Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Come Play With Me: Dead Space Extraction Part 1

Due to the general time constraints of normal socially adjusted people, there’s barely enough time to play games let alone write about them. This is my disclaimer for this particularly navel gazing part 1 playthrough of Dead Space Extraction by squeezing out the most words with the least play time. In the industry, this is called 'reviewing games'. That and I loved the Runner series on Mirror’s Edge. Feel free to pick up a copy of this game and join in. Chip in with your thoughts. Also, it’s fair to say this is gonna be spoilerific. This article was written after two playthroughs of the first level.

Dead Space extraction who are those four guys
I’m an old fashioned kinda gal. I still like to buy games from shops and I like my hard copy games to have a story associated with them. The story of Dead Space Extraction starts last year sometime. I’d played Dead Space in an idle half an hour on a friend’s console and after that I knew I liked it. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t play the first half and hour. I played a random half an hour of my friend’s save game. For most of that half an hour I stacked body parts, a bucket and other random items into a hole in the wall that I was supposed to put a plug into. I then tried to put the plug in but it was already filled with body parts and buckets and things. But the fact that I could put body parts and buckets into a hole in the wall was a big plus for me. The bits in zero G and the feeling of isolation in space won me over.

Later last year I picked up Dead Space Downfall because it was cheap and watched it. It wasn't hideous. However, love for bucket stacking and gory anime aside this was not why I eventually picked up Extraction.

I picked up Dead Space Extraction because my girlfriend spent obscene amount of money on books last weekend. So rather than get mad I decided to frivolously, guilt free buy a video game. Armed with disposable cash and intent I went to a game retailer. £40 for the Metroid Prime Trilogy with a box in a foreign language? Too much. £50 for Wii Sports Resort is still a bit steep. Super Mario Galaxy 2, Silent Hill Shattered Memories for just over £40? No way. I wanted to spend money but not enough to undo the moral smugness I was already enjoying over my girlfriends overspending. Then I saw her. Dead Space Extraction for £15. Still a bit pricey compared to online but what the hey. That and this copy had “E3 2009 One to Watch” sticker on the front. And I hate forgetting good games after E3 has had its way with them .

I almost immediately regretted my purchase. Because I was in lands a-foreign, the spine has a yellow triangle opposed to the lovely greens that foot the Wii shelf. That and the spine font is not the standard (see more shelf-based angst here) it is some kind of stylised bullshit. However, despite these serious misgivings, I persisted with it.

You start the game as Sam Caldwell. You know this because your girlfriend Lexine awkwardly refers to you by your full name twice in the intimate video call in the first couple of minutes. Just so, you know, know what your name is. Classic video game technique. 'Lexy' is kind of hot. She wears too much make up fo’ sho’ and her accent is kind of Scottish sometimes. However, she seems very nice and doesn’t mind a bit of v-log flirting. She is very well animated, a bit robotic but she has some nice gestures. If I was a massive cunt I would write about the Uncanny Valley right now because that’s what arseholes do. Can’t wait to finish my shift so I can bone her tonight! Is what Sam is presumably thinking.


I then meet two goon colleagues. An Asian looking man called Eagan and a fat faced man. Both are also Scottish. The dialogue is a bit buddy buddy hammy Mcbuddy but it sets the scene. Sam mentions Lexine again which means I was right about the boning she’s gonna get later. Then, Sam all of a sudden becomes Gordon Freeman and has to go to work. All of his colleagues are British which means they must be bad guys or something. Working, doing some riveting. The marker is much smaller than in the film but the music suggests the marker might be bad? I was wrong about everyone being British. Everyone is in fact a massive geeza wideboy. Sam really is Gordon Freeman because he goes down a walkway and pretty much FUBARs everything by moving a trolley. Holding the zapper gangsta for alt fire is cool. Sadly I cannot shoot my work colleagues. Boo. OH SHIT. I made a black hole. Everyone is swearing. The big bulkheads make a noise like the doors in Aliens. Scary whispering is probably “the wind”.

