Monday, December 27, 2010

Final Fantasy III

I got ill for Christmas. Cold sweats, runny nose, the lot and because I was in lands-a-foreign, the only thing I had to see me through moments when I wasn't delirious was a DS and a random selection of games. I needed to play a game that wouldn't mind me running away to snot every few seconds and also one that I could play in all three positions (laying on my front, reverse cowboy and neck propped up). Turns out Final Fantasy III was the only game that I had on me that fits the bill, annoyingly.

I say annoyingly for three good reasons.

Firstly, in something that might be called RPGitis I've been stuck on the same bit for years now. If you ever played an RPG, particularly a Squeenix one, you'll have no doubt experienced something similar. When I load up my game I find that I'm outside a city. I go into the city but from the way everyone is welcoming my guys like heroes, it's clear I've just finished what I needed to do for these city dwellers. I have no godly idea what to do next. Really is a memo pad too much to ask for? Especially in these older RPGs where the story doesn't make a frigs bit of sense. Go here, kill a dude, get a key, give the key to Mandoor who gives you a mallet. Take the Mallet to some city halfway across tha globe and then a secret mountain pathway will appear. Eventually after visiting ever single city (and after a thousand random battles) I discovered I missed talking to a guy who let the rest of the game progress. Thanks dude.

Secondly, I was one of thos kids who was really sold about RPGs after Final Fantasy VII. For me that was and still remains a good RPG. All these internet people keep banging on about the older ones so when FFIII eventually came out for the DS I thought I'd have a go. Just no. No. I've played VI, II and III now and they just don't have the same magic as VII. Everything feels disparate and unconnected. I've invested 14 hours into III and I couldn't recall one detail about the story. Well, that's a lie here are the four things I know about FFIII 1. One of the guys in my team is called Assex because ass sex wouldn't fit. 2. At some point I had to toad all my guys 3. Something about Crystals/Dragons? 4. Sometimes you have to change jobs in order to do something out of battle AND that person has to be the first one in your party but that's never really explained. I remember being so gripped by FFVII, FFVIII and to a lesser extent FFIX but the pre-VII (and post IX [excluding X-2]) ones really aren't doing it for me. Environments are bland and repetitive, the jobs make no sense and the world seems very flat and boring.

Lastly, there's a whole part to the game that involves sending messages to other people that have the game (Onion Swordsman and Final Dungeon are the two unlockables). Of course, the two other people who I know who had this game no longer play it and also, the gimped online with the DS means that even if they were playing it right now I couldn't send them letters anyway. This winds me up. The kind of fleeting content that is time sensitive and ruins a game experience for OCD people like me. The wonder of Resident Evil? I can stick it in and play it to my hearts content. I won't miss out on exclusive content or awards for online achievements that I can't get because nobody is playing it anymore. With the letters thing in this game though I feel that I've been robbed of content that should be mine. I've paid for it. it's on the cart!

Anyway, I'll plug on with it I've just left the floating continent and now there's yet another world map to explore. Normally I'd be happy that a game just kept giving but I'm feeling a bit [RANDOM BATTLE] sick [RANDOM BATTLE] of this [RANDOM BATTLE] already.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Basic Site-Keeping Thing. Half Done

Dear Cretins.

We've received just under 15k* emails regarding why our 'best of' link leads to an under construction page and has done for the last couple of years.

Well, now it is fixed. Ish. Here it be. A year by year break down of the highs and lows of TGAM over the last four years (up to 2009). We laughed. We cried. We even did a couple of good posts.

You can also find our lists of lists to date (up until 2009).

I think you'll find we've been consistently excellent these last four years justifying our position as 50% of the living gaming celebrities on Earth.

*Well 15k worth of emails were shipped. Ha topical joke that we be incomprehensible in 5, 4, 3, 2.... what the hell does it mean?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Snow in Games vs Snow

In Games, snow:

1) Makes nice footprints that disappear after a while
2) Makes everything a bit slidey.
3) Is always accompanied by music with bells in it.
4) Makes penguins and snowmen appear.

In real life, snow:

1) Makes women stand indoors no matter where they are/ where they were going to.
2) Blocks all forms of transport.
3) Causes horrific traffic accidents.
4) Kills old people.

So there we have it. Snow in games is much nicer than in real life. SUCK THAT SNOW IN GAMES NAYSAYERS.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

How should we choose our GOTY?

Do we go:

Pretentious Wanker and choose the most obscure flash game, that essentially recreates one alrightish mini-game from an Amiga game once?

Nearer the truth but Crass and choose CoD?

Back to our roots and choose a Wii game that we might be able to play with another normal human being and not get embarrassed because tits/violence-that-adolescents-find-amusing comes up and undermines all that envangelising about how games are worthy or wider appreciation?

Democratic and just say WoW?

Completely wrong
and say Alan Wake?

Like a proper fucking man and say Gran Turismo 5?

Full retard and say some iOS game?

Or with our heart and say Monster Hunter Tri?

Decisions decisions.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Features as Standard

We're quite disappointed with the current generation of consoles, particularly the HD ones. What they gained in processing power they mostly squandered on pretty graphics but gameplay by and large still riffing on what we'd been introduced to in the PS2 days. We're being harsh. There were some leaps forward, mostly in terms of online connectivity but here's four features we believe should just be standard. In all games. From now on.

1) Screenshots.
LET THE PEOPLE TAKE SCREENSHOTS. For the love of christ. Not only does it mean that we can share such lovely in game memories as the one above but it makes writing, blogging and social networking about games sooooo much easier. Especially RPGs. You want to cherish those precious memories long after the internal memory has perished so just let us take a screenshot wherever and whenever we want. Whilst we are at it also, why every single game doesn't rip off Halo 3's Theatre mode we don't know. Our ratio of playing Halo 3 is 30% playing it and 70% pouring over the replay with friends dissecting every crackshot, moment of hesitation and reliving every epic moment (and taking screenies for future prosperity).
Doing it right: Animal Crossing Let's Go To The City, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Super Smash Brothers (after a fashion), Halo 3, My Pokemon Ranch. Even Metroid and Mario Kart give you JPEGs of those memorable moments. See? All those non-HD games can manage it.

2) More Mp3s in games
We know, we know, we're the only people who have ever bothered to burn their own soundtracks to play Xbox 360 games by but damn that is a smart feature. Even Endless Ocean lets you listen to your own tunes whilst you poke a bunch of fish. We want more games to take advantage of this functionality, or better still, let gamers upload genre/situation specific songs. Playing a scary game? Then the console will pick an appropriate song from a list of songs you've tagged 'spooky' et voila. Fade it in and out properly and then because you've decided which songs get played at appropriate times you'll start to brick yourself as soon as you hear the first few notes of 99 red balloons because you know that Pyramid Head may be around the next corner. Surely doable? Sort it out!
Doing it right: Endless Ocean and potentially every single Xbox 360 game (this feature still exists right?)

