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Showing posts from February, 2010

GAME to close down some stores.

First can we say how sad it will be for all those who lose their jobs in the closure of 43 shops across the UK. Now that is out of the way can we now say good. Good riddance GAME.
We tried to support you in the credit crunch crisis thingy but you didn't have the games we wanted a mere six days after launch. Also, I'm not entirely surprised at the closures either when your stores look and feel like a teenager's bedroom.

We remember the days when GAME was merely an awesome mail order site and you'd order stuff from the back of a mag. We got Legacy of Kain, Resident Evil, Broken Helix and Tomb Raider from GAME before it became a shop*. Any and every title including the more obscure ones were available back then when gaming shops on the high street were basically for PC games and printers. To see it's horrid generic commercial horribleness now makes us sad :(


*Just checked wikipedia. Our memories seem to be totally apocryphal. Maybe we meant Gameplay? W/ever. OH MAN WE FO…

Stop this sick filth

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Many of you may have taken a stroll around Amity square with one of your 'cute' pokemon friends. Can I ask that as of today everyone boycotts Amity Square as it is nothing more than RACISM AT IT'S WORST.

Yesterday I attempted to take a Kabuto for a walk around the square only to be told that it wouldn't be allowed in because it wasn't 'cute' enough. Not only is cuteness subjective but the Nazis at Amity Square define cuteness as pink normal types (with a couple of exceptions). Quite how this barefaced racism is tolerated in Hearthrome City comes as no surprise- the religious rednecks there have even built a church opposite the entrance.

TGAM The Official Party Line on UBI-DRM-Gate

The last Ubisoft game we bought was Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs. Until this DRM thing came up I didn't even know people played games on their PC. PCs are for making graphs and writing reports on. Jeez already.

AMENDMENT 1: So is like Rayman on PC then?

AMENDMENT 2: What happened to Rayman?

Interview with the World's Most Powerful Editor of Krakatoa

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A bunch of people at the office were circulating the latest link for the latest masterpiece by Kotaku's Brian Crecente: Motion Control in Gaming: Rationalizing a New Dissonance. The usual jokes were flying around about how "Editor-In-Chief" means something different in America, and discussion arose as to when exactly Kotaku became (or desired to become) a science fiction pastiche of the real games industry. Deeply moved by the latest travesty from Kotaku Towers, I decided to get in touch with the big C for some constructive criticism. Here's how it went:

TGAM: Hey. Just read your post about motion control in gaming. Thought I'd drop you a line to let you know it is one of the worst pieces of HTML pretending to be writing on Kotaku (FYI this is akin to saying it is one of the worst pieces of writing on the internet). Next time leave it to Leigh Alexander or someone else who can write their way out of a paper bag. It couldn't be more high school even if it menti…

Heavy Rain- TV spots

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Yes citizens, the hype machine for Heavy Rain has sprung to life, opened up one evil eye and focussed it on the sky. Recently, Heavy Rain TV spots have been appearing in between televised shows about cooking and ice skating and all those Wii adverts that dominate the idiot box. We know, we know, you are dying to hear our verdict on them but first we interrupt this post for yet another look at 5/10 butterface leaning against the window in her pants.
There's no way around it. She just isn't attractive. Well done feminism. You won!

Anyway, back to these TV ads. I can't find any of the videos online (depressing in 2010) but basically, if you were a non gamer and you saw them you wouldn't realise that Heavy Rain supposedly represents gaming at it's best, gaming of the non running and shooting and inspiring high school killers kind, gaming for the thinking person. In fact I'd shoot the marketing team behind the spots because it makes the game look more like a video gam…

Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing is it Mario Kart?

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I think like most people out there, the first thing they thought was "Could this be Mario Kart on a non-Nintendo system?". But then again most people would rather not get their hopes up as this just may be another shit SEGA franchise game. 

But we had a play through and as close as it may be to Mario Kart. It's not quite there. Dont get me wrong it's fun, but not in the same way, yes the mechanics are the same, yes pretty much every pick-up is a clone of the Mario Kart pick-ups, and the levels are actually quite cool, including the loop-de-loops of Sonic vintage. But its missing that special something, I have decided to call this "something" Nintendroin and amalgamation of Nintendo and Heroin. I have decided that Turtle shells, Chomp chains, Plumbers and Princesses are the visual equivalent of Heroin, they have hooked us when we were young, and simply looking at these images makes us all feel all warm and comfy.
That aside though, what about this one, will yo…

Generation V pokemon revealed

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Zorua Zoroark
Apparently a dark type, if it was 3 stage I'd like to think it could have been a starter. I'm fond of the idea that the starters could be something other than Fire, Grass and Water again. Dark, Fighting and Psychic seem the most viable. But I digress... It's been announced much in the same way as Lucario of Generation IV as he'll be in the TWELFTH movie! 
Love and still waiting on HeartGold/SoulSilver,
Richie X

Resident Evil Monopoly

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Right well apparently this took 5 years to make, the full story can be found here

