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Showing posts from January, 2010

Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles

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Exciting unboxing complete we've now played through a lot of Darkside Chronicles, some of the normal Capcom secret modes silliness aside.
The review that summed it up best was probably the EDGE review. This is RE2 & Code Veronica the best bits. All the bits you remember with all the inventory management, backtracking and key finding edited out. Some reviews bitched about how Capcom had taken a hatchet to the storyline but the bits they cut out and edited gave a bit more elbow room to new elements that weren't there before and a bit more exposition.
The new "bit" set between Code Veronica and Resident Evil 4 feels less last minute made up than the Umbrella's End Mission from Umbrella Chronicles and has some nice South American twists of RE B.O.W classics, the Anubis and the new Ivy being particularly stand out.
Obviously, for us this game is some much needed Resident Evil massage oil for the relevant bits of our brains that crave it but if you aren't the kin…

Obligatory iPad Post

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Since the Blogosphere is rife with everyone finishing each other off whilst masturbating vigorously and furiously to Apple's latest product, we at thatguys felt compelled to drop our fluids* into the Apple wank pile.


To be honest there is not much to say that hasn't been said on EVERY other site out there, seriously do apple even need to advertise?
A Blogger said: It's like a mix between an iPhone and a Macbook. Twitter went viral with #iTampon, yet again proving that the internet is blatantly immature as us. Facebook is crawling with the same link to Steve Jobs Keynote. The BBC said it was a "gaming device", fuck off. The Guardian called it an oversized phone. Kotaku were not overly impressed.
Metascore 4/10: Wait for iPad 2


*fluids, it's more PC you know cuz women get to do it too.
iLove and iHugs.
Richie XX

CAPCOM®ANNOUNCES SPRING LINE-UP LAUNCH DATES INCLUDING SUPER STREET FIGHTER® IV, LOST PLANET® 2, MONSTER HUNTER® TRI AND FINAL FIGHT™: DOUBLE IMPACT..

®eads pa®t of the headline f®om a site so insidious we a®en't even gonna give the fucke®s a wo®king link. ©unts.

Ditto was in the news again!

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Apparently, Dittos* are going extinct, according to yesterday's newspaper the METRO.
.
This is stupid. Everyone has a Ditto right? And they aren't fished, you just catch them in the grass. I have a spare if anyone is interested.

Or find them at music festivals. But they aren't very good. By the time you have wasted a turn you are then in the unfortunate position in that your foe knows all your moves.

We hate it when newspapers get all their shit wrong. Stupid newspapers. Sadly I only worked out Ditto wasn't great when it dinged level 89.

*We know it should be Ditto not Dittos but we love annoying those wiki pricks who genuinely care about it. Because when the aliens find part of a server floating round in the space where Earth used to be, they're really gonna be concerned about the correct way of pluralising a fictional monster. Anyway if it does go extinct we won't have to worry about that.

Animal Crossing Racism-Round 2

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Not happy just to have baabara running around dropping the n-bomb Nintendo have turned their racist little eyes onto the Scots.
Yes starting from last night and up until the 1st of February, you too could download the "I hate the Scots" hat for Animal Crossing Wii. Complete with ginger hair and tartan Tam o shanter. You too can recreate Glasgow on a Saturday night by dressing like a stereotype heckling K.K.Slider and then vomiting into the river before dying of hypothermia and obesity.

Nintendo have yet to confirm the car bomb furniture set for St Patrick's day.

So boring

Read it here. Basically, former who-is-that-guy-again? leader of the tory party, IDS has pulled a Vaz. This time though, avoiding Vaz's idiotic mistake a few weeks back, he appears to be aware of all the laws about selling stuff to people who aren't old enough to buy it all. He just says nobody pays attention.
He also comes out with:

“We are driving children to lose their childhood, and some video games are incredibly violent, like Grand Theft Auto. They are meant to be 18 but nobody cares what it says on the label."

