Friday, February 26, 2010

GAME to close down some stores.

First can we say how sad it will be for all those who lose their jobs in the closure of 43 shops across the UK. Now that is out of the way can we now say good. Good riddance GAME.
We tried to support you in the credit crunch crisis thingy but you didn't have the games we wanted a mere six days after launch. Also, I'm not entirely surprised at the closures either when your stores look and feel like a teenager's bedroom.

We remember the days when GAME was merely an awesome mail order site and you'd order stuff from the back of a mag. We got Legacy of Kain, Resident Evil, Broken Helix and Tomb Raider from GAME before it became a shop*. Any and every title including the more obscure ones were available back then when gaming shops on the high street were basically for PC games and printers. To see it's horrid generic commercial horribleness now makes us sad :(


*Just checked wikipedia. Our memories seem to be totally apocryphal. Maybe we meant Gameplay? W/ever. OH MAN WE FORGOT TO MAKE THE GAME OVER JOKE

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Stop this sick filth

It is like ROsa Parks all over again
Many of you may have taken a stroll around Amity square with one of your 'cute' pokemon friends. Can I ask that as of today everyone boycotts Amity Square as it is nothing more than RACISM AT IT'S WORST.

Yesterday I attempted to take a Kabuto for a walk around the square only to be told that it wouldn't be allowed in because it wasn't 'cute' enough. Not only is cuteness subjective but the Nazis at Amity Square define cuteness as pink normal types (with a couple of exceptions). Quite how this barefaced racism is tolerated in Hearthrome City comes as no surprise- the religious rednecks there have even built a church opposite the entrance.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

TGAM The Official Party Line on UBI-DRM-Gate

The last Ubisoft game we bought was Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs. Until this DRM thing came up I didn't even know people played games on their PC. PCs are for making graphs and writing reports on. Jeez already.

AMENDMENT 1: So is like Rayman on PC then?

AMENDMENT 2: What happened to Rayman?

Interview with the World's Most Powerful Editor of Krakatoa

A bunch of people at the office were circulating the latest link for the latest masterpiece by Kotaku's Brian Crecente: Motion Control in Gaming: Rationalizing a New Dissonance. The usual jokes were flying around about how "Editor-In-Chief" means something different in America, and discussion arose as to when exactly Kotaku became (or desired to become) a science fiction pastiche of the real games industry. Deeply moved by the latest travesty from Kotaku Towers, I decided to get in touch with the big C for some constructive criticism. Here's how it went:

TGAM: Hey. Just read your post about motion control in gaming. Thought I'd drop you a line to let you know it is one of the worst pieces of HTML pretending to be writing on Kotaku (FYI this is akin to saying it is one of the worst pieces of writing on the internet). Next time leave it to Leigh Alexander or someone else who can write their way out of a paper bag. It couldn't be more high school even if it mentioned Freud. Oh hang on. It does. Jeez. Even Dorito could do something better than this without a uniting theme or point. They do say 'If at first you don't succeed....' but I think we can make an exception for you. Kind regards Cunzy1 1.

Brian Crecente: Wow, Thanks for your informed opinion. What exactly didn't you like about it anonymous email person?

TGAM:Oh Bry. Anonymous! We thought you cared, how fickle you are!

Anyway here is a nice bulleted list:
  • It reads like assembly instructions which might be a tried and tested technique to pass off rumour as fact but for an opinion piece like this it just feels cold.You give bodies an agency they don't have. A staple of persuasive writing and straw man arguing.
  • You say: 'Years later, when the Wii hit stores, it brought gaming and motion control to the masses, showing grandparents, gamers and soccer moms that video games didn't have to be high-def to be fun' There's a horse and a cart in here but none of them are pushing or pulling what they ordinarily should be. I don't buy that soccer moms thought video games had to be high-def to be fun and deep down neither do you.
  • You say: 'The uncanny valley, ironically, became one of the chief stumbling blocks for game developers trying to make games that approached the threshold of photorealism.' You've got so many qualifying words in that statement that ultimately, I don't think you are asserting anything. Also, total LIES. Name one game that was canceled or restylised because people were repulsed.
  • 'Now, it seems [and I'm making it up off the top of my head here], developers escaping the unavoidable graphics journey through the uncanny valley have stumbled upon a new uncanny valley, one marked not by appearance, but by motion.' Is what you meant I think (my emphasis in square brackets).
  • The Red Steel 2 stuff is gold and I thank you for using non asserted statement of the year unless you are interested in the gut feeling of Mr Areola: '"So far I can't tell, but for the Wii, going to a full, exact replication of movement is not the right way to do it," he said.'
  • 'The biggest risk motion control faces is that the paradoxical nature of that uncanny disconnect may lead gamers and developers to believe that the basic concept is flawed.' Boy, you have used some big words here but I would have fed the trolls with "Until motion control works 1 for 1, for that handful of games which would actually benefit from motion control in that something was added to improve the experience we're going to have to put up with internet people squinnying about it".
I hope some of these bits I've highlighted can help you do more with less and with time you'll reach the heady heights of 'I-got-a-book-don't-cha-know-Baschraft'.


