That guy's a Maniac...

Resident Evil Monopoly

2010-02-11T10:36:00.001Z

Right well apparently this took 5 years to make, the full story can be found here.

Hint: Hit up page 16 for a disturbing picture of the creator.

My apologies this post is bitter, but c'mon, you could know you could knock this (or better) up in an afternoon in Photoshop. Plus, i feel a bit tainted as this just feels like a Wonderland post. What next? Knitted resident evil toilet roll cosies. I don't think so.

ugh

Love and raging-at-ideas-we've-had-but-never-done-and-then-when-they-get-done-by-others-they-don't-fulfill-our-expectations,

Richie X

Some Stupid Fucking Nonsense on the TV again

2010-02-10T16:19:00.004Z

Click the title for the link. Some nonsense about a lady off the telly going on about violent video games again. Which reminds us we wanted you all to have these links if you are genuinely
interested:

The Byron review. 2007-2008 review into keeping children protected online. A full report, a summary report and a report for young people are available so no excuses.

Review of research on the impact of violent computer games on young people. A DCMS review of the research up until 2006 on the link between violent videogames and young people. With interesting conclusions as to the nature and quality of that research.

How to set parental controls on the Wii, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.

That awful Susan Greenfield woman again.

Digital Britain 2009 report into Brits and what they get up to online. Some interesting stats here.

Don't Shoot a 2007 proper look at violence and video games links and you know, proper research.

Lastly and we're being naughty here

Atrocious advice from SuperNanny. Like some like almost proper published research into the evilness of Brand Super Nanny (president: Jo Frost). Oh come on. I'm not just gonna let her get away with, it the sassy nanny.

Pronounced 'Say-Ga' You Twat

2010-02-09T16:10:00.003Z

Pray you don't have offspring and if it is any consolation you inspired this poem:

A Man

A man today is trying to convince me that Sega is pronounced
Sea-Ga
Not Say-Ga
And that there was the last straw
That is what made me take my Daddy's Glock
Down to the family fair
It took me Ay-Gees

x x

Peado Yoda Again

2010-02-09T15:52:00.003Z

In the big, bigger, biggest tried-and-tested format.

Lego Star wars III: Creepy

2010-02-09T15:48:00.001Z

So Lego Star Wars III has been announced, and the above image has been released. First impressions: Fucked up. Is no one else freaked out by those faces?!!? I mean don't get me wrong, Lego characters are already quite freaky with their cold dead eyes, but there is a definite uncanny-valley caused mixing the two genres of CG Cartoon and CG Lego blocks.

Well freakyness aside, this one is based on the clone wars cartoon but will feature some of the other characters from the Starwars Universe, not much else to say to be honest, It's another Lego game, same formula as the rest of them, though hopefully we'll get some cool new force updates.

Due out before the end of 2010

Freaky CG characters missing their noses and Seducing Yoda's,

Richie X

Generation V Pokemon announced

2010-02-09T15:20:00.001Z

We really wish we could be ~~as happy as~~ these folks:

And a small part* of us is, Generation V pokemon have been announced.

... Well "announced-ish". For now it is just a silhouette, our bets are that it is a Lucario evolution. The reveal is happening in March.

But yeah the reason we can only wish we could be happy, is well, we need HeartGold/SoulSilver first! It's hard to care about new Pokemon when you still have a whole game to get through... Roll on March

*not a racist joke I promise

Love and Generation V Conspiracies,

Richie X

Wiiwaa advert, inappropriate overload

2010-02-07T16:15:00.000Z

I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google.

Just no.

Richie :(

The future of gaming interaction is here at last!

2010-02-04T19:43:00.000Z

After the recent debate over the Wii, it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind!

Đ

[Flopculture]

Thoughts on the Heavy Rain Showering/Golden Shower "Leak"

2010-02-03T09:06:00.003Z

So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee.

