Posts

Showing posts from 2019

The Secret Language of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (and Mario Kart 8), Kartography and Motion Language

Image
Mario Kart 8 was released for the WiiU in 2014 and the Deluxe version of the game came out for Nintendo Switch in 2017. The Mario Kart series of games remain highly popular and although the longevity of these titles through online racing means that these games demand high prices years (almost decades in the case of Mario Kart 7) after release, the communities that build up in these games are rarely subject to academic enquiry or basic coverage in the average games media. 
Fascinatingly, because Nintendo EAD, the developer of the game and Nintendo the publisher take online harassment and bullying seriously players of online Nintendo games and games on Nintendo platforms often have a highly limited mode of expression to communicate with other players when playing online together. This is of interest because enterprising players use the limited tools they have to contrive and develop new languages and forms of expression through cosmetics in games (costumes, 'emotes', equipment, …

Flame rounds: The tacked-on collection quest

Image
Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame roundsded?).

Cunzy1_1: What're you flaming?
Richie: So you have completed the story of this sandbox game. Congratulations! Now go to all these places on the map and find 100 of this thing. I hate this! So many games, specifically around the advent of achievements and trophies, would have this additional achievement to walk round the map finding glowing orbs or such.  They dub it in the name of exploration, but is just often descends into a nightmare of keeping track of an online item location guide. This is also usually coupled with a lack of any reward short of perhaps a 10GP blip. Tacked on and just annoying.

Cunzy1_1: But Richie, people spent a long time meticulously placing…

Vampire: the Masquerade: the other one: colon

Image
Now just quickly I would like to emphasise that I ain't no geek, I don't know anything about vampires or shit like that, certainly nothing about rolling D20's for initiative, or the white wolf series, that sort of stuff is for nerds.
So Paradox have recently teased us with some tweets and images of some new project they are working on.



This has lead to an out cry of journos everywhere going, "Oh my god that is that bit from the original Vampire: The Masquerade game!" Which is in part right, they are locations from Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, however Bloodlines was not the Original game, it was Vampire: The Masquerade Redemption.


People tend to forget the original Vampire: The Masquerade game overshadowed by its sequel, Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines (ed: so many colons!), yet VTMR (ed: phew) really caused a stir for being an obscure PC game from 2000. VTMR was released at peak Nihilistic Antihero trenchcoat time. Post-Matrix, when everyone nerd who e…

Acid Rounds: Detective Pikachu (3DS)

Image
Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.


Richie: Oh a Pokémon Game! that's different does this game have new types, how do you transfer Pokémon across?
Cunzy1 1: Well, I'm a sucker for the Pokemon series and that's somehow translated into almost all of the spinoffs from pinball to a feudal era Japan isometric tactics and typing game to whatever a trozei is. Detective Pikachu is not quite the weirdest of the lot but it's certainly up there. Its a perfectly playable and extremely pretty point and click detective story that came out as a downloadable game for the Nintendo 3DS in Japan and then two years later got an expanded physical version of the game worldwide. You play as Pinocchio nosed Mary-Sue Tim who meets a talking Pikachu who likes coffee, has amnesia and is a detective. You can tell it is a detective because he has a deerstalker hat. Tim's Dad is also a detective but is currently missing. Tim and Pi…

Dead Or Alive 6 Season Pass 2

Image
Scoop! The next set of Season Pass from Koei/Temkc/Team Ninja's Buxom Bosom Bouncing Brawler: Dead or Alive 6



Also definitely no way this was mocked up! no way, no sir, nuh-uh...



...Jokingly when dicking about with these images, I put that section on "Glasses for Everyone", but any variations on the glasses would have to be purchased extra. However it ended up being accidentally metaphorical and ringing a little too close to the truth, it does not sound implausible, especially based on the recent trends of DOA6 DLC

Just to be clear, our stance on DoA6 is that this latest batch of outrageously expensive DLC is, more pornographic and offensive than any fucking video of DOA players pausing and moving the camera to make it look like they are sexing! But ultimately not that different as someone is getting shafted/screwed!

