Monday, November 30, 2009

Warning new term approaching: Kuntaku


As some of our more diligent readers are aware we don't like Kotaku very much. For those of you who are not so diligent and here because you were linked here, these are the reasons we don't like it:

1. The colour scheme.
2. The half truths and rumours. The dodgy reporting and then reposting their own failed reporting as some kind of flaw in 'games journalism'.
3. The dross you have to sift through... Nobody cares (and if you do, you really need to rethink your priorities) about the latest maximum risky doll from a 10 year old jRPG.
4. Day/night note. We thought we killed it off but it has come back. Remember kids, you should buy Arcade Mania.
5. I have never laughed with Kotaku, only at it. To say it is devoid of genuine grown up humour is being overly generous.
6. It's too American. Way too much attention on tits. There are even better parts on a woman (hint:around the armpit and pantsu regions work well) and almost no talk of the wang despite 25% of their writers being gay.
7. Pictures and post headings are not always appropriate.
8. It reads very amateurishly, especially when compared to the other Gawker sites, Gizmodo, io9, and ironically WoWinsider.
9. We resent having to trawl through Kotaku, and only Kotaku for news. Can someone set up another site which filters out all the shit?
10. They get more hits than us and a lot of better sites.
11. Their "Just ignore them and they'll go away" approach to Thatguys. We've sent them at least 300 excellent tips about real news and we've only ever once got a reply.
12. The constant navel gazing.
13. Too many Brians and not enough Keiths.
14. The 'crazy times' of Stephen Dorito who seems to have died as a good writer at the hands of the frat boys club.
15. The properly rubbish and ONMish TGS coverage.
16. The ballbreaking effort required to post comments, get a conversation going and track who commented on what. It's like the battery farm of the deaf except nobody numbered the cages. This and the neonatal amnesiacs which seem to make up the readership makes it a vile inhabitable wasteland for the thinking gamer. A churlish "forum" and god-forbid other 'inclusive' features do a great job at weeding out the dissenters.
17. The incessant inappropriate advertising which brings feedreaders almost to a halt. Or did.
18. Uninventive and boring tags.

But the most annoying part is they recently did a couple of posts without even a nod in our direction:

Exhibit A:
Kotaku:Use of the word: Underboob.
Thatguys: Coined July 2008 by Thatguys.

Exhibit B:
Kotaku: Some drossy article on sexism in games.
Thatguys: Satirical review of sexism in the industry from 2007.

 
Cunt and Otaku,

Richie and Cunzy11 XX

Friday, November 27, 2009

Microfanficcing- Our Story.

We've literally just invented microfanficcing everybody. And now after all the lies, plagiarism and law suits we're now ready to tell our story about how it all started.

Richie: Well it all started when we I was excited about the Chocobo for the Xbox 360 avatars.
Cunzy1 1: Yeah. I was ridiculing him for having a light sabre, chocobo and megatron hat and being over the age of 15.
Richie: That's right. Well I went on to say that the only reason I wanted the chocobo was to pretend I was Irvine from Final Fantasy 8 and get to bad touch Selphie.
Cunzy1 1: Then... oh god this sounds so bad. Then we went on to talking about Zell. I mean here is this guy in this band of merry men each with different skillz and all he can do is punch people.
Richie: He doesn't even have a dog.
Cunzy1 1: Exactly and then I asked Richie what he called Angelo because I called Angelo 'bitch' so Rinoa's limit break was Bitch Strike and Bitch Rush. Then Richie fan ficked the Bitch name origin story.
Richie: And I guess that was the world's first micro fanfic!
Cunzy1 1: Yeah. Yeah it totally was.
Richie: The rest they say is history.


Thanks to TGAm for the exclusive.

Why games are not art.



Did you see what I did there? The games are/aren't art thing is long dead. Nobody talks about it anymore and we're not ones to be ahead of the curve! However watching some of the top artists and art critics talk absolute bollocks about what is or isn't even good or bad art in the excellent Saatchi's Best of British TV show has inspired this post. We are not ones to bore you all to death with information written in paragraphs. Our preferred method is the list:

1) Games are of too broad appeal. From a midnight addiction to Minesweeper through to the latest mini game on the iphone. Everyone has at some point played a game. It is really hard to be elitist when everyone knows what you are talking about and can call you out on the BS. So games aren't art because it is too popular. Also, a game which nobody has played makes headlines for a scene taken out of context. A tunnel in which an artist rapes people barely makes Gawker media. People care about games even if it is in a negative way. Few people care about art.

