Thursday, January 31, 2008

We should aspire to a life of shoes and/or willies

MEN, god!This opinion piece [via kotaku] by a Kay Hymowitz claims that men these days are getting stuck in some kind of adolescent kidulthood and whilst all women are going off travelling, shopping and having dinner with friends, us lads (to be fair the author only mentions single American men) are sitting around, drinking, playing on the Xbox 360 and generally having too much fun! Why are we mentioning some obscure piece of opinion from Dallas news of all places? Because it brings gamers into potential disrepute and as gamers we have to shout longest and loudest to show that we aren't the immature dregs of society that the rest of the world likes to stereotype. In addition it also attacks men so there's ample opportunity for all us men to pretend to be offended and call "sexism!" even though we don't really care.

So, to the article. In the first instance, Kay Hymowitz hints that 1965 men at our age would have achieved a lot more by the age of 26. Stable job, married, kids and saving up for a house. Kay nicely skirts over any issues that 1965 Dallas man would be at home with sexism, racism, xenophobia and homophobia in the workplace and at home. 1965 man would also be able to beat his kid for discipline and his wife too should she be unruly.

In contrast 2008's young man is supposedly happy to live with a bunch of other single friends, have showers, get laid and play a bit of Halo 3. They're all making fart jokes and women across Dallas are calling them immature and sad. The thought of a wife or a house or kids is far from the modern man's mind. Put simply, single men aren't achieving the adulthood milestones according to 1950s suburban America. Apparently, they are poor father material and are afraid of commitment. Oh, and we also don't read much, especially "anything prescribing personal transformation". SAD SMILEY FACE :(

Women on the other hand are hyper achieving in work and school and take up their leisure time, shopping, dining with friends and travelling.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN CONCLUSION TO THIS POST:



  1. The Youtube conclusion. Onli FAGS go shoping so shut up fag and go do ur mom liek i was last nite.

  2. The sexism card. What Kay doesn't realise is that men aren't just one dimensional creatures and that by stereotyping based on no facts (the facts included are irrelevant to the discussion and the sweeping statements) highlights her own (Kay=woman's name?) personal biases. She not only hates men but hates women by inadvertantly calling women gamers failures and by implying that shopping is a worthy pastime. Shopping for shoes no doubt. Shopping for shoes that a) Only other women notice, b) Probably hurt your feet, c) Reduce walking speed to 1mph and d) Cost stupid amounts of money. She goes further on both these counts by claiming that women are gullible morons easily swayed by advertising and that single young men don't read. Women have fought so hard for equality, perhaps they should try expressing some?

  3. The chauvinist conclusion. This whole article came about becuase the author is a little bit past her prime and is finding hard to get guys. It's easier to blame personal shortcomings on contrived reasons but frankly, such a playground mentality (boys=uuuurgh) is obvious to all but the feminine reader. She probably also loses a lot on Halo 3 so like the fox that couldn't get the grapes, lambasts it as something she didn't want to do anyway.

  4. The hippy conclusion. What Kay neglects in her article is that these capitalist pursuits and outdated ideals are all different ways of raping the planet. Who cares about shopping when there are only 37 hairy nosed wombats in existence. Kay should put some of her capitalist pig scum earnings into supporting my personal "Hate Iraq Oil War Free Love" protest march to the whitehouse.

  5. The evolutionist conclusion. And thus it ever was. Men playing around occassionally pausing to impregnate women, who have to fuss and be picky due to the physiological impairments of bearing young is how it goes for most species of animal. Men aren't getting worse they are merely reverting to a previous stage in our species evolutionary history because they no longer have to carry society in the same way as the "idylic 50s". What is alarming is that women are waiting much longer to have children, thus endangering the family unit due to the reliance on IVF and other treatments. Futhermore, if men become so unattractive to the hyper-achieving woman you'll have population problems a la Spain, where the government will have to pay people to produce timely offspring. Of course, this situation is only localised to affluent America, the rest of the world is more than happy to pop out sprogs to keep the species going.

  6. The meme conclusion. The cake is a lie.

  7. The spiritual conclusion. So what if single young men are having fun, having a good time? What's wrong with that? Essentially the article moans on about how women don't find men appealing when they are having the time of their lives. What's the problem? If these modern women stopped hyper-achieving enough to have a good time, a good life, then articles like the one in question wouldn't appear on the internet.

  8. The "Wacky" conclusion. I put Jam in my slippers phone.

  9. The Phishing for Cyber sex conclusion. Kay's article is spot on. Although I'm a sensitive heterosexual male who enjoys long walks on the beach, dinner with friends and shopping (it's fun!)but most other men are immature. Don't get me wrong, I have a sense of humour, I think Will and Grace is hilarious but farting is not funny. Sometimes I despair at my gender. They should grow up and respect women of all shapes and sizes and ages instead of treating them with envy because they are so much better than men.

  10. The Tl;dr answer. Wouldn't.

Which, answer did you choose reader? Maybe you have your own answer? Maybe you don't care? Maybe I don't care? Maybe no one cares and therein lies the problem.

On the 8th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

Today on this 8th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: DMC2 -.-

Hmmm, the game isn’t that bad in fact the “game” is good but all of the trimmings were just wrong.

Reasons this game was bad:
1. Lucia disk. Exactly the same as Dante’s playthrough no variety no… substance. Certainly no RE2 Claire and Leon situation.
2. Sponsored by Diesel. Nice idea, worst costumes.
3. Dante was not cool. He said nothing and was just “Emo may Cry” all the way through it.
4. Harder modes were not harder. Just longer. It took ages to kill enemies as they all had Devil Triggers too.
5. Camera angles. The DMC camera system is almost as identifiable as Dante nowadays but it was a little flawed in DMC2 as Dante could get further and further away until he was a tiny spec on the screen. Flawed.

But very few of these things actually took away from the game, all of the required, power-ups, level-ups and slashy-shooty great fighty-ness was in there.

Game if they had sorted out the above points – 9/10
Game as it is – 7/10

Laters,

Richie X

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

On the 9th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

Today on this 9th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Laydeez

In each of the devil may cry titles there has always been a key female character, more often than not jonesing for Dante…

We have seen, Trish, Lucia and Lady ( See above for DMC4 Trish and Lady!) in the past games.

