Thursday, June 28, 2007

Burnout Revenge

You have probably all seen this by now, the thing about the burnout ads. By probably I mean I know because I have spoken to Richie and the other reader of the blog and you've both seen it. Also, the blackhole of all gaming news kotaku has also had a post about it so all the stupid people have seen it too.

Basially 37 people complained about the posters for the new burnout claiming that it might inspire people to vandalise or crash cars or somesuch. My initial reaction is to flinch into a rage because it's something negative about gaming and I'm a gamer and it makes an easy post to write and everyone else is writing about it. However, I've had a think about it and the thing that really irks me is the 37 London commuters who think that they are some kind of moral guardians for society. What kind of person, whilst waiting for their no doubt late or packed tube train, glances up from their London Lite and sees the ad and thinks "Jesus Christ! No. Not again. Don't they understand that people who are stupider than myself will die if they see this ad? I have to step in and save humanity. I'll ring the ASA when I get to work." If this is how advertising works then I'm thinking about running and advert that shows people who phone the ASA on behalf of society hanging themselves.

I'll tell you what kind of person. The kind of person who hates their life. If they had their way the only game you'll be able to play are realtime ones where you don't do to well at school and have to abandon your real life dreams and so you end up working some shitty job fucking some ugly partner you don't really want to be with whilst fantasizing about throttling your own children and escaping to a life in the sun sipping alcoholic free cocktails. When you reach middle age in the game there is a twenty year minigame where you actually write to advertising authorities about how you find any kind of media that is slightly exhilirating a direct stab at how shitty and empty your life is so you have to complain about them so that everyone else is a bored and tired and lonely as yourself.

I've tried to source this but I can't find where it originally came from
I follow adverts and I'm thinking of phoning the ASA to complain that according to adverts the world is largely filled with beautiful vacuous people. In fact the converse is true but adverts have irresponsibly led me to believe and expect waif beaties and generic hunks to be lurking on every corner with their chest, boobies and camel toes out. In reality it's 10 year old cretins who pronounce ask "arks" and who will stab you because they are part of a 'gang' and you said "Excuse me" when you tried to get past them, which on the street clearly means you are dissing their South London Hood, which is probably called Waverley Crescent or some other non ghetto name.

In other news:

Mortal Kombat is still the worse game series in existence. It was good for 2 seconds in the 90s until the novelty of really bad blood drops wore off. The films were OK.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The crotch of the argument

Don't have sex stupid people! We need more mothers and politicians!!
So controversy week last week what with the Jamie Bulger thing in the new Law and Order game and Manhunt 2 being banned etc. etc. So why do video games attract so much controversy?

Books, works of art and films are allowed to portray almost whatever they want. 9/11, racism, people who have their mouths full of cockroaches: many of which are dead but those that aren't are throwing up on themselves and each other and so on. But as soon as games do these things they are labelled as disgusting, evil, exploitative, cashing in on tragedy or just simply wrong. This very quickly gets backed up with all other lazy arguments condemning video games to create a nasty impression in the public media.

The reason that this is allowed to happen in books but not games because stupid people don't read books but they do play games. Sorry stupid people. But it's true. Stupid people watch films too but films are 'high art' so for every mother on a crusade there are 40 LA film critics wanking into their cocaine laced tea over how amazing the latest ridiculous exploitative movie is (the Last King of Scotland anyone? Hotel Rwanda? Schindler's List? Saw? Lolita? Animal Farm?).

Until then stupid people, try not to die by swallowing farm animals whole a la Kirby, or by jumping down sewage pipes like Mario. Until you've done something with your life like giving birth (oh well done you've just joined every single other organism in the world by dropping a sprog. It doesn't exactly qualify you to comment on shit just because you are a 'mother') or fucked a prostitute in a dirty hotel room (politicians I'm looking at you) we can't trust you to not copy media that you may be exposed to.

In other news:
This week I'm going to be working on a real version of the T virus to release into the water. Note to all TGAM readers make sure your zombie plan is robust because it is nearly time to implement them. In my zombie plan I'll be heading to the Imperial War Museum in London. From there I will steal one of the suits of armour, a tank and a mace. The rest is kind of self explanatory.

