Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Yahtzee Croshaw namechacks That guy's, struggles with Nintendo controls.

As ever, Yahtzee Croshaw delivers yet another enjoyable zero punctuation*. This time it's super smash brothers brawl. However, it's obvious from the review that he struggles with the control system. Now, we aren't haters here but people who can't play SSBB? We're no experts ourselves and in fact the antipenultimate time the maniacs met up Richie and I didn't enjoy getting double-team-violated by Fox and Falco up against the Great Fox. :(


Still. Yahtzee loses some of his cool points because he can't work out the controls. It's not rocket science and it is the third iteration. He tries to cover his noobishness with layers of fanboy baiting and talk about "friends" and "multiplayer situations" but he has exposed a weakness. In fact he even comes across as a bit girly (not racist-girly like Anne Diamond's game reviews girly) and this is coming from a PC gamer so he should be used to retarded controls. And games. And PC gamer friends. (Here's a tip if you are struggling with the controls, leave the main screen on idle and you get a demonstration).

However, he does regain many more cool points by name checking "That Guy" and "That Guy's" both of which are registered trademarks of TGAM. So keep on trucking Yahtzee and try to steer away from those complicated Nintendo games.

*The bastards over at the "escapist magazine" must feel pretty crappy because until zero punctuation featured on their site they were in the same box as IGN and Joystiq. Sites that no one visits or cares about but whos staffers try really really hard to write intelligently about games. :( unlucky The Escapist. 5/10 Try harder.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Beauty and the Geek

What happens when evolutionary selection becomes all but redundant in a species but at the same time boys no longer grow up to be men?

This happens

Seriously, next they'll have to be told which hole to put it into. Expect a DS version later this year so that geeks can pick up on the fly.

GTA4 obligatory review

Soooo GTA4 then?

Might as well get this review out of the way before it “officially” comes out on Tuesday.

So for today’s review we are going to set it out in a classic divvied up review with each section out of ten.

Section 1. Gameplay.

Well this one is quite easy, have you played GTA3, VC, SA? It’s pretty much the same: run, shoot, drive. Except this time they have added some spanky tweaks, including GPS system, a better aiming system, and being able to hide behind cover. There isn’t much wrong with the GTA formulae, it’s non-stop fun and they have not strayed away from this standard.

Score: 9/10. Good to see GTA back again, with so many sandbox rip-offs its good to go back to the roots, new and improved roots at that.

Section 2. Graphics.

Graphics eh? I honestly don’t know how to approach this one… I have always had gripes with GTA’s (rockstar’s?) graphics. I remember when San Andreas was out on the PS2 and everyone was banging on about how great it looked, but I couldn’t see it. Whenever I looked at San Andreas I saw Lego-esque character models and painfully evident draw distance, a far cry from the graphics of the then current PS2 graphics. And as much as I have tried not to pay attention to this in GTA4, I am still painfully aware of the flaws. Firstly the characters models are not fantastic, the clothes on the models are quite blatantly skins on the characters, clothes don’t look like clothes, they have come on quite a bit from GTA:SA the models are not polygon-y they are well rounded, but surrounding the characters there seems to be garbled pixels, flecks of white highlight the joins between torso’s and legs. However!!! despite these little niggles the cars are amazing, the city is so detailed, and the draw distance flawless (no more Skyscrapers appearing on the horizon).

Score: 8/10. Some of the graphics bother me. Not quite up to current 360 potential, but still very good.

Section 3. Sound.

Hunners of Radio stations, loads of dialogue, realistic 5.1. Seriously there are so many nice little additions like still being able to hear the radio playing after getting out the car, or thunder rolling after you see the lightning. My only gripe was that some of the dialogue at the start was incomprehensible, as it turns out they characters were speaking a different language, but slinging on the subtitles sorted that out.

Score 9.5/10. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Section 4. Multiplayer.

Umm, well I haven’t really tried this cuz, well… I had it early…

Score 9/10. It has multiplayer… nuff said.

