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Showing posts from February, 2019

Wayne's World SNES

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Wayne's World for the SNES is probably the worst game I have ever played. It is the fucking epitome of the senseless unnecessary movie cash-in games that gave movie tie-in games the awful reputation and stigma they endured for so many years. Countless swathes of 90's blockbusters which were quickly ported into generic shit-platformers* and this one just sticks out in my mind as one of the worst.

A melange of lo-fi sound clips straight from the show/movie and even worse 16-bit pixel images.

It offers sickeningly predictable sound effects, repeatedly using a crackly "excellent" ad nauseam, interspersed with "Schwing", and the occasional "Not Worthy" chant.

The game has no story, it isn't even sure if it is the move tie-in or the TV show tie in. The 1st level above seems to depict the store where Wayne finds the guitar he wants (oh yes, she will be mine) attempts to play it and is "denied" to play Stairway to Heaven. Except this one ha…

Flame Rounds: Timesplitters: Future Perfect

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Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame rounded?)

Richie: Oh man Sweet, its that time where we flame round shit again! Lets see what Cunzy has for me to shoot down this time!
Cunzy1 1: This is our first entire game on Flame Rounds and it's 2005's Timesplitters: Future Perfect. As gamers of a particular vintage will tell you, Timesplitters was phenomenal and seemingly came from nowhere, an early PlayStation 2 first person shooter, against the clock game with great original characters, amazing multiplayer and silly modes/cheat characters/silly characters goofiness the likes of which hadn't been seen since Goldeneye. Timesplitters 2 built on that in almost every way. One of our favourite games of all time. Then…

Starlink: A Turret Called Gunny

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Starlink: Battle For Atlas is a game we are playing and enjoying but the announcement that there seems to be some semi-substantial new content on the way in the recent Nintendo Direct put the fire up our butts to get it finished. As is typical for Ubisoft games this involves a lot of tidying up and clearing out busywork that in Starlink is fun enough with plenty of variety to stop it getting stale.

It was whilst doing this busywork on the planet Sonatus that we met Gunny, initially just a deployable turret we picked up to take some of the grind out of taking down enemy fortifications, uplinking satellites and hacking Legion data cores etc. However, what started as a relationship of convenience soon became a lifelong friendship... what started as a reluctant partnership soon became.. what started as an unlikely pairing with cultural differences... we became unusual but authentic friends... it's A BUDDY COP MOVIE OKAY. We made a buddy cop movie.











Acid Rounds: Final Fantasy XIII-2

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Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.

Cunzy1 1: The Final Fantasy XIII Trilogy completely passed me by, but my good associate Richie went in hard. Tell me about this middle game. Did it only get good after 30 hours? Did the story attempt to make sense? Was this just a vehicle for Lightning merch?
Richie: Ha FFXII-2 was an odd one, squeenix clearly had heard the massive backlash that the first one got for the 20 hour training mission, foregoes this entirely and places you right into a sequel letting you just play about and get the controls.
And no the story makes no fucking sense, Lightnings sister Serah charges about through time "fixing the time line" to save a planet of immortal souls (btw all characters from FFXIII are immortal) from a priest that is also a moon, that is also a spaceship and and antagonist that doesn't like this for "reasons". oh and it might be a dream.
Ha no, Lightning is almost…

No I'll Save Her, Then I'll Kill Her

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Flame Rounds: DLC Costumes

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Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101 (but for Video Games). 

Cunzy1 1: Welcome back to flame rounds, where one of us picks something from gaming to confine to getting flames rounded out of video games and possibly existence. So far we've char grilled the Dreamcast but spared the exposed brains of Pokemon. Richie, what have you got for being flames roundsed this week? 

Richie: This week I would like to address DLC content. We all understand that we live in a world where games are dissected, dismantled and portioned off to increase their value and longevity. And in most cases where a game offers me extra content, I would be happy to pay for visiting a new land, or a new campaign mode, or even a new character... But I feel sad when it is just aesthetic shit, the most archetypal example of this would be the "Horse Armour" of 360 yore. But this still happens today! Fighting games are…

The Claire Redfield from Resident Evil 2 Nude Cheat

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Surprisingly, we've managed to find a little Easter egg from Capcom in their latest survival horror game Resident Evil 2. That's right sports fans, you can unlock a nude(ish) Claire. Here's how, accompanied by some artists reconstructions because we'll be damned if we can take screenshots. Them shits is too professional.


 As Claire A scenario, ensure you keep on the original costume on, do not change to Noir/Eliza etc.

Once you reach the police station, ensure you run into to the Toilets in the East Wing when attempting to get the notebook and press A by the toilet.


After collecting the notebook proceed through the game to the boiler room WITHOUT TAKING DAMAGE, we have not tried this with reloading saves, you will see the boarded up boiler room door, press A, 50 times (call back to the Rebecca Photo in RE2 on PS1) you will hear a faint dog bark. Return to the Weapon locker room without using any weapons. Put in locker code 105 and examine the locker. The screen will bl…

Acid Rounds: Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival (Wii U)

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Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.


Richie: Oh another Animal Crossing game! I take it you are back to the island, lording it up as Mayor, collecting bugs, paying off your Mortgages, but this time with Amiibos?
Cunzy1 1: No. Not even. I'll level with you. This is one of the worst games I ever played. Imagine an Animal Crossing themed Mario Party board game. Without the minigames. And one board. And you have to have an Animal Crossing amiibo figure (not cards) for each player. And instead of using a controller you tap amiibos. That is this game.

Richie: Does this one address the disturbing relationship between the typically predator type animals and the more "prey" type animals i.e. How do Bianca the Tiger and Chief the Wolf maintain acceptable relationships with the plethora of herbivores which normally serve as food out there?
Cunzy1 1: No.

Richie: I mean the townsfolk and NPCs are more than likely just wearin…

That Devil May Cry 5 Cast In Full

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It's no secret, we're huge fans of the Devil May Cry series and it feels like Devil May Cry 5 has somewhat snuck up on us as it's out in a number of weeks! Of course Dante will always be our #1 boi but it's great to see an expanding cast of increasingly androgenous characters. Thanks to a super legitimate leak from a guy we know whose Dad works at Nintendo, we've got early access to the full character list.

Dante
The OG gangsta. Fast quipping, pizza loving son of a Demon. He's like the teenage mutant ninja turtles all rolled into one. But edgier.

Vergil
For those of you who need more weab in their edgelords.

Lady
I mean, sure.
Nero
Nero originally divided fans but is now a firm favourite thanks to the good combo.

Trish
Well. The Capcom cleavage won't bring itself will it? We can never take Trish seriously because in the UK it's a popular name for Dinner Ladies.

V
V is  non-binary trans and like, HATES his mother.

Metal Dante
Metal Dante is harder to launch tha…

Flame Rounds: The Exeggcute With The Exposed Brain

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Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame rounded?)

Richie: And following on from last Flame Rounds, round two is all Cunzy1 1's 

Cunzy1 1: Right this one might need a bit of explaining, I'd like to flames round (verb?) the grass and psychic Pokémon Exeggcute. Even if you've got only a passing familiarity with Pokémon you'll be aware that most of them are based on animals, plants, myths or household objects. Exeggcute is an egg cluster Pokémon made up of six egg-like creatures with faces. However, it's not just the whole clutch I want to flames round, specifically, it's the one which has a cracked shell. I don't like the way it's brain(?), yolk(?) is just exposed like that. Fucking disturbi…