360 are Losers?

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this...

The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may.

The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

"Release the GEGH!!!!

DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’.

FROM HERE ON, ANALYSTS WILL BE CALLED ‘PROFESSIONAL GUESSERS’, OR ‘PROGUESSERS’.

So the new report calls for ‘strong’ sales of the PS3. FFS - SONY HAVE BEEN CALLING FOR STRONG SALES OF THE PS3 SINCE THEIR PISS-POOR LAUNCH DAY WHERE THEY HAD TO GIVE OUT 42” TV’S BEFORE ANYONE WOULD BUY THEIR BLU-RAY TROJAN HORSE.

Sony have already lost a big chunk of their PS2 install base and guess which console they’ve been lost to? Yes, the XBOX360. STRANGELY ENOUGH, THE XBOX360 IS A GAMES MACHINE. I actually feel a little sympathetic to those folk who believed in Sony’s propaganda, as EVERYONE WHO COUNTS is playing the latest, greatest games on Xbox Live. With easy multiplayer invites. And voice comms.

(Actually, I’ve changed my mind since writing that last paragraph indicating sympathy to the Sony loyalists – FUCK THOSE LOSERS THAT BOUGHT A PS3. I TOLD THEM IT’D BE SHIT, BUT THEY BELIEVED SONY RATHER THAN ME AND FOR THAT, DESERVE THE RIDICULE.)

Wii is expected to dominate but won’t move software like the PS3?

STUPID PROGUESSER, THE XBOX 360 IS THE CONSOLE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY BUY *GAMES* FOR. NOT SOME SHIT “EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN AND BALLBAG” SYSTEM FOR UNDER-5’s AND OVER-50’s.

Let me point something out to you, Mr. Guesser.

Thursday 17th April, 2008 - Xbox 360 is the number one next-gen console in EMEA, owning 42% of the market in terms of life-to-date revenue. Xbox 360 continues to enjoy the highest software attach rate of any game console in Europe with more than 7.0 games sold per console (PS3: 3.8; Wii 3.5) after 27 months on the market.

Please indicate where the ‘struggle’ you indicate the Xbox is going through?.

Finally, many proguessers abide by the 51% rule; if you get at least 51% of your predictions right, you're a good proguesser. So, let me spin that initial article around for the other 49%:

“The analysts at GEGH Stupidity have gazed into the crystal ballbag to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Microsoft. But it's far worse for Sony & Nintendo. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the Xbox360 but knew that Microsoft expected to lose a "big chunk" of the Xbox install base. PS3 is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the Wii may.

The professionally guessing idiots at GEGH see a PS3 future filled with doom and gloom, with the PS3 "continuing to struggle" worldwide, despite minimal Japanese acceptance. They have bad news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2009 expected "to not break any records." That’s because I predict there won’t be any games coming out in 2009.”

SO I’LL TAKE MY 250K SALARY NOW YOU FUCKING ASSHATS.

GIANT PROFESSIONAL GUESSING HERO

Representing GEGH Stupidity Inc.

Love n' hugs...

Comments

Anonymous said…
PS3 ROX

gay emo's get haemorrhoids
Anonymous said…
Yet another 360 fanboy. Is this your first console fanboy? Did you ever play a PS2?
Anonymous said…
AW, DID YOUR BLU-RAY PLAYERS NOT MEET SALES/GAMING EXPECTATIONS?

*DIDDUMS*

NOW, WHILE YOU TIDY AWAY YOUR TOYS, YES: I'VE PLAYED THEM ALL, PROBABLY WHILE YOU WERE BOTH STILL LIVING WITH MUM & DAD.

OH, SORRY I FORGOT YOU STILL ARE.

GIANT IDIOT REBUTTAL HERO

(as indicated above, the naming convention doesn't have to follow the G.E.G.H format you stupid, stupid loser)
Richie! said…
Grieving Elephants Get Horny
Gengar’s EVs Grow Hideously
Galloping Equestrian? Goodbye Horses.
GTA Envelops Gutting Hookers
Golden Evacuations Give Happiness
Gyroscopic Entropy Gives Heat
Ge G H2 - Germanium Gassal Dihydride
Anonymous said…
I thought this was a good article. IGN has lost out to TGAM again. Well done lads/ladies.

One thing i read and got an extreme tingle in william over was, ASDA of all people claimed they sold more ps3 pre orders of GTA than 360.
WHO THE FUCK CARES, THEY'RE A SUPERMARKET FFS!!
naboo the enigma said…
PS3 is a ball bag

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