Review Alien: Isolation & Lazy Gaming

Obnoxious Self-Indulgent Preamble That Passes For Games Journalism These Days

When did we get so lazy as gamers? Is it just age? Is it that when you can play games whenever you want it becomes less fun? Is it the era of convenience over quality that we live in? Is it surplus leads to boredom rather than when you might get one or two new games a year rather than just buying up humble bundles that sit unplayed on Steam 'just in case'? We can barely be bothered to change a disc or cartridge let alone set up a VR headset. 

And it's because of this slovenly indolence that we (and many others) have been digitally picking up games we already own for the Switch because within seconds you're in the game. No disc. No updates. No over-bearing interface or account juggling. Just on, select game, choose Mii and in. This convenience, dear reader, is why we recently picked up Alien Isolation for the Switch. We bought it when it came in 2014 but it was more quicker, not to mention more convenient to wait for it to come out on the Switch than to wait for the updates to download on the dusty PS4. 

We already had a quick take on the game because why write one perfectly serviceable article about a game when salami slicing it into teaser description, trailer breakdown, previews, quick looks, ethno-takes, that fat one's review, the girl's review, the funny one's review, a still playing spotlight, idividual Easter Egg highlights and retro retrospectives can spread the same content leaner but with 15000% more ad exposure. Expect another 42 articles on this game coming soon once we hit 82 likes, 200 followers, £36 on Patreon and a meatball subway in the PO Box. 

The Actual Review, Kinda

When it came out *checks watch* SIX years ago we remember it garnering favourable reviews particularly for building suspense and the clever AI of the lone Alien that stalks you, Ripley's daughter through Sevastapol space station during a quick pick up mission- the flight recorder of Alien's Nostromo- gone wrong. 

We've not played it enough to work out quite how clever the game is but enough to know that the Alien is bloody brutal and your inventory of cogs, a packet of chewing gum and Blockbuster membership card isn't much of a deterrent. As a consequence, because we're little scaredy cats, here's how our playthrough has been going, in pictures:

OH GOD IT'S THE FUCKING ALIEN, HE GOT THAT DUDE

SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Safely, safely, hidey, desky
OH CRAP IT'S IN THE GODDAM ROOM
CRAP, IT'S IN THE WHEELCHAIR. Maybe if I don't look at it, it can't see me?
Maybe it's time to leave desky? it's been half an hour since the last blip
OH MY GOD IT'S THERE, SAVE ME DESKY, SAVE ME!
Ah. Locker. Much better than that stupid old desk.

DIES OF STARVATION TWO DAYS LATER. 

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