P.S. What on God's earth were they thinking with the Jamie Bulger image? What's next a Columbine game? Oh, they already did........

Friday, June 22, 2007

It's not over yet snake!

Yeah that's right bitches. I'm back. Took a little sojourn but I'm back. I got the T-virus unfortunately whilst I was away. Pics soon x xGuess who's back. Back again..............

Manhunt 2: The Real Scoop. Update 2.

Ah well, doesnt matter what BBFC, Ther daily Mail or JT say...

Sony spokesperson said:

“It's currently our policy not to allow the playback of AO-rated content on our systems.”

A Nintendo rep said:

“As stated on, Nintendo does not allow any AO-rated content on its systems.”

From Gizmodo

Manhunt 2: The Real Scoop. Update.

We have another update from resident thatgirler Kaiser.Tia:

Yeah, there's a confusion of the different issues with the three big game stories recently - the Law and Order case was just stupid - the developers should have known better then to use real-life stuff like that (it wasn't even a funny easter egg - just a dim-witted, under-researched example of a stupid development team).

The whole Manchester Cathedral story is actually quite interesting - with games technology becoming able to render real-world locations in realistic detail, are games that showcase real locations going to have to ask permission first, like the film industry? I have a lot of sympathy for the CoE in this case, because I can't imagine they'd ever give permission to a Hollywood movie to film on location, especially a movie involving soldiers, aliens and shooting. I wouldn't be surprised if the games industry has to jump through similar hoops that Hollywood does when it comes to 'shooting on location'.

As for Manhunt 2 - I don't really know where to start. I didn't play the first game because it didn't really appeal to me, and didn't plan on buying the sequel because no previews convinced me that a game of callous murder could be that much fun. I've been reading GamesTM's previews, and the excitement that they're building up about how you can garrote and mimic the actions of stabbing with the Wiimote bordered on tasteless.

I think that's what puts me off Manhunt, in the same way that I can't be bothered with Hostel, Saw, and the like - it's just so tasteless. I'd rather be rolling things up in Katamari, or jumping about in Tomb Raider. If I need a visceral thrill, I've got plenty of violent games (I kinda feel like playing Tenchu at the mo).

Speaking of Tenchu, that was a pretty violent game, but the overall feel was quite cartoon-y, I suppose part of the reason Manhunt 2 is so distasteful is that it's so realistic-looking. Flip through any video game magazine, and it's depressing to note how many of the screenshots are of hi-res humans/aliens shooting guns/getting bits shot off them. GamesTM's recent preview of Manhunt 2 had a shot of a man with a bag over his head, the outline of his face clearly visible as he suffocated. Nice main picture.

There's also the issue of parents buying games for children. To be fair, I think this is a problem that will sort itself out a bit more with time, as people who have grown up playing video games have children, and are a bit more informed about what it means when a game has '18' written on it (a public information campaign wouldn't go amiss for those idiots who still don't get it).

Still, you're always going to get feckless, irresponsible, unquestioning idiots who buy these games for their kids, and then those kids will probably have their own kids at a really early age and buy them inappropriate stuff, and so on. It's a huge issue that, like most issues, encompasses social inclusion and education.

So, yeah, I kinda agree with the Manhunt 2 ban, and like the fact that the BBFC came up with good reasons, citing: "Manhunt 2 is distinguishable from recent high-end video games by its unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone in an overall game context which constantly encourages visceral killing with exceptionally little alleviation or distancing. There is sustained and cumulative casual sadism in the way in which these killings are committed, and encouraged, in the game."

Though how that differs from films like Saw and Hostel, I don't quite know - certainly the interactive element is a factor.

Anyway, I feel sorry for anyone who feels disappointed by this ban. I dare say in a couple of years we'll all wonder what the fuss was about, though it'll still be a bleak game, and probably not one I'd want to play, other that for curiosity's sake. There's so many other, better, more joyful games to play. Beyond games, there's even more wonderful stuff you can get up to that beats sitting in a darkened room, pretending to stalk and kill people.


Manhunt 2: The Real Scoop.