On the way to stopping a black hole by fixing a gravity dismomerer I have found a file. According to Doctor Kyne, I looks like the Marker could herald a new dawn for humanity. Cool. Things that herald in new eras for humanity always work well without a hitch at all. This game is gonna be short.

Sounds like someone is wanking in the next room. More swearing. We best go and check. More swearing, this time the F word. A man seems to be play fighting with a woman. Good prank guys. Oh. Not playing. He’s been axing her. S’alright, fat face is threatening to shoot him if he comes any closer. I’m sure this is just a minor misunderstanding. She probably deserved it. Security will come down and arrest Tenko, we’ll fix this black hole thing. Lexine boning here I come.

Fat face is a loser. He riveted Tenko but that just made him angry. He attacked Fatty and then started punching me. So I blew his head off. Eagan and Fatty are a bit disturbed by this but they seem okay with it. I guess a black hole is more pressing than the fact I just murdered a murderer. It was in self defense, they both saw it. Speaking of saws I took Tenko’s rock saw seeing as he doesn’t need it anymore.

Oh shit. Tenko’s twin brother and his mate are pissed. I riveted them both to death. Tenko’s leg came off before his head did. His mate was harder to take down. Again. Self defense. Two pussy witnesses who so far haven’t shot anyone in self defense will testify to that.

Okay Tenko’s brother’s mate also has a twin. Is everyone a twin down here? I don’t know if he was going to attack me or not but based on recent trends I am claiming self defense again. Eagan and Fat face seem positively not bothered by my new career as a serial-defense-only-killer. Neither has said anything about flying limbs or head explosions. They must be desensitised to it already.

Why do I have to do everything? It’s worse than being Parker. Cut this Sam, keep going Sam. Pick up this Sam. Shut up Lexine, you aren’t even here.

A woman just knifed herself to death in front of us. Probably in self defense. I did say “Stop! Don’t do this!” after the second time. She was laughing though. Who am I to spoil somebody’s fun? Cooper, one of the wideboys up on the surface just radioed. I thought it best not to tell him about the mentalists twins and the suicide girl so I just called it ‘strange shit’. Cooper doesn’t like excuses and that black hole must be nearly ready now. Eagan says “They are coming” as does a disembodied voice. Fat face goes to check out voicey. Let’s hope he doesn’t have to murder anyone in self defense because he hasn’t fired a fucking bullet since grazing Tenko. Eagan keeps going on about death. Fucking Emo. He’s giving me a hard time about Tenko but I can’t help thinking maybe Tenko is called “The Chenk”. I can’t work it out. I’l ask later. God Lexine is going to be pissed if I don’t get back in time.

It’s all gone to shit. First Eagan. Or is it Egon? Anyway. First he drops his rivet gun then starts babbling. I self defense another 3 mentalists. Then Eagan (in self defense). Despite being headless Eagan continues to talk to me. Cooper phones again. Fortunately, the reception is so bad he doesn’t hear me explain about my self defense techniques. Finally at the gravity do-dar fixing place. Another two mentalists. I try to explain the fact that I’m trying to help them after blowing off both of his arms in self defense when they’re on the other side of the room. They don't seem to believe me. Oh well, now we know that tactic doesn’t work. I might try telling them before I blow limbs off next time. Lexine tells me she’s scared even though she isn’t here. Lets not talk about that.

Fortunately, Cooper briefs me about stasis modules literally seconds before I find one. What are the chances? Gravity thingy fixed via a Metroid Prime moment. Time to bone Lexine, although I’m probably going to have to write a report about my defense techniques. Hope it doesn’t take too long.

Lexine blueprints. It says nothing here about her odd Scottishness
God! Lexine video calls me at the worst moment. I tell her about Eagan. I’m not going to mention the other 20 guys. She’d get all angry. Call me a murderer. A sure-fire cock block. I just say things are “pretty bad”. Turns out I’m off the hook! She only called me because the air conditioning or something has failed. The air conditioning centre is fortunately right near here so I’ll fix it no worries. Looks like badly-packed Scottish kebab is back on the menu.