3) Multiple Audio Inputs
Remember those bits from No More Heroes, where you'd get a phone call from that hot french girl and you'd have to put the wiimote to your ear and strain to make out the words through the tinny speakers? Or the audio logs you collect in Dead Space Extraction? That was a good idea right. Combine that idea of having more than one place that your game makes noises and combine it with Xbox 360 headsets and you'll be laughing. Remember those annoying bits in Gears of War where Marcus and his team would stick their fingers in their ears and walk really really slowly so that you get to listen to some military speaky talks? Well imagine if all that gubbins was piped directly into your ears through the headset so you could continue shooting Locust in the face. Using the headset audio channel, you could receive secret orders or intel. For the four other people who ever played the GC crystal chronicles it was cool to have different information to the other player, using the GBA screen one player would have a treasure map, one would have a monster map etc. do you share secret information? Or keep it to yourself? Imagine midway through a [POPULAR SHOOTER] you get secret intel through your headset of a nifty little weapon drop nearby. Then imagine that someone on the opposite team has a device to hack into these secret transmissions and also knows there are some nifty weapons nearby. It would make matches of [POPULAR SHOOTER] even brillianter. Or if you played a psychic character you could only hear the thoughts of NPCs through the headset. It would aid in immersion much better than gimping popular wii games and taking away the controller and nobody would have to buy anything. None of that 3D bollocks either.
Doing it right: Nobody because it is a bit of a risky innovative idea, the last one of which that was implemented in video games was when Halo put in vehicles.
Downside: Sitting in your pants with a headphone on is just about acceptable when everyone is using it to insult your mother or raise doubts about your sexual orientation. Using it to listen to the innermost thoughts of computer people is quite sad.

4) More Inter Game Crossoverness.
You all played Metroid Prime Corruption and traded vouchers with your friends online in order to unlock the cool Bumper Sticker features right? No, oh well here's a screenie. Oh no screenshots available (See! See! More screenshot features please). Well here's a shitty video of a TV screen.
If you can't work it out from the crappy video, if you earned enough things and then traded those things with someone else with the game after you swapped friend codes then basically you could unlock a thing called bumper stickers where Samus' Gunship would be covered with various decals from other wii games, as long as you had a save game for those games. How cool is that? We also all loved the thing in Metal Gear Solid where Psycho Mantis allegedly read your memory card and knew all those great Konami games you'd played. We never got this because the only other Konami game we owned was International Track and Field 2 and apparently, that is beyond Psycho Mantis' powers. Lost Planet 2 awesomely automatically unlocked titles from all the other Capcom games on your hard drive and you could unlock Rosalina automatically if you had a Super Mario Galaxy save game. Perhaps the most awesome crossover thing we have seen is if you load up Devil May Cry you'll find he is carrying an Amulet:
'a memento of Dante's mother. In the back is an engraving "Vergil and Dante"
Did they know they'd make two more games? That's some good foresight and a nice little detail you may not notice first time around. Basically, we're asking for a lot more of this kind of love cameos and neat little tricks with save games are a nice detail. Not too many and not too in your face obvious but more little subtle touches will brighten up gaming wethinks.
Doing it right: All the games we've listed above. We're sure there are more, drop a comment if you've got a favourite.

So there we have it. Stick your gimmicks up your arse. Don't waste time retrofitting older games with motion controls or linking games with your facebook profile so you send out thousands of bits of spam to everyone you know on facebook when you're supposedly 'working from home' and just add all of these above features as standard. It might even cover up the fact that the game you've made is utter shit.

Ten Fucking Whats?

You've all seen these:

The standard retail display for UK game sellers. There's a bunch of games, maybe organised alphabetically and then in pride of place a selection of 10 or 20 games next to some big numbers. This particular display was snapped at Currys/PC World/Tech Guys type store. You see them everywhere though, GAME, Gamestation, Toys'R'Us. This is the frontline of game retailing. The burning question is what the fuck is the reasoning behind the numbers? Is one better or worse than ten? Let's take a closer look at this particular display, snapped on the 13 December in detail.

At number 1 is Wii Party. Could it be top seller? Or maybe a new release?

At number 2 we have Just Dance and the Prince of Persia Wiimakes. Possibly top sellers still? Although I didn't think PoP did half as well as Just Dance. Nor was it half as fun.

In at number three we have the Force Unleashed 2?

Number 4 is both Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics and that classic game, Big Family Games.

Fortunately, number 5 doesn't exist. Or wasn't captured. So what is this a '4' of? We worked it out. It's the nearest four games to whoever occasionally stocks the shelves. There's no reason to this madness. All I know is that I'd be damn proud to be the person in charge of deciding which games PC World/Comet/Tom Nook's stocks. What's that 20 grand a year? Maybe more? What a piss easy job. Randomly select a bunch of games and just shove 'em out on shelves. "The customer will buy them anyway". Quality isn't a factor. Or sales. Or anything. Let's arrange our product as if we were some kind of ass-end of nowhere petrol station. How does this situation occur?

Here's a shout out to PC world. Fire whoever is in charge of purchasing for the whole fucking franchise and hire me for one day a week. I guarantee I'll have increased all of your sales for console games within the month. I'll even pop into the three stores on my walk home and at least arrange the games in some kind of sensible order. Or for example, make sure that there aren't two games next to one fucking number. On top of that I won't just buy loads of electronics with my staff discount and sell to my friends/people down a back alley. Have some fucking pride for god's sake. I've worked in retail before from pizza restaurants to bookshops and this kind of shit would not fly. A line of producers and publishers meet with product managers and secure deals that see stock take the best spot in terms of where customers will see them and all staff can at least talk about product X (be it a sauce or book or sale offer). Displays like these, typical of game shops across the UK, give the impression that the work experience girl was given 100 quid to go out and buy the stock for the next week. Oh and take lunch out of that as well.

This is why I don't shed a tear when yet another game studio closes down. Don't the studios or publishers have people whose job it is to go around stores and check that their product is being sold? Or maybe set up distribution deals? Ubisoft must be well happy that their 3 year old game is still getting some shelf space. Maybe they've sold out of CoD, Donkey Kong, Sonic Colours and Goldeneye? Or the reql classics like Super Mario Galaxy, Resident Evil 4 and Metroid Prime. Or maybe there's no point in stocking Wii Sports Resort or Super Smash Brothers Brawl because they were really good sellers. No point on backing a horse that already won. Let us hope so hey? Hey? Hey? Let's hope that the games industry fucks itself in the arse because it is full of creative types with no iota of business sense and we all end up playing dross iOS games because they cost 50p to make and customers randomly stumbling upon your game amongst the gazillion other shit copycat games and tower defense games still manages to give you better odds than if you tried to get your product in a cunting high street store like PC Cunts.

I also went to try out 3D tv/games. The display was not working properly. That's three for three now. Three times I've tried to try out 3D tech in a store. Once there weren't glasses, once there weren't TVs that were on and this time the thing was just broken. Sends out a really good message. Here, part with a couple of grand for some technology that, even on display in a store with the "techguys" on staff will break. Seriously, it is a good job I'm not the target audience for ridiculous new technology OH HANG ON WAIT A MINUTE.....

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Resident Evil 3DS thing. Will it have Tits?

Tits Yes.

