Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Reason to love Project X Zone 2: #36198

They totally make jokes from obscure Resident Evil references from 20 years ago.

Love and hidden underboob,

Richie X

Monday, March 28, 2016

Pokken Tournament How do you get one of those accent things on the e?

NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES! Cunzy1 1 FINALLY joins the eighth generation of video game consoles! I'd been waiting for the XbOne, PS4 and Wii U to finally build up enough of a 'must-have' list of software to finally make the frankly-still-ridiculous cost of a new console worth it whilst working through the huge backlog of great older generation video games LEGO & Pokémon games.

With the release of Pokkén Tournament, the time was right to finally pick up a Wii U and I've spent the variably weathered Easter in a darkened room catching up with three and a bit years of software. Initial impressions? Much like the Wii, interesting uses of the ''''whacky''' tech seems to have gone out of the window after earlier experiments like Nintendo Land and ZombiU. For example, Super Smash Brothers use of the second screen is virtually non existent and Pokkén Tournament doesn't use it at all apart from in the borked couch-vs mode. At the other end, Splatoon and ZombiU can't be played without both screens for those times when the Great British Wank Off takes priority on the big TV. So, it's a Nintendo console then destined to join the GBA wireless communicator, the Pokéwalker, GameCube Microphone and the WiiSpeak in the big pile of proprietry plastic in a few years. 

Because why would you want to evolve your Pikachu for that competitive fighting edge in a tournament for money?
So whatsthisaboutPokkén Tournament then? It's okay I guess. I've not really played many arena fighters as they tend to be NarutoBall themed and that shit is for children, unlike the Pokémon franchise which is definitely NOT JUST FOR KIDS so I don't know how it holds up to the genre standards. Battling is pretty pacy and there are options. Spades of options. Support Poke.. look I'm gonna stop doing the proper accented e okay... Support Pokemon can be selected both between three quick options of support pairs and then between each in a pair between rounds and then there's the option of choosing between 'cheers' you receive between rounds which vary depending if you win or lose. There's a strategy to conserving meter, called Synergy Burst, as a use of it can clinch a first round win but then will need filling up in the second round. Fighting switches between dual and field phases, offering advantages to pokemon that are zoning specialists and those that hit hard up close. 

I've put about 20 hours into it so far, so I think I'm enjoying it but I'd break down my 'issues' into three easy to digest bullet point. 

Proof I beat story mode and that I am a woman. 
BULLET POINT The single player mode is as easy as your mother on a Friday night at 'Spoons. In over 120 battles I think I dropped 8 games and about twice as many rounds. Maybe I'm just very very good at the game and there are a lot of systems and match ups to learn for those who aren't innate talents like we are but the balance seems to be slightly in favour of ease rather than challenge and I've still only levelled up one character to level 70 out of a hundred. I doubt I'll do the other 15 characters up to level 100. 

NUMBER B Characters. With over 720 of the fuckers to choose from it seems very Mario Kart to have a quarter of the roster as some flavour of Mewtwo or Pikachu and a large overlap with the Super Smash Brothers cast. Off the beaten track characters like Chandelure and Braixen are interesting choices and hopefully they'll be a couple of more characters in the pipeline HOW ABOUT A SINGLE ROCK TYPE NINTENDO?

In case you didn't know, yes. It's a Japanese game. 

THREE The last complaint is very similar to Richie's complaints about Marvel vs Capcom 3, now lost to the depths of our 10 year old archives, in that you've got the character licensing, you've got the tech and instead of a finally semi-decent storyline in 20 years of Pokemon games, the 'story' if you can it that is bare bones. Okay so it's not another fucking journey but it's a wasted opportunity, not quite as wasted as MvC but up there. They don't even bother to explain why half the world seems to own 'Legendary' Pokemon Suicine. Still it's better that than ending up with Metal Pikachu, Dr Pikachu, Toon Pikachu and the like. 

Final thoughts- 3 Pikas, 4 Chus and 2.5 Pikachus that is until the online community work out the exploits and our ageing hands get blown up every second, then take of 2 Pikas and half a Chu. 


Friday, March 25, 2016

These 3 guys can restore your faith in Humainty

There are religious zealots, there are wars, there are corrupt politicians, we are a race driven by greed and murder. We are in an age defined by media terror and propaganda; we see innocents gunned down, and media parading it like a circus show. We are conspiratorially being told what to think, how to think it, and what we should fear.

But these guys... Balrog, Vega and M.Bison...are beacons of hope... Its a widely known fact that over in Japan these three are actually named:

Balrog = M.Bison (Japanese)
Vega = Balrog (Japanese)
M. Bison = Vega (Japanese)

When Streetfighter II hit the rest of the world, Capcom were a tad worried that M. Bison might attract some legal attention from M. Tyson, so they did a swapsies.