I’ve gotten really good at defending myself now. One of the latest ones didn’t even see me before I’d kneecapped her. Found a really interesting file about planetary mining. Shut up Eagan you’re still dead already.

Fixed the air conditioning. According to the audio log of yet anuvva geeza it’s been on the blink for a while. You just can’t get the staff these days. Lexy just called. She must be sopping by now… EAGAN GET OFF THE VIDEO PHONE. Eagan is still a massive emo prick.

Oh great. Fat face decides that a great survival trick is to walk around like a mentalist twin and now I've accidentally self defensed him with a box. To death. What did he expect? I’ll just say Eagan did it. Fat face goes all emo talking about death and them and stuff. I can't tell if he is being serious of if he is taking the piss out of Eagan.

Shit. Mentalist central. Voices in my head. Fortunately the lift is on the way. If I can defend myself long enough...

Mother fucker. Shot. Shot by a guy in a coat. But I’m the good guy? I fixed the air conditioning. I stopped the black hole? I was supposed to be the hero. Ah dammit. I’ll never get to bone Lexine.

Overall, not too bad at all. I was impressed. I had middling expectations. It is a bit slow paced but it’s just the first chapter. The whole ‘everyone turning on you’ fear mechanic herein abbreviated to the Thing thing may be a bit hammy but it does make a refreshing change from the common zombie/alien/monster business. Where the first level sets the scene with the protagonist gunning down hundreds of zombie/alien/monsters whilst asking ridiculous questions like. What are they? There were some nice touches as well so after you get shot the dude who shoots you says ‘He wasn’t even armed?’ and ‘he killed all his crew’. What does that even mean? I thought I had a gun and I was only down there for five minutes. My crew? Is thqt Eagan and Fat Face or everyone down here? I genuinely thought I only killed ten or so people. Statistics screen says 27, desensitised to murder much? Had I been mad from the beginning? Who knows. I hope it isn’t explained at all.I like the fact that Sam died despite saving the day a la the every-hero. I genuinely thought he was on a trajectory through the game. If he does die that is. Maybe this is the ending. Or a flash forward. Who are the coat guys? I’m looking forward to chapter 2.

What are your thoughts?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Super Mario Live Wallpaper

Like Mario?

Got an Android 2.1 Smartphone?

All that extra battery life getting you down?

You need this!


Friday, June 25, 2010

Open Letter to M.I.A.

Dear M.I.A.

In response you your recent, um, comments regarding kids getting trained for Afghanistan via the medium of videogames...

Quote: "...there's a whole generation of American kids seeing violence on their computer screens and then getting shipped off to Afghanistan...".

This coming from the woman who got a kid to sing about folding paper planes and getting high.

I would also like to state that there is a whole generation of kids going to school, and then going to university. disgraceful innit?

Fuck off M.I.A.

Love and hypocrisy,

Richie X 

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Why we love Capcom #24

Tits? Check.
Big gun? Check.
Progress is so over rated.
Tits and gunThis is a screensht from Koei's Samurai Warriors 3. Not Samurai Warriors 3 but the Capcom one that looks just like it. In other news.
This is an image of the new pokemon called Scrapebotto. Scrapebotto is a scraping the bottom of the barrel type Pokemon. Other new Pokemon announced are household appliances(did that), letters of the alphabet (also done before) and a new Pokemon which takes the shape of other Pokemon. All the ideas have been used. All of them. Just go for a squirrel thing, a walking ball thing and a Dr Robotnik Pokemon. Oh FFS.

Resident Nonsense

What a nonsense.
It has always been a bit of nonsense but really?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Goldeneye World Exclusive

I've just received my subscription copy of the latest Official Nintendo Magazine to find that they have a WORLD EXCLUSIVE on Goldeneye Wii. Which is brilliant because it is only two days behind the actual world exclusive announcement at E3. Okay, what, so maybe they wrote the article earlier but then had to put it in a bag to mail it out. So the exclusive was written before it was exclusively announced at E3 so technically it was at some point a world exclusive but only to the person who wrote it and an editor or two.