BC:* Rumor? What rumor? * Be specific, what bodies? * Are you saying the release of the Wii didn't change the way people view games? * I never said a game was re-stylized, though plenty have. Are you saying the premise of the uncanny valley as it applies to gaming is false? * No, I had it right. You're dislike for me doesn't really play a role in my writing. * You misquoted him. * Sorry I confused you with my big words. Here's some help:http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dissonance

I'm a bit disappointed here. I was really hoping you had something insightful to say or useful point out. But all this boils down to: "I don't like you Brian." I've always found it interesting that someone I don't know, and who doesn't know me, can get so personally and emotionally invested in something I write. But, and here's the funny thing, they don't have the backbone to use their real name when trying, no matter how ham-handedly, to call me out.
The fact that I linked to you before doesn't mean you are any less anonymous. If you really are bothered so much by my writing maybe you
should not read Kotaku or at least me anymore. It could lead to a less stressful life for you. Take care, brian


TGAM: Oh Brian Let us hope you blocked this email like you did "the last time". But just in case you didn't here is a reply.

1) Re:Rumours- See 90% of Kotaku especially those awkward bits of back peddling or when you make rumours you accidentally passed off as news into news itself. Brilliant monsieur. Brilliant.
2) Like how you use "game developers" in a number of places in this piece.
3) Absolutely not and I am a firm believer to the point of being evangelical that it did change the way people view games. What I am saying though (and read this carefully sugar) is that you are saying soccer moms thought video games had to be high-def to
be fun until the Wii came along. Which is wrong.
4) I think the premise of the uncanny valley as it applies to gaming is false. I know of no examples or even anecdotes of gamers being put off by or repulsed by a game due to it approaching photorealism. I mention restylising as a way of bringing a game to market that was otherwise repulsing gamers due to it's photo realism.
5) Your statement regarding motion control and uncanniness is totally unfounded and if I may say a bit garbled. You are insinuating that photorealism is somehow mutual exclusive to motion controlled or a replacement to it.
6) Not a misquote (formatting aside) unless you mean the name change but then I assumed you knew what one of those was.
7) Sorry if you got confused it is not the length of your words of what they mean that I have issue with it is just the general redundancy Brian. The anti-information.

And it is not a case of I don't like you here Brian. Like you say, I don't know you from Adam, all I'm saying is that you are overly verbose and you do persuasive writing badly and in some corners of the internet I'd say you might be something akin to some kind of role model so set a better example. Also, you assume I am personally and emotionally invested in your writing or I am stressed out because I take out five minutes to comment on it? Don't get ahead of yourself. By your own judgement system you don't know any of the Kotakuites and they keep you in a job and this is why I take (not stressed out mind you) issue to your writing. The anonymous thing is tired, google me Brian I always post everything under Cunzy1 1 on every forum, blog or web tool and you could find out a darn site more about me from my "anonymous" handle than anyone could from you and your asinine throw-away comments on your website.

He is a massive wanker
BC:1 what are you talking about specifically? Are you saying the wii is a rumor? Be specific.2 3 work on your reading comprehension.4 wow. You are painfully misinformed. Actually I didn't read the rest because you were boring me. What's your real name?

TGAM: Wow Brian. Matthew 15:14 never seemed so apt. Good luck. What's your job again?

BC:As long as you hide behind anonymity I see no point carrying on this conversation. What are you so afraid of?

TGAM:....... CHOOSE YOUR OWN ENDING READER.

This is where, unlike over at Kotaku we give you the chance to choose the response we send to Brian. Email your choices to the usual address and the one with the most votes will get sent by 5pm tonight!

OPTION A: I was afraid that you would be mad at me, don't be mad at me.