Fuck off IDS. Just fuck off. When was the last time you took a bus after 11pm in this country? That's violence right there. Real actual violence. In fact for anyone living in London they probably see violence every week. I know I do. And then of course there are violent films on TV all day every day which anyone can watch with no restrictions whatsoever. Oh and books. When was the last time you got ID(S'ed?) for a book? And even then. Even if 1997 game …

New That Guys 'Girlfriend' Identified

See here the lovely Lisa Courtney officially has the World's Largest Collection of Pokemon Memorabilia and we are seething with jealousy so bad right now.
We thought we were contenders for it but Lisa's collection dwarfs the TGAM meagre collection of:

Copies of Pokemon Red, 2 x Blue, Yellow, SIlver, Gold, Ruby Sapphire, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, TCG, Ranger, Link, Stadium, Stadium 2, Colosseum, Ruby & Sapphire Box, Channel, XD, Snap and Mystery Dungeon Time.A Psyduck Plushie. Seven or so key rings of Pikachu. An Eevee that senses motion and says Veeeeeeeeeee (batteries not working). A copy of Pikachu's Global Adventure. Legal copies of the first film on DVD and VHS, two copies of the second film and one of the fourth film. A bunch of rubbish stuff from that awful dayLoads more other stuff that we are way too embarrassed to go into. Very little of it is official Nintendo merchandise mind. Some of it is totally home made too.So, in resurrecting a feature we did four years …

Some Fucking Fucktards Get Annoyed About Nintendo The Week They Start Running Prime Time Adverts Addressing The Problem They Are Peeved About

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Games Industry biz has the scoop parsed via Kotaku because we can't be arsed to register for GIZ! Because that means cum.

Basically, a bunch of nobodys are whinging about Nintendo not doing enough to advertise WiiWare and DSiWare and all the online stuff. Unfortunately, this coincides with Nintendo running some rather good adverts on the telly box about how to get your Wii online and why you should.

Unfortunately neither umm Pong Toss or Christmas Clix are featured in the ad.

ONM Reader's Game of the Year

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In this month's Official Nintendo Magazine the paedo and the three five year olds are asking for readers to vote for their games of the year in various categories. I tried to find a weblink for this activity but alas! The ONM website SUCKS. Properly SUCKS. Okay. It's all here apparently.

Anyway the point of this post is that I have only played one game in all those shortlisted in all seven categories (obviously, not including Most Anticipated). The only game I have played is Dead Rising: Chop Til' You Drop which is nominated for biggest let down. Which, isn't fair. It is purely misunderstood.

Where do you people get the time to buy and play all these games? I'm a fan of gaming, a fan of Nintendo with a bit of disposable income and I haven't played a single game highly rated from the last year!? Where do the kidz get all the money?

How many have you played TGAM reader(s)?

Heavy Rain Spoilers

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Hey look at this !
We are covering news on a PS3 title! Who'd have thunk it? Basically Heavy Rain has been Rated by the ESRB and, much like Movie trailers, they have given us a preview of the best bits:
below we have a breakdown of the nudey bits: 

"The game contains sexual content and nudity." TGAM: w00t
"Shower cutscenes may depict a male character's bare butt..."  TGAM: Ghey. And yes, they did use the word "butt" classy.
"...if players control the female character, her breasts and buttocks are also briefly visible." TGAM: Lady Ghey. And not to worry as soon as we get a screenie of the bewbs it'll be posted here.
"A more prolonged instance of nudity occurs during a female character's investigation of a seedy club owner: After getting him alone in a room, the player-character is asked to strip; at gunpoint, she dances topless in front of the man." TGAM: Excellent! Degradation, Humiliation, Weapons and Bewbs... Thatguys, might be …

Gears of War 3 announced!

Not really, the game is called "farcical rip off of one of the most popular game series on the xbox 360, even down to the bulky models and the animations for cover" "Quantum Theory" by your typical soulless cash in company Koei Temco

But c'mon guys! did you think people wouldnt notice? are you targeting xbox gamers that have selective Gears of War amnesia? or perhaps you are just expecting the GoWers to buy this to "try it out" destined to be traded in 12 months later for £3 ($5 for our American reader) ironically to purchase the actual GoW3 game?