Good. We heard rumours that Capcom was ditching the gratuitous tits shots in upcoming games. PUT THAT RUMOUR TO BED.

Friday, December 03, 2010

I have no Skin and enjoy pointing

I shit you not! this is the box art for a Nintendo DS game in Japan. 

The Game is called "Fly Mr.Science - Great Expedition of the Earth! Challenge the Mysterious and Strange Creatures."

Mr Science is the man with no skin on the right.


Love and visible sinews.

Richie X

I want this now...

You know I used to play a lot of PC games. And one thing that bothered me was PC input of Joypads. You dont get it so much nowadays, as most are cross compatible with the 360 Joypad. ut for those games that still demand a Keyboard mouse combination. I always wanted a "Multiple input" translation. I wanted things like do the Hadouken input to relate to a function or even the Mortal Kombat controls like Up, Up+B top to be translated to a keypress.

Admittedly this harked back to the days when I played WoW and I wanted D, DR, R+HK/MK/LK to relate to the different types of fire spells I could cast as my mage.

Just... Why hasnt something like this happened? It may not be entirely useful, but c'mon, we're all gamers here. Surely some technophile out there wanted to run a browser or something using Street Fighter moves?


Well anyway.

Love and Shoryuken!,

Richie X

I want this now...

You know I used to play a lot of PC games. And one thing that bothered me was PC input of Joypads. You dont get it so much nowadays, as most are cross compatible with the 360 Joypad. ut for those games that still demand a Keyboard mouse combination. I always wanted a "Multiple input" translation. I wanted things like do the Hadouken input to relate to a function or even the Mortal Kombat controls like Up, Up+B top to be translated to a keypress.

Admittedly this harked back to the days when I played WoW and I wanted D, DR, R+HK/MK/LK to relate to the different types of fire spells I could cast as my mage.

Just... Why hasnt something like this happened? It may not be entirely useful, but c'mon, we're all gamers here. Surely some technophile out there wanted to run a browser or something using Street Fighter moves?


Well anyway.

Love and Shoryuken!,

Richie X

Thursday, December 02, 2010

How Many GamesDo You Have To Play To Form An Opinion About Games?

A common counter argument for those trying to interpret games, either with an agenda or without, is that they haven't played enough games to warrant their opinion being worth even contemplating. In a post which has just vanished from Kotaku (who knows it may or may not be here) Salman Rushdie has something to say but, you know what, he hasn't played as many games as us so let us just discount everything he says. But exactly how many games does one need to play so that the gamers will listen. Here's our handy guide for when you want to say something about games but may be worried you aren't qualified enough.

0 Games- Rogert Ebgert or whoever, resides here. You ain't got nothing. You got no stock. Anything you say will cause knee flinching reactions and anywhere up to six months worth of everyone chipping in, ironically, about how you have nothing to say on the matter.

1-10 Games Alright Johnny casual? We hate to tell you but Farmville, Snake, Angry Birds, Wii Sports and WoW don't count actually count as games. Go straight to the above category and do not collect £100. Unless of course the one game you've played has been every single CoD (it's the same game, one big long hand holding corridor shooter gallery). In which case, please fill miles of the internet with uninformed poo pooing of every game that isn't CoD. Thx.

11-100 Games You may have played Super Mario Brothers 3 and Deus Ex but you didn't play the Lost Levels or Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles or the fourth remake of whichever Final Fantasy we're supposed to like (hint- anything but 7 or the latest one). You are allowed to read what the better informed write and maybe comment but please don't write anything yourself. You're not qualified.

101-500 Games Okay 300 of those were probably back in the school days but you've put in some time, maybe had your fingers in a number of genres. Maybe you've even queued up to buy a game at midnight or even imported a game. I'm interested, do think about games and I might, MIGHT, accept your right to say something, then disagree.

501-INFINITY Games You have no compass outside of games. Nothing of what you have to say is of any use to anyone because you've never been outside. You'll be critical of everyone who hasn't played ever last piece of shitty DLC. You've lost your perspective son. Your cultural balance is out of kilter. Get a life. Get laid. Go on holiday. You're in too deep. Pull up... PULL UP....

So there we have it. We checked and we've played just under 200 games so there. Only 301 more to go before we need to be retired.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Omastar Comics #29

So Pokemon Black and White are now out in some parts of the world and there's now a whole bunch of new Pokemon to go after for the impossible task of catching them all. As ever when there's something new of different people will fear, hate and even write essays on their own wiki discussion pages. Team TGAM is split on the new critters. Richie is excited about some of the new type match ups and I just look at this page and slowly shake my head until my neck aches.

However, love them or hate them this new generation has finally given us that last Pokemon with the specific characteristics needed for us to create this image which we've been dreaming of making for years. Click for its splendor to fill your screen.

CLUE: Heroes in a half shell
Okay. Time for a new dream!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The New Review: Still no games?

Like all aspiring middle class people the only paper we buy is the Graudian and the Observer and every week we get a little bit angry that games are never covered in The Review supplement. That Travel and Sport get their whole own separate supplements is a bog post for another day. Like a lot of other gamers we're still waiting for an audible 'ding' to alert us to the fact that yes, games are now socially acceptable. If you so wished you too could hijack a dinner party/pub lunch with a boring lecture about games in the same way that it is acceptable for wine bores, travel bores and I've just popped a child bores to do. Even though games probably already are socially acceptable we're still waiting for the ding. The batman signal in the sky, the ironic t-shirt that becomes an unofficial trendy uniform, the endless historical documentaries on BBC4 or even our own OBE. Even more frustrating is that the Guardian do have a fairly decent crop of games writers who don't seem to be allowed to write in meatspace.

So it was with some trepidation that we opened this week's THE NEW REVIEW in the Observer. SPOILERS! Still no games:

Page 3: Gary Numan's cultural highlights. No Games. C'mon Gary we can tell by the way you look you're an RTS man. The iPad was Gary's choice under the 'Technology' section.

Page 4: MORE ON THE WEDDING! Quick aside: since when is a 28 year old woman who has never had a job some kind of working class pauper? Or worse some kind of role model? I never thought I'd ask for one but if ever, we need a Jeremy Kyle special: Layabout Monarchy.

Page 6: The 10 best Coronation Street characters. "Dear editor we hereby cancel our subscription etc. etc."

Page 19: The Discover section begins! Will games feature as part of Science, Technology, Nature?

Page 20: Some shit on robots with typical disappointing headline about how they're going to rule the world despite the fact most robots can't multitask beyond 'get stuck in a corner' and 'fall down stairs'.

Page 21: Something on google and facebook. Twitter probably mentioned. Good odds for part of the article just being a random selection of trendy celeb's tweets Ctrl+Ced and Ctrl+Ved. Easy copy.

Pages 24 and 25: Yet another article on Bridget Riley. AND HALF A PAGE ON ARCHITECTURE. HALF A PAGE!!

Pages 26 and 27: Theatre and Classical. Totally irrelevant. Who reads this stuff? We're no Philistine but we're told almost daily how many of us are gamers of one form or another. A third of us in a survery last week? If there were that many theatre goers it wouldn't be dying on it's arse as it seems to always be doing. We seem to lack the politicking advocacy of some media and the inherent cultural worthiness of other media for games to even be worth mentioning yet alone to receive an incomprehensible wafty semi-review of a one off performance.