Now the beautiful thing about this is, you don't see outrage, you don't see campaigns or picketing about this, you don't see people demanding that all the names be the same across the world. Nope what do you see, acceptance, acceptance of our differences, and acceptance that M. Tyson would have probably been a douchenozzle about it.

Love and Everybody love Everybody!

Richie X

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I am done with Rumble World!

A while back my 3DS was dominated by the Pokemon flavoured Diablo clone: Pokemon Rumble World, a F2P game I actually spent money on...

It was a great wee game but it got pretty grindy/repetitive/boring towards the end... I hit 719 Pokemon (yes I know there are more, but not in Rumble World!) And I'm done...

Why am I telling you this? What is so fucking brilliant about completing the game? Whoop-dee-doo?

Well, first of all that last one is not a question, and secondarily clearly you are interested since you are posing more questions.

The real reason is I am not done, there is a plethora of other "achievements" one such would be to get every version of Areceus. This is the opposite of fun, this is grinding upon grinding. And there is plenty more like this, gaining all the "formes" of all the Pokemon with formes... So this is it, line has been drawn in the sand. I'm done, no more Pokemon Rumble world for me, no sir. Kaput. This is an Ex-F2P time sink.

By the way, for those of you who dont know Pokemon Rumble World, this is a big deal, most people I street pass are like level 10, if that... level 79 with all 719 pokemon caught is an achivement... but that is enough for me now.

Love and dont get me started on Pokemon Shuffle, Shuffle can fuck off,

Richie X

Monday, March 21, 2016

Resident Evil Remix - Actual Media Content!

There are few precious things in the world which we hold dear, one of these is the Resident evil 2 - Clubbed to Death Remix. It mashes up the classic club hit "Clubbed to Death" with the even more classic dialogue of Resident evil 2.


It just turns it all in to a Pre-Y2k nostalgic mess for us, we start crying, for our lost youth etc etc.

Anyways, I have not been able to find this little gem anywhere. For years it has been sitting in a corner of "My Documents" folder of a hard drive long past it's best before date. There is a lot of mythos about this mix, as it only contains the Leon B Scenario! What happened to Leon A scenario remix? I heard rumours that there was an alternative Claire scenario remix done to the tune of "Boom, Boom, Boom Boom" by the Vengaboys. Hit us up if any of you have these bad boys taking up a few MB on your failing HDDs.

Love and Ada, Ada Wong,

Richie X

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Project X Zone 2

Oh Man I so loved Project X zone!

And now there is a second one:

Cunzy still considers this a non-game. But like most things, he is wrong...Yes on the outside is it seems a but "Button-bashy" but there is a delicate art to choosing the correct action from the three choices you have, then also mixing in 2 different assists. but this is only half the game. The other half is pure unadulterated Visual Novel - But a Visual novel of some of the most iconic game characters All having Banter with each other! BANTEEEEER. The Shenmue dude asking Megman how to do a fire ball, Leon chatting with Dante and Vergil about how "Devil's never cry", Phoenix Wright shouting Objection when Demitri (Vampire) is in sunlight. Pure BANTER. Ok I know I said half the game was this and the other half of the game was that... but there is alse another bit in the game... you can spend ages levelling up, setting skills and equipment for your doods!

I am barely 40 hours into the game, and I have still not fully scratched the surface, I a missing so many characters I know have get to turn up... This beauty of a game has kept me fully entertained (and sane) on the morning tube commute!

Love and Morrigan's Boobies,

Richie X

*Note skip to 2.05 to explain my new love for KOS-MOS

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Resident Evil 20 years...

Resident evil is 20 years old.

People love this fucking stuff, "Oh my god this movie came out X years ago, doesn't it make you feel, like, so old"

Well yes, and it more pertinent for us as we define ourselves with Resident fucking Evil!


I have Played Resident evil SO MANY TIMES when it first came out I was speedrunning that bad boy to get the infinite Rocket Launcher. I have owned so many versions of the game, remakes, directors cuts, imports, whatever... I dont even want to think about the time/money I have spent on Capcoms franchise... Any way I bought it AGAIN, this time on my Vita! A great wee 20th anniversary bundle of all 3 original games... Lovely.

I rattle up Resident evil 1 watch the opening video,, smile as I reminisce about using real actors in FMV sequences, go though the starting dialogue, hear that annoying grandfather clock ticking away in the dining room, DO a quick turnaround at the terrible white face zombie... blah blah. I get to the point where you are in the corridor with the Zombie dogs, I know the Zombie dogs are gonna crash through the window... I check the box on the side, Dog jumps through the window. I Shit myself.

20 years on, the game still makes me jump... I am both disappointed at myself, and impressed with the game.

Love and this time 20 years ago, Prodigy's Firestarter was on the radio, doesn't that make you feel, like, so old!

Richie X