Though maybe I'm being too negative, video games concepts do get copied, and perhaps this may improve on every aspect that made the GoW one of the stronger ones on the 360. HA

See ya in the bargain bin QT.

Love and unflattering clones.

Richie X

Koo-pa-pa Troop-pa-pa Thats How it Goes?

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Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me. But I won't feel blue. Like I always do. 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.


I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night from Glasgow. All I do is eat and sleep and sing. Wishing every show was the last show. (Wishing every show was the last show). So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming. (Glad to hear you're coming). Suddenly I feel all right (and suddenly it's gonna be)and it's gonna be so different. When I'm on the stage tonight.

Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smiling, having fun (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Feeling like a number one
Tonight the Koopa Trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). Like I always do (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per). 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you.



Tonight the Koopa Trooper lights are gonna find me. Shining like the sun. (Koop-p-pa Troop-p-per)Smi…

Tekken Movie is More Hotly Anticipated Than The Next Tekken Game.

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Because, let us all be honest there was no real need for there to ever be a Tekken 3 let alone 6? Are we up to six already? For God's sake I can't even be bothered to be apathetic about it. This is worse than Tomb Raider/Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Gran Turismo/Resident Evil [delete as appropriate].

LEGO TEKKEN looks good though innit?:


That was just a joke. That is actually a screenshot from Tekken 5.

Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles Unboxing and Review

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Yes readers. Everyone is doing unboxing these days and pretending it is an interesting thing to do. So much like our DeadRisingunboxing we're going to go through the motions with the new Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles although this time in one big fat update rather than separate blogs for the box, disc and book and eventually game.
So we got Darkside Chronicles off the internet so no bag this time. But it did come in cellophane which is nice. Sometimes in GAME you buy a new game and it doesn't have the wrap which makes us sad. This time we know we're the first ones to see it outside of China as you might be able to make out from this image:

We got a new phone so you can see things better in this update. So the box looks good. It has shattered glass on it which is a theme throughout the game. A nice theme mind. Naturally, once you've seen the front you have to flip her over and pretend she is a boy:

Tasty, tasty and you've got to love the unprovable claim of MIND BL…

Endless Ocean 2 (like Neverending Story 3)

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As you may well know 25% of Team TGAM is totally hot for swim 'em up Endless Ocean. Well guess what dilwads? Endless Ocean 2 has been dated for the 5th of February this MUTHAFUCKING year.

The first Endless Ocean was our game of the year 2007-2009 so it goes without saying that I am looking forward to Endless Ocean 2.

Some people dismiss titles like this as being too casual or easy or not really a game. Presumably these are the tards that prefer shit like Bioshock and Portal which is the casualist shit going. Get over it losers. This game is all about science and exploration and shit. You might learn a thing or two about some real animals which impresses the chicks* inifinitely more than the fact that you can do no scope headshots 1 in 15 times that you try it you lazy fucking adolescent fagballs.

Also, it will be compatible with Wiispeak so in out fantasy world where we actually enjoy online play you can speak to people you dive with as well as drawing luminous penii with the draw t…

All bets are off!

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Okay, okay, who had 1.14 on the 8th of January for Peter Molyneux to start making big huge bullshit hype claims about big games that will ultimately never be realised upon release and end up as 7/10 this-game-had-some-great-ideas-but-totally-cacked-up-the-rest?

Did anyone have that late in the year? No? Looks like 2011 will be a rollover!

To be fair to the guy, as muchas we kid, Civilisation was an awesome game.

Tales of Vesperia: New Costumes

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Oh for the love of everything Namco!

As if the 360 players were not whole heartedly shafted by the infinitely better PS3 version with full voice acting, new characters etc. Which incidentally may never see a non-Japanese version. They have now released PS3 only DLC with some awesome Namco tie-in costumes including Mitsurugi (Soul Calibur), Heihachi (Tekken), Kolona, and Chopin from Eternal Sonata. Yeah well, fuck it... I suppose ToV was fun while it lasted I thrashed the game twice and wnet though the horrible "grade farming" shenanigans to go for 100%. 