If this is how exclusives really work then we're officially calling the exclusive on Gears of War 4, Megaman 18 through 21, FIFA 2012,2013 and 2014 and Colony Wars 4. You read it here first.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

That Nintnendo E3 Expo's a Maniac... 2010

Some quick thoughts. Some of us aren't huge E3 fans here. But here is our unbiased thoughts about how Ninty's show went following the Microdisaster.

First off, I'm not a LoZ fan at all so there was little in the first 20 minutes for me. Do the controls really need explaining anyway because they've BEEN THE SAME SINCE FOREVER. Also, BINGO Cringey Playthrough.

The 'Universal Appeal' bit. What is Madden? What is NSomethingsomething2K? NBA? Although, we're happy that if we do buy Mario Sports Mix, we're confident we'll never need to buy another sports game again. Which is very clever and a bit dirty. But the HD fanboys will be too busy lamenting the casual-ty of it all to notice. Plus, there's some much needed couch multiplayer party games from the looks of things. You know games you can play without standing up KinLOLLOLLLOLect.

STATISTICS. LIES. Well okay then, IN YOUR FACE HD CONSOLES. Move it along Reggie.

Wii Party. Secretely excited about this idea. But then we're old school Mario Party fans here. Yeah that's right. Hardcore old school Mario Party fans.

Just Dance 2 is the epitomy of sellout, casual FUN. Say what you will, but did you ever see a houseparty where everyone in the room was playing Fallout"? Really? Cool.

Golden Sun DS: Golden so totally bothered more like. Looks like every Squeenix DS title. Next.

Goldeneye. Goldeneye? Activision? This holiday? When is this holiday? Start complaining that they 'ruined it' now. It does look mighty good though. Watch this space. We're quietly excited.

Disney Epic Mickey. Wii owners really are getting spoiled with platformers. There's been a lot of hype to cut through but we'll be keeping an eye on this one and the bold claims Warren Spector is making. Because if we are honest, right now, it looks pretty average.

Kirby's Epic Yarn! We've been Kirby fans since Dreamland on the Gameboy. Looking good with the Comfort ad. aesthetic. Some really nice simple but effective level changing touches. Brilliant.

Dragon Quest IX DS. Looks like an umm Dragon Quest DS game.

Metroid Other M is shaping up nicely. A new trailer showing off a biodome location.

Donkey Kong Country Returns! Now you are really spoiling us. It looks like Nintendo are literally bringing back the golden age of gaming. And making it look good.

3DS. 3D photographs/images! Backwards compatability? 3D Movies? Project Sora! Well aside from a long presentation, enough said.

Sony have to pull something special out of the bag to beat Nintendo this year.

Nintendo Channel: Now Showing

Attending prior international affairs, means that today will be spent trying to hunt down fucking E3 videos (we just don't trust your spin) and catching up with the good ol' Nintendo Channel. Fortunately, a paltry FOUR videos since last time means it'll all be over soon and we can get back to finding E3 videos.

  • Nintendo TV continues with episode two all about the 'Wii world cup'. This video feels oddly familiar pitting the Miis of various famous Englishmen against the Miis of various famous Germans in a five challenge in Wii Sports Resort, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, Mario Kart and Wii Fit Plus. Why don't you create your own Wii World Cup? Nice idea ONM but a credit would be nice next time Chris.
  • Super Mario Galaxy 2 has a third trailer up on the channel. Fortunately, it's a medley of the all those bits you've no doubt seen before so don't worry about more spoilers. We get the point Nintendo. We'll buy it already. Christ on a bike.
  • Warioware: Do It Yourself Alex Neuse made it too. This genius micro-game making mini-series continues with Alex Neuse, the chap behind the series we love Bit Trip. This vid digs a tiny bit deeper into the mechanics of making a micro game. Such a simple idea, watch the Masters make a micro game and then download it. Have we said how much we like this series of videos already? See how they do it, play it and then do it yourself. Download Alex's micro game "Fire Bad!" now.
  • The quartet of new videos is completed with a Fieldrunners DSiWare Trailer From the video, Fieldrunners is what Advance Wars would look like if it was a tower defense game. Here endeth the sermon.
  • Whilst you are in the neighbourhood make sure to check out the DS Download Service. Sadly the Prince of Persia demo I meant to mention last week has been taken down already but there's one for Rooms The Main Building which is well worth checking out if, like me you thought the game looked interesting but wanted to try B4 u buy. Or more likely download with a boo hiss pirate device. Boo hiss indeed.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Kinect. It's K-new