We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts:

1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs.
2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit. We can barely wait for the level where you have to fill out your tax return or the "Where did I put my keys?" mini game.
3) UPDATE FROM THE GIRLFRIEND! What kind of woman showers without at least 14 kinds of products and at least 20 towels? Good points.
4) What ever happened to MDK?
5) So, Wii Sports bowling is an example of how casual games and gaming is killing gaming for the hardcore. A game where you have to make a motion like bowling to bowl a ball in a virtual bowling alley. Like bowling. The real life game of bowling. That's not 'gaming' apparently but pressing up on an analog stick to turn the shower on is gaming?
6) When she undresses for the shower all the naughty bits are strategically covered by furniture in the foreground which is a bit Austin Powers really. I mean, if this game is an 18 then at least 14% of the gamers playing it will have actually seen a real vagina. Is it really so neccessary to cover it up or does that actually say more about the expected response to this kind of totally unexciting, barely lob worthy scene?
7) Fingers crossed for a male shower and piss scene where right on the analog stick is "wipe piss off the seat".

THOSE ARE THE THOUGHTS.

Why Nintendo lost me as a customer

2010-02-02T12:30:00.006Z

Since I was a kid, gaming has always been synonymous with Nintendo. Here was a company that for me had awesome graphics, huge libraries of games and timeless franchises. However this relationship unfortunately ended with the Game Cube and while the Wii has been a runaway succes it got me thinking why did they lose me as a customer?

My first gaming system was a Commodore 64, a system that looked enough like it might be educational to fool my parents, however for me it was purely for games. While I spent many hours with Treasure Island Dizzy (one life and no saving!!), bubble bobble and Rick Dangerous, my first experience with what i believed to be 'true' gaming was the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

I would accompany my parents on trips to Makro and immediately split from them and head to the gaming isle where they had a Nintendo wall with NES systems running Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. These Instant gaming machines let you slip in to a simple, colourful and oh so rewarding world with Princess's in need of rescue and excitable plumbers only to happy to oblige. My friend who owned one of these wondrous devices would taunt me with demos of more Princess's in need of rescuing, this time from an Elf type character loaded in seconds as if by magic from a golden cartridge. Alas I never owned a NES, however I more than made up for it with the amount of hours I spent on my friends system.

Which brings me to my first Nintendo console the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES), 16bits of sheer joy, with audio and visual capabilities that put Sega's Mega Drive to shame, it was cutting edge and had a back catalogue of gaming franchises ready for 'Super' adoption.

Instant classics like Super Mario World, Super Mario Kart, Super Bomberman, The Legend of Zelda: A link to the past, Secret of Mana and Street Fighter II to name but a few kept me gaming for years. The SNES was top of the pile at the time, the visuals were clearly superior to the Mega Drive when comparing the same game on both consoles (Street Fighter II springs to mind) and they also pioneered 3D gaming with the Super FX Chip imbedded in certain games like Starfox/Starwing. By todays standards these graphics may seem tame but at the time it had me staring in wonder. For me this was THE console, the joy of which has yet to be replicated and to this day i still crack open Super Mario World with Richie to complete all 96 levels in a day. All be it on a tv so huge that the mushrooms are the size of your fist!

Next up was the Nintendo 64, 'Project Reality' as it was dubbed for its breathtaking graphics and supercomputer rivalling performance which was technically far in advance of the new kid on the block The Playstation(PS), from their ex partner Sony.

Now I never bought in to the PS, it seemed to represent the Megadrive of the 90's, it had titles like Madden and Fifa, when Nintendo had immersive classics like Ocrarina of Time, Mario 64, DonkeyKong64 and The amazing GoldenEye. Now I know the Playstation was a gamechanger and there were many many great titles, however for me i was sold on the Mario exclusives and the technical prowess.

To this day Orcarina of Time's visuals astound me and the game play and interactions were far beyond their time and the deathmatch multiplayer of GoldenEye was a precursor to Halo and Call of Duty, before console internet gaming really existed.

This console also had arguably the best controller around.