Section 5. Conclusion.

It’s GTA 4, it’s a worthy addition to the GTA series. The hard fact is that it is good, if you liked the previous GTA games then you are gonna like this one, end of. Couple that with improved everything cuz it’s “next gen”.

If you own any of the systems that can play this… Buy it.

Score 9/10

Oh yeah and a little side note to IGN, 10/10? Really? What happens when they bring out GTA 4: Vice City? And improve on all those things that have bothered you from this version… Get a grip, it’s a good game but it aint “perfect”. Losers.

Luv n hugs,


Friday, April 25, 2008

GTA 4 Early!




Yes I can!


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Microsoft: Logic

Right so, I tried logging on to Xbox Live last night, but couldn't as, I have got a new credit card since then...

So I check my mail: and I have this in my inbox:

To update your credit card information:
1. Select your gamer card.
2. Select Account Management.
3. Select Memberships.
4. Select the membership you want to update.
For more info, go to or call Xbox Customer Support at 0800 587 1102.
If you have already resolved this issue, please disregard this notice and accept our thanks.

Thank you for using Microsoft Online Services.

The Xbox Live team.

FAIL at step 2.!!

The moment you select Account management, it then says "you must be signed in to Xbox live", -.-

Caught in a viscous circle where Microsoft wont let me give them my money...

To be honest, I'm not actually that surprised, to think that this kind of stuff would be a painless procedure is just wishful thinking.

Maybe catch you kids on Live, Maybe.

Luv n hugs,


Monday, April 21, 2008


...isn't all pointless shit. Some of it is cool pointless shit. Yeah so Wow was so a year ago and even Portal is starting to get old. Just you wait. GTA IV is gonna land and you won't ever have to hear that cake song again!

Congrats to BaronSoosdon.

Oh and also, if you've got time to waste Halolz is GOLD at the moment.


Aye well!

Fuck the Canadians, Lets get the UK back on track!

Everyone please sign up here!

Love 'n' hugs,


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Omastar Comics #17

Could it be? Has he? All those years of research which is hampered by underwater labspaces? It all paid off?

At last! The world is changed.
Wow! Things will never be the same again. That. Is for sure.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The New DS?

It's just rumours or whatever but if it ain't. Fuck off you money wringing wankers. What's wrong? do you not already have enough money? How about stop pissing about with a new DS and get some decent franchises on the DS instead of all that awful animated film tie in shit that literally fills the shelves of GAME and spills out onto the street knocking over frail Grannies and blocking traffic. By decent franchises I very specifically mean:

Resident Evil 2

Yes "it" isn't a franchise. But it is. Just pay Capcom all that money you are sitting on and stop making crappy Mario, Zelda and Metroid games that no one even likes or remembers and get them to remake, no reimagine, Resident Evil 2 and make it 140000 player co-op online, no friends codes or stars instead of other players and all that crap that prevents losers like us from actually playing online. Oh and don't mess around with Mp3s and SD cards and all that crap that only "homebrew boys" and gadget losers want. You'll just ruin it all and try to make the DS like some kind of lifestyle neccessity that will get Frankestein, sex-changed Violet Berlin and the other bint from the gadget show going off but will make the every day gamer barf with manbag-wearing-trendiness-sickness and then they'll all finally buy the PSP they've been putting off buying. "Yeah hi, yeah. I'm skyping from the bus using my DS. Yeah I'm so fucking important that I need to be on my DSphone on the way home. Otherwise my generic office twat office would completely collapse without me. No. I'm going to the Gym where I can check my email on my DS whilst I pump iron and eat organic pork scratchings and drink freshly squeezed lychee juice to make all the other office tossers insanely jealous. No she broke up with me last week. Silly dykey bint. It's her loss, she was crap in bed anyway. Alright, yeah, keep it easy Trent, I'm at Shoreditch now. Bye".

No one wants that scenario to come true now do they? Thanks Ninty.