In DMC4 there is certainly a new female…

Fingers X-ed it’s a female… otherwise I might have been a but self-ghey :S

Laters,

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

On the 10th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…



Today on this 10th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Heroes or Villains with premature greying.

I dunno what it is that causes antagonists and protagonists to go grey so early in their lives, I suppose in Dante’s case you can blame it on his demon heritage, and well Vergil (his brother) and Nero both have this silver hair. And of course we have all seen Sephiroth and his long flowing locks of silver hair.

So… Where does this come from it clearly is something of Japanese origin perhaps based on Japanese history along side those Giant enemy Crabs?

Let’s look at what could possible cause this:

1. What is the scientific reason for people to go grey?

The change in hair colour is caused by the gradual decrease of pigmentation that occurs when melanin ceases to be produced in the hair root and new hairs grow in without pigment. The stem cells at the base of hair follicles are responsible for producing melanocytes, the cells that produce and store pigment in hair and skin. The death of the melanocyte stem cells causes the onset of greying.

Ok, so we can assume that Dante et al are so bad-ass that they killed their own melanocytes?

2. What sort of medical conditions could cause this?

Albinism is a genetic abnormality in which no pigment is found in human hair, eyes or skin. This results in gray, blue, or red eyes. The skin is pale and the hair is white or pale blond.

This could be possible, Dante is frequently out at night rather than the day. Sephiroth just spent all his time in the Library in Nibelheim. Though he was able to summon a meteor that caused the sun to go supernova, and well, that’s not the best idea if you are suffering from Albinism (need a lot of sunblock).

Malnutrition is also known to cause hair to become lighter, thinner, and more brittle. Dark hair may thus turn reddish or blondish due to the decreased production of melanin. The condition is reversible with proper nutrition.

This is a good call, on the rare occasions that we have seen these guys eat it has always been Pizza or something greasy, I believe in DMC3 Dante wasn’t even allowed to finish his Pizza as he was attacked. Who has time to eat when you are saving humanity?

Werner syndrome is a very rare, autosomal recessive disorder; its most recognizable characteristic is premature aging. Werner's syndrome more closely resembles "accelerated aging" than any other "segmental progeria." The defect is on a gene that codes DNA helicase and it is located on the short arm of the 8th chromosome. As a result DNA replication is impaired. This condition is inherited in an autosomal recessive pattern.

Doubtful, though they have grey hair they don’t look old, though you could argue that they are all immortal and age effects may not be as visible.

3. Other Reasons?

Smokers were found to be four times more likely to begin greying prematurely, compared to non-smokers in the study.

Dante doesn’t smoke, and Dante’s creator did not want him to be a smoker…

Bleaching.

Nah… These guys spend far too much time saving/destroying the world to care about their roots showing, plus their hair would be a yellowy/white if it was bleached.

In conclusion…

Umm, number one… They are so badass that they killed their own melanocytes.

Laters,

Richie

Monday, January 28, 2008

On the 11th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

In honour of DMC4 coming out in 11 days I have decided that I shall be posting every day with something Devil May Cry or Capcom related.

Today on this 11th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Guns and Swords. It doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should in video games a main character with guns and swords. Yeah you have Squall/Leon from Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts (1 and 2) respectively, but that was an RPG you didn’t really get the freedom to shoot and slash everything in site. And most 3rd person games usually just supplement swords with magic.

Laters,

Richie

Friday, January 25, 2008

1 year.

Right well

Today www.thatguys.co.uk is now 1 year old, I know some may argue that we are actually older than that, but it has been 1 year since we got the domain name. And we had to do a lot to get it too! I had to bare-fist-fight through legions of the undead, and Cunzy… well lets just say he's never been able to sit down properly since then.

Image from Way of the RodentImage from the formidable Way of the Rodent who's award ceremony we sadly missed :( .

To be honest we are all amazed that we have lasted this long! and we are very curious to know who actually looks at us?!?! Although to be fair "lasting this long" really only requires that we keep updating the site.

We would like to thank all of you that have supported Thatguys in the last year, we hope that you will continue to support us too!

We had an amazing year, we won a BAFTA for our ritings and we raised over £250,000 for a non-existing charity.

We slagged of a bunch of people we thought would be petty enough to come down here and have a go and they haven't. Which, is a win for us!

We got our first troll, who is secretely someone we know!

We got a bunch of people flaming us but we were both away so missed it all. Nevermind.

We faked over half a dozen comments to make ourselves look popular and we set up 10 new blogs just to link to us so our authority on Technorati would go up.

We bought two new games this last year, well one really. It was 5/10 readers.

Cunzy got fired but the announcement was over-shadowed by some other loser getting fired at some small video game blog. He was subsequently re hired.

Richie quit Wow then went back to it and then quit again. Currently it is unknown whether he is quit or out again. Cunzy finally completed the modern set in his house in Animal Crossing and is awaiting the HRA's review! Such rock and roll lifestyles!

Thatguys also met up in person for the first time in RL for a holiday/honeymoon in Estonia. Both Richie and Cunzy are dissapointed that neither was telling the truth about age/gender. That's the glory of the internet reader.

We managed to not make a single Maddie joke (I think?) which, is commendable for us. Really it is. Others left right and centre are selling out because now "it's been long enough". You won't find that here.

Please feel free to drop us a wee comment, we are very curious to know who keeps us going. We're going to carry on for the rest of the year much as we always have, jaded, jealous, bitter little men keeping our corner of the internet moist with 12 year old jokes (in all three meanings).

Props to Chuff_72, Dr Wo 69, GIANT EMO HALO BISCUIT, Quadbee, Robisgay, Richie!, Kent, Omastar, Tony Harrison, Amber, Dave, Mike, Randy McSporran, DUFF1N, Dr Hamhock MD, Phorenzik, Mario Mark, Brownie Boy, Alouatta, ernest, alex, iki, Type-O, Das Geordie, SMEGHAMMER, Harv1nd and all the other names we made up to make it look like we had some friends. Thanks everyone!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Recorded for future use.