Page 31: Sorry, I was wrong. The photography page is the least relevant part of this publication.

Page 34: GAMES AND RADIO, a very DCMS lumping, here we go! The games section is comprised of four reviews, one of which is 34 words long. Two typos in the other reviews. This, remember, is award winning coverage (not even by default).

Then it's 80 pages of book reviews, opinions, charts, listings and news. Then the crossword and TV listings.

Maybe the new, new review will be better. We can understand why games don't get much in the way of decent coverage in the mainstream press but when we look at the plethora of excellent games writers online (who don't get paid) and see games culturally sidelined here. Well we're not being served are we? We can't be the only ones either. Until electronic books, magazines and papers become as comfortable, social and as pleasurable to read through on a lazy Sunday morning over a cup o tea we'll just have to carry on pretending to be interested about the higher forms of media. And TV. And Theatre. And Radio, Dance, Photography and erm anything relating to Apple as filed under 'Technology'.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Jumpy Twat

Jumpy twat

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are happy to announce that the Barioth from Monster Hunter Tri is the latest video game character to enter the 'Jumpy Twat Hall of Fame'. Barioth is the latest video game character to have solicited over 1 million frustrated calls of 'Jumpy Twat!' and thus eligible to enter the JTHoF joining such luminary jumpy twats as all of Bowser's children, Half Life headcrabs, Alien facehuggers and eliminators from Resident Evil. Jumpy Twats all. Why can't you just stand still for a second?

I'm just trying to do something.

They. Are. Played. Out.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Another day...

...another whinge about the problem with pre-owned games.

Our stance is very clear and we've bored each other (and hence 100% of the readership) silly with it but until news posts about it desist we won't desist looking on in amazement. Our problem with retailers is that they, in no way, really try to offer up the best of gaming. Older platforms vanish from shelves within weeks and new games enjoy the spotlight for a couple of weeks.

We for example are keen discerning gamers at the time of life with a little bit of disposable income yet time and time again we have to head online or buy second hand games to get the kinds of games we want to play. At all. There isn't a brand new copy sitting on a shelf with convenient distance that I'm ignoring. I prefer to buy games brand new (although not on launch day and certainly not at the ridiculous prices some games are). In most cases, these games aren't obscure or limited run games. They're fairly big releases (recent examples include Monster Hunter Tri, New Play Control Pikmin 2). If we can't get games and we're actively desperately looking, how are would-be-gamers or gamers who don't obsess about games finding the whole gaming experience? How many times do we need to say it? We can't buy the fucking games brand new and in most cases we can't even buy the fucking games direct (Capcom Store EU, Nintendo, Bandai Namco). Is that a good way to run a business?

It would be like a bookshop only stocking this week's releases and then 12000 copies of old versions of the Guinness book of records. It's insanity. Even suggesting that the latest batch of games is better than everything that went before it is insane. "Sorry, we don't stock a Tale of Two Cities or Charlotte's Web but we do have the new Jilly Cooper and Katie Price books".

Surely, publishers, retailers and developers would all benefit if games were being retailed sensibly and with a little bit of pride? Instead of game shops resembling at best a seedy pawn shop, at worst a young offenders dorm room.

At least today's whinge (from MCV) is a little more measured and Codemasters CEO Roc Cousens seems to get it although in this context its mostly about digital distribution.

Is there not a single business economist working with the games industry? It all seems to be run, as a business, by a bunch of morons so the next time yet another studio is restructured or cut I'm not going to be sad for them because this is nonsense.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Ben X- Watch it.

Looks shit from the box art, probably why nobody heard of it

NOT BEN10 that hideous cartoon that isn't as good as all those cartoons we grew up on M.A.S.K etc. but a charming little Belgian film.

When we're used to getting excited about, analyzing and dismissing media before it has even been released it was nice to be taken by surprise by this little film. I hadn't heard of it and in fact wasn't really aware of it being at all video game themed and a quick Google seems to suggest it wasn't picked up by the monolith of websites calling themselves video game blogs.

It's a touching tale 'based on real life events' that quite heavily features video games but not in a brainless sense a la Gamer or a massive advert a la Wizard but featuring a video game (ArchLord, missed that on the wikipedia page didn't ya, wiki cunts) as part of a normal life. Dare-we-say-it even in a positive light?

For gamers out there I'd recommend giving it a watch. Not only is it the best video game related film out there at the moment it has quite a nice story. Many of the issues touched on chimed with me as a gamer (but not as extreme as depicted in the film).

Subtitles though! So watch out lazies who can't read and watch films at the same time.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Wii is a piece of sh*t

The unreliable eurogamer has an interesting piece just up about some guy who made the blogeadlines back in 2007 by ranting against the Wii at GDC. That's fine, each to their own but what Hecker does go on to say is the kind of idiotic rhetoric that gets our goat here at TGAM. From the linked article:

"Game design and gameplay is not separable from CPU power," he told Eurogamer.

"You can do more interesting games with a faster CPU. Nintendo made an underpowered platform, relative to what you could have made at the time.

This in itself is theoretically uncontroversial but is moot in reality. Where are all these 'more interesting games?' on other platforms? We've said it time and time again but the reason why at least one of us isn't writing off the Wii as an acceptable console is because now, perhaps more than ever there is a real dearth of diversity of good games across all the current generation of games. Furthermore, the quality of graphics with Xbox360 games and PS3 games can still be a feature of some godawful broken games or games that are just quite boring.

Let's look at for want of a better 'objective' list the top ten games by platform a la metacritic.

Xbox 360 GTA IV, Bioshock, The Orange Box, Mass Effect 2, Red Dead Redemption, Gears of War, Elder Scrolls IV, CoD4, Halo3, CoD MW2. Average meta score 95% Very diverse and interesting. Alternatively we could write this list as 6 FPS, 2 GTAs and two RPGs. Or seven sequels, three new IPs. In terms of the innovations there titles bring to gaming we've got excellent online features, amazing community tools (Halo) and then ummm the invention of a cover system (Gears), a decent stab at compelling story (ME2).

PS3 Reads much the same. GTA IV, Bioshock, Red Dead Redemption, Elder Scrolls IV, CoD4, CoD MW2, Uncharted 2, Street Fighter IV, Metal Gear: Solid 4 and Little Big Planet. Average meta score 94.4% One could argue that LBP stands out for doing something different but the rest are upgraded sequels and we're not convinced that graphics alone make GameN+1 better than GameN. Okay so last generation couldn't have created a sandbox with the detail like GTA or Red Dead Redemption and MGS 4 would have had to come with an extra 4 discs for cutscenes alone but is this really such a jump from the PS2 days? In terms of gameplay and game design there's virtually nothing 'new' here most of these are still "shoot things in the face until the cutscene lets you move on". We still live in a world of QTEs, boss fights, fetch quests and circle strafing.