I guess it's time to come to terms with the fact I wont play this Tales of Vesperia: Awesome-sauce remix.
Love and Entelexeia,
Richie :'(

Pokemon Heart Gold and Soul Silver UK release date

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Official Nintendo Magazine, who actually followed us on twitter (and here we thought main stream media hated us!), announced that Pokemon Heart Gold and Soul Silver will be released in the UK/EU on 26th March 2010.
In previous years the UK/EU have always been about 6 months behind the US for Pokemon releases, presumably because of the addition of the EU languages, leaving us Poke-hardcore to rely on imports. In fact the imports were so big in the UK that the original releases of Gold/Silver in 2001, some of the more commercial shops (e.g. HMV) even stocked the US imports.
For those of you that care:
Cunzy shall be getting Soul Silver, and I shall be getting Heart Gold. 
And yes there will be a battle and it will be covered here on Thatguys...
Ho-oh and Lugia,
Richie XX

Dante's Inferno: a game with tits in it

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Nuff said really.

I mean I could go on about the fantastic visual design borrowing from the many artists who have depicted scenes from the original Divine Comedy.
I could go on about the split second devil may cry-esque fighting/combo system.
I could go on about the awesome animated cut scenes.
I could go on about the division of levels into the separate levels of hell as depicted in the Divine Comedy.
I could go on about how at the start of the game you beat the crap out of death and steal his Scythe, and its resulting coolness.
I could... but...
Those tits again:
Admittedly yes these are demon tits and as much as everyone loves a couple of corrupted mammaries, there are also some nice non-demonic breasticles as seen on Dante's significant other, Beatrice at the start of the game.

Boobs and Nipples,

Richie X

Divinity II: Ego Draconis Review

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Well I hadn't really heard of Divinity II (or Divinity I for that matter), it seems it's another of these under the radar titles, and given this current climate for huge releases I'm sure there are quite a few.

This one particularly piqued my interest as it is a 3rd person fantasy based RPG, It seemed very much in the same category as Dragon Age: Origins even down to the 360 HUD. However after playing this, comparing it to Dragon Age is just downright sacrilege. It is a pale imitation if anything, and offers no merits or originality for this genre.
The game starts you off as a pupil desiring to be a dragonslayer, you visit a town but in order to become a slayer you conveniently loose all your memory of fighting, It's been done in games before, it's nothing but a contrived mechanic for explaining the level-up process and class decisions, however it felt like nothing more in this game.

Now the reason this game piqued my interest was the plot and visual style, a fine mix…

Top 5 Tube Stations in games

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Bored of video game lists? Loins not set ablaze by underground train stations? Then boy you are in the wrong place because here is TGAM's Top 5 Underground Train Stations* in games list. We may have done this list before that is how low on ideas we are.

5. Santa Destroy Tube Station.
This is one of those ones we remembered so put it in here. You don't actually do much in it and all of the stairways and doorways are blocked off with wet floor signs or red cones. There are vending machines. You get the train to fight Destroy Man.

4. Raccoon City Tube Station.
Somehow the zombie plague has caused some underground trains to crash. Maybe they ate the driver or something and he braked too hard in his death throws. Anyway, it is a scary place and looks exactly like Santa Destroy station. Is this how all American Tube stations look? My sample size of two says yes. Also, here's a fun fact in America they call the tube (or Underground) the sub-surfarizerotor.

3. Silent Hill Tube Station.

Gears of War 3, What needs to happen??

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Meet Doppelganger, he has words...

Thanks for everyone who entered our recent competition to find a new contributor!

Some of the entries were weird (we would like to stress that we are not willing to entertain three's), some of the entries were disturbing (thanks yiffycunzylover23), and some of them were hurtful (we shan't be eating anyone's anal abortions, on fire or not)

But almost all of the entries were downright hysterical!Congrats to you all!

So we canned them, both Cunzy and I have severe insecurity issues so we chose the the most plain, boring blogger we could!

Please join me in welcoming Doppelganger!