With expensive cartridge prices (£50 - £60, expensive in todays market) and poor support of 3rd party developers, Nintendo lost its market lead and when the Game Cube was released in 2002, faced with the Playstation 2 and the new player from Microsoft, The Xbox, things didn't improve.

Again, i bought a gamecube, however for the first time started to lose the faith with Nintendo.

While i was kept relatively happy with the Mario and Zelda outings, I started to look at other types of games like GTA and Call of Duty, suddenly the Game Cube seemed to be aimed at a younger audience.

There also seemed to be a lack of innovation, while the PS2 essentially championed DVD as a format and the Xbox revolutionised the concept of online gaming, the Game Cube's big selling point was its small size and range of different colours.

The Gamecube also had limitations around the Optical media, the 'mini DVD' format meant it couldn't play DVD's (something that was important at the time) and many games were either multi-disk games or had features removed from the PS2/XB versions.

Which patient readers, brings me to Nintendo's latest offering, the Wii...

Now despite the Game Cube being my least favourite Nintendo console, i still loved it and as a result was still very excited about the Wii.

When i got over the name (doesn't seem so silly on reflection does it?) and first poured over the specs and read about the 'revolutionary controller i was slightly sceptical.

With the might of the triple Core Xbox 360 and the ridiculous hyped potential of the PS3's Cell Processor, the hardware of the Wii didn't seem so 'next generation'

With approx 1.5 times the power of its predecessor, the graphics of the Wii seemed to have little or no gain over the Game Cube.

The next worry for me was resolution...

This thing has a maximum output of 480i/p (576i PAL), thats standard definition, no HD love here people. Does that matter though?? Well in my opinion absolutely!

HD brings far more detail to gaming, more room on the screen for a detailed HUD, better draw distances and represents exactly where the AV market was at launch and is today. The Wii was the only 'next gen' consol to shun HD.

Even if you take to one side the extra detail and real estate that higher resolution gives you and argue that SD is just fine, what about the huge trend of consumers buying HD TV's?

Most peoples first reaction to HDTVs is disappointment, primarily as initially there were few HD sources available. This means the HDTV has to scale the source input up to 1080p or 720p (768p if you want to get technical on most 'HD Ready' sets)

Now the problem with this is that depending on the quality of your set, the image scaling can greatly differ, affecting the final image quality. That £200 bargain you picked up while you were buying milk doesn't do such a good job at IP conversion and scaling as sets at the higher end of the market.

Even if you put that to one side, and declare resolution isn't everything, maybe you have a top end HDTV, don't notice the digital fragments left by the poor scaling or maybe you still have a CRT SD set and are quite happy with 480 lines, there is also the quality of the connection.

The 360 and PS3 shipped initially with HD connections in the form of Component and HDMI respectively. The Wii, however shipped with composite output as standard, a very low end analogue output that sends an interlaced signal (think flicker).

Now even with an SD source there are benefits to using a higher quality connection. With component the light and colour are sent separately resulting in higher quality and more accurate video reproduction. Component is also capable of progressive scan, giving a smoother higher quality image with less 'jaggies' and since all flat panels are progressive, this takes out the need for the tv set to convert the signal from interlaced to progressive. Nintendo do offer a a component cable as an optional accessory, however that seems a modest compromise at best.

But maybe it looks fine??

Well in my opinion, far from it. When my flatmate hooked up the Wii to my 720p Sony set i was very disappointed. The colours appeared washed out and the graphics of Zelda seemed very much last generation. Despite pouring over all the advanced scaling settings my Sony had to offer, I just couldn't get the result i was looking for.

Even a simple comparison of cross platform games will shock you. No More Heroes is a prime example of this, a really fantastic game for the Wii, though with obvious graphical differences.

So what about the real 'Revolution', the motion controls...

Yes Wii Sports brought some genuine fun briefly to my living room, it was fun to play bowling, tennis and boxing with the motion controller, it even briefly made me think about the endless possibilities of gaming interaction, however this fascination was quickly relegated to a game suitable for drunken groups of friends. Watching my cousin destroy me at the boxing by simply 'waggling' the controller and not at all simulating the act, also made me realise the limitations of this 'revolution'

For me the controller was fun, but a novelty; for real games I had no desire to flap about like a crazy person fighting an invisible wasp. Even my beloved Zelda couldn't lure me in.