SMG, SMG2, LoZ:TP, World of Goo, SSBB, Rock Band 2, Rock Band 3, Metroid Prime Trilogy, Re4, Okami. Average meta score 93.2% Again, sequalitis. A bit more diverse with only a couple of shooters in the top ten but essentially 5 last gen ports and seven sequels. World of Goo and Super Mario Galaxy are doing good different things in terms of gameplay and game design.

So what's the point here? Well Hecker mentions that we should be looking for more interesting games which bust out of established and very tired game design and gameplay but this micro analysis shows that just isn't happening across the board. Interestingly, if we were to pick out those games that are interesting and are turning gameplay and game design on their head you will won't find many of them in the top ten lists and a lot of them under perform commercially. In fact, in contrast to what Hecker says I perceive the Wii to be doing many more interesting games which take gameplay and design in many different directions, very few games of which that are based solely around motion controls which is why Kinect and Move have to pull some excellent motion controlled games out of the bag in coming months.

In conclusion it isn't something wrong with platforms and hardware there's something wrong with gamers expectations, the way games are marketing and the fact that most gamers seem to prefer games are still very 'gamey'. Low risk-familiarity, copycats and slight tweaking is the order of the day in which case using Heckers own terms most of popular gaming is a piece of sh*t.

*As a side dish, we're also bored of writers who simply equate the wii with motion controls and flailing and therefore casual shovelware gameplay. We strongly feel that with rare exception, motion controlling is an excellent addition to the way we play games and the best use of motion control is where you don't even notice you're doing it or when it is more intuitive than using an analogue stick or pressing a button (Mario Kart Wii, the light gun reload-flick, looking around in Metroid Prime and Resident Evil, everything in Zack and Wiki). It is an added dimension to how you play games but building games solely around motion control leads to the shallow kind of experience early Move and Kinect games are offering up. Stop putting things into camps and do your jobs properly games writers.

That Letter to Konami

Three working days is up bitches so I'm posting my letter to Konami here. Then maybe we'll put it on twitter and start a facebook group and maybe make page 416 of the Guardian Guide this weekend until Konami reply to us.

Dear Konami,

We here at the blog That Guy's A Maniac have been debating buying the new Castlevania: Lords of Shadow Game. It has received excellent reviews all around and we are a fan of other Konami games. Silent Hill is excellent. Not so much Metal Gear Solid but each to their own.

Anyway, despite being just over a month old it is already retailing for less than £20 in some places. LESS THAN £20! How is this sustainable? I'm a discerning gamer and the above game price is not even for a second hand copy but I bet the game cost a fair million to make and is already discounted to a half/third of the price. Perhaps a bit longer pride of place in the spotlight would be better for the game? I couldn't see a copy on the shelves of the largest GAME store in Europe this weekend. Is that it for this game? Onto something next now?

Also, I've seen no marketing for the title outside of gaming magazines and I'm interested so I'm looking you know? I bet the average gamer doesn't even know what a Castlevania is so they probably won't buy it. Which is a shame because hundreds of people did a bloody good job (so we've read) making it but they won't receive quite so much money in return.

Kind regards

Cunzy1 1 and Richie!

PS. Please make Silent Hill 7 good. The spin offs were OK but not a patch on 4. Or 2. Or 1. Or that recent wii one.

PPS. we actually didn't hate the Silent Hill movie. It was better than that Resident Evil CGI shit hey? Hey? Capcom? Hey? Hey?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Guy Cocker defends 360 as gadget of the century

So editor of Gamespot UK, and owner of a name that still makes me giggle, has come out and stated that the 360 should be gadget of the 21st Century:

As a gadget fan with an iPad, an Android phone and many of the other gadgets on this list, there's still only one thing I'd take to a desert island -- my Xbox 360 S. With a flat screen TV, an Internet connection and a copy of Halo: Reach, obviously.

Surely the flat screen and "teh internets" is cheating? but yeah, ok 360 as Contender for Gadget of the 21st Century? It's a big claim! I mean we are only 10 years in (I assume this must be some sort of rolling competition?) anyways.

I love the 360, i prefer it to the PS3 and the Wii. So yeah if a console is gonna get the Gadget of the 21st Century, I would vote for the 360. Honestly though, I don't see a console winning. The contenders consist of the usual Apple products, a selection of Phones (some as outdated as the Motorola Razr), some Cameras/Camcorders, laptops, HD cable boxes, HD-DVD players(?), hand-helds, the consoles and the Nokia N8(Ha!).

So yeah you know what...

Despite the fact that the iPad will win, I'm with (teehee) Guy Cocker on this! 

360 to win!

Love And N8's

Richie X

P.S. How much cock could a Guy Cocker, cock. If Guy Cocker could cock guys?

Xbox 360 Marketing the shit out of Kinect (and other things)

Watching the goggle box yesterday was almost like watching the PS3/Xbox360 ads channel with the occasional television programme in between.

PS3 are gunning for attention with an Assassin's Creed Brotherhood ad with music and very mild violence ("exclusive features for the PlayStation 3" presumably means you can play as a Sackboy).

Meanwhile Kinect ads ran almost every single break. I don't know if it was deliberate or not but every single advert had a glitchy blip at the same place when the 360 logo came up at the end. Maybe they've changed their branding to be more in line with the Kinect experience.

Anyone else notice that (for reference, during Vampire Diaries- yes now you can JUDGE ME ON MY TELEVISION WATCHING HABITS)?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Warriors of Rock: The Shallow review

Guitar hero is shallow. 6 versions later and not much has changed whatsoever. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Guitar hero 6 has brought in a slapdash "plot" element the "Quest" mode, akin to the story mode in previous versions. You pick a character, play a few songs from their setlist, get enough stars, unlock the encore song, and also unlock some new outfits/character designs. Later Rinse, Repeat, till Final boss. There is also a plethora of cheevos to pick up on the way. Quick mode offers challenges, more fun cheevos  and a rather nice addition, a full collection of all the songs from the other Guitar hero titles (and DLC) giving me 200+ Songs in one place. The Setlist is different this time round; It seems neversoft have decided to stay in the Rock Genre, which is a good Niche, let Rock band have the Family Fun appeal..

In Short, the game cost me £20 brand new, it does not add much to the series, just some nice aesthetic changes and some fun new songs, still a steady, good, and fun game to play.

A shallow Review for a shallow game.

Warriors and Rock,

Richie X

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

An Ode to: The Great Jaggi

Oh Great Jaggi sometimes you scare me though.

Oh Great Jaggi
how Great are you?
Not that great anymore
the Great Baggi is greater than you
you are still greater than jaggis and jaggias though
So comparatively, your name is apt.

The first time I tried to hunt you,
you won.
And the second time.
Not the third time, although I did have help.
Stupid shoulder barge
That used to take off 80% of my health.
Now it does very little.

Go ahead. Call your buddies.
All they do is dance around.
Baggis spit ice stuff at you and make you sleep.
Unless Cha Cha helps me.
Cha cha never helps me.
I'm gonna leave you in the village next time you little shit.

Maybe I should sell all that Great Jaggi stuff
In me box.
I'll hang on to it for a bit.
See you around 'Great' Jaggi.
In the meantime
I need
A Rathian Plate.