Cunzy1 1.

Perhaps the world's greatest gaming video ever

Yes, perhaps it is better than even Dead Fantasy I and II! This is what gaming TV should be like. Kudos for anyone who can name everyone in this semi- who's who of British videogames before the credits roll.....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Dear Gamers on the internet #727

Boo hoo hoo. Boo hoo hoo. Waaaaaah waaah a boo hoo hooo. That's all we ever hear from you. Boo hoo hoo Blizzard hates my class. Waaaah waaah waaah Capcom won't respond to my letters. Boody hoo hoo "they" ruined Star Wars Galaxies. Yes it's pathetic but fortunately it's mostly from the PC gamers. Until now...

A boo hoo hoo and A baa ha ha Since the release of Mario Kart Wii a number of sources have complained about the return of the blue shell. Even EDGE which usually flounces above such gamer whining, whines about it (Mario Kart Wii 6/10). Well you know what? The MBAs at That guy' s a maniac, the Second Greatest Video Game Blog of all time, have voted it the most bestest amazing pick up of all time. Read that last sentence again. Not just videogame pick ups. ALL pick ups. Be it pick up lines, picking up a prostitute or a pick up truck, the blue shell beats them all hands down. Here's what the Master blog artists had to say:

"It is our generations great leveller. Our grandparents had the war, our parents had the AIDS and we have the blue shell. It is a metaphor for our lives. You may have just saved enough money for that trip around the world and then boom! An astronomical council tax bill from four years ago. Bailiffs are coming round this second to beat you and take your property and money. And who wins from that situation? Some smug pencil pushing council twat. He doesn't see the look on your face. He doesn't gain anything from it but from his hopeless position in a dead end job he has irked you somewhat. The blue shell is the digital version of that twat. It'll ruin your day. Guess what punk. Maybe today you won't win. Boo hoo. But life goes on".- Cunzy1 1

"The beauty of the blue shell lies in its relentless desire to keep balance. Though the N64 blue shell was better."- Richie

So there we have it unequivocally the greatest pick up of all time. Move on loser.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Mario Kart Wii: Review

9/10 - "Good enough to consider getting a Wii for."

It's Official! Resident Evil 1 is Racist!

It looks like the Resident Evil 5 racism issues is back on the agenda but this time from someone who, you know, has actually played a game, any game but also all of the Resident Evil games. The piece makes for some thought provoking reading but here at TGAM we've been concerned about the racism from Resident Evil 1 onwards. No one would listen to use before but now that the issue is under the spotlight here's a republished blog we did way back in 1998. Still relevant dontcha think? Totally tl;dr Oh and if you still haven't played it, SPOILERS.

After playing through Resident Evil 1 on the PlayStation I was like, “Mental, clearly not a single scientist worked on this game.” Because I wonder if Capcom isn't some kind of anti science organisation. I wasn't offended that there were scientist zombies, still adorned with lab coats and the such but there was a lot of locations and text that cam straight from the anti science movement. But what was sort of poignant is that not a single gamer or critic picked up on it. The game got rave reviews and is still heralded as a classic. How do you discourse with an audience that has unanimously enjoyed this game without sounding like you're trying to carve yourself some kind of snobbish critic perspective? I'm not saying you have to be a scientist to "get it" but also I'm saying that this game paints a bleak picture of modern (UPDATE well it was back then kids) science.

Even before the characters get into the lab spaces beneath the Spencer mansion (and with the brief anti-botanist stuff in the guardhouse), the mansion itself acts as a taster of what is to come. The files left by support staff (the dog handler, security guards etc.) act to build in a hatred for whoever was responsible for the creation of these "monsters". After all, most of the zombies you encounter in the mansion are painted as support staff. The regular Joes who just work 9 til 5. Unaware of the horrific work being done below. Suspicious, sure, but everyone needs a pay check (and Umbrella do control the City- read SCIENCE IS CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE). But the Mansion sections works to build in a suspicion of what you will encounter next. But even before you get to the heart of the operation there isn't one file or memo that hints that the scientists were good guys. Or that there was an attempt at salvation. They're all bad. All of them. And given the post 80s fear and misunderstanding of AIDS, why would you set a game where an unstoppable "virus" serves to kill people yet they still "live"? These messages carried a very real history but at a time where gaming was still very much a child's pastime despite the classification carried.