Allowing this game to happen, when the base game is not even complete and the DLC is more costly outright is wrong, there cannot really be any excuse for t…

Flame Rounds: Half Arsed Data Gathering Social Companion Apps

Image
Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame roundsded?).


Richie: Last time on Flame rounds we found a verdict was suspended, due to a creepy revelation.  Yo Cunzy, what do you got for us this time?
Cunzy1 1: Right, we had a bit of a discussion already about what the collective name for these things are. This week, I want to consider those publisher 'Social Club' type websites that are annoyingly advertised on menu screens (even after you sign up) with the incentive being that your data will be harvested, sold or just leakedlogging into this side app (link your Facebook, Twitter, Google and Insta accounts for no reason!) rewards you with 'icons', 'epic loot' and probably a smattering of one of the fou…

Judging Journos Nintendo Labo VR Kit. How did they do?

Image
In what was a rather typical week in gaming for some reason journos gave a lot of air time to that rape game, crap opinions about Anthem evolved and game journos all had the same opinion about Nintendo Labo VR Kit. It continues to be disheartening to us that games journalism just isn't very good still. The broader games industry has a wealth of issues from understanding employment law to widespread amoral attitudes foster on the forums and in spite of this rather than because of it, it produces those games we love to lose ourselves in.

Having a respected and professional industry of critics around it would also help a little bit to raise the perception and cultural standing of gaming instead, with rare exception, it's a race to the bottom for coverage of the hot topics and well, why read a hungry hack's regurgitated press release when you can watch your favourite streamer play the thing for four days straight instead. Considered critical opinion is very rare and many of th…

As the air to a bird....

Image
As the air to a bird or the sea to a fish, so is contempt to the contemptible.

Addendum, so is love to the lovable. And I FUCKING LOVE the new Devil May Cry and It's Super Sexy Style!

I'm sure is you are even half interested you already have googled/youtubed the hell out of this one, and quite rightly so! So I shan't rant on about Nero Exceed or V's fluid combat. What was a little surprise to me was the setting being London! the Game opens up on Tower bridge with Nico doing some jumps and stuff in her Mystery Machine. But later on what really hit home was V's opening section which is the streets around Burrow Borough amazingly recreated in game!


I mean I cannot wait for more Surprises like this!

Love and just fucking play it!
Richie X

Acid Rounds: Super Mario World SNES

Image
Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.

Cunzy: Theme to this week then is there?
Richie: Yeah, I am old and I have been getting some SMW nostalgic feelz recently. It happens every so often, this game is so heavily inscribed in my DNA.  Occasionally it works it way up through social responsibility, financial woes and my crippling suicidal depression, and I get prangs to play this chirpy early 90's platformer again. To my mind I have beaten this game at LEAST 5 times, and by beaten I mean doing every level getting the alternate colour "96"

Cunzy: It is a great game and to my mind Super Mario World really mixed it up. It's the technical Super Mario game as evidenced by the Super Mario Maker SMW levels I have no idea how to beat with spin, run and toss tech.
Richie: SMW itself touches only very lightly on tech the tech you mention and is more forgiving than its predecessors on heart breaking fuckery. Mario Maker s…

WIMMD: SF30 Pro

Image
Introducing a little micro feature on the the buttons we press and joysticks we waggle!

Recently I was rummaging around in my computer detritus box. A box which contains, SD card adaptors, proprietary USB cables for devices I have long since lost, devices which have long lost proprietary usb cables, external dvd drives, scratched DVDs with ancient Linux distros  etc etc and Controllers, I have collected quite a few, and I'd like to share a few of may Favourites.
First up is this bad boy! The expertly knocked off SNES Controller, the 8bitdo SF30: Oh man there is so much to love about this controller. First up, just look at it! Its a fucking upgraded SNES controller. It is a thing of beauty, and honestly I had my doubts and reservations before I took the plunge and bought it. Given how good it looked, it was a bit concerning: what were the sacrifices here? Is it going to feel cheap, is it going to me heavy cuz its wireless etc. Most specifically I was concerned about those sticks, …

Flame Rounds: Peach's Mushrooms

Image
Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame roundsded?)