Thank you neogaf
If E3 was the Gulf of Mexico and Kinect an oil spill you can find all the sickly oily penguins trying to work out what the fuck over here.

E.g "It is not possible to make any serious hardcore game without a controller with this level of technology."

Fact. Brilliant. Also, bingo.

That Microsoft E3 Expo's a Maniac... 2010

So E3 then?

So what do we have to look forward to in the next year for the 360?

Ahem, Kinect.
It's Wii style flappin, without the controller. It's all very sophisticated supposedly, it's like a really expensive webcam with features like face recognition. Apparently all you need to do is wave to select your profile... I'll believe that when I see it... I still resent that 15 minutes of switching profiles when I go to a mates house, but at least I don't need to get everyone in the room to look away when I enter my password, now I just... need... to... wave...

Cough, The new Xbox.
It's shiny, smaller, quieter, has a bigger hard disk, 5 USB ports and some special connection for Kinect, pretty much everything you could want in a "Slim" model.

Achooo, Sequels.
Gears of War, Halo, Fable, Call of Duty, Metal Gear. not to be sneezed at.

Love and Sony/Ninty better be more interesting,

Richie X

Monday, June 14, 2010

Dead Rising 2: Rigor Mortis in my pants

So yeah Dead Rising 2 (due out around Autumn) is gonna have playboy advertisements in it:
Now as far as in game advertising goes, I'm not overly offended... But of course certain members of the games community are taking offence at this...  There was one guy - I shit you not - complaining, "great another game I cant play in front of my kids"... like really... REALLY!?! The game where you pick up a Stick and a Chainsaw, secure them together, to create some deadly hideous object, (Which I like to call a "Chick" or a "Stainsaw") and then swing it around dismembering the living dead, along with some rather nuts non-dead people... That game? BUT Now that it might have tits in it, your kids definitely can't look at it, what ass-backwards logic... Tool. 

Oh yeah, and it's not offensive to women or gays either, because neither women nor homoseckshuals will play/understand Dead Rising 2.

So yeah, playboy meets the living dead. Let the Necrophilia jokes commence...

Chicks and Stainsaws,

Richie X

Thursday, June 10, 2010

You don't say?


"The Wii and DS markets have “collapsed”, according to Namco Bandai’s VP of sales, marketing and publishing Olivier Comte....... “It’s a tough market,” Comte told MCV. “We had a lot of product, and the average quality of a game on DS and Wii is very, very bad. So in the mind of the consumer today, to buy a DS or Wii game is to buy a game that isn’t very good."

Namco's E3 lineup From ONM

Namco Bandai Dragon Ball: Origins 2 (DS) Pac Man 2010 (TBC).

Okay so Pac Man 2010 might just be the Citizen Kane of games. No no. Fuck off Namco Bandai. Just fuck off.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Everybody Votes Idea

The excellent Everybody Votes Channel on the Nintendo Wii has the uber Web 2.0 option for (l)users to submit questions for future polls. About a month ago I made the following suggestion:

Daddy or T-virus? This has still not been a question on the channel yet so something must have gone wrong when I sent it in to Nintendo. I have emailed them this JPEG this time so they definitely won't miss it. Expect to see this question on the channel soon!