While this console has sold insanely well, i feel it is a sign that Nintendo has moved on from the core gamer and sold it's soul to the mediocrity of the masses. Unfortunately, for every 1 customer like me Nintendo have lost, there are most likely 10 casual/geriatric/drunk idiots out there flailing about in their living room, ready to offer it a dusty spot under their T.V.

The Virtual Revolution: A Breakdown

2010-02-01T09:24:00.002Z

Over the weekend we watched the first episode of The Virtual Revolution. A series all about the history of the web innit. Presented by I'm-A-Doctor-Now-Former-Bits-Presentertator-Aleks Krotoski. Anyway here's the breakdown just in case you missed it:

10% Gratuitous shots of Dr Al's breasts and butt. Really gratutitous.
5% Aleks nodding/glowing/gushing in the presence of an old San Franciscan.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive with her shades on.
30% 5 of the richest men in the world celebrating how the web is the great 'leveller' specifically their software.
5% Bitter hippies claiming it's all gone to shit now.
7% Aleks looking into the camera and flicking her hair out of her eyes.
5% Aleks typing away on her laptop WITH HER MAN HANDS in the street near a famous landmark.
3% HIPPIES!
10% Some pointless graphic which was being 'unveiled' for the first time ever.

Episode two is on at some point. Games might be in it so do check it out. Better still look up old Bits episodes on Youtube. They are a little less gratuitous.

Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles

2010-01-29T13:30:00.002Z

Exciting unboxing complete we've now played through a lot of Darkside Chronicles, some of the normal Capcom secret modes silliness aside.
The review that summed it up best was probably the EDGE review. This is RE2 & Code Veronica the best bits. All the bits you remember with all the inventory management, backtracking and key finding edited out. Some reviews bitched about how Capcom had taken a hatchet to the storyline but the bits they cut out and edited gave a bit more elbow room to new elements that weren't there before and a bit more exposition.
The new "bit" set between Code Veronica and Resident Evil 4 feels less last minute made up than the Umbrella's End Mission from Umbrella Chronicles and has some nice South American twists of RE B.O.W classics, the Anubis and the new Ivy being particularly stand out.
Obviously, for us this game is some much needed Resident Evil massage oil for the relevant bits of our brains that crave it but if you aren't the kind of person who enjoys reading through the files and just "looking" at the rotating character models (with some totally unnecessary Redfield tit wobble I hasten to add) you might well burn through this quickly and never revisit it. If you are a completionist then there is plenty here to unlock, max out and achieve and it is amazing how well shooting Tofu is executed. It is astonishing. Playing through again dual wielding is also a great deal of fun if you can get over how sad it is playing th 2 player game on your own.
For those of you who will be playing 2P it is well worth maxing the difficulty from the beginning to make it a challenge.
Online leader boards are a nice addition and for experts seeing your name up there (even fleetingly) is worth memorizing every shot for. All in all a solid game that might not be for those who burn through, rather than savour their games, and well worth checking out before deciding to label it as yet another Capcom re-run.
PS We know she isn't in Darkside Chronicles but boy her breasts are exposed.

Obligatory iPad Post

2010-01-28T13:20:00.001Z

Since the Blogosphere is rife with everyone finishing each other off whilst masturbating vigorously and furiously to Apple's latest product, we at thatguys felt compelled to drop our fluids* into the Apple wank pile.

To be honest there is not much to say that hasn't been said on EVERY other site out there, seriously do apple even need to advertise?

A Blogger said: It's like a mix between an iPhone and a Macbook.

Twitter went viral with #iTampon, yet again proving that the internet is blatantly immature as us.

Facebook is crawling with the same link to Steve Jobs Keynote.

The BBC said it was a "gaming device", fuck off.