What's the interesting thing about this trailer?

Trailer for Goldeneye Wii or whatever it's being called:

What is interesting is that it uses quotes from actual gaming websites rather than quotes from News of The World (Fallout New Vegas "All bets are off"). Or nuts magazine. For example.

Trying to bring some 'hardcore credibility' to the marketing of a Wii game or just good practice finally aligning marketing with gamers who might buy games rather than the everyman who actually sees the News of the World as some sort of trustworthy advocate for things....?

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Two Reasons to Never play Dragonquest

I actually resent giving these slimy vaginal pus buboes any kind of media coverage whatsoever. But yeah for those of you that care (ideally the imbalanced ones with a sniper rifle) these faecal ridden lesions will be in Covent gardens on Saturday the 13th.

Love and resentment,

Richie X 

Monday, November 08, 2010

Why Everyone Should Really Read Replay

Yes. Know them please
"The video games industry was born in Japan and then exported overseas."
Kaz Takeshita quoted from this article over at the Beeb.

Okay there's some wiggle room with 'video games industry' but seriously now?

David Cameron and Silicon City. Wot no games?

Last week David Cameron was widely covered in the newspapers surrounding his ambition to create a Silicon City in East London. Although you might expect us to be excited about this it actually left us feeling a bit deflated and annoyed. Why, why is it time for a bulleted list? Yes yes it is.

Reasons Why David Cameron and Silicon City annoyed TGAM.
  • Video Games weren't mentioned at all in the coverage we read and we've just finished reading the excellent excellent Replay: the History of Video Games which is not just a damn fine book but it is so meticulously researched that we had revelation after revelation about how games came to be but also how games ended up being responsible for a great deal of the technological stuff that we now take for granted (including operating systems, twitter and facebook). To omit games seems a little bit short sighted when in fact we do have a good games industry in this country........
  • Especially with the increasing frustration over the scrapping of tax breaks for the game industry earlier this year. Who knows, maybe this silicon city idea might see tax breaks tabled again???
  • Although we often skip over EDGE's region specific sections detailing regions from around the world with excellence in game development we do actually have a fair few silicon cities already dotted around the country . Asking personnel to move to London to do what they already in other parts of the country essentially means all those people who work in the games industry taking a pay cut of a couple of grand to live in London. Think again Cameron. Think differently.
  • The aforementioned snubbing is yet another example of how the government just doesn't have a clue when it comes to the games industry (video games not the Olympic games which is a waste of, hisssss, boo). There was hope that there would be an active interest when games seemed to be bearing up in the economic downturn but still, to date, games have only ever been researched by the DCMS on the harmful effects rather than support an industry in an ever more difficult and competitive global market. But once again it is more about education and economics which doesn't ever come into play when lovies and darlings want to make hemorrhage money making films or worse, keep Opera from dying.

So we'd recommend that MPs responsible for creating a Silicon City watch all of videogaiden, get an EDGE subscription, read Replay and make former games journalist Kieron Gillen Gamer Laureate. Cunts.

Wiiware demos are back!

As the other three people in the UK who stop to actually use the other Wii channels may have noticed, via a message from ninty, that playable Wiiware demos are back! It used to be the case that you could try a handful of the download service games helping you decide whether to buy or not but for unknown reasons nintendo stopped the service which was annoying. We have issues with all of the downloadable games platforms on all the current generation of consoles but demos work really well on the Xbox 360 and used to on the Wii. Otherwise, of course, spending those Wii points on an unknown entity can result in players never using it again (missing out on gems like Swords and Soldiers, World of Goo and our favourite Lit). So we welcomed the change.

Furry Legends (Gamelion), Jett Rocket (Shin'en Multimedia), ThruSpace (Nintendo) and Zombie Panic in Wonderland (Akaoni Studio) are currently available. We managed to scrounge up enough free blocks (sorry Today and Tomorrow channel but you were shit) to try Zombie Panic and Jett Rocket. We might try Furry Legends but if it ain't a game where Krystal from Starfox adventures bangs Sonic the hedgehog via a Wiiwheel minigame we ain't interested.

Zombie Panic in Wonderland recieved mixed reviews largely because of the shallow gameplay. From the demo it's actually okay but probably not worth 1000 wii points. The cool aspect of the game is that (in the first level anyway) you start by shooting zombies within the constraints of a little shop but gradually destroy the scenery enough to reveal a whole street. It's essentially space invaders set in a zombie infested ninja world but might be an evenings worth of fun in co-op.

Jett Rocket Appears to be a charming little game which is visually something between Jetforce Gemini and one of the early Jak And Daxter games and from the first level demo plays like something between De Blob and Super Mario Galaxy. It's charming enough but probably not going to keep you engaged if you have SMG2 as well. Ironically, a man in a jetpack is supposed to be an eco warrior? Maybe it is a solar powered jet pack? Who knows?

So we won't be buying either of these games off the back of the demos but there is a small pleasure to be had by whiling away quiet moments by trying out a demo or two.

The High Street Experience

We bemoan the game retail industry. How is it that the cool world of games that independent blogs and magazines show us never manages to translate to the high street? The meatspace (ugh!) frontlines?

We were in London this weekend (in 'town' the cool kids call it) and the excitement around Wednesdays Kinect launch was zero because HMV had closed its demo area.

Also nice to see in John Lewis amongst the six DS games and five Wii games on sale was an amazing selection of 3D televisions with no 3D glasses available.

The future is poorly staffed it seems......

Friday, October 29, 2010

Second Hand Sales Are Killing The Games Industry

Report just in from our very occassional reporter on the Street. Chuff_72.

I swear this just happened, no exaggeration.

In Game, Central London:

C72 - Hi, I'm looking for a copy of Monster Hunter Tri?
Man1 - *Blank look"
C72 - It's on the Wii.
Man1 - The Wii?
C - Yeah
M1 - Have you looked in the Wii section?
C- Yeah, couldn't see it
M1 - Sorry what was it called
C - Monster Hunter Tri
M1 - Monster Hunter Trial?
C - Tri, T, R, I
M1 - Right, I'll have a look
C - *Waits for a few minutes*
M1 - Sorry can't find it… What was it called again?
C - Monster Hunter Tri?
M1 - *To Man2* Ever heard of The Monster Trial?
M2 - Monster Hunter?
M1 - Trial
M2 - No. Have you have a word with Steve?
M1 - *Bearing in mind they are standing next to me!* No. Turns to me, yeah we can't find it.

Holy. Sh*t. I know we have this all the time but come on dude! At least get the f*cking name right and don't then ask a guy about it in front of me and essentially lie about whether you can find it! I should have asked Steve I guess.

Remember Game Publishers this was one of this year's massive games supported heavily by the platform makers. It's only six months old. Not Capcom? Not supported by Nintendo? You've got no fucking chance on the high street. Every time we hear about how pre-owned sales are killing the industry let's just think about how people can't get your games in the first instance yar?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

No matter how many times you use the tag line I've never been compelled to read your stories

'MCV is the leading news site for the game industry. Check out our news, press releases and interviews.'