OPTION B: Looks like you lost the battle and the war. Word of advice, Brian don't hide in Paraguay, they always find the war criminals there. Too obvious.

OPTION C: Oh okay, so you could justify your shoddy writing but you choose not to?

OPTION D: My name is Earl, Brian

OPTION E: I find your advances to find out my name, more than a little aggressive, my anonymity is my business, but my internet handle, as a mentioned before can be googled. This is quite a contrast to your overt defensiveness to a trite literary scifi-gaming-mindwank*, which incidentally, you have still failed to remark on the criticism I have provided to you.
All I can surmise from these deflections is, that I hit a nerve, if you don't have faith in the quality of your work, I would suggest you do not feign interest in criticism, I would also suggest that you get comfortable with your literacy so that, when you do receive criticism, you will accept it graciously, rather than like a guilty child. Until that point I wish you good luck in your ventures dotting the i's and crossing the t's of the more literate members of your staff.

Choose your own ending reader! Choose it! Choose it! And now Mr Leary. Sing us out.



Luv

CZY

*Next time lay off the pot when looking for "inspiration."

Monday, February 22, 2010

Heavy Rain- TV spots

Yes citizens, the hype machine for Heavy Rain has sprung to life, opened up one evil eye and focussed it on the sky. Recently, Heavy Rain TV spots have been appearing in between televised shows about cooking and ice skating and all those Wii adverts that dominate the idiot box. We know, we know, you are dying to hear our verdict on them but first we interrupt this post for yet another look at 5/10 butterface leaning against the window in her pants.
There's no way around it. She just isn't attractive. Well done feminism. You won!

Anyway, back to these TV ads. I can't find any of the videos online (depressing in 2010) but basically, if you were a non gamer and you saw them you wouldn't realise that Heavy Rain supposedly represents gaming at it's best, gaming of the non running and shooting and inspiring high school killers kind, gaming for the thinking person. In fact I'd shoot the marketing team behind the spots because it makes the game look more like a video game of media lore than the grown up video games we like to shout about. And the graphics look awful. It is so painfully a video game. How are they still getting it all so so wrong?

Anyone else seen them and cringed like us?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing is it Mario Kart?

I think like most people out there, the first thing they thought was "Could this be Mario Kart on a non-Nintendo system?". But then again most people would rather not get their hopes up as this just may be another shit SEGA franchise game. 

But we had a play through and as close as it may be to Mario Kart. It's not quite there. Dont get me wrong it's fun, but not in the same way, yes the mechanics are the same, yes pretty much every pick-up is a clone of the Mario Kart pick-ups, and the levels are actually quite cool, including the loop-de-loops of Sonic vintage. But its missing that special something, I have decided to call this "something" Nintendroin and amalgamation of Nintendo and Heroin. I have decided that Turtle shells, Chomp chains, Plumbers and Princesses are the visual equivalent of Heroin, they have hooked us when we were young, and simply looking at these images makes us all feel all warm and comfy.

That aside though, what about this one, will you play it? If like me you are one of the hapless few who don't have/disowned their Wii, only to find that they have Mario Kart shaped hole deep in the recesses of their hearts with no X-box/PS3 titles to fill it, let alone patch it up, then... Maybe.

Like I mentioned it is in essence a Mario Kart Clone, even down to the waggling boost from a drift, but it doesn't have the usual fare of characters, in fact some of those SEGA faces are unknown to me, It almost feels like SEGA are proud of some of the drossy shit they brought out. But in saying that if you are a Mario Kart fan AND a Fan of the SEGA characters then this may be right up your street. 

This is an odd one, as the Characters and styling may make or break this one for you, but essentially it  is just Mario kart, and Mario Kart is ALWAYS fun.

Oh one other thing, I'm not sure about the name, I mean "Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing" is not catchy, nor does it have a viable acronym SaSASR, It'll probably get shortened to "Sonic Racing" so we all just have to forget that one existed.

Love and Cream the Rabbit.

Richie X

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Generation V pokemon revealed

Zorua
Zoroark

Apparently a dark type, if it was 3 stage I'd like to think it could have been a starter. I'm fond of the idea that the starters could be something other than Fire, Grass and Water again. Dark, Fighting and Psychic seem the most viable. But I digress... It's been announced much in the same way as Lucario of Generation IV as he'll be in the TWELFTH movie! 