Monday, June 07, 2010

Omastar Comics #26

We all saw the rise, the fall, the rise again, the predictable re-fall, the return, the fall to rock bottom, the Hello! recovery special, the weight problems, the diet series, that Oprah show, those photos, that white powdery substance from that part of that Lickitung. Those ads, that smile, the love Omanyte scandal. But now. Defying the odds. HE. IS. BACK. AGAIN.

The one, the only. Oma. Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar. Of course, there's no way we'd let comic 26 just go by uncelebrated so this one is with special guest star, that's right it's only fudging Omastar.

Does any browser even do alt text anymore? If you are reading this then I can reveal that we didn't in fact get another omastar in. We shot Omastar from two different angles and then used magicky pokery to super impose them together in panel 3
No it's all different now. Some stars should be allowed to fall. Sell out. Selloutstar more like. Get me Octillery on the phone. We need a new star.


E3 Again

E3 again folks! E3 again! Want to see the games you'll be picking up for £10 in two months from now? Sure thing. Need some more ammunition to keep up those tired old 'console wars' between you and other moron-losers on the forum? Hey fuckface. It's Efunking3. Want to be told what shit you'll be eating next and exactly how to grin whilst you do it? Well then, you may have heard of a lil ol thing called E3.

Here's our how to guide:

1) Find the official live E3 presentation stream a Danish pirate stream that occupies a small 2 by 3 cm screen with six or seven pixels worth of definition, get some popcorn and settle in to watch the laggy presentations whilst clueless meatheads keep asking "So am I supposed to play Gears 3 standing up?" over and over and over again in between the indistinguishable Danish chit chat in the 'open chat box'.

2) Milliseconds after anyone says anything Alt tab to the one of the myriad of fora you have open and type in LOL. Nobody will know exactly what you were LOLLING in two minutes time but hey, at least you'll remember where you were during E3 2010. It's just such a shame you won't have any Granchildren to tell. Ever.

FUCK YOU E3 Whiskeys, blow jobs, brownies, satsumas whatever. We don't care. Anything to get us through it.

4) Follow the live tweet facebook blogging from all 40 of your favourite gaming blogs and yet still not really get a sense of who said what until EDGE write it up a month later.

E3, we can hardly wait.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

De Blob and Nintendo Channel: Now Showing

We've finally got around to picking up a copy of the reasonably acclaimed De Blob for our Nintendo Wii. We have played the first couple of levels and out current analysis is: JOY. The sound, the colour, THE PURE HAPPY JOY. We're only three levels in; we hope that the Inkies don't suddenly turn into SUPER GENET(/R)IC MUTANT SOLDIERS or the game dramatically turns into a flight sim half way through because it's only a fundamental game change of that order that has the potential to ruin the rest of the game. It is a happy and pretty game and this cutscene might rank as one of our favourite game cutscenes of all time (well okay second to sexing a dead man).

The one we're on about is 2.28 in the video below, the favourite cutscene not the necrophilia one which can be found here.

A lot of writers have been going on about the problem with ubiquitous violence in video games but a quick glance at the games shelf and Zack and Wiki, Another Code: Rubbish, De Blob and others say that good non-violence is also out there. However, one thing we have noticed is that between the Inkies in De Blob and the Onii in Little King's Story even our relatively prejudiced-free cosmopolitan upbringing is beginning to crumble and make us hate the blacks as a default position*.

