Friday, October 29, 2010

Second Hand Sales Are Killing The Games Industry

Report just in from our very occassional reporter on the Street. Chuff_72.

I swear this just happened, no exaggeration.

In Game, Central London:

C72 - Hi, I'm looking for a copy of Monster Hunter Tri?
Man1 - *Blank look"
C72 - It's on the Wii.
Man1 - The Wii?
C - Yeah
M1 - Have you looked in the Wii section?
C- Yeah, couldn't see it
M1 - Sorry what was it called
C - Monster Hunter Tri
M1 - Monster Hunter Trial?
C - Tri, T, R, I
M1 - Right, I'll have a look
C - *Waits for a few minutes*
M1 - Sorry can't find it… What was it called again?
C - Monster Hunter Tri?
M1 - *To Man2* Ever heard of The Monster Trial?
M2 - Monster Hunter?
M1 - Trial
M2 - No. Have you have a word with Steve?
M1 - *Bearing in mind they are standing next to me!* No. Turns to me, yeah we can't find it.

Holy. Sh*t. I know we have this all the time but come on dude! At least get the f*cking name right and don't then ask a guy about it in front of me and essentially lie about whether you can find it! I should have asked Steve I guess.

Remember Game Publishers this was one of this year's massive games supported heavily by the platform makers. It's only six months old. Not Capcom? Not supported by Nintendo? You've got no fucking chance on the high street. Every time we hear about how pre-owned sales are killing the industry let's just think about how people can't get your games in the first instance yar?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

No matter how many times you use the tag line I've never been compelled to read your stories

'MCV is the leading news site for the game industry. Check out our news, press releases and interviews.'

Is the annoying tagline that comes with the first line of every news story from MCV from the comfort of my feed reader. I don't know but (checks...) yes. MCV's website is one of those horrible Gamespot format ones where it looks like someone has nose spewed onto the page and then garnished it with adverts mid-I made thisfucking-article.

Just let the whole story through the feed reader and not just a tagline and let me choose whether or not I want to read more than two lines of your stories.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Slow News Day

This time of year is normally a bit short of news. The Christmas big hitters have yet to start the hype machine. WELL 2010 IS THE YEAR THIS CHANGES. Look at these interesting news headlines.

The Official Nitendo Magazine drops a News bomb with Pokemon Snap wasn't originally a Pokemon game

Kotaku drops it like it is hot with Super Mario Bros' Controls Were Originally Different

And at least 40000 different sources are confirming that PSPGo is getting a price drop. Are they still making the PSP? I thought that died ages ago. Still, exciting news if you want to catch up on two Metal Gear Solid Games and watch Family Guy on the train to work.

What's worse than an industry of writers with nothing to write about? A writer writing about it.


Last Window- The Review and Video Review

We're talking away. I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway. Today's another day to find you. Shying away. I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two. So needless to say. I'm odds and ends. But that's me stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me "It's no better to be safe than sorry".

Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two
Oh the things that you say. Is it life or just a play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying awayI'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me, take me on I'll be gone in a day or two
8/10. Worth a purchase!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Love Affair With Monster Hunter- Work In Progress

We get literally a dozen emails every four years asking us how we manage to write at least two hard hitting posts a month. Well reader here's a behind the scenes look at a post in progress, with directors commentary at the bottom. That's right, we're opening up the creative process to you the readers. Not at all because we can't be bothered to write anything proper. Who knows? This may inspire you to start up yet another video game blog because there aren't enough of those around!!!!!*

Here it goes:

With my wife away on business, I've spent hours and hours with my mistress. There's nothing quite as thrilling as sitting in my pants, opening a bottle of wine and spending the night with another woman. However, this other woman isn't Tracy from accounts, it's a woman called Cunzy1 1 who is mighty handy with a bowgun. Yes, after months of waiting I finally picked up Monster Huntr Tri for the nintendo Wii and I've gorged myself on it this last week and although all the hype had made me midly excited I still wasn't prepared for the excellent game that is shooting up the charts of the games I've invested the most hours in.