Hint: Hit up page 16 for a disturbing picture of the creator.
My apologies this post is bitter, but c'mon, you could know you could knock this (or better) up in an afternoon in Photoshop. Plus, i feel a bit tainted as this just feels like a Wonderland post. What next? Knitted resident evil toilet roll cosies. I don't think so.
ugh
Love and raging-at-ideas-we've-had-but-never-done-and-then-when-they-get-done-by-others-they-don't-fulfill-our-expectations,
Richie X

Some Stupid Fucking Nonsense on the TV again

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Click the title for the link. Some nonsense about a lady off the telly going on about violent video games again. Which reminds us we wanted you all to have these links if you are genuinely
interested:

The Byron review. 2007-2008 review into keeping children protected online. A full report, a summary report and a report for young people are available so no excuses.

Review of research on the impact of violent computer games on young people. A DCMS review of the research up until 2006 on the link between violent videogames and young people. With interesting conclusions as to the nature and quality of that research.

How to set parental controls on the Wii, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.

That awful Susan Greenfield woman again.

Digital Britain 2009 report into Brits and what they get up to online. Some interesting stats here.

Don't Shoot a 2007 proper look at violence and video games links and you know, proper research.

Lastly and we're being naughty here

Atrocious advice from SuperNanny. Like…

Pronounced 'Say-Ga' You Twat

Pray you don't have offspring and if it is any consolation you inspired this poem:

A Man

A man today is trying to convince me that Sega is pronounced
Sea-Ga
Not Say-Ga
And that there was the last straw
That is what made me take my Daddy's Glock
Down to the family fair
It took me Ay-Gees

x x

Peado Yoda Again

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In the big, bigger, biggest tried-and-tested format.


Lego Star wars III: Creepy

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So Lego Star Wars III has been announced, and the above image has been released. First impressions: Fucked up. Is no one else freaked out by those faces?!!? I mean don't get me wrong, Lego characters are already quite freaky with their cold dead eyes, but there is a definite uncanny-valley caused mixing the two genres of CG Cartoon and CG Lego blocks.

Well freakyness aside, this one is based on the clone wars cartoon but will feature some of the other characters from the Starwars Universe, not much else to say to be honest, It's another Lego game, same formula as the rest of them, though hopefully we'll get some cool new force updates.
Due out before the end of 2010
Freaky CG characters missing their noses and Seducing Yoda's,
Richie X

Generation V Pokemon announced

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We really wish we could be as happy as these folks:
And a small part* of us is, Generation V pokemon have been announced.
... Well "announced-ish". For now it is just a silhouette, our bets are that it is a Lucario evolution. The reveal is happening in March.

But yeah the reason we can only wish we could be happy, is well, we need HeartGold/SoulSilver first! It's hard to care about new Pokemon when you still have a whole game to get through... Roll on March

*not a racist joke I promise
Love and Generation V Conspiracies,
Richie X

Wiiwaa advert, inappropriate overload

I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google.
Just no.
Richie :(

The future of gaming interaction is here at last!

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After the recent debate over the Wii, it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind!

Đ


[Flopculture]

Thoughts on the Heavy Rain Showering/Golden Shower "Leak"

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So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee.

We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts:

1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs.
2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit. We can bare…

Why Nintendo lost me as a customer

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Since I was a kid, gaming has always been synonymous with Nintendo. Here was a company that for me had awesome graphics, huge libraries of games and timeless franchises. However this relationship unfortunately ended with the Game Cube and while the Wii has been a runaway succes it got me thinking why did they lose me as a customer?
My first gaming system was a Commodore 64, a system that looked enough like it might be educational to fool my parents, however for me it was purely for games. While I spent many hours with Treasure Island Dizzy (one life and no saving!!), bubble bobble and Rick Dangerous, my first experience with what i believed to be 'true' gaming was the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)
I would accompany my parents on trips to Makro and immediately split from them and head to the gaming isle where they had a Nintendo wall with NES systems running Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. These Instant gaming machines let you slip in to a simple, colourful and oh so  rewar…

The Virtual Revolution: A Breakdown

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Over the weekend we watched the first episode of The Virtual Revolution. A series all about the history of the web innit. Presented by I'm-A-Doctor-Now-Former-Bits-Presentertator-Aleks Krotoski. Anyway here's the breakdown just in case you missed it:

10% Gratuitous shots of Dr Al's breasts and butt. Really gratutitous.
5% Aleks nodding/glowing/gushing in the presence of an old San Franciscan.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive.
15%Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive with her shades on.
30% 5 of the richest men in the world celebrating how the web is the great 'leveller' specifically their software.
5% Bitter hippies claiming it's all gone to shit now.
7% Aleks looking into the camera and flicking her hair out of her eyes.
5% Aleks typing away on her laptop WITH HER MAN HANDS in the street near a famous landmark.
3% HIPPIES!
10% Some pointless graphic which was being 'unveiled' for the first time ever.

Episode two is on at some point. Games might be in …