2) Games are made by too many people. One artist is fine. Two makes a collaboration but the armies that fill the credits of most games today? Too many. The pedestal is not big enough for all of them.

3) Games are too objective. Not completely objective otherwise every game would be like the next (well this does happen). But if somebody makes a rubbish game they would never get away with "I was inspired by Indian immigrants outside my studio". People would just say your game is shit Midway and you are full of bollocks.

4) Games are too demanding. Few works of art would demand that you spend 100 hours engaging with them in order that you could talk to a fellow art enthusiast about the work with some level of authority. In fact with the exception of interactive art and audience participation performance art the only demand made is that people go to an art gallery to feel cultural and stuff. Art critics and the like already write a gazillion volumes on art as it is. Imagine if they got into the games scene. Ugh.

5) Games are too modern. The currency of the art world is private views with plenty of canapes and wine, exclusive tours, self indulgence and making everybody rich. The currency of the gaming community is flame wars on forums, a community wide but individual celebration of a new games launch and the occasional awkward moment IRL. To try to force the community to attend galleries, exhibitions and lectures would ruin a lot of what makes the game community so vibrant.

6) Gamers have a long way to go. It's true. We can't even agree that it is okay to play games on a console, PC or mobile device. Artists have gone meta and can't even agree what is and isn't art (essential a panel of 14 big people in the art world dictate this).

7) Games are too cheap. Well it's no good if everyone* can get their hands on some of the greatest games of all time for barely the price of a blank canvas! How is anyone to feel privileged if they can just download it from steam or buy it off ebay? Stupid games.

8)There is no celebrity culture in gaming. Not necessarily a bad thing but it does mean that celebrating heroes is tricky and as such gamers don't really have much of a voice. Well maybe not yet. Nobody to fight our corner, or go on TV and make sensible comments or to tell the PM to back off unless you know what you are talking about! Yeah. Shit needs to get political.

9) There aren't so many big breasts in art. It is true. There are breasts in art but not so consistently as big as the ones in games. Guys, I really think we need to tone down the breast thing. It's just embarrassing and it is holding us back.

So there we have it. Proof that games are not art. But that is not such a bad thing. It means there's no elitism for one thing. Any more to add to the list? Pop something in the comments then you freak.

*Excludes most of Africa, large parts of South America and Asia.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Why I hate Street Fighter [Maximum Risky]

Double filth

All the time, the cold lonely empty silence of the comments section and TGAM's email inbox seems to be asking me "Why if you are the official Capcom website do you never do anything on the Street Fighter series?". I'm sure that is what the silence asks of me. And if I were to answer it, my answer would be a three parter. Firstly, why do we only seem to ever write about Pokemon and Resident Evil? This is the bigger concern. Why pick out Street Fighter? Jeez. Secondly, I hate Street Fighter but it isn't because I think the fighting genre hasn't progressed at all in over a decade, it isn't because now there are stupid bars everywhere and nobody tells me what each of them mean or how to activate any of them so I just button mash until something explosiony happen and it isn't even because 'So there is this fighting tournament' has been the standard plot for fighting games since forever. Thirdly, the real reason why I hate Street Fighter is because there are no like able characters. They are all goonbods. Totally unlikeable, would not be friends with in real life idiotic posers. At least the Darkstalkers characters are deliberately a total nonsense. This may well make me an Angry Internet Man you may be thinking. There are people starving to death who have never even heard of street fighter. Starving right now. Probably already dead and all you can do with your luxurious life is get angry about some silly videogame because the characters aren't up to your expectations. This is all true but in fact it makes me angrier because now I am jealous of the starvers because at least they haven't been exposed to the clown brigade that make up the Street Fighter crew.

Filthy

Ryu- Or captain generic as he is known by his pals. Boring, boring boring. Just look at him. What does he stand for? Probably goodness and being nice to people but we can all tell he is a bit of a twat. His favourite sandwiches are egg and cress. He actually prefers ready salted crisps and keeps a count of the number of beers he drinks because he doesn't want to get drunk. Probably a christian too. And he punches and kicks. How original Ryu. Punching and kicking. Zzzzzzz

Ken- as annoying as Ryu for all the same reasons and then even extra annoying because he is smug. Only smugs wear red. I also really hate the way his nose bleeds in SSFIITurbo. YOUR OWN NOSE BLOOD IS GOING INTO YOUR MOUTH KEN. Use a tissue. Or just use your PJs. They are red so your nose blood wouldn't even show up on it. You disgusting obnoxious Ryu variant.