But not one reviewer of critic batted an eyelid. It was unanimously adored and is still cited as one of the parents of the survival horror genre (UPDATE: Some Alone in the Dark freaks appeased). Every gamer was happy about the stereotype of science and scientists and big corporations. And at the time games were just games and games journalism was nowhere near where it is today. No massive online coverage, there weren't blogs as we know them today. There was no digital culture. No one even cared and I doubt the mass media would have paid attention if it wasn't for controversy over gore and blood colour. But for us, it was something new and something we'd never seen before. It's impact was profound but no one at the time was articulating that and it's cultural importance. If there was a movie (and there were lots) about this theme it would be very rapidly packaged and labelled as a film with a "political message" by the critics. A pithy comment on the relation between science and society.

But it is very difficult to persuade people that this game is demonising science to a degree that most players don't even realise. Some people are interested and engaged with science and it's role in our lives. Other people don't care to know. The people we spoke to about it would insist that it was all fair and that it was an artistic parody of science at best. At worst it was a genuine representation of what the GMers, bioweapons and cloners were up to behind our backs. Some gamers even felt more "in the know" about how real science works thanks to Capcoms "documentary" and since it was set in America, who cares. Everyone was American (UPDATE everyone was white too!!!) and well, we all know America's bad so they deserve it. But this sort of fear of science goes back along way, back to the development of the bomb and before that. And based on numerous play-throughs of Resident Evil 1, what are you supposed to take from it? Especially if you don't pay that much attention to science and how it works, how it is funded and how it works to significantly make your life better.

Even if you are a scientist or know science, if you are familiar with how it all works, the quirks of how research is undertaken and funded, no one spoke out about it and said "this is so polarised, so preachy and dangerous". Then you listen to the music. Very sterile, very clinical especially in the lab sections. Contrast it with the save room music. Very warm, very safe.

In the progress of the game you get to visit every room. From rooms filled with equipment to what are presumably rest rooms. But take a closer look at where these scientists supposedly kicked back over lunch. Undecorated, sparse and dusty. If anyone has had opportunity to work in a lab or visit science departments at Universities, they will know that these communal areas are anything but undecorated or sparse. Because labs have to be kept in a sterile condition these spaces are crowded with personal touches. But in Resident Evil (save for the one naughty poster in the locker room), these scientists were like extensions of the equipment themselves. So inhuman and obsessed with doing evil science things that they're happy to live in a prison. But what research did Capcom do? Did they watch 2001 and leave it at that?

Obviously what Capcom did was significant and hopefully they engaged with the scientific community when putting this game together. But still the portrayal is demonising, propaganda and also harmful.

And then there is the S.T.A.R.S team themselves. A highly trained unit but they include the daughter of a thief, some stereotypical grunts and a rookie woman. They represent the everyman. Yet every zombie you dispatch is devoid of biography (perhaps with the exception of the cupboard zombie, one assumes that he is one of the fellas from the diary). The player isn't for a second prompted to think about them as people and in the case of the cupboard zombie, the file indicates he was kind of a dick anyway. But the characters never once express that the piles of undead they dispatch were ever human. Cringingly referred to as "monsters" for the length of the game ("Look at those monsters" is exclaimed waiting for the elevator up to the Tyrant encounter). Maybe they were monsters all along? Furthermore the scientific equipment is viewed with misunderstanding, "scientific equipment" or "nothing useful here" is expelled by the characters with wanton disregard (UPDATE: How outraged would people be if in RE5 "ethnic things" was exclaimed upon examining the homes of the games' NPCs?). It's a very strange thing that taps into the mass hysteria fear of science and scientists. Maybe this was not their intent. Perhaps they wanted to just make a kick ass game. Perhaps the games media wasn't prepared to deal with this game in a mature way (UPDATE: or rectify that with glorious hindsight).