Love and still waiting on HeartGold/SoulSilver,

Richie X 

Resident Evil Monopoly

Right well apparently this took 5 years to make, the full story can be found here

Hint: Hit up page 16 for a disturbing picture of the creator.

My apologies this post is bitter, but c'mon, you could know you could knock this (or better) up in an afternoon in Photoshop. Plus, i feel a bit tainted as this just feels like a Wonderland post. What next? Knitted resident evil toilet roll cosies. I don't think so.

ugh

Love and raging-at-ideas-we've-had-but-never-done-and-then-when-they-get-done-by-others-they-don't-fulfill-our-expectations,

Richie X

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Some Stupid Fucking Nonsense on the TV again

Would
Click the title for the link. Some nonsense about a lady off the telly going on about violent video games again. Which reminds us we wanted you all to have these links if you are genuinely
interested:

The Byron review. 2007-2008 review into keeping children protected online. A full report, a summary report and a report for young people are available so no excuses.

Review of research on the impact of violent computer games on young people
. A DCMS review of the research up until 2006 on the link between violent videogames and young people. With interesting conclusions as to the nature and quality of that research.

How to set parental controls on the Wii, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.

That awful Susan Greenfield woman again.

Digital Britain 2009 report into Brits and what they get up to online. Some interesting stats here.

Don't Shoot a 2007 proper look at violence and video games links and you know, proper research.

Lastly and we're being naughty here

Atrocious advice from SuperNanny. Like some like almost proper published research into the evilness of Brand Super Nanny (president: Jo Frost). Oh come on. I'm not just gonna let her get away with, it the sassy nanny.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Pronounced 'Say-Ga' You Twat


Pray you don't have offspring and if it is any consolation you inspired this poem:

A Man

A man today is trying to convince me that Sega is pronounced
Sea-Ga
Not Say-Ga
And that there was the last straw
That is what made me take my Daddy's Glock
Down to the family fair
It took me Ay-Gees

x x

Peado Yoda Again

In the big, bigger, biggest tried-and-tested format.
Paedo
Paedoer
Pedarest

Lego Star wars III: Creepy

So Lego Star Wars III has been announced, and the above image has been released. First impressions: Fucked up. Is no one else freaked out by those faces?!!? I mean don't get me wrong, Lego characters are already quite freaky with their cold dead eyes, but there is a definite uncanny-valley caused mixing the two genres of CG Cartoon and CG Lego blocks.

Well freakyness aside, this one is based on the clone wars cartoon but will feature some of the other characters from the Starwars Universe, not much else to say to be honest, It's another Lego game, same formula as the rest of them, though hopefully we'll get some cool new force updates.

Due out before the end of 2010

Freaky CG characters missing their noses and Seducing Yoda's,

Richie X

Generation V Pokemon announced

We really wish we could be as happy as these folks:
And a small part* of us is, Generation V pokemon have been announced.
... Well "announced-ish". For now it is just a silhouette, our bets are that it is a Lucario evolution. The reveal is happening in March.

But yeah the reason we can only wish we could be happy, is well, we need HeartGold/SoulSilver first! It's hard to care about new Pokemon when you still have a whole game to get through... Roll on March

*not a racist joke I promise

Love and Generation V Conspiracies,

Richie X

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Wiiwaa advert, inappropriate overload


I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google.

Just no.

Richie :(

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The future of gaming interaction is here at last!




After the recent debate over the Wii, it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind!

Đ


[Flopculture]

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Thoughts on the Heavy Rain Showering/Golden Shower "Leak"

Minger
So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee.

We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts:

1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs.
2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit. We can barely wait for the level where you have to fill out your tax return or the "Where did I put my keys?" mini game.
3) UPDATE FROM THE GIRLFRIEND! What kind of woman showers without at least 14 kinds of products and at least 20 towels? Good points.
4) What ever happened to MDK?
5) So, Wii Sports bowling is an example of how casual games and gaming is killing gaming for the hardcore. A game where you have to make a motion like bowling to bowl a ball in a virtual bowling alley. Like bowling. The real life game of bowling. That's not 'gaming' apparently but pressing up on an analog stick to turn the shower on is gaming?
6) When she undresses for the shower all the naughty bits are strategically covered by furniture in the foreground which is a bit Austin Powers really. I mean, if this game is an 18 then at least 14% of the gamers playing it will have actually seen a real vagina. Is it really so neccessary to cover it up or does that actually say more about the expected response to this kind of totally unexciting, barely lob worthy scene?
7) Fingers crossed for a male shower and piss scene where right on the analog stick is "wipe piss off the seat".