The Guardian called it an oversized phone.

Kotaku were not overly impressed.

Metascore 4/10: Wait for iPad 2

*fluids, it's more PC you know cuz women get to do it too.

iLove and iHugs.

Richie XX

CAPCOM®ANNOUNCES SPRING LINE-UP LAUNCH DATES INCLUDING SUPER STREET FIGHTER® IV, LOST PLANET® 2, MONSTER HUNTER® TRI AND FINAL FIGHT™: DOUBLE IMPACT..

2010-01-27T16:30:00.002Z

®eads pa®t of the headline f®om a site so insidious we a®en't even gonna give the fucke®s a wo®king link. ©unts.

Ditto was in the news again!

2010-01-27T13:48:00.003Z

Apparently, Dittos* are going extinct, according to yesterday's newspaper the METRO.
.
This is stupid. Everyone has a Ditto right? And they aren't fished, you just catch them in the grass. I have a spare if anyone is interested.

Or find them at music festivals. But they aren't very good. By the time you have wasted a turn you are then in the unfortunate position in that your foe knows all your moves.

We hate it when newspapers get all their shit wrong. Stupid newspapers. Sadly I only worked out Ditto wasn't great when it dinged level 89.

*We know it should be Ditto not Dittos but we love annoying those wiki pricks who genuinely care about it. Because when the aliens find part of a server floating round in the space where Earth used to be, they're really gonna be concerned about the correct way of pluralising a fictional monster. Anyway if it does go extinct we won't have to worry about that.

Animal Crossing Racism-Round 2

2010-01-26T14:22:00.003Z

Not happy just to have baabara running around dropping the n-bomb Nintendo have turned their racist little eyes onto the Scots.
Yes starting from last night and up until the 1st of February, you too could download the "I hate the Scots" hat for Animal Crossing Wii. Complete with ginger hair and tartan Tam o shanter. You too can recreate Glasgow on a Saturday night by dressing like a stereotype heckling K.K.Slider and then vomiting into the river before dying of hypothermia and obesity.

Nintendo have yet to confirm the car bomb furniture set for St Patrick's day.

So boring

2010-01-25T11:34:00.003Z

Read it here. Basically, former who-is-that-guy-again? leader of the tory party, IDS has pulled a Vaz. This time though, avoiding Vaz's idiotic mistake a few weeks back, he appears to be aware of all the laws about selling stuff to people who aren't old enough to buy it all. He just says nobody pays attention.

He also comes out with:

“We are driving children to lose their childhood, and some video games are incredibly violent, like Grand Theft Auto. They are meant to be 18 but nobody cares what it says on the label."

Fuck off IDS. Just fuck off. When was the last time you took a bus after 11pm in this country? That's violence right there. Real actual violence. In fact for anyone living in London they probably see violence every week. I know I do. And then of course there are violent films on TV all day every day which anyone can watch with no restrictions whatsoever. Oh and books. When was the last time you got ID(S'ed?) for a book? And even then. Even if 1997 game GTA is destroying childhood why don't we tap into that powerful interactive medium that has such a brainwashing effect as to distract a member of parliament (and tipped to be a cabinet member) and use it to improve our youth's obesity problems or teen pregnancy problems or crime problems or literacy problems? Is that going to be on the agenda? Because the last couple of government funded video games were SHIT, didn't appear at all or were worse than educational software of the early 1990s.

That is the end of the above news item. The following news item is the Top Five Things About The 1997 PlayStation Game Grand Theft Auto Which Are Better Than Chingford, The Constituency Of Iain Duncan Smith:

1) The police actually catch you if you do too many crimes. They don't just put you on a list and then maybe accidentally pick you up or anything. In 2005/2006 only 25% of crimes committed were solved.
2) It is harder to get a gun in GTA than it is in real life in Chingford and Walthamstow.
3) It is impossible to commit a sexual offence in GTA but in 2005/2006 year there were 278 sexual offences in Chingford.
4) It is impossible to steal anything from a car in GTA but in 2005/2006 there were 3155 theft from a motor vehicle in Chingford.
5) It is impossible to commit a burglary in GTA but in 2005/2006 there were 1962 burglaries in Chingford.