However, I think that it isn't the point that zombie games shouldn't be set in science space where the population is made up of people who are also scientists. That's not the point. But what I am saying is that the games media should be more mature and capable of dealing with these games beyond the aim and shoot level. The audience wasn't ready for Capcom's masterpiece and missed the rather narrow commentary beneath it.

And when you engage with that kind of representation you have to be careful with it. It would be like setting the next Resident Evil Game in that appeared to be set in certain areas of places like San Francisco or Brighton with "contagious ill people". If that game was ever made it would be ban hammered out of existence if it even made it past the concept stage. But to the slightly more informed player that is how Resident Evil 1 looks. The setting and lab coats are symbols and it is unwise to ignore it. (UPDATE especially now with debates on human cloning this game still has a message that is relevant).

But there we have it, it was released, it has a sequel. We'll see how that fares but no doubt (from early screenshots) there are lab sections. Let's hope the scientists won't be portrayed so single mindedly and as pure evil (UPDATE: this was kind of the case but Annette, William and Sherry's relationship was a commentary of a different kind to that discussed here). These games shouldn't be outright banned but I think both the developers and the gamers need to be having more of a dialogue about what it is you are throwing up on the screen and the effect it has on the subconscious of the gamers. And maybe, just maybe the solution is to very transparently say that, we're aware that this isn't how it works but it's a theoretical setting and we'll tone down the anti-science stuff so that we can all be sated with a throw away piece of commentary rather than something that people can over analyse just for the sake of some media attention for those who adore the sound of their own voice.

DISCLAIMER: Giant Elf Grinch Hummer I know it's way tl;dr!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

An open letter to Team 17

Dear Team 17

Please just stop it. Please. You are embarassing yourself and the former glory of the Worms franchise. How many iterations are there now? 15? 16? Don't get us wrong the first one was great. We spent hours playing it and the recent revamped versions have been okay but please innovate or move on. Are you happy with the consistent "6-7/10 more of the same" reviews. Shake the series up a bit. I haven't purchased a worms game since the PlayStation release because every single one of the new ones feels so similar that I'm content to dust off the PS2 to play the original should I want to. Hogs of War was amazing why don't you do something like that but better? Oh and Worms 3D doesn't count at all. Why wasn't the last DS one online? Why don't you do clever things with the stats and camera angles and playbacks? International tournaments or something? How many people do you employ to do the same game over and over again. Wikipedia tells me 75. 75! What do they all do? At least Mario does slightly different things when he is whoring himself out again and again. As for Lemmings can't you please sort that out? That used to be great, truly great. You yourselves must be frustrated when every single one of your new releases is greated with overwhelming apathy. I'll be surprised if reviewers even bother to write ne reviews or just reuse the last one.

So please guys do something that isn't "do another bog standard worms game" so that the new generation of gamers will know the name of Team 17. Otherwise us veterans of the 90s will start to get bitter that Bullfrog and Psygnosis went up the spout and you guys are still around cranking out the same game you were back then.

kk Thx bye

Richie and Cunzy1 1

Omastar Comics #16

Back by popular demand. From the brink of selling his body to feed his children we bring out Omastar to perform for your viewing pleasure in these dark dark times.
For too long the internet has gone without a pokemon themed sprite comic adaptation of Beckett's playOh that Omastar. What a gook. In other news:

No gaming news. It's April for god's sake.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