Taken from some genius anonymouse over at RAM RAIDER, regarding Jeff Minter's RR Games Writer Twat Of 2007 Award:

This is probably the most deserved award of the lot.Despite the fawning of EDGE and a few other rags, Minter is plainly a childish, petulant charlatan - he knocks out a half-broken game based on someone else's idea anyway (that he then messes up still further with updates), takes half a decade to do so, throws a hissy fit so extreme when someone didn't like it (and what did he fucking expect? It's hardly as accessible as Mario is it?) that he and all his mates felt it necessary to tromp all over the Live! scoreboards to show how fucking ace they are, and STILL expected the world and his dog to bow down at his feet, tell him how great he is and throw money at him.
Space Giraffe did do one good thing: it went some way to finally exposing the lie of the Minter "legend" - he's just a backroom indie programmer knocking out rehashed games barely above Web-based flash standard with a chip on his shoulder the size of Wales, not some reclusive uber-genius. Can't wait for Gridrunner +++, where us regular punters will doubtless get slagged off again for not recognizing the awesome talent it takes to re-release a tarted up 20 year old C64 game.


It's not that we hate Jeff at all but, yeah, come on now. Back to reality. Plus we might need to get used to reading abuse like this when we plan to relaunch Resident Evil 2 on the Xbox 5000 in the year 2057.

Velociraptor Safari

Every now and then a game comes along that does away with pretense of lies about AI. Velociraptor Safari is such a game.

If only there was an emoticon to depict a room filling up with ejaculate produced through excitement related to videogames with dinosaurs in it.

Drawn by the Undertow

Undertow as an apology… I don't accept it for 2 reasons:

First up… I was not EVER inspired by a fucking side scrolling shoot-em-up with memaids.

Secondly… What is the deal with the reviews it's getting? It seems all the Internet based games journalism has rated it the upper percentiles, yet the non-www media rates it as pish.

The user ratings are quite mixed too ranging form piss-poor to Awesome. Of course I should download it and review it myself properly. But fuck that, it have plenty of games for my 360 that I ACTUALLY want, rather than freebie pish.

I was one of the unfortunates who actually lost their gamer Tag in the ether as I "recovered" it a mates house, and since I couldn't recover it over the whole of Xmas I couldn't play my Xbox for the whole of Xmas. Undertow is a poor, poor apology.

Just a quick FYI to Micro$oft: When Blizzard fuck up, they give WoWers free days on their accounts, I would have been much happier with that since, in theory, I still have to pay for the days I couldn't use Xbox live, so I'm actually kinda paying for Undertow anyway. Pish.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Time to die snake

Ok. Enough now. This is a public notice to all game developers currently in the "hype" stage of development. Please stop dropping the "We've got some great AI" bomb during interviews UNLESS. You do have some great AI. FPS are by far the biggest culprits of just throwing that line in there after they've talked about the graphics and the story. A recent playthrough of the Turok demo shows that those cheeky guys at Propaganda games are living up to their name. Check this whole article about it over at IGN.
AI that butt wads

Fair dos you might thinking. Now, this would all be believable if after about two minutes of play you couldn't sense that all of that talk about AI was absolute bullshit.

Chuff_72, the man allegedly made of pure candles, waxes lyrical:

"WHY can't people who make these things try something a bit different, like, the raptors that attack you, they look cool and move nicely, and look dangerous, but behave like any normal retarded FPS enemy, i.e. there are 5-6 onscreen at once, they run around and you shoot them till they fall over... very exciting. COME ON, these are not SUICIDE TERRORIST RAPTORS, they are animals looking for food, why not have a pack of 5 raptors, that individually look really cool, that stalk you for the whole level, nipping in and out to fuck with you, showing some glimmer of self preservation! Wouldn't it be so much cooler to really feel like the hunted? No, no it's much more exciting to have them glitiching through each other knocking you over ALL THE TIME and then fall over dead from all the bullets you supposedly hit them with while firing randomly. "

Richard "Richie" Richeese, co-author of TGAM and wife to the stars, has this to say:

"Nope. Predictable. Um"

That guy's a maniac are still waiting for some decent AI in FPSs (and hack n' slash games like Dynasty Warriors). What exactly does an A.I engineer do? When I think of good AI, I don't think of a squad of bad guys patiently waiting their turn to have a go at you. I also don't think that one guy in ten tokenly taking cover mid fire fight every now and then counts either. I certainly don't believe the much used lie that "enemies adapt to how you play". Utter bullshit I say. I also don't think that cheap tricks like "move the horse slower to avoid attention" really ticks the AI box and the classic "grunts dramatically clambering over walls it would take them less time to walk around" is really what next-gen AI should be about.

FPSs could take a leaf out of WoW's recent AI developments. The AI is modelled on movements and behaviours observed in PvP play. The main problem with doing this for FPS is that armies of AI grunts would resort to sniping you from halfway across the level or employing the terribly efficient tactic, used by real life marines in 90% of combat situations, of circle- strafing. With the end result that the protagonist has to wade through legions of enemy units circle strafing you whilst you circle strafe them in some kind of elaborate co-ordinated dance more at home at a Bah-mitzvah. Circle strafing i's a natural reflex for many FPS players, so much so, that friend of TGAM, Robisgay, has real trouble with FPSs because his brain is apparently wired up wrongly so instead of naturally strafing left or right he can only strafe backwards and forwards. Suffice to say this tactic doesn't work so well. Of course, the fundamental flaw with AI is that the game has to be playable. In a real life situation it is unlikely that a squad of 12 men can storm a small town defended by 100 grunts a la Call of Duty 4, but a game where you are mercilessly sniped before you have a chance to fire a bullet isn't that much fun. The trick is to make the AI stupid enough so they don't take you out straight away but clever enough to have an air of believability. Alternatively, AI engineers could program enemies to incessantly call you a fag whilst tea-bagging your lifeless corpse. At least that way you could be forgiven for thinking you were playing against another "human being". But whatever you do developers just don't lie about what your game can and can't do just to sound good in an interview because gamers can see straight through it and it just makes you look like a tit from marketing.

C1 1 out.

P.S On the topic of lies, Kotaku just won't even pretend that they've got no news this month. Slow news month guys?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Kevin McCulloch on Tetris

I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.

It's called "Tetris" and it allows its players - universally male no doubt - to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the blocks into the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "blocks" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of. Short ones in big holes, long ones in short holes, some blocks can fit into more than one hole at a time.

The objections to such filth should be simple to understand.

Starting with the disgusting idea that one can "create" their own versions of what blocks look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing - shall we say - the extended features of the game's blocks tends to objectify women, sex, and human relationships. Right? We can all agree on this?

