Tomb Raider Underworld: Orderist

Watch the below trailer and join me in disgust!




Yes readers, Lara Croft, shooting tigers in the face! Right in the face. We here at TGAM would like to call for an official ban of this game in all territories and furthermore this is call to arms to all the bloggers who usually complain about games being racist and sizeist and all that shit that doesn't really matter. This DOES matter assholes.

As you all know, all tiger subspecies are Appendix I listed on CITES and listed as critically endangered and endangered on the IUCN red list. Yet here we have the positive role-model Lady Croft shooting a number of them in the face, in slow motion no less.

We and presumably every other gamer, does not want to promote the shooting of any endangered creatures in the face there are already plenty of other things to shoot in the face without sending out a message that flies in the face of environmental conservation ; Nazis, the Japanese, Aliens, Daemons, Spanish Zombies and African Zombies have sated our appetite in the past. As such until Eidos & Crystal Dynamics change the content of the game we will not play Resident Evil 3 or Legacy of Kain: Blood Omen in protest.

Imagine if it was Maddie Mcanns that Lara was hunting down, shooting her and her chums in the face because she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time! It is at least twice more outrageous than that. In fact they should change the tigers to big domestic cats, there are way too many of them anyway. And they are useless. That would be a much better eco-message, shoot domestic cats in the face now, in protest of real animals suffering virtual injustice. I just kicked one on the shoulder in protest and it felt good, like it was the right thing. Join us in our campaign readers and stop this injustice. Here is what our celebrity friends say on the issue and if they are on board you should be too because they have money and paps chasing them:

"What tigers now?"- United Kingdom Ambassador Gordon Brown

"I fucking hate tigers anyway. They are all the same I can't tell the difference between the subspecies"- Ed "Haunted Maze" Federmeyer

"God yeah it'th like tho dithguthting. Thith game thould be banned"- Working girl, Peaches "Geldof" Geldof

"Fuck you, fuck you and Ringo"- Animal rights campaigner and obligate vegetarian Heather "Mills" ""Mcartney""

"Kick a tabby today until Eidos see their wrong"- Graeme "Timesplitters and Killer Cuts" Norgate

Expect cutting edge and in perspective comment from WWF and internet celeb and whinge-for-hire "didn't play games until 2004" N'Gai Croal to post their outrage any second now! Expect some kind of Facebook protest within the next couple of days. Expect to see Boris Johnson uppercut a kitten on the news!

Help us stop this injustice. We emplore, nay! WE BEG YOU!
Cunzy"1" 1 & Richie "Rich" Riches

Comments

Anonymous said…
One day, That Guys will get something right.

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rob_is_gay said…
Tigers can procreate, ancient monuments don't have that luxury.

I think this and other games like it (Woo Shooting game) should be boycotted as they are setting a bad example for the younger generation. Just the other day I walked past two kids shooting ming vases with MP5s just for the hell of it. When confronted , they said they learnt such behavoir from computer games.

Arcilogical sites should be preserved and studied. Not shot at and tooms opened willy nilly just incase there is a health pack. If you explore it properly, with a qualified research team you wouldn't need a health pack!
Cunzy11 said…
Oh GEGH, it's not that simple.

Sure the option is there but then so is not shooting any black people in RE5. You don't have to but the game is easier if you do.

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