Akuma, Dan etc.- All the fake Ryus. Different PJs and a hair cut is all that makes them different. I would also include T-Hawk in this category. Nobody cares. Akuma is emo Ryu and Dan is gay Ryu. Dan is extra annoying because he has a pony tail and also because no matter what buttons you press you always end up doing that sketch at the most inappropriate time. He is even more annoying because he is meant to be annoying but is the least annoying of the Ryu-alikes in the game.

Balrog - Can't even jump. Combo wannabe. Is probably the least dislikable because he is just unlikeable and rubbish.

M Bison Stupid name, stupid hat, stupid moves. And racist. Stupid racist head stomper. What even is a head stomp? Ridiculous. And who wears a cape anymore? Ken. Ken probably wears a cape.

Blanka What is even going on here? Did an intern design this character? Is this what Capcom think Brazilians look like? And that stupid chest hair saves Zangief from having the stupidest chest hair in games. How did he get electricity power? Learned it from the eels or maybe caught it in an electrical storm. Yes of course. Caught it from a storm.

Cammy Leotard wearing fake British girly hair camel toe memory loss.

Chun-Li Chun-Lis constant yipping when she jumps about drives me right up the wall. Also, as you'll see from the delightful images in this post Chun-Li is the nearest to a woman that most sweaty palmed deviant filth freaks will ever get. Nobody cares about her story and I don't think wearing a bra on your head has ever been fashionable.

Filth Chun li nude cheat in street fighter IV

Dhalsim-Capcom racism at it's best but because nobody in Japan or America actually believes in India it's fine.

Guile- Rubbish hair and I don't know about you but I never trust a man who does kicks when he is upside down. So inefficient. He also lisps which isn't a bad thing in itself but does start to grate when all you say is Thonic boom every two seconds.

E-Honda- Pantsu! Plus I really hate people who walk like a crab. What are they trying to prove? Crab walking up and down the place.

Sagat- Sagat reminds me most of somebodies Dad. Somebodies baldy pirate Dad embarrassing his children with those shorts. Almost the most personality free character, were it not for Ryu.

Uber filth Chun Li nude street fighter IV cheat

Zangief is okay actually. I don't mind Zangief. My one complaint would be that he isn't real and that there just isn't as much Zangief deviant filth as there is from slutty titti-head. This is a great shame.

So there we have it people. I understand that there are more characters than that but nobody cares. And I also don't care if it is just "one go". I'm not playing. I hate them all with a passion.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The six degrees of Dante

From Dante to Mario. Can it be done? Started off quite hard because we figured we couldn't get out of Capcomland. But here's how it is done kids.

Dante-Viewtiful Joe courtesy of Viewtiful Joe.
Viewtiful
Viewtiful Joe-Ryu courtesy of Tatsunoko vs Capcom
Best screenshot ever?
Then we go Ryu to Mitsurugi courtesy of Namco X Capcom

Then we go from Mitsurugi to that Link chap via Soul Calibuuuur 2.
It's a story about a mystic inner spirit think and sharp stabbers
And finally from Link to the podgy plumber via Superu Smashu Brotheru!
Funs

Can you do it with less degrees? Do have a go. And while you are at it see if you can beat:

Mickey Mouse to Sonic the Hedgehog- 4 degrees.
Master Chief to Solid Snake- 3 degrees (cheating a bit).
Megatron to your own Mii- 2 degrees.

And if you can get those you can get practically anywhere! Anywhere worth going anyway. Characters with no degrees to anybody just aren't worth it people.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Lady Gaga - Gagame

Exclusive: Lady Gaga: Glitz, Glamour and Gaming.



Ok well... when we heard about this we were worried that it was going to be some kind of soulless cash-in, but after chatting with the (undisclosed) developer we have reconsidered our stance a little.

"We are attempting to encapsulate Gaga's individual fashion, glitz and glamour and translate that to a playable medium. It is not our intention to create some droll dress-up aimed for tweens, we want to create something iconic and playable, essentially a game worthy of the uberstyle that Gaga herself represents. Without giving too much away, fashion and music will feature highly in the game, along with re-imagining of many of the current gaming themes on the maket, but with a Gaga-twist."

There you go, yet another Thatguys exclusive.

Love and Disco-Sticks,

Richie XXX

Miyamoto tries to justify 2D

Artist rendition of how Miyamoto actually sees the world.