Then there's the dishonesty behind the game' title. "Tetris" sounds like a war game with a deadly T-virus that is spreading unless the S.T.A.R.S team are able to defeat the evil and deadly substance and its covert war plan. By its design, kids could ask for it, or for their parents' Best Buy Card to go purchase it with nary a raised eye-brow. Generic, non-descriptive, and relatively harmless.

But it IS marketed for the Gameboy, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made. The software for such allows the blending of 4 shades of grey and the manipulation of actual pictures so that an alternate reality engulfs the fifteen year old boy playing it without much objection.

Now if I have trouble with my son taking his James Bond 007 games a little too emotionally, imagine the powerful effect that hormones add to the mix when the player's own Collection of blocks are copulating like jack rabbits with other L-blocks, T-blocks, and even “straights” they can "put into play."

I hear the libertarian Ron Paul's answer already, "Shush! Please! For the love of god, it’s just a game, and I bet good money you haven’t even played it?" Figures, he's a libertarian.

In the race for President there has been a lot of discussion about faith and its impact on the lives of the individual candidate. Some pretty inane ones like Carl Cameron's less lucid moment this past week when he posed the inquiry about marital submission to Governor Mike Huckabee.

Yet here's a question that deserves to be asked, and in all likelihood will not be: "How much moral judgement should the President push into legislative issues that are likely to severely damage our children's innocence, function, and capability?"

I hear the nay-sayers claiming I'm being the wild and crazed cunt I've always been - but it’s a worthwhile question isn't it?

If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the blocks DO submit without choice, are made to appear as straights, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what's to stop that same male from assuming that the blocks in his "other world" shouldn't be forced to do the same.

We now know because of the lengthy track record of Kevin McCulloch that addictive use of pornography was prevalent in case after case - long before the switch got flipped and what their masturbatory imaginations have given into became what they were forcing real live human beings to do.

And because of the digital chip age in which we live - "Tetris" can be customized to sodomize whatever, and however, the game player wishes.

With it's "over the net" capabilities virtual 4-block rape is just the push of a button away.

Yes there will be many snickers that I decided to bring this issue up in the Presidential cycle of 2008, when the game came out nearly 20 years ago, but how refreshing would it be for a new Cunt to prove to the nation that his ownpenis was not in question and put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such blockery in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?

As technology continues to push the limits of imagination and interaction more and more, the brain, the emotions, the feelings will integrate with physical responses in reality (Ed: He genuinly write this bit... too much Star Trek me thinks Kev?). And while the makers of such trash seem to be pushing our next generation of young men through the gates of hell as fast as is humanly possible, it needn't be that way.

Here's hoping that as the next Cunt in charge of America will be forced to deal with this continual emerging reality, as opposed to starting fake wars in the middle-east - an enemy that has set its site to our destruction from within - that we will have elected a cunt of such character that he will have precision in the clarity of his response.

How would that be for a bold and uncompromising "Tetris?"

Apple and Nintendo Merge!

We are proud and sad to bring you this exclusive. Apple and Nintendo are merging! Shock I hear you say. There's more though. They've been working on a console already. It's called the iii.
Our woman on the inside say that the iii will merge the best bits of Nintendo and Apple. Great. Here's some of the features for the iii.
iii
  • You can never turn the machine off.
  • No games that aren't already out on the GameBoy.
  • Exclusive launches that require bloggers and nerds to queue up overnight.
  • You'll be able to go online but not really do anything.
  • The console will be taken off the shelves in a year.
  • Japan will get 15,0000 games
  • The US will get 20
  • Europe might get five.
  • Third party developers will not be asked to make games for the machine.
  • Everyone will think you are a tosser for having one.
  • And a child.
  • The iii will have a massive 1,000,000 features but you'll probably only use the alarm, time and call functions.
  • For the first time Wiimotes will be able to talk to iphones. No one knows what they will be talking to each other about but rest assured, flashing lights indicate that they are talking to each other.
  • The iii will be thinner than a piece of paper and smaller than a medium sized match box.
  • You can take the iii to your friends house and get upset when everyone looks totally unfazed when you announce your latest purchase.
  • Over 45 different versions are planned in the future including the iii, iiilite, iiinano, iiinanolite, iii64, iiinanolite: Pikachu edition, iii3, iiislimline, iiiliteslimline and the handheld iiiBoy, iiiboyadvance, iiiboypod, iiipodboy, iiipodboyadvance and the ultra limited release Virtual iiipiss.

We're moist with anticipation and feel that these new console will moving gaming into a new future. A future where gamers don't even play games anymore. They just mod various household appliances so that they can connect to each other. Gaming is dead! Long live gaming!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Can you do it Rebecca?

Nothing happening in games for the whole of January I'm afraid. Today's post is for those time travelling from 1996* IT'S FUNNY AND TOPICAL NO?

Ha ha! Jokes we should have made 12 years ago

*Why have you travelled 12 years into the future to "surf the net"? Do you still use "surf the net" as a phrase? Oh well, since you made the effort, put money on Princess Diana dying in France. It'll pay off.

Cunzy1 1 Gameography.

Basically, weirdo reader going through the archive this is a list of all the games I have ever played. So now fellow gamer, you can judge me by the glaring omissions. Listed in alphabetical order for your viewing pleasure.

Amiga games.
The Simpsons: Bart vs. the space mutants, Batman, Beneath a Steel Sky, Bubble Dizzy, Cannon Fodder, Chase H.Q., Chuck Rock, Clwon o mania, Daylight Robbery, Days of Thunder, Desert Strike, Dizzy Panic!, Double Dragon II: The revenge, F/A-18 Interceptor, Fantasy World Dizzy, Forgotten Worlds, Golden Axe, Heroquest, Hybris, International Karate Plus, James Pond, james Pond 3, Kick off, Kick off 2, Kid gloves, LED storm, Lemmings, Marble Madness, Mega Lo Mania, New Zealand Story, Nightbreed:Action Game, Nitro Boost, North and South, Pac-Mania, Pinball Dreams, Pipemania, Postman Pat, Premier Manager, Prince of Persia, Puffy's Saga, Rainbow islands, Road Rash, Robocop 3, Rodland, SAS Combat simulator, Scorched tanks, Sensible Soccer, Sensible Train Spotting, Shadow of the Beast, Space Harrier, Space Hulk, Speedball, Super Skidmarks, Syndicate, Team Yankee, Teenage Mutant (Hero) Turtles, Tetris, Treasure Islanf Dizzy, Wizzy's Quest, Wonderboy in Monsterland, Worms and Zool.