Is the annoying tagline that comes with the first line of every news story from MCV from the comfort of my feed reader. I don't know but (checks...) yes. MCV's website is one of those horrible Gamespot format ones where it looks like someone has nose spewed onto the page and then garnished it with adverts mid-I made thisfucking-article.

Just let the whole story through the feed reader and not just a tagline and let me choose whether or not I want to read more than two lines of your stories.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Slow News Day

This time of year is normally a bit short of news. The Christmas big hitters have yet to start the hype machine. WELL 2010 IS THE YEAR THIS CHANGES. Look at these interesting news headlines.

The Official Nitendo Magazine drops a News bomb with Pokemon Snap wasn't originally a Pokemon game

Kotaku drops it like it is hot with Super Mario Bros' Controls Were Originally Different

And at least 40000 different sources are confirming that PSPGo is getting a price drop. Are they still making the PSP? I thought that died ages ago. Still, exciting news if you want to catch up on two Metal Gear Solid Games and watch Family Guy on the train to work.

What's worse than an industry of writers with nothing to write about? A writer writing about it.


Last Window- The Review and Video Review

We're talking away. I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway. Today's another day to find you. Shying away. I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two. So needless to say. I'm odds and ends. But that's me stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me "It's no better to be safe than sorry".

Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two
Oh the things that you say. Is it life or just a play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying awayI'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me, take me on I'll be gone in a day or two
8/10. Worth a purchase!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Love Affair With Monster Hunter- Work In Progress

We get literally a dozen emails every four years asking us how we manage to write at least two hard hitting posts a month. Well reader here's a behind the scenes look at a post in progress, with directors commentary at the bottom. That's right, we're opening up the creative process to you the readers. Not at all because we can't be bothered to write anything proper. Who knows? This may inspire you to start up yet another video game blog because there aren't enough of those around!!!!!*

Here it goes:

With my wife away on business, I've spent hours and hours with my mistress. There's nothing quite as thrilling as sitting in my pants, opening a bottle of wine and spending the night with another woman. However, this other woman isn't Tracy from accounts, it's a woman called Cunzy1 1 who is mighty handy with a bowgun. Yes, after months of waiting I finally picked up Monster Huntr Tri for the nintendo Wii and I've gorged myself on it this last week and although all the hype had made me midly excited I still wasn't prepared for the excellent game that is shooting up the charts of the games I've invested the most hours in.

This is the only non risque image I have of my character. I started questing in just my underwear to protest about how few women characters there are out in online space. And black ones. The world of Monster Hunter is made up of white guys in big armour....From the off, Monster Hunter is very daunting. Starting the single player game you are given very little guidance as to what everything means. What are all these items I keep accruing that don't seem to do anything? What is the secret of playing with the pig? How do I level up when there's no experience points? What does that cryptic subquest require me to do? In an effort to make it all even more bamboozling, new elements are thrown at you all the time. In Moga villlage (the hub for the single player) you end up having to help out an ever expanding farm, send out a fleet of fishing boats and trade with a travelling ship's captain, decorate your house and level up Cha cha. At first it all seems frustrating and a bit random but after a while it all 'clicks' and without thinking about it you will do the 'dailies' after every quest. Without holding your hand through it, the game lets you work it out in your own time. Which is nice.

As for the Monster Hunting itself, various quests are submitted to the Guild Sweetheart (we don't know either, basically, the person you talk to to set out on a hunt) and when you do all the quests in the set you unlock a new set of quests in new areas which are slightly more challenging. This is where the game gets great. Whenever you hit a wall in the single player you can simply hop online and quest with strangers to improve your equipment and get more items but most importantly to improve your know-how of the bosses and how best to fight them.

The addiction curve for the game is super saccharine sweet. Playing online means that you not only get to go on the quests that you are familiar with from single player but if another hunter submits a quest (providing your Hunter Rank is high enough) you can join them and this is where you encounter new places and new creatures. Stuck on a Great Jaggi in single player? Wait until you see a Qurupeco and a Royal Ludroth. Sure the guys with the cool armour and weapons were dishing out most of the damage but you were Questing with up to three other people is action packed and completing a quest brings a sense of joy and relief at the lower levels and failure is met with a gritty determination to jump back in.

Director's Commentary
Well there is a panopoly of problems which need to be fixed if this were ever to be posted. The reason we stopped writing it is because writing about Monster Hunter made us want to play Monster Hunter so we did. secondly, due to a paucity of general knowledge of English language vocabulary we literally find it hard to write positively about anything without sounding like a 12 year old child. We had to edit out 435 instances of 'nice' before we posted it here.

Paragraph 1. Starts off mildly interesting but analogy falls flat on its face. It's confusing to the reader that Cunzy1 1 is the name of the author and the character. Why isn't Nintendo capitalised but Wii is? Mildly is spelled incorrectly. Last sentence is horrible. Why the use of first person all of a sudden? The TGAM guidelines are to use 'we' all the time even when it doesn't make sense i.e. 'Our wife'.

Paragraph 2. Is this a photo of a screen? What happened to the screen capture stuff you bought with 140% of last year's budget? This paragraph makes the game sound incredibly boring. Cut it out(stop using brackets too).

Paragraph 3. Bland. Why are you explaining the game? Are you writing a FAQ?

Paragraph 4. No it turns out you are writing an Official Nintendo Magazine review. Why don't you tell the reader that playing online is 'complicated' and remind them not to give out personal details when playing online? There is a sentence that isn't finished here. This is shit. Total shit. How can this come from the same team that brought the world this review of Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles? Isn't there a new cyberdildonics thing we can put up whilst we try to find new writers?

* We've just found out that Kieron Gillen has mostly left Rock Paper Shotgun which now means that British Video Game writers no longer have a champion. Now we'll all be reading that trash by the Americans which talks about feelings and headshots rather than painting Warhammer miniatures and the wonders of habitual binge drinking :( If anyone does know any good British video game writers then drop us a comment.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dino Crisis 4?

So Capcom spoke out about a couple of their older Franchises, back before Resident evil was a wannabe 1st person shooter, and dads searched for Zombrex for their infected daughters whilst wearing a mankini and riding a little pink bike.

It seems Onimusha shan't be seeing a remake/reboot any time soon, and well... Dino Crisis: "while Dino Crisis has the unfortunate problem of nobody at the company having "a burning desire" to "light that franchise back up again.". Nobody cares :(

This was all of course in response to the Devil May Cry Reboot, with that fake Dante.

Love and Burning Desire, 

Richie X

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Not dead

Just Monster Huntering. In the meantime, here's an image and some tasters for posts I won't write anytime soon

1) About the time I went to buy Monster Hunter 4 months after it was released and couldn't find a copy.

2) About the time I 100% Zack and Wiki after swearing a lot. Really really a lot.

3) About how there are no good British games bloggers left anymore now that Kieron Gillen left.

4) About how I tried to play Monster Hunter Tri online but was too scared.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


Married now though. Which has nothing to do with the absence. I gave up games for three weeks voluntarily. Because I AM IN CONTROL. Did go here though:


What didi I miss?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Devil May Cry: Reboot

Say hello to the new Dante... 

