Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Do they know its Christmas time at all?

Yes. It is indeed Xmas. The time of year for family, eating, drinking from 11am, presents and sleeping. But as Sir Bob highlighted we should also think about all those people living in the third world who don't get to celebrate christmas at all.



They also get stomped on by a dungaree wearing maniac too. Sucks to live in the third world.

Believe it or not, this post was inspired by an excellent joke in ONM issue 51. Kidding you, I am not.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Joke of the day


This one is from the only other fellowgaming celebrity Leigh Alexander.

"I prefaced this post with a reminder of the business realities major blog networks face because I find it hard to believe that Brian, who taught me quite a great deal about going the extra mile on news reporting -- because our audience deserves the whole truth -- would thumbs-up a porn star's "celebrity" advice column unless it were part of a larger and necessary Gawker initiative"

Brian Kotaku Brian? The whole truth? Good one Leigh. Good one.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Charlie Brooker on games..

Read it. The first part of the article is excellent observational humour and the whole thing sms up the frustration most of gamer kind has come across at some point. Brooker even picks up on the lack of gaming celebrities thing.

However. A few comments down and we get the age old console wars stuff, some game snobbery, LULZ I'm a girl, aren't games addictive? etc. the usual stuff.

Games may have become a bit more widely appreciated but gamers sure as hell aren't. I'm officially ex-communicating the gaming community until it levels up a bit.

Starting.

Now.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Our new favourite video game character

What a muggy cuntIs this muggy cunt in Wii Fit Plus (on the right in the image above). I don't know how he is voiced in other territories but he sounds like a proper geeza in the PAL version. Here are a selection of sound bites:

"Punch it! Don't touch it up you muggy cunt"

"Alright you muggy cunt let's box this mush"

"I'm a cockney I'm a cockney"

"Ening staaaaaaaaaad. Ening staaaaaaaad"

"Jog on you muggy cunt"

"Ya muvva ya muvva ya muvva. And ya faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaava"

"Love a duck you muggy muvva"

"Cost you a pony you muvva"

We don't even know his name but we love him. Excercise and video game characters have never been so fun. We can't wait for him to get his own sequel Wii Geezer. Basically you spend the whole game selling pineapples, driving taxis and taking shanks's pony everywhere. IMPROMPTU REVIEW BASED ON CONCEPT ALONE; Excellent characterisation and a good storyline but some of the balance board controlled sections (particularly the backtracking comments about bloody foreigners to someone of dual heritage mission) feel a bit contrived. 7.5/10.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Saboteur Review: Kotaku are Racist badmen



As many of you are aware "The Saboteur" came out today. Its a little 3rd person romp through Nazi occupied France, you play an Irishman being a pest to everything Nazi-esque. It's being praised as gritty, dark and atmospheric, but castrated with moderate gameplay. It's a bit of a faux pas releasing anything even slightly 3rd person-y with Assassins Creed 2 still going hot from the shelves, especially one which looks and feels like Altaïr in Nazi France. Negativity aside its a better experience than it is a game. But lastly and most importantly the game has boobs. That's right tits, titties, mammaries, breasticles, jugs, melons, jumper puppies .

Because the game is set in France it has, of course, got the lumpenproletariat, bohemian, mid-war desperation. And what better to illustrate that than Burlesque shows and Gambling!




Where there are people trying to make money there are always boobs:




Cant see them?



Now you don't need to even play the game!


But yeah, bewbies aside. You'll notice I referred to Kotaku as "Racist Badmen" this is their comment on the "Feckin' hard" difficulty" setting:


"The Saboteur might be in France, but its maximum-strength difficulty is all Irish, reflecting the nationality of its protagonist. Although - help me out here, United Kingdomians, I thought "fookin'" would be the onomatopoeic for the Emerald Isle's f-word adjectival."

It sparked off quite a few angry remarks from the commenters to the (excuse the vernacular) Kotakuians*, and quite rightly!

1. Ireland is NOT in the United Kingdom.
2. They clearly ignorant as to the onomatopoeic sound (otherwise referred to as "accent") of the Irish.
3. You know at least one of them will claim to be Irish or Scotch despite being born in America.
4. I pity anyone who has not seen Father Ted.
5. They could have just fucking/fecking looked it up! Is Google/Wikipedia not available in the colonies?

*Pronounced "Coynte"

Expect nothing less,

Richie XXX

Playstation is 15 years old

That means it's still not legal :(

But yeah statutory rape jokes aside, fifteen years ago we were eyeing up that one big parcel under the tree crossing our fingers that it was a Playstation!

Then on 25th being delighted and playing Demo1 over and over. Ah memories Tomb raider, Crash Bandicoot, Broken sword, Descent, Wipeout, and that weird thing where you could control a T-Rex...

Yeah so 15 years, bet that makes you feel old!

Merry playstaionmas,

Richie XX

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Pop Quiz: Umbrella Chronicles Edition.

You are inappropriately dressed and have been shot and fallen down a fuck off huge long ass metal shaft, probably bumped down the sides a bit and landed on a cold hard metal floor and then had to carry around a Rocket Launcher to throw to your "boyfriend". Racked with pain, alive against all the odds and probably going to die. What would you do next?

a) Phone an ambulance ASAP. My bones are broken. The pain, the pain how am I not dead.
b) Just lay there and hope to bleed out sooner rather than later.
c) As above with crying.
d) Put some bandages on my horribly broken limbs and then limp slightly.

CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER NOW





























The correct answer was d) just put some bandages on and get on with it and SPOILERS kill a whole bunch of hunters, dogs, zombies, lickers and a weird stone Tyrant thing.

If you answered a), b) or c) then you aren't cut out for the worst spy ever industry I am afraid. Try your luck at retail management or maybe customer service?