Game boy games.
8 in 1, Alien vs Predator: The last of his clan, Asterix, Donkey Kong Land, Dr. Mario, Gremlins 2 the new batch, Killer Instinct, Kirby's Dream Land, The Legend of Zelda Link's Awakening, NavySEALS, Pokemon Blue, Pokemon Red, Pokemon Yellow, Super Mario Land, Super Mario Land: The 6 golden coins, Taz-Mania, Tetris, Tetris 2 and Wario Land (Super Mario Land 3).

Game boy colour games.
Pokemon gold, Pokemon Silver and Pokemon Trading Card Game.

Game boy Advance games.
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow, Dinotopia:The Timestone Pirates, Ice Age, Jurassic Park III: The DNA Factor, The Legend of Zelda: A link to the past, Mario Kart Super Circuit, Monsters Inc, Pokemon Fire Red, Pokemon Leaf Green, Pokemon Ruby, Pokemon Sapphire, Rayman 3, Super Monkey Ball Jr. and Super Mario Advance.

Game & Watch Games.
Donkey Kong Junior, Manhole, Octopus and Snoopy Tennis.

Mega Drive Games.
Alex Kidd in the enchanted castle, Clayfighter, Cool Spot, Disney's Aladdin, Earthworm Jim, Earthworm Jim 2, Ecco the dolphin, Fatal Labyrinth, Golden Axe II, Jurassic Park, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker, Micro Machines, Micro Machines 2, Micro Machines 96, NHL 94, Sonic and Knuckles, Sonic the hedgehog, Sonic the hedgehog 2, Sonic the hedgehog 3, Spiderman vs the kingpin, Streets of rage 2, streets of rage 3, Taz-mania, Taz in Escape from Mars, Toe Jam and Earl and WWF Super Wrestlemania.

N64 Games.
Banjo-Kazooie, Bust-a-move 2, Goldeneye 007, Jet Force Gemini, Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Mario Kart 64, Mission Impossible, Perfect Dark, Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Stadium, Pokemon Stadium 2, Star Wars Episode I racer, Super Mario 64, Super Smash Brothers and Turok 2 seeds of evil.

NES games.
Digger T-Rock: legends of the lost city, Super Mario Brothers and Super Mario Brothers 3.

Nintendo Gamecube games.
Animal Crossing, Billy Hatcherand the Giant Egg, Bloody Roar:Primal Fury, Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Legend of Zelda Windwaker, Mario Party 6, Pikmin, Pokemon Box:Ruby and Sapphire, Pokemon Channel, Pokemon Coloseum, Pokemon XD:Gale of Darkness, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, Resident Evil Nemesis, Resident Evil Zero, Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader, Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike, Super Mario Sunshine, Super Monkey Ball, Super Smash Brothers Melee and Wario Ware Inc.

Nintendo DS games.
100 Classic book collection, Advance Wars: Dual Strike, Animal Crossing:Wild World, Big Brain Academy, Brain Age: Train your brain in minutes a day, Brothers in Arms DS, Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs, CSI: Dark Motives, Dementia:The Ward, Dino Master, Dinosaur King, Elite Beat Agents, Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates, Fossil League Dino Tournament Challenge, Hotel Dusk Room 215, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, Mario Kart DS, New Super Mario Brothers, Nintendogs: Chihuahua and Friends, Pokemon Diamond, Pokemon SoulSilver, Pokemon Link, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time, Pokemon Ranger, Project Rub, Resident Evil: Deadly Silence, Sea Monsters: A prehistoric adventure, Sonic Rush, Star Fox Command, Super Mario 64 DS, Tetris DS, Tomb Raider: Legend, Top Trumps: Dogs and Dinosaurs, Trauma Centre: Under the Knife, Warioware:Touched and Worms Open Warfare.

DSiWare Games
Pictocross, Starship Patrol

PC games.
Darwinia, Max Payne, MDK, The sims, Sentimental Shooting, Starcraft, Swiv, Warcraft III

PlayStation games.
Alien:Resurrection, Alien Trilogy, Armored Core, Battle Arena Toshinden 2, Blood Omen: Legacy of Kane, Bloody Roar, Bloody Roar 2, Bomberman World, Breath of Fire III, Broken Helix, Bugs Bunny and Taz: Time Busters, Carmaggedon, Codename Tenka (Demo only), Colony Wars: Red Sun, Command and Conquer, Command and Conquer Red Alert, Command and Conquer Red Alert: Retaliation, Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, Crash Bash, Crash Team Racing, Croc: Legend of the gobbos, Deathtrap Dungeon, Descent, Destruction Derby, Destruction Derby 2, Destruction Derby Raw, Devil Dice, Die Hard Trilogy, Dino Crisis, Dino Crisis 2, Doom, Driver, Ergheiz: God Bless the Ring, Evil Dead: Hail to the King, Formula 1 97, Fear Effect, Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix, FIFA 2001, Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy IX, Frogger, G-police, Gekido, Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto 2, Grand Theft Auto London, Gran Turismo, Hidden and Dangerous, Hogs of War, IK+, International Track and Fild, International Track and field 2, Jurassic Park: The lost world, Jurassic Park Warpath, Koudelka, Kula World, Kurushi, Legacy of Kain: soul Reaver, Lego Racers, Medal of Honor, Medal of Honor Underground, MediEvil, Metal gear Solid, Micro Machines V3, Micro Maniacs, Music, Nightmare Creatures, Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee, Overboard, Parasite Eve II, Point Blank 2, Point Blank 3, Quake II, Rally Cross, Rayman, Resident Evil, Resident Evil Director's Cut, Resident Evil 2, Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, Resident Evil Survivor, Return Fire, Ridge Racer, Sentient, Shaolin, Sheep, Dog 'n' wolf, Silent Hill, Sled Storm, Smash Court Tennis, Soul Blade, Space Jam, Speed Freaks, Spyro the dragon, Spyro 2 Ripto's Rage, Star Gladiator, Star Wars Episode I: Jedi Power Battles, Star Wars: masters of the Teras Kasi, Super Pang, Syndicate Wars, Syphon Filter, Syphon Filter 2, Syphon Filter 3, Team Buddies, Tekken, Tekken 2, Tenchu: Stealth Assasins, Theme Hospital, Theme Park World, Thrill Kill, Time Crisis, TOCA Touring Car championship, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear, Tomb Raider, Tomb Raider II, Tomb Raider III: THe adventures of Lara Croft, Tomb Raider the last revelation, Tomb Raider Chronicles, Urban Chaos, V-Rally, V-Rally 2, Vigilante 8, Warhammer Shadow of the horned rat, Who wants to be a millionaire, Wipeout 2097, Wipeout 3, Worms, WWF Attitude, WWF Smackdown!, WWF Smackdown! 2 and WWF Warzone.