Cunzy1 1: Last time around we corrected a bad timeline byremoving Timesplitters: Future Perfect. It's ladies' choice this week, what do we have?

Richie: Right! I'm going super-niche here. On the final boss of  Super Mario World, when you are fighting Bowser in his clown face flying reverse helicopter basket thing. Every so often Peach will pop-out scream, "Help!" and throw a mushroom at you. Now admittedly this is a nice thing to do, but it fucks me right off! You have 2 feathers, or maybe you have even mixed it up and gone all maverick and have a fire-flower in reserve! I ain't gonna Judge. But does Peach care about your game plan? NAH have a…

This Joke Only Works If You Knew There Was A Pokemon Called Kabuto And A Game Called Giants Citizen Kabuto Oh Well Gonna Post It Anyway

Image

Acid Rounds: Resident Evil Revelations (3DS)

Image
Acid rounds is a semi regular, irregular spot on TGAM for games we have beasted from start to finish.

Richie: I guess this is a Resident evil game about turning things? Does the square crank or the Valve handle feature profoundly in this one? What about the fan favourite Hex Crank?
Cunzy: Why haven't you played this game yet, you own it on at least two platforms?

Richie: Oh "Revelations", not "Revolutions" What does this reveal then? Is there a nude cheat?
Cunzy: Why haven't you played this game yet, you own it on at least two platforms?

Richie: So beasted it then? Did you Catch 'em all?
Cunzy: Why haven't you played this game yet, you own it on at least two platforms?


Richie: Would you recommend this one as a gift?
Cunzy: Okay, I was dedicated to the joke but I feel I actually need to make the case for you to play this game but also you have missed the boat to play the best version of it. I really enjoy both Revelations games. Yes, the episodic thing is a …

Wayne's World SNES

Image
Wayne's World for the SNES is probably the worst game I have ever played. It is the fucking epitome of the senseless unnecessary movie cash-in games that gave movie tie-in games the awful reputation and stigma they endured for so many years. Countless swathes of 90's blockbusters which were quickly ported into generic shit-platformers* and this one just sticks out in my mind as one of the worst.

A melange of lo-fi sound clips straight from the show/movie and even worse 16-bit pixel images.

It offers sickeningly predictable sound effects, repeatedly using a crackly "excellent" ad nauseam, interspersed with "Schwing", and the occasional "Not Worthy" chant.

The game has no story, it isn't even sure if it is the move tie-in or the TV show tie in. The 1st level above seems to depict the store where Wayne finds the guitar he wants (oh yes, she will be mine) attempts to play it and is "denied" to play Stairway to Heaven. Except this one ha…

Flame Rounds: Timesplitters: Future Perfect

Image
Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame rounded?)

Richie: Oh man Sweet, its that time where we flame round shit again! Lets see what Cunzy has for me to shoot down this time!
Cunzy1 1: This is our first entire game on Flame Rounds and it's 2005's Timesplitters: Future Perfect. As gamers of a particular vintage will tell you, Timesplitters was phenomenal and seemingly came from nowhere, an early PlayStation 2 first person shooter, against the clock game with great original characters, amazing multiplayer and silly modes/cheat characters/silly characters goofiness the likes of which hadn't been seen since Goldeneye. Timesplitters 2 built on that in almost every way. One of our favourite games of all time. Then…

Starlink: A Turret Called Gunny

Image
Starlink: Battle For Atlas is a game we are playing and enjoying but the announcement that there seems to be some semi-substantial new content on the way in the recent Nintendo Direct put the fire up our butts to get it finished. As is typical for Ubisoft games this involves a lot of tidying up and clearing out busywork that in Starlink is fun enough with plenty of variety to stop it getting stale.

It was whilst doing this busywork on the planet Sonatus that we met Gunny, initially just a deployable turret we picked up to take some of the grind out of taking down enemy fortifications, uplinking satellites and hacking Legion data cores etc. However, what started as a relationship of convenience soon became a lifelong friendship... what started as a reluctant partnership soon became.. what started as an unlikely pairing with cultural differences... we became unusual but authentic friends... it's A BUDDY COP MOVIE OKAY. We made a buddy cop movie.