Now Showing on The Nintendo Channel
This is the third week of this feature making it one of our longest running features of all time! If we aren't careful we'll end up completing our top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever feature currently 2 years old and up to number 41. Anyway, back to the new videos currently showing on the Nintendo Channel.
  • Wii Play Campaign Trailer This slightly misleadingly titled video isn't in fact anything to do with the 2006 game Wii play but is actually a cool video stitched together to launch Play Wii, a campaign which seems to be a belated reply to all those 'no hardcore games on the Wii' morons. Worth a watch and it's good to see a company still supporting third party games that are older than a month; Little King's Story, Rune Factory Frontier, Final Fantasy Crystal Bearers and others getting some bonus coverage.
  • Matt Bozon Creator of Shantai (which we ashamedly had to look up and whose cameo we missed in A Boy and His Blob) carries on those excellent Warioware: Do It Yourself videos that we love so much. Watching talented people make these micro games and then being able to go and play them addresses some of the problems fellow gaming celebrity Leigh Alexander brings up here. Matt makes an awesome little game called Shantae Nab available for download now!
  • Nintendo TV episode 1 A video review/preview by the guys from The Official Nintendo Magazine, is one of three videos this week hyping an obscure game called Super Mario Galaxy 2. The Nintendo Channel seems to be as inconsistent as us here at TGAM when it comes to sustaining serial features so we'll see if Nintendo TV ever gets to double figure episodes. Super Mario Galaxy Trailer 2 and an interview with Shigsy on SMG2 are also up. We're feeling a little over exposed to Shigsy with both ONM and EDGE recently interviewing the man. Hilariously, commenting on how spoiled we've been with NSMB and SMG2, in the interview Mr. Miyamoto stresses that Mario should not be used in too many games otherwise he will lose his 'uniqueness'. That wouldn't be the same Mario that the 2008 Guinness World Records Gamer's Edition lists as the Most Prolific Video Game Character ever is it? Hmm /strokes chin.
  • Lastly, Koei are getting some Nintendo love with a trailer for Samurai Warriors 3 and a rather good Samurai Warriors Historical Roots short documentary. We were huge fans of Dynasty Warriors but the series lost its way on the transition onto the HD consoles of this gen. Dynasty Warriors 6 was worse than Dynasty Warriors 3 in our opinion and staple issues with the series nonsensically seemed to get worse with more processing power; enemies cluster around evenmore lethargically taking it in turns to have a go; pop-up distance was down to about 2m making even Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop's infamous pop-up look practically inter-continental. However, online co-op in SW3 might sway us to give the franchise a second chance. The eight minute long historical roots documentary, hosted by Dr Christopher Gerteis is cool, even if we aren't convinced that historical events played out exactly as SW3 would have you recreate events. Fans of Japanese history, the Warriors series or games in a wider context should definitely make an effort to watch it all. Intelligent games.
*Honestly, we do care but we're saving all of this material up for our Mickey Mouse PhD thesis, Racism in Games. Writing Media Studies theses is hard because it means you have to have an opinion on something.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

The epicest clash ever: B-roll

Over at that other filthy site I sometimes write for I have a new article up about what would happen if Jesus, Charles Darwin, Adolf Hitler and Albert Wesker went head to head in bloody battle played some gentlemenly sports against each other.

Something is wrong with the writing because at least three people have asked about the scores after the golf game. I say to ye, read the text carefully.

Anyway as a special little gift to the TGAM faithful, here's the footage for the rounds that didn't make the final cut:

Adolf and Darwin go head to head in the dress up as a cowboy and catch a slippery grumpig competition. The winner was the one who identified the 'real pretty mouth first'.

Grumpig not Jynx!
Darwin doing pretty bady in the chat up a bitch round.

HAr har a female dog is also called a bitch. Actually Portia is a massive bitch.

There was also the hide the sausage round but that's a post for a slow news day y'know? Bonus features!

Dragonage DLC Expiry dates

As some may be aware, if you buy a new copy of Dragonage you get a redemption code for 'The Stone Prisoner' DLC included in the box. For those not buying a new copy the DLC will cost you 1200MS Points, which quite frankly is quite a lot for a little plot and an extra character.
But hey it's a nice way of keeping people buying new games and supporting the medium right? Well imagine my dismay when I see on the back of the box in the small print that the code expires on April 30th!
Seeming like an obvious EA scheme to maintain the high price of an ageing game I was naturally pissed off.
However dear reader, the silver lining (and the point) of this tale is that I fired in the code anyway (on June 2nd) and it worked anyway!!
So if you are on the fence about buying this great game and feeling cheated about the DLC, then get involved, the code (as of June 2nd) has yet to expire!