So recently he said:

“I don’t think everything needs to be 3D, or that just because we’re seeing more 2D games now, that everything’s going to shift back to 2D. Instead, I think that what’s going on is that people are realizing the benefits of a 3D game, and at the same time, remembering what the benefits of 2D games were. When going 2D, you need the courage to not be so attached to visual appearance of the games and to really pursue the gameplay experience.”

Interestingly this also reads well if you replace 2D for SD (Standard Definition/Poor-man's TV)

“I don’t think everything needs to be HD, or that just because we’re seeing more SD games now, that everything’s going to shift back to SD. Instead, I think that what’s going on is that people are realizing the benefits of a HD game, and at the same time, remembering what the benefits of SD games were. When going SD, you need the courage to not be so attached to visual appearance of the games and to really pursue the gameplay experience.”

Alright Granddad *rolls eyes*

Love and 1ups

Richie

Monday, November 23, 2009

Needed: Fanfiction

Well the Hunk competition is over. After two years we've had no entries. This can be taken as proof that you can't trust the Machinima community. Fuck you Machinima community. Fuck you.

How will the fanfiction guys fare? We're running another competition (wow now we're just like the official Mega Man site!). As you may well now, Wesker is to appear as a rip off DLC pish in Lost Planet 2. What we want to know is how did he get there?

This one is Wesker dipshitsFeel free to dick around with the "Resident Evil Canon" as Capcom so frequently do but do make sure your fic. contains the following elements:

1) Barry Burton's daughters Polly and Moira.
2) Tits McGee from Dead Rising.
3) Dante slicing a whole train in half.
4) A non racist justification for Sheva's totally racist costume in RE5.
5) Jill and Rebecca talking about who they fancy in S.T.A.R.S.
6) Cheryl Jones' supplementary mission in it's entirety.
7) A recurring joke about how Mega Man is into Moira Burton.
8) Tofu.
9) Morrigan x Nemesis.

Don't make it too long. 14 pages should be about right. And remember, be sure to make sure that the story isn't outlandish and we don't want to see any High School AU, Cookie Cutting, Mary Sues or OOC. You have until October 2011.

Cheers.

Monday, November 16, 2009

GOTY 2009

Oooh ooh you have to shoot civilians! Boo hoo! It's all a bit morally challenging. SHUT UP. SHUT UP MW2 PRICKS. Nobody gives a shit anymore because we talking bout MUTHAFUCKING TOFU:

GOTY, 99/10

You can shove your DLC, your customisable characters, your Valve Pish, your Fallout 3 stories. It's over. End of day. Shut up shop. Time at the bar. This is it people. Nobody does games with Tofu in them like Capcom.

Review of Darkside Chronicles based on the single above screenshot: Game of the year. Game of the year. End of. Game of the century even! It's got Tofu in it. What more do you want? Tofu. Can I say anymore? No. But I will and that it muthafucking Tofu up in this muthafucking, muthafucka.

This puts the Robot Invasion back at least 29 years.

Seriously just fuck a vacuum cleaner now and realise the idea is better than the practice

Sorry guys, look like our fantasy of being taken over by robots and molested and dissected for pure mechanical fiends' entertainment isn't going to be this year. Look like all so Scy-Fy (yeah!) writers were wrong again.

Robots have only just learned, been programmed, become remotely controllable worked out how to do corners so that Pac Man can be played very very slowly.

Sadly this means sex robots are still at least 1500 years away people :(

Thursday, November 12, 2009

1m Xboxes may become ex-boxes

Was the front page news the Metro was running today. Is it the first ever gaming news front page in a publication with semi-decent circulation? Probably. Anyway to the story as reported by the Metro.

One gamer, cut off by MS had this to say:


"I was gutted, completely gutted. It's like telling someone their dog's just died"


Our thoughts on this. 1) Why is only people in newspapers say gutted. They are always gutted about things in newspapers but we all know nobody actually says gutted since the late 90s. 2)It is not like telling someone their dog just died because normally dogs last longer than a console generation, you can play with your dog any time regardless of whether you are connected/Xbox is working, you can entertain more than two people with a dog at any one time without having to set up Rock band, people know what a dog is, a dog is fully compatible with any dogs you may already have, girls are interested in dogs, you can take your dog outside or on holiday and you can train a dog to lick your balls.

Ways in which dogs and an Xbox 360 are alike: Both can get red ring of death. None have any decent RPGs for them.

Final analysis: Go microsoft. Brick the fuckers. We hate piracy.