HCI my heartstrings

Ugh, so I was playing Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 (Terrorist Hunt) the other day as I was playing it I was finding myself more and more frustrated about the positioning of the analogue sticks on the 360 controller. To the point where I decided to have a look into third party controllers that have the analogue sticks in the "correct" positions. But to no avail. It seems as though the entire gaming community has become enamoured with the layout of the 360 joypad. I found myself (dual)shocked by this, the Playstation controller is staple in my mind, I'm pretty sure when I die and rigor mortis sets in my hands will clamp up on my chest in the exact position to hold a Dualshock 2. Yeah, so I was (dual)shocked that there were no Madcatz, or whatever third party controllers, that had decided rip off the Dualshock design and create a controller for the 360. I even went as far as to check if there were some crazy mod sites out there that maybe did it, then I find that thay have actually done the opposite, and put a PS controller in a 360 controller:

What the hell?!?? Now I'm not going to making any claims that the Playstation controller was perfect, but it was a damn-site better than the 360 controller. Even the Wii-mote looks less childish than the 360 controller. My griefs don't just lie in the analogue stick positioning, the D-Pad is a joke, everyone at some point had owned a "gaypad" and I am eternally reminded of them when using the 360 D-Pad, the original Playstation made up for this with making them feel like individual up/down/left/right buttons, rather than one hefty lump of kinder-surprise plastic. Thankfully most of the games on the 360 only use the D-Pad sparingly, for maybe switching weapons etc. heaven forbid trying to use it for the retro live arcade games, Sonic was painful and Streetfighter was impossible.

Secondly, the bumper buttons, AKA "R1" and "L1", they enrage me, not only are they badly positioned, in gaming terms it feels like a mile to jump from the trigger to the bumper button*, but they are also crap at being buttons, their singular use! Let's take Devil May Cry 4 as an example (surprise) the Right Bumper is the button, by default, that you use for locking on to enemies, however holding that awkwardly placed button down whilst pulling of rapid button is not fun, I often find that I lose the target despite the button being pressed. I dunno if it is just my controller(s) but the button is not a button, its more like a light switch. flawed.

This is one of the first things that has made me feel like an old gamer. Though the Dualshock is only a few years old I have become accustomed to it, and everyone is flapping on about the 360 being the superior pad. Am I missing something? Apparently the arrangement of the analogue sticks is meant to differentiate the player controls and the camera controls akin to WASD and mouse controls, that's a maybe, I never had an issue with it in the past with the Dualshock, and it certainly doesn't let me forgive the pads other flaws.

Campaign: Dualshock 3 on Xbox 360 starts today.

Luv n' Hugs

Richie X

*and don't give me that pish about using your middle finger for the trigger button, its a trigger button -.-

Mario Kart: Vengance

I fucking knew it. I'm really not happy.

Mario Kart (Due Friday) will not have full functionality with the Gamecube controller.

Apparently "mid air" moves wont be 100% emulated when using a "proper" controller.

Fuck you Wii-mote

Hotel Dusk- The Review

We're talking away. I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway. Today's another day to find you. Shying away. I'll be coming for your love, OK?
Say it anywayTake on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two. So needless to say. I'm odds and ends. But that's me stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me "It's no better to be safe than sorry".
Take on me, take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two
Taaaaaaaake on meOh the things that you say. Is it life or just a play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying awayI'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me, take me onI'll be goneIn a day or two

We're talking away 8/10. Worth a purchase!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Oh Shit moments in games

I kid you not. I saw this as the name of a forum thread. Why do gamers (those who can get beyond platform hating or rating Youtube videos with slur) insist on making top tens of completely subjective matters. Is it to out-I-know-more-stuff-about-games each other? Or are gamers so emotionally and creatively retarded that they struggle if they aren't creating a top ten list? Idiots all of you. Check EDGE's Online Offline selection in their letter pages for the worst kind of wankery and whinging.

Here they are:

1) The second loading screen on Medal of Honour Rising Sun. After the initial loading screen, when the bar pops up and fills up. The game doesn't load until a minute after the bar fills up though. Amazing.

2) When the install wizard for Darwinia comes up. So many gamers I know love this classic sequence.

