlight which ones are fish, vegetarian or meat would save some valuable time.

6) After hunting 6 different high street shops I managed to pick up a copy of Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles. It's a nice little game, a bit too easy perhaps but nice nonetheless despite being a bit non canon thus confusing the new kids who weren't there from the beginning. Nonetheless 10/10 best game on the Wii.

7) Following the purchase of RE:Outbreak I've been skimming a lot of FAQs recently and this is a formal public service notice to FAQ writers: There is no need for the sections: version history, author's notes, disclaimers, special thanks or game controls sections. No one ever reads that shit and no one cares if Jigglypuff12 helped you out on the section about where to take upskirt screenies. Just skip to the bits where you start giving up the information straight away if people can't work out the controls themselves then I doubt they can translate your broken english anyway and I imagine they are beyond help in the first place.

So that's what we've been up to campers, what sandwiches have you been avoiding recently?

Can you do it Rebecca?

Nothing happening in games for the whole of January I'm afraid. Today's post is for those time travelling from 1996* IT'S FUNNY AND TOPICAL NO?



*Why have you travelled 12 years into the future to "surf the net"? Do you still use "surf the net" as a phrase? Oh well, since you made the effort, put money on Princess Diana dying in France. It'll pay off.

Word Up!

You may have gathered but we here are gay for Capcom. One of the many facets of that relationship is that they love to have crossover cameos that make girls like us gush like that lift from the Shining, except with green and bloody douche juice. Here's a selection that we could rip from the internet.

Here is the excellent Frank West, in his pants, in the mediocre Lost Planet. This image is from gay gamer. Perhaps they have dreams about Frank West too?

This is Dino Crisis character Regina in Resident Evil 3! IT'S NOT REALLY IT'S JUST JILL DRESSED UP AS REGINA. It's an important distinction to make because you may be surprised if the cuffs don't match the collar in your dreams.

Here is Megaman. IN DEAD RISING. We are sad when we think about Megaman and sadder when Capcom do things like this. Of all the good franchises to include as a cameo you choose the worst one. 4/10

It's the Nemesis in Under the Skin!Under the skin was average at best with the exception of the Raccoon City level which was awesome. 9/10

Emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo.

How does it feel Joe to be overshadowed by a cameo character? Ha! SCHiewtiful Joe more like. Corker.

The internet wouldn't let us rip images of Jill Valentine in Pocket fighters or images of some more capcom cameos in We love golf. Stupid internet. Stupid Capcom.

"Progress"

So you may have gathered from the title of this blog and many many of the posts that go with it that we are fans of the Resident Evil Series. It goes without saying. So we were midly excited to see the first videos of Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles. You get to play bits from all those Resident Evil games again! Check the latest video here.
Now as much as we love the series and won't have a word to say against it (excepting requests for DS remakes), we are getting a little bit sick of seeing this guy:

The first zombie you encounter in Resident Evil. His iconic putrid face marked the beginning of a genre (Alone in the Dark doesn't count). The cutscene he appears in marked only the beginning in a long series of games from the fundamentally broken Outbreak to the unanimous greatness of Resident Evil 4 (secretely Resident Evil 6). Killing him with a knife in the original was both tricky and a taster for the rest of the game. And then again in the directors's cut. And then again on the PC version. Starting to lose appeal on the Sega Saturn. Then again on the GC rehash. And again on some mobile phone pish. And then once more on the DS. Oh and with the latest release you have to kill that fucker again in Umbrella Chronicles.

Talk about flogging a dead zombie. This guy deserves his own machnima, or at least an entry in the Game Hall of Fame. He must be up there in the most killed enemy of all time record books.

So aside from endless repetition in the name of virtual "achievement", counting the number of iterations of this poor zombie you have killed may be a good measure of Resident Evil Fanboyness. This could be used to avoid future confrontation amongst the Capcom masses. You'll know to back down if someone has a higher FZK (first zombie kill) than you, even if they are cosplaying Claire or diarrhea Jill. At the moment TGAM are on a joint 4FZK. However, Richie may overtake with UC. What's your FZK?

Incontinent Gay Nonces

Yes, those perverts at IGN, spurred on by creative juices and out of the box thinking are doing another Top 100. Let's hope they are doing the list by the rules. Let's check:

1) Don't ever mention Zelda or Metroid. FAILED. Number 78 is Link's Awakening. I suspect the top 30 will be littered with metroids and zeldas. Come on IGN sort it out.

2)When everyone least suspects it pull out a really shitty retro game to fuck off all the youg'ns. PASS! Number 70 is Tecmo Bowl for the GB and NES. Yes, that's right it is better than Wipeout, Goldeneye, Quake 2 and the original Resident Evil.

3) Ignore all PC games except the crappy Molyneux games that no one really played or enjoyed anyway. FAIL. They've gone for some other shit like Syndicate, Mech Warrior 2 and planetscape:Torment. Selling out.