PlayStation 2 games.
Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance, Battlefield 2: Modern Combat, Beyond Good and Evil, Black, Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood, Burnout 2: Point of Impact, Burnout 3: Takedown, Burnout Revenge, Buzz! The Music Quiz, Call of Duty: Finest Hour, Champions of Norrath: Realms of Everquest, Commandos 2: Men of Courage, Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex, Darkwatch, Dead or Alive 2, Devil May Cry, Devil May Cry 2, Devil May Cry 3, Dog's Life, Dynasty Warriors 3, Dynasty Warriors 4, Enter the Matrix, Evil Dead: Fistful of Boomstick, EyeToy:Play, Fahrenheit, Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2, Finding Nemo, Flatout, Flatout 2, Forbidden Siren, Freakout, Freedom Fighters, Fur Fighters: Viggo's Revenge, Giants: Citizen Kabuto, God of War, Gran Turismo 3 A-Spec, Grand Theft Auto III, Grant Theft Auto San Andreas, Grand Theft Auto Vice City, Guitar Hero, Gungrave, Half-life, Hello Kitty Roller Rescue (don't ask!), Ico, Jak and Daxter: The precursor legacy, James Bond 007 nightfire, Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis, Judge Dredd: Dredd vs. Death, Killzone, Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2, Lego Star Wars The Video Game, Lego Star Wars: The original Trilogy, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the RIngs, Lord of the Rings: the third age, Mace Griffin Bounty Hunter, Mafia, Manhunt, Mashed, Mashed: Fully Loaded, Max Payne, Medal of Honour Frontline, Medal of Honour Rising Sun, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Monster Hunter, Need for Speed Underground, NHL 2001, Onimusha Blade Warriors, Peter Jackson's King Kong the official game of the movie, Primal, Project Eden, Quake III: Revolution, Rayman M, Red Faction, Red Faction 2, Resident Evil 4, Resident Evil Code Veronica X, Resident Evil: Dead Aim, Resident Evil Outbreak, Resident Evil: Survivor 2: Code veronica, Rez, Ring of Red, Robot Wars: Arenas of Destruction, Serious Sam: The next Encounter, Shadow of the colossus, Shadow the hedgehog, Shrek Super Party, Silent Hill 2, Silent Hill 3, Silent Hill 4: The room, Smuggler's Run, Sonic Heroes, Sonic Mega Collection Plus, Soul Calibur II, SSX Tricky, Star Wars Battlefront, Star Wars Battlefront 2, Star Wars Jedi Starfighter, Taito Legends, The Thing, Timesplitters, Timesplitters 2, Timesplitters: Future Perfect, Tomb Raider Angel of Darkness, Tomb Raider: Anniversary, Transformers (2004), Turok Evolution, Twisted Metal: Black, Under the Skin, Viewtiful Joe, War of the Monsters, XIII and Zone of the Enders.

PlayStation 3 Games.
Echochrome, Flow, Flower, Haze, Pixel Junk Monsters, Singstar and Warhawk.

SNES games.
Doom, Lemmings 2: Tribes, Stunt Race FX, Star fox, Street Fighter II Turbo, Super Mario All Stars, Super Mario Kart, Super Punch Out and Super Star Wars.

Wii Games.
Agatha Christie's and then there were none, Animal Crossing LGTTC, Another Code:R Boom Blox, Dead Rising: Chop Til you drop, Endless Ocean, Link's Crossbow Trainig, Mario Kart, Metroid Prime 3:Corruption, No More Heroes, Resident Evil 4, Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles, Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, Tomb Raider Underworld, We love golf, Wii Fit, Wii Fit Plus, Wii Play, Wii Sports and Zack and Wiki Quest for Barbaros Treasure.

Wiiware Games.
Lit and My Pokemon Ranch.

Xbox Games.
Dino Crisis 3, Dinotopia: The Sunstone Odyssey, Halo; Combat Evolved and Halo 2

Xbox 360 Games.
Dash of Destruction, Dead Rising, Dead Space, Devil May Cry 4, Dynasty Warriors 6, Final Doom, Gears of War, Gears of War 2, Geometry Wars Retro Evolved, Geometry Wars Retro Evolved 2, Grand Theft Auto IV, Halo 3, Portal, Resident Evil 5, Small Arms, Stranglehold, Street Fighter IV, Soul Calibur IV, Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD remix and Turok


UPDATED: 09/03/2010

Friday, January 11, 2008

I'm making a note here

Yes. HUGE SUCCESS. See we are cool and down wit' the kids. Anyway, the subject of todays' post concerns some much needed, early spring cleaning. Looking at the internet, it seems that gamers and their tedious memes are everywhere, but as gamers we need unanimously agree that there are some things we should stop talking about. Seriously, get over it. Move on. All the time, waffling on about the same things over and over again. Filling up Fora, Blogs, Comments and Youtube with inane points and counterpoints which have been made before in a much better way. In the end, no one cares. All vidjo games and vidjo gamers could dissappear tommorrow and the rest of the world would carry on as normal, perhaps even function a bit better. So, here's a list of stuff that I propose we eject from the gaming community's vocabulary so that we don't waste what precious little time we have talking about imaginary playworlds:

1) All games before August 1995.
None of them were any good really were they? No, I know you think they were great but really, they weren't were they. I'm looking at you Way of the Rodent with your incessant nostalgia for Tempest and Elite. In fact let us not only forget all games before August 1995 let's just pretend the 70s and 80s never happened. That should clear up a big chunk of the internet currently occupied by middle aged men who use their website to justify their gaming "hobby" to other middle aged men whilst their wives cry themselves to sleep and contemplate getting real husbands. Let's just agree that the SNES was the first console and Killer Instinct the first game. It's time to let the embarassing heritage go.