THOSE ARE THE THOUGHTS.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Why Nintendo lost me as a customer




Since I was a kid, gaming has always been synonymous with Nintendo. Here was a company that for me had awesome graphics, huge libraries of games and timeless franchises. However this relationship unfortunately ended with the Game Cube and while the Wii has been a runaway succes it got me thinking why did they lose me as a customer?

My first gaming system was a Commodore 64, a system that looked enough like it might be educational to fool my parents, however for me it was purely for games. While I spent many hours with Treasure Island Dizzy (one life and no saving!!), bubble bobble and Rick Dangerous, my first experience with what i believed to be 'true' gaming was the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

I would accompany my parents on trips to Makro and immediately split from them and head to the gaming isle where they had a Nintendo wall with NES systems running Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. These Instant gaming machines let you slip in to a simple, colourful and oh so  rewarding world with Princess's in need of rescue and excitable plumbers only to happy to oblige. My friend who owned one of these wondrous devices would taunt me with demos of more Princess's in need of rescuing, this time from an Elf type character loaded in seconds as if by magic from a golden cartridge. Alas I never owned a NES, however I more than made up for it with the amount of hours I spent on my friends system.
Which brings me to my first Nintendo console the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES), 16bits of sheer joy, with audio and visual capabilities that put Sega's Mega Drive to shame, it was cutting edge and had a back catalogue of gaming franchises ready for 'Super' adoption.
Instant classics like Super Mario World, Super Mario Kart, Super Bomberman, The Legend of Zelda: A link to the past, Secret of Mana and Street Fighter II to name but a few kept me gaming for years. The SNES was top of the pile at the time, the visuals were clearly superior to the Mega Drive when comparing the same game on both consoles (Street Fighter II springs to mind) and they also pioneered 3D gaming with the Super FX Chip imbedded in certain games like Starfox/Starwing. By todays standards these graphics may seem tame but at the time it had me staring in wonder. For me this was THE console, the joy of which has yet to be replicated and to this day i still crack open Super Mario World with Richie to complete all 96 levels in a day. All be it on a tv so huge that the mushrooms are the size of your fist!
Next up was the Nintendo 64, 'Project Reality' as it was dubbed for its breathtaking graphics and supercomputer rivalling performance which was technically far in advance of the new kid on the block The Playstation(PS), from their ex partner Sony.
Now I never bought in to the PS, it seemed to represent the Megadrive of the 90's, it had titles like Madden and Fifa, when Nintendo had immersive classics like Ocrarina of Time, Mario 64, DonkeyKong64 and The amazing GoldenEye. Now I know the Playstation was a gamechanger and there were many many great titles, however for me i was sold on the Mario exclusives and the technical prowess.
To this day Orcarina of Time's visuals astound me and the game play and interactions were far beyond their time and the deathmatch multiplayer of GoldenEye was a precursor  to Halo and Call of Duty, before console internet gaming really existed.
This console also had arguably the best controller around.

With expensive cartridge prices (£50 - £60, expensive in todays market) and poor support of 3rd party developers, Nintendo lost its market lead and when the Game Cube was released in 2002, faced with the Playstation 2 and the new player from Microsoft, The Xbox, things didn't improve.

Again, i bought a gamecube, however for the first time started to lose the faith with Nintendo.
While i was kept relatively happy with the Mario and Zelda outings, I started to look at other types of games like GTA and Call of Duty, suddenly the Game Cube seemed to be aimed at a younger audience.
There also seemed to be a lack of innovation, while the PS2 essentially championed DVD as a format and the Xbox revolutionised the concept of online gaming, the Game Cube's big selling point was its small size and range of different colours.
The Gamecube also had limitations around the Optical media, the 'mini DVD' format meant it couldn't play DVD's (something that was important at the time) and many games were either multi-disk games or had features removed from the PS2/XB versions.

Which patient readers, brings me to Nintendo's latest offering, the Wii...

Now despite the Game Cube being my least favourite Nintendo console, i still loved it and as a result was still very excited about the Wii.
When i got over the name (doesn't seem so silly on reflection does it?) and first poured over the specs and read about the 'revolutionary controller i was slightly sceptical.
With the might of the triple Core Xbox 360 and the ridiculous hyped potential of the PS3's Cell Processor, the hardware of the Wii didn't seem so 'next generation'
With approx 1.5 times the power of its predecessor, the graphics of the Wii seemed to have little or no gain over the Game Cube.