Nintendo supports cheating Cockbags

As if you needed more reasons to not play your Wii, here are 2 massive ones:

Ant and Dec


Fig. 1. Ant and Dec are playing Mario Kart, as you can see they are also making racist Asian faces, furthering their racist stereotyping, they are likely playing badly.

Fig. 2. Ant and Dec are amused that the DS has 2 screens.

Fig. 3. Ant and Dec playing with the Wii balance board, I couldn't think of anything funny here... Just observe their massive shiny foreheads and perhaps pretend they are making "NEEEEOOOW" Aeroplane noises 


For those of you who don't know (i.e. outside of the UK) Ant and Dec are a TV presenting duo lacking any sort of talent. They are huge corporate cash-ins who are involved in pretty much every reality show in some shape or form. There is very little spark of life left in their eyes, further likening them to a money driven automatons and I'm sure you can envision where you insert the cash.

Cheating Cockbags?

Yeah for some reason, possibly media spin, these two have been forgiven for some really shit behaviour on their TV contest shows:

    * selected competition finalists before the telephone lines were announced as closed.
    * staggered the selection of competition finalists which meant that viewers entering the competition did not have a fair and equal chance of winning.
    * selected finalists on the basis of their suitability to be on television and where they lived.
    * selected an individual already known to the production team to be placed on the shortlist of potential winners and who went on to win the competition.
    * on six occasions in the Prize Mountain competition, selected winners based on their suitability to be on screen.
    * failed to account for almost half of the competition entries.


Once a cheater always a cheater.

And despite their mass media charm, you know at the back of your head behind closed doors they are into some fucked up shit, like properly getting off on abusing people/things.

And Nintendo is in bed with them?!?!




On a lighter, prettier, better note!

Girls aloud are all doing it too, it's so cute! look at them, precious... Girls trying to play computer games*

Love and Corporate Whorism

Richie XX


*Actually I fully endorse using girls aloud to advertise, the girls are a remarkable step up from Ant and Dec and are a lot more real (but thankfully not Susan Boyle real). and despite my "Girls trying to play computer games" quip, I also have a feeling they'd kick my ass (at Rock band/Guitar hero). Let's get them doing more with the games industry!!! I'd dig that (naked).

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bayonetta Promo

And this years most underwhelming promotion in video games goes to....

...

...

...

*Rustles envelope*

...

...

A quiet hush captures the ceremony

...

...


Congratulations Bayonetta!!!

Nobody cares.

Love and hugs.

I find Mr Vaz's Modern Warfare outrage arousing,

Richie X

Obligatory Modern Warfare Post


Yeah well, we cant really call ourselves a gamer website without mentioning this.

Consider it mentioned.

Oh and by the way, Makro have it for £20, that's the cheapest in the UK.

Love and Hugs,

Right between the eyes Richie X

Monday, November 09, 2009

Keith Vaz again (groan)

Moron
Theif and MP Keith 'clueless' Vaz, having got over being ridiculed for various tedious and hyperbolic lambasting of games based on no evidence whatsoever once again gets in the Daily Mail off the back of "outrage" at a big game launch this time over Modern Warfare 2.

Read all abaaaaat it here "Outrage as new video game lets players kill civilians in terror attacks".

Bored, bored, bored. Surely Mr Vaz has more important things to be sorting out? Or maybe he could plough back all that money he skimmed from the tax payer into fixing Leicester before attacking games?
Change the tune Vaz. You're so out of your depth once again. How about instead of knee jerking every time you want a bit of press coverage, you do some proper research into the non issues you soap box? God knows the UK government is so shit at supporting the games industry, to be even more damaging when you make moronic comments is insult to injury. Do you want to drive the games industry abroad? Idiot. Find a real issue to campaign on.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Dragonage of consent?


So am I looking forward to Dragonage?

You bet I fucking am! Its a huge expansive RPG on the 360!! (And some other platforms I think Sony's will run it. And I believe if you have a PC bought in the last 45 minutes it should run). Admittedly its a middle-earthy RPG with Orcs and Elves and whatnot, however Oblivion (the other middle-earthy RPG on the 360) has redeemed my faith that these archetypes no longer belong to Tolkien-fappers (Dwarves are just the right height to chow down on my "Garden of Elrond"*), Blizzard, and D&D mouth-breathers.

Anyway I'm gonna lube up and find my industry contacts and get this game before Friday assuming I'm not too humiliated or the welts are still open.

*Yes this is referring to lady bits, see we're not sexist we know that girls fap over obscure images too.

DragonLove,

DragonRichie XX

Monday, November 02, 2009

Sigh!