2) The Jeff Gerstmann thing.
Who? I made this note last year but I can't for the life of me remeber who or what this is. Oh well, forgotten already I guess.

3) Metroid and Zelda games.
Come on now. Just say the names to yourself. "Zelda", "Metroid", "Link". If you wanted to sound like a 90s film geek you should just play Magic the Gathering. There's no need for these franchises. They didn't add anything to the gaming landscape in general (especially now that the 80s and early 90s don't exist). It's high time Nintendo put them out to pasture and, I dunno, put together some new IPs? Hey, there's an idea.

4) Deus Ex.
Not as hideously name dropped, as say Ico (or Fallout all of a sudden?), to show to other gamers that you lay somewhere on the spectrum of gamers between "saddo who imports Japan only releases and makes arcade cabinets in your spare time" and "Person who only buys Fifa and Halo but has friends, likes cars and watches football". Which, is fair enough. You have to let other gamers know where you are on the spectrum before the flaming proper can begin. But Deus Ex? It was mediocre at best.
That's Department for Culture MEdia and Sport
5)Bioshock
That was sooo last year. In 2 months it will be completely forgotten so let's speed this process up and shut up about Rapture post-haste yes? Or if you absolutely have to mention it, call it Bioschmock okay?

6)The modding community and homebrewers.
No one wants to play the PSP using their iphone or use a Wii mote as a mouse or play Elite on their microwave. The only reason your sad techie projects get any "news" time from the internet is because occassionally there's nowt else going on. Slow news days are when the DS mod stories get rolled out. Invest your time better. You're obviously intelligent people with a lot of time on your hands so why don't you work on X-ray specs or teleporting devices already. As brilliant as Pong on your vibrator may be, just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

7)World of Warcraft
Remember when everyone was talking about this game? Those crazy adverts? Terra Nova? Those nude protests and gay guilds? What a shit game. There weren't even any decent guns. Let's forget that embarassing episode of the 2000s and move on.

8)The PC versus console gaming debate/argument
Yes, every now and then this little gem rears it's ugly head. Consoles are rubbish right? Doing now what PCs were doing 20 years ago. Just look at the new red ring of death feature on the Xbox 360. PCs have been doing that forever. Plus, in PC FPSs you can turn on the spot! As for PCs, top end gaming rigs cost an arm and a leg and still can't play current games at top specs and, well, PC gamers are lonely creatures. They don't need friends to play games with because they can go online with other emotionally stunted weirdos. Also, most PC gamers play MMOs or Resource Management Games. That's right, Resource Management 'games'. We need to band together as gamers as a whole people because ultimately, you're all sad monkeys wasting your life on virtual play machines that are rightly deemed as low brow culture. Which, brings us nicely onto:

9) Justifying games.
Games as art, games as emotional experiences, games as storytelling. Yeah right. Games are art in the same way that Eastenders is art. They are emotional experiences exclusively for the average emotionally retarded gamer and there's not a single storyline in video games that wasn't stolen from Hollywood. Unless you count Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid and Final fantasy but they don't really count because their stories are just really long and quite stupid but because they are so long your mind tends to iron out the really really bad bits and strings the rest together to form some kind of sweeping cogent epic. As for the Wiitards who keep bashing on about the Halo storyline being anything other than "unbelievably tiresome and cliched, if in fact it does exist at all" they are so neotenous they only deserve our sympathy because I imagine it must be very hard to be a ten year old stuck in the body of a 25 year old. Games exist solely for you to waste money and time waiting to die and hopefullydistracting you from the politicians who piss all your taxes up the wall and into prozzies mouths. If you can manage to have a kid sometime in between then it might not all be in vain, otherwise your just putting in all that time and effort which you will never get back, into midly diverting fantasy where you can either kill goblins, shoot spaceships or win the world cup with Scotland. Storylines, art and emotions do not come into it. So shut up.

10)Portal
Yes we're sick of it already. Look, you must must realise the fascination has become uncool now because this guy is doing the song live and normal people seem to enjoy* it. This isn't on gamers. Stop trying to get normal people 'in on the secret' because when gaming gets breakthrough popular we'll all have to abandon it to find some other alternative pursuits to whine on the internet about.


*My knowledge of the colourful peoples that make up America is: Rednecks in the South, Gangs in the East and West and Stepford Wives everywhere else. So maybe cringy geekery is the norm for the good people of Atlanta? Maybe there are no normal people in Atlanta. Who knows and or cares?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Soul Calibur Wankery

Right no doubt you have already heard but Soul Calibur Has both Darth Vader AND Yoda in it:


Brilliant, inspired, inclusions to the game. But not content with this Thatguys would like to prepare a list of Smash-bros-esque characters w want in the next Soul Calibur.

1. Zoro

From One piece, you just have to love this guys unique design, as he holds 3 swords. Soul Calibur has touched on pretty much every design of weapon out there, even creating a deadly Hula-hoop. The 3-sword design would be an interesting addition.

2. Final Fantasy Heroes

You know I’m only gonna touch on this briefly, everyone wants fucking Cloud and Sephiroth in there. But fuck it, my vote goes fro Squall/Leon from FF8, and the again interesting weapon, The Gunblade. (yeah I know Cervantes has a Gun in his sword too, not the same AND you know it)

3. Master Chief/Arbiter


Get them both in there with the Energy sword and/or the Gravity hammer!!!

4. Link/Spawn/Heihatchi

The guys from the Gamecube/Xbox/PS2 (respectively) versions of Soul Calibur 2, get them all in there.

5. AltaïrHa, he uses swords and has that cool Hidden blade… Why the fuck not. Though he does look a bit like Zasalamel.

6. Pyramid Head
S.T.A.R.SAlready a popular mod in Oblivion, Pyramid Head would make a perfect counter point to those emo inspired FF characters.

7. Dante
EMO HO EMO HO EMO HOPerhaps not actually. No definitely not. He would be OU within days. Stupid Dante appealing to the "alternative" crowd. And, whilst we're talking about him (again), no, the anime was shit and you're a cretin for pretending to like it.