So there we have it. Two unrelated random pieces of news.

New That Guys 'Girlfriend' Identified

2010-01-21T12:34:00.002Z

See here the lovely Lisa Courtney officially has the World's Largest Collection of Pokemon Memorabilia and we are seething with jealousy so bad right now.
We thought we were contenders for it but Lisa's collection dwarfs the TGAM meagre collection of:

Copies of Pokemon Red, 2 x Blue, Yellow, SIlver, Gold, Ruby Sapphire, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, TCG, Ranger, Link, Stadium, Stadium 2, Colosseum, Ruby & Sapphire Box, Channel, XD, Snap and Mystery Dungeon Time.
A Psyduck Plushie.
Seven or so key rings of Pikachu.
An Eevee that senses motion and says Veeeeeeeeeee (batteries not working).
A copy of Pikachu's Global Adventure.
Legal copies of the first film on DVD and VHS, two copies of the second film and one of the fourth film.
A bunch of rubbish stuff from that awful day
Loads more other stuff that we are way too embarrassed to go into. Very little of it is official Nintendo merchandise mind. Some of it is totally home made too.

So, in resurrecting a feature we did four years ago Lisa wins this month's maniac award and is deserving of the title on two separate levels! Expect an interview or shaky photos of her through a window soon! She gets plus points for arranging them in colour.

PS: Also, you should check out that video because our mate Guy Cocker is in it. I'm sure he is a great guy an all but we'll be damned if we could ever get past his name.

Some Fucking Fucktards Get Annoyed About Nintendo The Week They Start Running Prime Time Adverts Addressing The Problem They Are Peeved About

2010-01-20T14:41:00.002Z

Games Industry biz has the scoop parsed via Kotaku because we can't be arsed to register for GIZ! Because that means cum.

Basically, a bunch of nobodys are whinging about Nintendo not doing enough to advertise WiiWare and DSiWare and all the online stuff. Unfortunately, this coincides with Nintendo running some rather good adverts on the telly box about how to get your Wii online and why you should.

Unfortunately neither umm Pong Toss or Christmas Clix are featured in the ad.

ONM Reader's Game of the Year

2010-01-19T13:11:00.003Z

In this month's Official Nintendo Magazine the paedo and the three five year olds are asking for readers to vote for their games of the year in various categories. I tried to find a weblink for this activity but alas! The ONM website SUCKS. Properly SUCKS. Okay. It's all here apparently.

Anyway the point of this post is that I have only played one game in all those shortlisted in all seven categories (obviously, not including Most Anticipated). The only game I have played is Dead Rising: Chop Til' You Drop which is nominated for biggest let down. Which, isn't fair. It is purely misunderstood.

Where do you people get the time to buy and play all these games? I'm a fan of gaming, a fan of Nintendo with a bit of disposable income and I haven't played a single game highly rated from the last year!? Where do the kidz get all the money?

How many have you played TGAM reader(s)?

Heavy Rain Spoilers

2010-01-19T11:45:00.001Z

Hey look at this !

We are covering news on a PS3 title! Who'd have thunk it?

Basically Heavy Rain has been Rated by the ESRB and, much like Movie trailers, they have given us a preview of the best bits:

below we have a breakdown of the nudey bits:

"The game contains sexual content and nudity."

TGAM: w00t

"Shower cutscenes may depict a male character's bare butt..."

TGAM: Ghey. And yes, they did use the word "butt" classy.

"...if players control the female character, her breasts and buttocks are also briefly visible."

TGAM: Lady Ghey. And not to worry as soon as we get a screenie of the bewbs it'll be posted here.

"A more prolonged instance of nudity occurs during a female character's investigation of a seedy club owner: After getting him alone in a room, the player-character is asked to strip; at gunpoint, she dances topless in front of the man."