4) Cram in as many "Great but underrated" games as possible. PASS. Hello! ICO.

5) Put at least one of the Final Fantasies, other than VII above VII in the list.PASS. Final Fantasy II is at 55. I suspect VI will be up there. VII by contrast is at 76.

6) If you are American, inexplicably put Madden at the top of your list. If you are English do the same with Championship Manager. TBC. Tricky to judge as they are only at 50 at the moment. However, Tecmo bowl and NHL 94 are already on the list. I suspect Madden will be high. Probably not top. Hopefully not top.

7) If you are talking about a game series always include the one before the most recent one released. PASS. There are a whole bunch of silly sequels and prequels there. Also, games released before December 2006 are not covered by this top 100 for "perspective". Fuck off you idle cunts. Pricks.

8) Lightly sprinkle your lists with only-in-Japan releases. FAIL. So far so good. But I suspect it's because IGN Australia are co authors of the list and they are all racist cunts.

9) Somehow, manage to put Killer7 on your list. FAIL. There's still scope for it yet though.

10) Put WoW on the list, unfairly much higher than Everquest even though both are worse than EVE Online which you should never have on your list in the first place. PASS. It's number 83 which should piss some people off.

So far IGN has 5/10 neccessary ingredients and conveniently they are halfway through the list. Lets see if they can get 10 and prove to us that they are the assholes we know them all to be. Not wanting to be beaten by the retards over at IGN. I pulled this "top ten" out of my arse this morning. It's entirely arbitary, contributes nothing to the greater world at large. The difference is that I KNOW THIS. I don't think IGN do.

Cunzy1 1's Top Ten Non lethal Weapons in Video Games.

10) Smoke Grenade Gears of War. Yes ultimately pointless. Often forgotten but used almost exclusively for the shame value of getting smoked just before you get executed. We love it.

9) Pants Vacuum Ape Escape 2001. Yes. The objective was to vacuum the pants off the naughty apes and put them in the washing machine. Winner.

8) "Paintbrush". Goldeneye. Despite many many hours of trying, this author could never get this to work. Don't pick up any other weapons or ammo. Pick up the sniper rifle and tap A twice. Then James would wield what was apparently a painbrush but was actually his arm on the wrong way around. According to the internet. You could actually do damage with it though but I wanted it on the list to show how L337 I am because I know obscure shit about a really popular game.

7) Persuadatron. Syndicate. Like Pikmin but with uzis.

6) Riot Shield. Red Faction. Well. You could do damage with it but fuck you. This is my list.

6a) Prod. Worms. Yes the ultimate in shame. Prodded off a cliff to death. Difficult to pull off though without messing it up.

5) 103 Pound Mightfish. World of Warcraft. See here for the low down.

4) Maeda's Gun. Parasite Eve. This gun did little to no damage for most of the game. On the 6th day though it kicked ass!

3) Oil Spill. Every Karting game ever. The little fella you drop to make karts behind you wobble a bit. It's true. Not really top ten material.

2) Head Masks Dead Rising. Coming in a variety of flavours, Frank could whack these on the heads of zombies rendering them both comical and useless.

1) Fire Extinguisher. Timesplitters. Yes the winner by far. The fire extinguisher was of little to no use, unless you were on fire, which was rarely. Great.

See. Pow!

That Guy's A Maniac: Helping to fill the internet with pointless shit.

Live Blogging on Location

Hey kids. Why the sexed up new site you might ask? Well we're expecting the droves to flock to TGAM as soon as the press releases go out for TGAM:The Movie. The old black layout was sufficient for our regular customers but now we have to cater for real people.

So, TGAM: The Movie has just begun shooting following generous support from an anonymous big games company which makes fighting games and survival horror games. This renewed support was not at all in response to threats made here about releasing any viruses. No siree.

It's the first day of shooting. This still here is from one of my favourite scenes, Scene 24: Jill Valentine does explosive diarrhea before all the cosplay faeces fetish sexing starts. There's a great joke about "explosive rounds" just after this bit.

That is actually Sienna Guillory who played Jill Valentine in the Resident Evil films. She is happy to be reprising her role in a film that actually bears some resemblence to Resident Evil. She is a big fan of the series. I'm just including this link for no reason it has nothing to do with the real identity of the actress above.

Next week we start filming the scene "Leon and Barry share a sexing moment", which I am very excited about.

P.S. Richie made me

Street Fighter The Later Years

Often at That Guy's A Maniac we forget Capcom did other series of games. Ones without zombies or with the pretty boy with the white hair. Yes that's right, Street Fighter. Anyway, some geniuses over at college humour put together this excellent series which, impressively boasts better dialogue, funnier in-jokes for the fans and greater production values than most video game related films. We found it via the omnireporting Kotaku machine. Here's the trailer on YouTube but you should watch the rest here. Or else.