Luv and Hugs

Richie XXX

Who wants to live forever?

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Recently, we've been playing through Pikmin 2 (the wiimake) and boy it is still a great game and playing it makes us feel a little bit sad inside that a gamecube port can get us more excited than some of the latest releases. You've can't help but love the little guys and feel genuinely mortified when you see those little ghosts signalling you've just lost one.

Speaking of new releases here are our reviews of all the games to come out this month:

Bayonetta: Surprisingly good and out Devil-May-Crys Dante himself.

Darksiders: Looks like a World of Warcraft character crossed with Devil May Cry and Prince of Persia on acid. Plays like Excalibur 2555 A.D. on poppers.

Dark Void: Worse than Resident Evil 4, better than Spyborgs.

Dark Ciders: Better than Strongbow, worse than Belgian beer.

Dark Darkers 2: Pretty dark considering.

Darkstalkers: We wish.

Mass Effect 2: Will be as talked about and played as much as Mass Effect was for that week.

MAG: As much fun as those two minutes of all…

Omastar Comics #25

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Today Omastar puts his money where his mouth is and predicts that one day, many millions of years into the future sentient beings will extract discharge from a Miltank, wait for it to go off and then eat it after dinner with crackers.

Where the hell do you get this stuff Omastar? That's CRAZY TALK.



Almost as bad as that time he had a nightmare that beings would cut up Octillerys and eat them in a LASAGNA.

Thatguys a year in review 2009

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So what did we do in 2009?

1. Richie bought the Steelseries WoW Mouse.

The post was a huge rant on the technical problems of the WoW Mouse, in fact Richie was one of the first to review it, being among the first to receive it.
WoWInsider (wow.com) picked us up (for the second time) and plugged us. The gist of the review was: The mouse was a pile of wank, and as it stands, it still is... We are still getting comments and hits from Google on this one.

Post Score: 7/10. Good content, good hit generation, though justified it was a bit ranty and tl;dr.


2. We got a rise out of Kotaku.

After spending the better part of 2008 sending in "Tips" we finally got some response and Acknowledgement from the Kotakians.
Some people got it, some people honestly thought we were being serious and didnt understand "tips"

Post Score: 9/10. Hilarious throughout.


3. Exclusive coverage on Sheva Nude Cheat.

Just a joke. Some hastily knocked up pictures of boobs on Sheva in MS Paint. A year or so l…

Dragon Age: Awakening Update

Dragon Age full on added expansion!!



- Unlock the secrets of the Darkspawn and their true motivations
- Rebuild the Grey Warden order and establish their base of operations at Vigil's Keep
- Shape your entire experience based on the choices you make and how your handle complex situations
- Import your character from Dragon Age: Origins or start anew as a Grey Warden from the neighboring land of Orlais
- Encounter five all-new party members and an old favorite from Dragon Age: Origins
- Put your skills to the test against an evolved, intelligent breed of Darkspawn and other menacing creatures including the Inferno Golem and Spectral Dragon!

I will Bioware, I will...

Love and Crushing Prison,

Richie.

Dragon Age: If you havent played it yet, do it!

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Ok
I should have mentioned this before, but I love Dragon Age: Origins. It's a great wee game, brilliantly acted and interestingly balanced, anyone that likes RPGs should get this one.
Yes it is Tolkien-esque, Dwarves, elves, magic etc. Though I have been told that many of the plot elements in it are very similar to the "Wheel of time" series of books.

Recently Kotaku did a post on the Voice acting in Mass Effect 2, but I'd like to give the voice acting in Dragon Age a quick nod, it's not as star studded but there are some classic voices:

Tim Curry: Arl Howe

Kate Mulgrew (AKA Captain Janeway): Flemeth

Claudia Black (Farscape, Stargate): Morrigan

There are a few other voices in there that you may recognise but well, they are just not as famous... there's Tuvok from Star Trek: Voyager too (playing an Elf).

I have been ploughing through the achievements as a sort of guideline to seeing most of the plot in Dragonage, there are a few decisions you can reach in the game …