TGAM: Excellent! Degradation, Humiliation, Weapons and Bewbs... Thatguys, might be buying a PS3.

"The game also contains a prompt-based love scene (kissing and rubbing) in which players match on-screen cues to angle characters' mouths, remove shirts and blouses, unhook bras, and lower to the floor; a woman briefly appears topless amidst the dark shadows and heavy breathing-actual sex is never depicted as the camera fades to black."

TGAM: Woah It's just like IRL! firstly you can mess up kissing, taking off clothes, unhooking bras! And secondly it's prompt based, just like real sex, but probably with marginally less disappointment and frustration.

The whole report can be seen here.

Love and hugs,

Richie

Gears of War 3 announced!

2010-01-19T10:15:00.002Z

Not really, the game is called "farcical rip off of one of the most popular game series on the xbox 360, even down to the bulky models and the animations for cover" "Quantum Theory" by your typical soulless cash in company Koei Temco

But c'mon guys! did you think people wouldnt notice? are you targeting xbox gamers that have selective Gears of War amnesia? or perhaps you are just expecting the GoWers to buy this to "try it out" destined to be traded in 12 months later for £3 ($5 for our American reader) ironically to purchase the actual GoW3 game?

Though maybe I'm being too negative, video games concepts do get copied, and perhaps this may improve on every aspect that made the GoW one of the stronger ones on the 360. HA

See ya in the bargain bin QT.

Love and unflattering clones.

Richie X

Koo-pa-pa Troop-pa-pa Thats How it Goes?

2010-01-18T09:58:00.004Z

Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me. But I won't feel blue. Like I always do. 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.

I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night from Glasgow. All I do is eat and sleep and sing. Wishing every show was the last show. (Wishing every show was the last show). So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming. (Glad to hear you're coming). Suddenly I feel all right (and suddenly it's gonna be)and it's gonna be so different. When I'm on the stage tonight.

Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smiling, having fun (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Feeling like a number one
Tonight the Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Like I always do (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.

Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smiling, having fun (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Feeling like a number one
Tonight the Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Like I always do (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.
Facing twenty thousand of your friends. How can anyone be so lonely? Part of a success that never ends. Still I'm thinking about you only(Still I'm thinking about you only). There are moments when I think I'm going crazy (Think I'm going crazy). But it's gonna be alright (You'll soon be changing everything). Everything will be so different. When I'm on the stage tonight

Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smiling, having fun (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Feeling like a number one
Tonight the Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Like I always do (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.
So I'll be there when you arrive. The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive.
And when you take me in your arms and hold me tight I know it's gonna mean so much tonight.

Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smiling, having fun (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Feeling like a number one
Tonight the Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Like I always do (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.

Tekken Movie is More Hotly Anticipated Than The Next Tekken Game.

2010-01-16T17:39:00.002Z

Because, let us all be honest there was no real need for there to ever be a Tekken 3 let alone 6? Are we up to six already? For God's sake I can't even be bothered to be apathetic about it. This is worse than Tomb Raider/Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Gran Turismo/Resident Evil [delete as appropriate].

LEGO TEKKEN looks good though innit?:

That was just a joke. That is actually a screenshot from Tekken 5.

Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles Unboxing and Review

2010-01-15T11:32:00.002Z

Yes readers. Everyone is doing unboxing these days and pretending it is an interesting thing to do. So much like our Dead Rising unboxing we're going to go through the motions with the new Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles although this time in one big fat update rather than separate blogs for the box, disc and book and eventually game.
So we got Darkside Chronicles off the internet so no bag this time. But it did come in cellophane which is nice. Sometimes in GAME you buy a new game and it doesn't have the wrap which makes us sad. This time we know we're the first ones to see it outside of China as you might be able to make out from this image:

We got a new phone so you can see things better in this update. So the box looks good. It has shattered glass on it which is a theme throughout the game. A nice theme mind. Naturally, once you've seen the front you have to flip her over and pretend she is a boy:

Tasty, tasty and you've got to love the unprovable claim of MIND BLOWING GRAPHICS and it isn't as if you can't stick together to STAY ALIVE because it is a shooter. On rails. There is no splitting up by definition. Still. Whack it on the box ey! We are so desensitised to back of box lies and this is a prime example why. Ridiculous claims that appear to be aimed at exciting FIVE YEAR OLDS and "screenshots" mixed with artwork. Still we are not ones to judge a game by the back of the box. Next let's look at the spine:

Oh you mother fuckers. You did not. You did not. You may not be able to tell from the above screenshot, but instead of putting the title of the game in nice understated letters on the spine, in order for the box to nicely fit on the game shelf without looking like something the aforementioned FIVE YEAR OLDS would get excited about, what has happened is nothing short of a tragedy worse than starvation and or genocide. This game had to be different with bloody great letters with some kind of edgy survival font on it. This is shit. Here is how shit it looks on the shelf:

Nice job Capcom. You might be able to make out that this is "Way to ruin the shelf". It was bad enough coping with Umbrella Chronicles' confusing capitalisations or Resident Evil 4's metal box mucking up the PlayStation 2 section but this is the pits. Ugh. So angry. Why? Why do that? Anyway disc-art next before we commit suicide. Let's see if they have 'accidentally' printed it onto a platinum disc to ruin the look of the binder whilst we are at it.

Oh no, could be worse. You might be able to make out that the Jobs a good 'un. Not quite as good as Umbrella Chronicles mind. Now there is a disc. The logos are too busy and what the hell is that usk logo? Anyways, after spinegate this is acceptable. But what does the book look like?

They've gone for the classic technique of just using the box art for the book cover. Which is fair enough I guess. A tad disappointed but to be honest the spine thing is still dominating our "fucked off meter". Now for the biggest question. Is there a notes section in the book?

That is a negative! Instead of the time-honoured notes section there are adverts for the Capcom community using characters fromsome shit franchise and another ad for yet another Capcom shoddy wiimake. By the way this is the same Capcom that was sassing off over their mature titles not being bought by the gaming public as much as they wanted? Sassing off because people don't want to buy lazy ports of games they already have? Oh no! Poor little Capcom. Best replace the notes sections in books with adverts for said wiimakes then. That'll encourage sales.

REVIEW
I'll be honest, I haven't played all of it so expect a review down the line but within an hour or so of starting up I found something to delight and two things to annoy. Bad news first I am afraid:

TYPO in the first ten minutes. Who tested this? Fire them all, lazy bastards working minimum wage under the pretense that they will break into the industry. Ha! Not with a school boy error like this my under paid under appreciated friends.

Secondly, do I really want to see "wtf" in a Resident Evil file? The answer to this question is a short sharp and convincing no. Okay, sure the storyline in Resident Evil has never reached the heady heights of say, a direct line advert, but in previous games at least it was pretending not be a really poorly written fan fiction. Also, what kind of prick Sewer Manager; a)Keeps a diary at work b) Writes down "wtf" and c) Calls themselves Sewer Manager on their own diary. Anyway enough of dwelling on the bad. Here's the good:

I could go on about how all the reviews I have read so far have been uber lazy corner cutting cash in hand scribbles. But I won't. I could go on about how one reviewer complained that you had to shoot everything you saw which didn't make sense in terms of the characters and then didn't mention that at least in DC you don't have to do it to get a good score for the unlocks like you had to in Umbrella Chronicles. I could go on about how another review boo-hooed it because it "ruined the storyline" we all knew and loved from Resident Evil 2 by chopping bits about but also failed to mention that this has been happening in Resident Evils ever since Director's cut. I could mention how the levels set in the daylight look edgier than the editor of EDGE shaving the Mirror's edge logo into the sideburns of Tim Langdell with broken glass shards but I won't. All I will say is that there are ZOMBIE FUCKING PIRANHAS and that Resident Evil 6 will have to be fucking awesome to beat that.

Game of the year until Endless Ocean 2 comes out. 8/10