My CG-Man-crush is over in fact, Any flirtations with this "New Dante" would force me to sign some register.

This is apparently a "Reboot" of the series, due for release on 360 and PS3. Though from the pics over at the Capcom Urinary, I am unconvinced, this looks like A prequel, prequel, set before DMC3 I don't see "the island, the setting of DMC1 . 

The other option is that this is actually Nero instead, but nobody wants to think about that.

Well I'm excited there is a new DMC in town, but ambivalent as to the approach. 

Ambivalent Love and Hugs,

Richie X

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Realtime worlds: I told you so.

Since 66% of this blog is situated in Scotland, and I am actually in the games Industry, I suppose we are expected to comment on this one. For those of you who don't know, APB flopped, and as such RTW went into administration. Now, did anyone NOT see this one coming? I certainly saw this... not as a pessimistic prediction, more a painfully apparent inevitability. I have seen many people come and go from this company, each time I would pose the question, "why, realtime worlds?". Just to be met with an almost blind ignorance that this company could 'do no wrong', when specifically they were working on a supposed WoW-killer MMO. An ambitious task, anyone would agree. And the premise of this WoW-killer? Cops and Robbers. Realtime worlds I roll my eyes at thee. Though I do have to tip my hat to them, during the time (years) leading up to the launch they did manage to create some hype about a 'GTA-like MMO' (lies), and at one point made micro-transactions sound like a good thing! But frankly in our heart of hearts, despite wanting this wee Scottish over-budgeted company to succeed, we all knew this idea was dry, and continuing with it was, too little, too late. Each piece of news I heard from it; such as concentration on character customisation from third party sources (i.e. T-shirts with branded logo's on them), and removal of much of the free roaming, just made me sad face inside. What were they actually doing? Making the game less and less worthwhile.

Ah well, RIP APB, we hardy cared about ye.

Cops and Robbers,

Richie X

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Stag Do

Last weekend was my stag do, which was organised by my gay partner, Richie! Unlike your traditional stag do there was not a stripper in sight. Or going out. At all. Instead it was this groom to be and his bezzy mates playing the games that we all grew up with. I couldn't have asked for a better stag do, I laughed until I cried, I drank until it hurt and we had one last gaming session with all my Slads in one (well, two rooms). Sadly on Sunday I realised this would probably be the last time we'd all be together with nothing but time for playing the games that we cut our teeth on. But enough of the gay stuff! AWARDS TIME!
Group Awards. CLICK FOR BIG IMAGE. This will mean very little if you weren't there.

Some of the games that came out: Quake 2, Mashed, Mario Kart, Boom Blox, Geometry Wars, Resident Evil 5, Timesplitters 2, Puzzle Fighter, Blazblue, Street Fighter IV, Soul Calibur, Pod Racer, Red Faction Guerilla, Wii Sports, Army of Two and even a spot of doorsies. The weekend just flew by. Flew by. But now. Now it is time for the individual accolades!

Richie! (Real name Richie) The best man and organiser of the stag do. Let it be recorded that it just wasn't his weekend but that didn't stop him trying. With hindsight, he should have stopped trying. No. Really.

Dr Wo 69 (Real name Dr Wo) The longest serving Slad who was there with me right at the beginning. With two bags of goodies and a pair of socks we rose to the challenge of our rivals!
Chuff_72 (Real name Chuff_72) Long time TGAM contributor and Chris to my Sheva. Shevvvvva! Shevvvvva!
Bobby Ball Grabber (Real name Bobby Ball Groper) Zebra-footed street-fighting downing-legend and voice of reason. Fuelled only by Mountain Dew there's no stopping him.
Randy McSporran (Real name Old Man Mountain) Legend in the field who insisted on going to bed really early every single night. Fuck you motherfuck.
Chis (Real name Dan Dan Fighting Man) Dan Dan Fighting Man Fights a Man like no other man can. THROWS LIKE A GIRL THOUGH!
Flayer 9 (Real name Flayer 7, Slayer 3) Despite crippling motion sickness he has managed to overcome his severe disabilities just long enough to still beat Rich.
Robisgay (Real name Retardo) Ultra competitive with Flayer 9 and general all rounder took an early pasting in the drinking games but bounced back with a vengeance.
Jules (Real name Jules) Despite being the only non-gamer fared significantly better over the weekend than others (Richie) and didn't think that the mega breakfast was enough so ordered extra hash browns.
Cunzy1 1 (Real name Cunzy1 1)Last and definitely least when it comes to this line-up of legends.Let us never drink absinth again!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Dragon Age 2

Crazy summoned Demon hands to rip apart any wrongdoers, man that would be an awesome skill to have the next time someone tries to sell me the Big Issue.

Seriously though, Dragon Age 2


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You don't want to know what I googled to find it though

You gotta love the rabbids. They represent that idiotic, goofy childishness that used to be the heart blood of gaming on the NES and Mega Drive. This should be the last sexy image on TGAM for a while now.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

On things Achievementwise:

I have had a recent campaign to "thousand" quite a few of the games on my 360 list. I have completed Dragon Age: Awakenings and the Expansions (1550 GP), along with a couple of other titles too (Nothing cheaty like Avatar or King Kong though). Rather dauntingly I decided to start up Final Fantasy XIII with intent of thousanding it, I've invested serious amounts time into previous Final fantasy games, why not do it with this one? Because endgame sucks... I have pretty much run out of things to do except grind...

I have spend 60 hours on the game I have completed 62/64 missions ( I have decided to leave the remaining 2 missions until I fill out the crystarium AKA get to the maximum level) and well, if I complete mission 64 it makes the grinding process slower.

So I'm sitting on 720 gamerpoints: 

I'm missing 6 achievements *SPOILERS*

Adamant will: Killed an Enemy that spawns after mission 64
Masters Seal: Maxed everyone's roles.
Treasure Hunter: Collected all items in the game.
And the last 3; Galuf's Grail, L'Cie Paragon, Exorcist. Which will be unlocked upon completion of the remaining Missions and 5 Starring them all (only a couple left to 5 star).

So my quandary is, do I want these last achievement points?

Should I grind on adamantoises till the early morning for the next week, gaining enough levels for Master's Seal, and continue to get enough money for Treasure Hunter? Is that fun?

Admittedly, once I have grinded (ground?) enough to max out my levels, the next haul is money, AGAIN dropping from the Adamantoises. so... Killing the same enemies over and over and over... Is that fun?
All for 280 GP and the satisfactiopn of knowing I thousanded FFXIII... Is that fun?

IS IT FUN?!?!? Honestly?... I'll tell you once I have done it...

Ground Love and Grinded hugs,

Richie X



to thousand (third-person singular simple present thousands, present participle thousanding, simple past and past participle thousanded)
(transitive) (Gaming) To finish all achievements/Trophies; to make done; to reach the end of the required achievements/trophies.
NB: Is not necessarily used in context of the number "one thousand", as expansions, live arcade and multiplayer achievements add/subtract form the total.
You're a participle.
Love and transitive hugs,
Richie X