Dear Capcom#3

Dear Capcom

Right. This is it. I have written to you on many occasions and not a single reply. This is not on, especially considering how many of your franchises only sold so well off the back of our glowing reviews and hard hitting articles on Capcom and Capcom characters. But that's it now. You took it too far. Dido is dead. I stuffed her in the boot of my car and drove it off a bridge. I phoned the police and told them you did it. Ha! how do you like that?

This will be you if you do not comply with our demands:

But also, it seems that not only are you ignoring our pleas but you are deliberately doing things to annoy us. Case in point? Well Lost Planet for starters. What the Fuck? But also look at Devil May Cry 4. What the fucking fuck is that poor man's homoerotic excuse for a younger, camper much much less cool Dante, that you call Nero?
Are you having a laugh? Did you even play MGS2? No one likes Raiden and no one will like Nero. I've scoured the internet and no one has ever typed the sentence "Yes. I really like Devil May Cry the series but I find Dante not camp or annoying enough. I will invest in a sequel if he is pseudo replaced with an appropriate alternative". Not once. See! Scientific proof. Have you not learned from DMC2? No one played as the women because she wasn't Dante.

Anyway, that was slighlty off topic. This is my last demand, I have four vials of the T-Virus primed and ready to go if you do not reply within the calendar year. I decided to use the T-virus because the G-virus was a bit weak and the las Plagas stuff was uber poor. No one likes your new racist game either, even after you changed the game's setting from Africa to Haiti to pacify the very vocal American anti-racists. Frankly you are lost Capcom but we are here to help.

This is how you make lots of money and please your fans Capcom. MAKE RE2 FOR THE DS BUT MAKE IT PROPERLY WI-FI. Yeah? Think about it. It would be great. It would be like what you tried to do with the awful awful awful awful awful awful awful awful awful Outbreak and Outbreak file 2**. One person can play as Claire and one person can play as Leon and it would be great. There should definitely be a cyber button too? Can you do that? Thanks. Oh and whilst your doing fanbidding could you put Dante and Frank West as extra characters? Yeah? Ok ball is in your court now Capcom. I've got the T-virus aimed at Japan and depending on how you act now it could be a very very ZOMBIE new year, if you get what I mean?*

Kind Regards

Cunzy1 1 and Richie

P.S. If I were you I'd get the press releases out pretty sharpish because I've got a very itchy (tasty) test tube throwing finger. You hear me?

* I mean if you don't do it I'll release the T-virus in Japan on the 31st of December. Thought I'd write it out here because I might have been being a bit too obscure.

** If you are reading this, congratulations you are now a sponsor of TGAM. This means that you automatically pay TGAM $49 a month for the TGAM staff to work overtime to produce images like this and in return you get access to bonus materials or material the normal readers don,t get. Thank you for your contribution and keep reading for your bonus material. BONUS MATERIAL: Yeah I never played Outbreak File 2. The first one was so bad***

*** If you are reading this, congratulations you are now an uber sponsor of TGAM. This means that you automatically pay TGAM $199 a month for the TGAM staff to work overtime to produce images like this and to pay those expensive lawyer bills. In return you get access to bonus bonus materials or material the normal readers and sponsors don,t get. Thank you for your contribution and keep reading for your bonus material. BONUS BONUS MATERIAL: Yeah I never played the original Outbreak either. SHUT UP, I read about it on Gamespot and watched a demo video OK!

Seperate Ways

We at that guys support anything and everything Japanese schoolgirls say and do, in our eyes they can do no wrong except Richie says they 'struggle too much'. That's disgusting dude.

Thatguys: Official members of the Engrish AKB48 fanclub

/Wnak

TGAM E3

Oh man so I'm all "at E3" even though there is no E3 and oh man here's a list of the top ten most anticipated games at E3 and whatever and then I went to a Sony thing at E3 man they've got things and then I'm like all over at Nintendo E3 and we should have a poll about who is better at E3 and it's like totally Nintendo or something and then there's Halo 3 at E3 and Tony Hawk oh man and I'm all over E3 at E3. Here I am with E3 and like a new sonic game.

WHATEVER VIDEOGAMES BLOGS SHUT UP NO ONE CARES ABOUT E3. If you take one thing from E3 this year take this and shove it down your japs eye like you used to with the paperclips.

Fucking E3.

Dear Capcom# 2

Dear Capcom, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me when I finally finished Devil May Cry you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Dr Wo
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he even bought Monster Hunter 1 and 2
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Super Street Fighter 2
I've bought all your games and I'm worried about zombies - see I'm just like you in a way
I never liked platform exclusives neither; I used to always cheat on RE2 on the Gamecube
I can relate to what you're saying in your games
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of Capcom vs. SNK across the chest
Sometimes I even frag myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Capcom, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Cunzy1 1 -- P.S.We should be together too