Yes people an exclaimed SIGH! This is the cause of the now doubly exclaimed sigh!!.

Well researched

We are literally sitting two clicks away from a whole section on wikipedia called List of Disney video games by genre Mickey Mouse Series.

That Guys Interviews Again!

The other day we were reading the TGAM archives and laughing out loud at ourselves. Out loud. That’s pretty wrong no? But it was when we were reading the TGAM archives that we realised that WE ARE FUCKING GAMING CELEBRITIES!

Yes folks, without actually knowing it we went from mediocrity to gaming celebrity stardom. Like that news about the goose that levelled up and became a swan that time. Here is the story about how we discovered we were celebrities (this will probably be in our second autobiography when we publish our book now we are gaming celebrities).

We got a link on Kotaku once and not one of those news stealing links a proper link for creating something unique.

Our best friend totally met Pentadact, secretly James secretely Tom at University. He even emailed him to check and Tom emailed back. What a nice chap.

We insult Richard Cobbett on a regular basis and he doesn’t even hate us.

We interviewed that photographer who did the Devil May Cry shoot for Front magazine.

We are listed as an industry link on the RamRaider.

We got an emoticon from Graeme Norgate. A true gaming legend.

We once wrote to ONM magazine and they wrote back.

A guy we used to live with is in a photo over on Another Little Dissapointment. We have given our stalkers key information here!

One of us is credited in over a dozen video games!

We fake interviewed Leigh Alexander and then she left us a comment!

We got some love from Rock Paper Shotgun.

This pretty much cements our place as genuine gaming celebrities, which falls just under Z list celebrity in the following classification:

A list celebrities. You did something good once and didn’t disappear. Nowadays you can release crap albums or crap films and nobody says anything because you are that big.

B list celebrities. The people who make the world go round behind the scenes. Directors, music producers and authors. Nobody knows who you are on the street but you get just as many column inches, free coke and blow jobs from C-E listers as those A list fuckers

C list celebrities. Footballers and people who suck off footballers.

Bored of this now, SKIP DOWN PAST Z LIST THEN GO THROUGH THE PUNCTUATION AND THEN ONTO THE NUMBERS.

11. Gaming Celebrities. Famous people who are famous only for doing things related to gaming. Do not confuse Gaming Celebrities with Celebrities that Game (see 24) like that cunt Iaiaiaian Lee and the one who did James Bond after Pierce Morgan.
The first thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We had a wank in the mirror, filmed it on a digital camera, transferred the video to the Wii and then did a 100+ piece video puzzle of us repeatedly wanking into the mirror. That’s how fucking next gen we are. Can you do that on an Xbox 360? No? For those of you having gay gaming celebrity fantasies about us around about now, we taped a flattened cardboard box to the mirror so we couldn’t see each others wangs. That would be gay. Except now that we are gaming celebrities being gay sometimes is fine.

The second thing we did when we discovered we were gaming celebrities. We got wank guilt and watched the news (Channel 5).

The next relevant to this post thing we did. Not wanting to miss an exclusive we interviewed ourselves thus improving out own gaming celebrity status considering that we are only the second gaming celebrity to be interviewed following that interview with lovely Leigh Alexander. Here is our first exclusive interview with gaming celebrities TGAM.

TGAM: Welcome TGAM.
TGAM: Hello and may I say what a fantastic pleasure it is to be here, getting interviewed by the World’s Second Best Gaming Blog in the World Ever.
TGAM: You flatter us TGAM but you must be used to all this, after all you did start your career writing for a gaming blog.
TGAM: Well, may I say what an refreshing change it is for bloggers having done some research before the interview.
TGAM: Well that is what you get here. Our commitment to getting the latest news to our readers is our driving force.
TGAM: Well in the states they are saying this year is your year TGAM!
TGAM: They say the same about you TGAM. Now tell us are you familiar with Family Reunion by Blink 182?
TGAM: Yeah. Yeah we know that song.
TGAM: It goes like this: ´Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat´

TGAM: Okay, yeah.
TGAM: Then it goes ´I fucked your mom´. Is that song about your mom TGAM?
TGAM has signed out of chat.

So thanks to TGAM. I think you'll agree it was a great interview. Next week: Well hopefully it is someone that doesn't check the blog (= a shitload of people).

The Bona Fide list of confirmed Gaming Celebrities so far: Leigh Alexander, is he/isn't he Gabe Newell and us. For those entrepeneurs starting a gaminbg celebrity version of Heat we have 1500 photos of us, each one we are selling for £4.50, £3.50 for topless ones.