3) The first time the pause screen comes up on Tetris. Ohhh shit!

4) When you first mix the yellow herb in Resident Evil 4 and you get the little mixed herb image. Oh shit.

5) It's hard to pick one specific time but any time you move items around in Balder's Gate inventory. Mental.

6) The goldfish boss on Earthworm Jim

7) When the time Devil appears in New Zealand Story. The music speeds up and you literally say "Oh shit!"

8) When you sort your items on Final Fantasy VII by "type".

9) When you put up the price of the toilets to $50 on Theme Park/Jurassic Park Operation Genesis.

10) Saving the best until last. The ultimate oh shit moment in games for me was when the red gem falls out of the statue on the first floor of the police station in Resident Evil 2. Every time I get chills up my back because I know what is going to happen!!!!

So there we have it. What's yours?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

We got carried away with LEGO

Yes we (I) did. If it's all part of LEGO's masterplan to get 20 somethings who grew up with lego to use their now disposable income to buy more LEGO after their Dad threw away all the original old LEGO whilst they we were away at "university" then it is working. Here's the story:

I picked up a copy of Lego Star Wars II the other day. It was cheap in Morrisons and it was kind of my birthday (in a few days anyway) so I thought I would treat myself. I have the original one and seeing as we're not proper gamers here at Thatgirls anymore (thanks Giant Lego Hamstring Enemy) I wanted something to play to make me feel like I was being an accomplished gamer.

S'ok y'know?
Spontaneous review based on the first four levels: It's good. What you expect although the cantina could be more populated, especially with the old save characters. Also, it would have been nice to walk around the hub as your custom character but whatever it has multiplayer without having to go online, do you hear that Xbox multiplayer without being called a spazzy gay the whole time. 8/10.

So then I was thinking about LEGO so I checked out the LEGO Universe website. AND JESUS CHRIST THAT LOOKS AWFUL. Here's the thing: People would only want to play a LEGO MMO if it was all about LEGO and everything was in LEGO. What's all this mushroom bullshit about? Where are the studs? Mushrooms. Did they ever see a lego set? So I was kicking about on the LEGO website in a rage and I checked out they're current products. Not Very Good I thought. Too expensive too themey. What happened to the nice space and medieval themes without the bullshit one piece dragons?? Anyway. Then I discovered you could download a program to make your own set! Sweet. So I designed one.

It's called The Owl Pretends Not To Watch it's inspiration comes from the night Richie! and I came up with the brilliant idea to do a blog together. The owl represents you reader!

It was a good night! In a Wetherspoons

The program to make sets is nice. In fact it is like a game itself. Look at the adventures one can have!!!! This is the time we went for some buggery in the mountains. We ate fried cheese almost every day!

Pastries? Or Schpaggetis?

This is the time we bummed to oblivion! Oblivion kinda sucked! The owl was sick the whole time which really put a downer on the whole thing.

Oblivion. 5/10 Ha!

This is when we recreated a scene from Zeldor The Windwaker Chronicles which was a popular game on the N64. We don't really like the Zelda series at all but we paid homoage to it anyway.

Homo-age. That's a two level joke right there

Then, and check this shizzle, I found out you can order the frikkin set you designed so, fingers-crossed, two sets of The Owl Pretends are now winging their way to TGAM towers. You can even design the box art! Here it is*.

This set would fly off of the shelves LEGO execs. Hello?
So, see LEGO execs, it really works. Keep up the good work and fire everyone associated with LEGO Universe now. Btw completely unrelated, we are available for consultancy work on upcoming games so call us on 555-7849. Thanks!

Also, whilst "researching" these post I was reminded of the awesome Brick Testament for those who have hours on their hands to waste and also the formidable Brothers Brick which is worth a look at every now and then.

*Richie is the one with the hat.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Dead Fantasy


And watch some more:

Now sit back, slightly hollow inside, knowing that you will probably never see anything more awesome in your life ever.