8. ?????
Who?We don't know who this character is but they should definitely be included, perhaps with Kabutops as an alt costume?

9. The Companion Cube
Whoring, whoring, whoringYes, it's this years Katamari. Are you middle aged? Are you a blogger? Feeling painfully uncool? Post images/songs/drawings of the companion cube from portal. Something Awful guys think it's funny and for a fraction of a second you might just appear to be 'cool'. No list of 2008 would be complete without the Companion Cube from Portal so here's our token effort. Hell, we might even pretend we have played Portal if it'll get us into the party.

And that's How, for now.

Richie & Cunzy x x

P.S Sorry for the Slow Start this year but let's face it, there's fuck all going on in games in January.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Last post about this... Maybe

I dunno how may times I have mentioned this before... but, for those of you don't know, Rez on the PS2 came with a USB vibrating attachment. It was designed to "enhance" the gameplay of Rez, and not originally in a sexual way, apparently it was designed to create a synaesthesic experience... so that you could feel the music in your elbow or something.

Well anyway, with The new HD Rez game coming out on the 360 The question on everyone's lips is whether they can get-off in HD? Well... the answer is yes... Up to 3 joypads can be used as Trance vibrators! This can mean only one thing! Bluetooth vibrators, are round the corner!

Special Hugs,

Richie XXX

Monday, January 07, 2008

Omastar Comics #15, AKA Forgot about Dre

No Christmas way back then. Still doesn't stop Omastar anachronistically looking forward to it? Does it?
Panel two is Jingle Star. Omastar's premptive take on the carol that would end up as Jingle Bells

Whatever, Omastar. You'd be bored after like two years of it.

In other news:

Halo 4 storyline leaked by Bungie! Here it is especially for you, That Guy's Reader: "There's a man in the green suit. He a shooty man. Hes killin all the bad ones till the end when the shooty man maybe dead. He not dead. He just go away until Halo 5". EPIC stuff I think you'll agree.

Also, rumours that the Rockband drum set has traces of arsenic in it are abound. Be very careful the next time you play Rockband because you'll look like a fucking tit in front of all your friends. Oh and also the poison too.

"Rape me" by Nirvana confirmed for Singstar in April this year. Too late for the office parties but an essential addition to the DLC that ought to keep Singstar afloat for a while longer.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

What is it?

If I were a twat I would say this was meta-humour. Twat
Yes! TGAM bringing you the same joke over and over again. See you same time next year?

Ironic game of the year 2007 even though it was released in 2006 and it is now 2008

Bum bum der la bum de bum bum. Bum de la bum bum de la bum bum, bum de la
It's Tanks! from Wii play. It's the greatest game of all time. The best multiplayer experience since the original Half Life. It has everything. Tanks, trumpet noises, wood, wouldn't, mines etc. Just play it with a friend and you'll be playing for the rest of your life, endorphins dripping from every orifice. It's the game WoW should have been, it's what all the Zelda games have been aspiring to. It's the darkest survival horror game since the Net Yaroze classic Haunted Maze. It's faster than Wipeout, longer than all the Final Fantasy games put together. It's more tactical than Advance wars and Kurushi put together. It's more addictive than the PlayStation version of Hidden and Dangerous. It's more stealthy than the-as-yet-unreleased Metal Gear Solid: Ultimate sneaky sneaky time. 10/10, five stars, five thumbs up, TGAM official gold seal of approval. Maximum out of any positive rating system ever. We're serious about this kids. Deadly serious.

P.S. Happy new year. And don't worry about the last few posts, we're getting into our stride here.

TGAM: clichéd 2008 post

Right well its 2008, we have yet another year of gaming ahead of us and, despite the cliché, we are going to do a what-are-you-looking-forward-to-in-2008 post.

1. Devil May Cry.

Plain and simple, we have been dying to see Dante back in action for ages, this time he’s all next-gen too. The game also apparently won “trailer of the year 2007” from gametrailers.com. Now in some weird happenstance TGAM are actually going to dispute this. As much as we lurve DMC we found the trailer had used the age old trick of using FMV rather than gameplay. There are a couple of snippets of gameplay (10 seconds), but most of us don’t care about monocle’d villains or how much more emo Nero is going to get. Most of us wanted to see the actually gameplay footage, I demand to see a 3 hit sword combo, with the last hit launching the enemy into the air, and then Dante shooting, holding the afore mentioned bad guy in the air. Though! Spanky new teleportation moves, some weird machine that appears as if from nowhere and fires missiles, Trish AND Lady! Still wets our (pants) appetite.

2. Resident Evil 5.

This is a given, no matter what TGAM will be playing this one to undeath. Chris Redfield returning to stir up some controversy, and angry up some scary 28-days-later-esque rage zombies. Though 2008? Really? How many of us believe that this one will hit the shelves before the year is out? I’m sure we all remember how long RE4 was in development.

3. Silent Hill 5.

More fucked up scary shit from Konami. But not really, as we mentioned before its being done by some “western” developers. Fuck it… Doesn’t matter I guarantee that no-one can play it alone and in the dark!

4. Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

Despite this being a glorified* Gamecube game, the challenges, characters, and the downright multiplayer fun of SSBB will make this an instant hit in the TGAM offices

*Glorified was a hard word to use here, there is not a lot of glory involved, because:

a) The graphics are not much better.
b) They have added characters we don’t care about (Lucas?!?! Ike?!?!)
c) Its on the Wii

5. TGAM: The game based on the blog based on the games that influence our lives.

We have been pissing about with some of the early-beta versions and the visuals are absolutely amazing, we have still yet to do some of the sound work and implement some of the more complex gaming core elements. But the thing we are loving the most is the physics, as you know physics are the new graphics and, seriously blogging in a game has never felt so real or so much fun. And yes we are looking towards a multiplatform release of this in 2008. Watch this space.

And last up, we are going to pose ourselves some questions for this time next year:

1. Did all the above games come out in 2008?
2. Were they good?
3. What were the surprise releases of 2008?
4. Is Richie still playing WoW?
5. Is there yet another expansion for it?
6. Did the Wii’s sell out again this Xmas?
7. Is the Wii any good yet?
8. Is the PS3 still shit?
9. Does TGAM still exist?
10. Does Cunzy own any next-gen machine (or powerful PC) yet?


Enjoy 2008

Luv n’ hugs

TGAM