The next worry for me was resolution...
This thing has a maximum output of 480i/p (576i PAL), thats standard definition, no HD love here people. Does that matter though?? Well in my opinion absolutely!
HD brings far more detail to gaming, more room on the screen for a detailed HUD, better draw distances and represents exactly where the AV market was at launch and is today. The Wii was the only 'next gen' consol to shun HD.
Even if you take to one side the extra detail and real estate that higher resolution gives you and argue that  SD is just fine, what about the huge trend of consumers buying HD TV's?
Most peoples first reaction to HDTVs is disappointment, primarily as initially there were few HD sources available. This means the HDTV has to scale the source input up to 1080p or 720p (768p if you want to get technical on most 'HD Ready' sets)
Now the problem with this is that depending on the quality of your set, the image scaling can greatly differ, affecting the final image quality. That £200 bargain you picked up while you were buying milk doesn't do such a good job at IP conversion and scaling as sets at the higher end of the market.
Even if you put that to one side, and declare resolution isn't everything, maybe you have a top end HDTV, don't notice the digital fragments left by the poor scaling or maybe you still have a CRT SD set and are quite happy with 480 lines, there is also the quality of the connection.
The 360 and PS3 shipped initially with HD connections in the form of Component and HDMI respectively. The Wii, however shipped with composite output as standard, a very low end analogue output that sends an interlaced signal (think flicker).
Now even with an SD source there are benefits to using a higher quality connection. With component the light and colour are sent separately resulting in higher quality and more accurate video reproduction. Component is also capable of progressive scan, giving a smoother higher quality image with less 'jaggies' and since all flat panels are progressive, this takes out the need for the tv set to convert the signal from interlaced to progressive. Nintendo do offer a a component cable as an optional accessory, however that seems a modest compromise at best.
But maybe it looks fine??
Well in my opinion, far from it. When my flatmate hooked up the Wii to my 720p Sony set i was very disappointed. The colours appeared washed out and the graphics of Zelda seemed very much last generation. Despite pouring over all the advanced scaling settings my Sony had to offer, I just couldn't get the result i was looking for.
Even a simple comparison of cross platform games will shock you. No More Heroes is a prime example of this, a really fantastic game for the Wii, though with obvious graphical differences.






So what about the real 'Revolution', the motion controls...

Yes Wii Sports brought some genuine fun briefly to my living room, it was fun to play bowling, tennis and boxing with the motion controller, it even briefly made me think about the endless possibilities of gaming interaction, however this fascination was quickly relegated to a game suitable for drunken groups of friends. Watching my cousin destroy me at the boxing by simply 'waggling' the controller and not at all simulating the act, also made me realise the limitations of this 'revolution'
For me the controller was fun, but a novelty; for real games I had no desire to flap about like a crazy person fighting an invisible wasp. Even my beloved Zelda couldn't lure me in.

While this console has sold insanely well, i feel it is a sign that Nintendo has moved on from the core gamer and sold it's soul to the mediocrity of the masses. Unfortunately, for every 1 customer like me Nintendo have lost, there are most likely 10 casual/geriatric/drunk idiots out there flailing about in their living room, ready to offer it a dusty spot under their T.V.

Đ

Monday, February 01, 2010

The Virtual Revolution: A Breakdown

Sadly she was always the wouldn't of the three :(
Over the weekend we watched the first episode of The Virtual Revolution. A series all about the history of the web innit. Presented by I'm-A-Doctor-Now-Former-Bits-Presentertator-Aleks Krotoski. Anyway here's the breakdown just in case you missed it:

10% Gratuitous shots of Dr Al's breasts and butt. Really gratutitous.
5% Aleks nodding/glowing/gushing in the presence of an old San Franciscan.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive with her shades on.
30% 5 of the richest men in the world celebrating how the web is the great 'leveller' specifically their software.
5% Bitter hippies claiming it's all gone to shit now.
7% Aleks looking into the camera and flicking her hair out of her eyes.
5% Aleks typing away on her laptop WITH HER MAN HANDS in the street near a famous landmark.
3% HIPPIES!
10% Some pointless graphic which was being 'unveiled' for the first time ever.

Episode two is on at some point. Games might be in it so do check it out. Better still look up old Bits episodes on Youtube. They are a little less gratuitous.