This is the only non risque image I have of my character. I started questing in just my underwear to protest about how few women characters there are out in online space. And black ones. The world of Monster Hunter is made up of white guys in big armour....From the off, Monster Hunter is very daunting. Starting the single player game you are given very little guidance as to what everything means. What are all these items I keep accruing that don't seem to do anything? What is the secret of playing with the pig? How do I level up when there's no experience points? What does that cryptic subquest require me to do? In an effort to make it all even more bamboozling, new elements are thrown at you all the time. In Moga villlage (the hub for the single player) you end up having to help out an ever expanding farm, send out a fleet of fishing boats and trade with a travelling ship's captain, decorate your house and level up Cha cha. At first it all seems frustrating and a bit random but after a while it all 'clicks' and without thinking about it you will do the 'dailies' after every quest. Without holding your hand through it, the game lets you work it out in your own time. Which is nice.

As for the Monster Hunting itself, various quests are submitted to the Guild Sweetheart (we don't know either, basically, the person you talk to to set out on a hunt) and when you do all the quests in the set you unlock a new set of quests in new areas which are slightly more challenging. This is where the game gets great. Whenever you hit a wall in the single player you can simply hop online and quest with strangers to improve your equipment and get more items but most importantly to improve your know-how of the bosses and how best to fight them.

The addiction curve for the game is super saccharine sweet. Playing online means that you not only get to go on the quests that you are familiar with from single player but if another hunter submits a quest (providing your Hunter Rank is high enough) you can join them and this is where you encounter new places and new creatures. Stuck on a Great Jaggi in single player? Wait until you see a Qurupeco and a Royal Ludroth. Sure the guys with the cool armour and weapons were dishing out most of the damage but you were Questing with up to three other people is action packed and completing a quest brings a sense of joy and relief at the lower levels and failure is met with a gritty determination to jump back in.

Director's Commentary
Well there is a panopoly of problems which need to be fixed if this were ever to be posted. The reason we stopped writing it is because writing about Monster Hunter made us want to play Monster Hunter so we did. secondly, due to a paucity of general knowledge of English language vocabulary we literally find it hard to write positively about anything without sounding like a 12 year old child. We had to edit out 435 instances of 'nice' before we posted it here.

Paragraph 1. Starts off mildly interesting but analogy falls flat on its face. It's confusing to the reader that Cunzy1 1 is the name of the author and the character. Why isn't Nintendo capitalised but Wii is? Mildly is spelled incorrectly. Last sentence is horrible. Why the use of first person all of a sudden? The TGAM guidelines are to use 'we' all the time even when it doesn't make sense i.e. 'Our wife'.

Paragraph 2. Is this a photo of a screen? What happened to the screen capture stuff you bought with 140% of last year's budget? This paragraph makes the game sound incredibly boring. Cut it out(stop using brackets too).

Paragraph 3. Bland. Why are you explaining the game? Are you writing a FAQ?

Paragraph 4. No it turns out you are writing an Official Nintendo Magazine review. Why don't you tell the reader that playing online is 'complicated' and remind them not to give out personal details when playing online? There is a sentence that isn't finished here. This is shit. Total shit. How can this come from the same team that brought the world this review of Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles? Isn't there a new cyberdildonics thing we can put up whilst we try to find new writers?

* We've just found out that Kieron Gillen has mostly left Rock Paper Shotgun which now means that British Video Game writers no longer have a champion. Now we'll all be reading that trash by the Americans which talks about feelings and headshots rather than painting Warhammer miniatures and the wonders of habitual binge drinking :( If anyone does know any good British video game writers then drop us a comment.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dino Crisis 4?

So Capcom spoke out about a couple of their older Franchises, back before Resident evil was a wannabe 1st person shooter, and dads searched for Zombrex for their infected daughters whilst wearing a mankini and riding a little pink bike.

It seems Onimusha shan't be seeing a remake/reboot any time soon, and well... Dino Crisis: "while Dino Crisis has the unfortunate problem of nobody at the company having "a burning desire" to "light that franchise back up again.". Nobody cares :(

This was all of course in response to the Devil May Cry Reboot, with that fake Dante.

Love and Burning Desire, 

Richie X

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Not dead

Just Monster Huntering. In the meantime, here's an image and some tasters for posts I won't write anytime soon

1) About the time I went to buy Monster Hunter 4 months after it was released and couldn't find a copy.

2) About the time I 100% Zack and Wiki after swearing a lot. Really really a lot.

3) About how there are no good British games bloggers left anymore now that Kieron Gillen left.

4) About how I tried to play Monster Hunter Tri online but was too scared.