Yeah I’m sure we have all heard it, “Manhunt 2 – Banned in the UK”, for its Casual Sadism blah blah blah. Yeah the game uses a pretty nasty format, stalking and killing but hey I would like people to remember that it is a game. I would like to draw comparisons to Deerhunter: sneak up on the poor defenceless animal, blow its brains out…

“Rejecting a work is a very serious action and one which we do not take lightly,” BBFC director David Cooke stated. “Where possible we try to consider cuts or, in the case of games, modifications which remove the material which contravenes the Board’s published Guidelines."

Where do the differences lie then? Rather than a VIRTUAL generic forest, the game is set in VIRTUAL, dark, sordid, rust world. And rather than kill VIRTUAL mighty stags, the player can kill VIRTUAL human beings in VIRTUAL brutal ways.

But yeah, we all know the generic formulae of Manhunt, stalk, sneak, kill. Seen a million times before, since the first stalk-em-ups on the original playstation. The brutality is no different than that of Splinter cell, or indeed a certain italian plumber jumping on mushrooms with underbites. The thing that most seems to be put on trial here is the tone and mood to which these killings are peformed.

“In the case of Manhunt 2 this has not been possible. Manhunt 2 is distinguishable from recent high-end video games by its unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone in an overall game context which constantly encourages visceral killing with exceptionally little alleviation or distancing.”

So, where does this end? I agree that there should be ratings and certifications for games to prevent porn, religion and racism breaching into the general public.

It has been 10 years since the last time a game was banned (Carmageddon), and with all the controversy from the JT’s and the Daily Mail’s of the world, will this make companies like the BBFC more trigger-happy with banning titles?

“There is sustained and cumulative casual sadism in the way in which these killings are committed, and encouraged, in the game.”

So what is manhunt, from the information released from BBFC it seems to be nothing more than a killing simulator with little to no plot or story or background, which I’m sure we will all agree, does not seem in keeping with traditional Rockstar games.

“Although the difference should not be exaggerated the fact of the game’s unrelenting focus on stalking and brutal slaying and the sheer lack of alternative pleasures on offer to the gamer, together with the different overall narrative context, contribute towards differentiating this submission from the original Manhunt game.”

The original manhunt… Well the game was not brilliant, but the plot was intriguing, a madman sets you free from jail and you have to kill based on his orders. It’s an interesting concept, even to go as far as have the mad man talking to you directly through headphones. And to be honest the actual kills were not even as bad as the ones seen in the recent influx of gore flicks, such as Hostel, Saw or even (to go a bit more retro) Se7en.

“That work was classified ‘18’ in 2003, before the BBFC’s recent games research had been undertaken, but was already at the very top end of what the Board judged to be acceptable at that category.”

However the reviews Manhunt 2 has got have given the game a score kicking about the 90% range, which means that, despite the context, the game is quite good, it seems a shame to let a high percentile game fade in to obscurity because of irresponsible parents who will buy the game for their kids, if we are to keep games as a medium which does not get “censored” we do have to make a stand against companies , media and persons.

“Against this background, the Board’s carefully considered view is that to issue a certificate to Manhunt 2, on either platform, would involve a range of unjustifiable harm risks, to both adults and minors, within the terms of the Video Recordings Act, and accordingly that its availability, even if statutorily confined to adults, would be unacceptable to the public.”

But above all, the thing that pisses me off in this whole “Scandal” (which all seemed to open up with that Resistance game using a church in their game), is the way it was reported. At the time of going to the press it was not only one game that had been banned, but two, “Law and Order” and “Manhunt 2” and of course because the Media hates Rockstar, Manhunt 2 was scrutinised the most.


1. Manhunt 2 banned due to the overly graphic deaths/killings and the tone of the game.
2. Law and Order banned due to a depiction in-game of the James Bulger case.

However it was implied by the media that Manhunt 2 had the references to James Bulger. On top of this the original Manhunt was accused yet again of the murder of a 14 year old, to which it was acquitted long ago. Which goes to show one of two things, either the media is stupid and didn’t get their facts straight, or that the media is trying (yet again) to construe that games are “evil”.

In either case 1 fact can be ascertained… Media = Cunts. But we all knew that.

Signing out


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Doomed to fade into mediocrity

The 20 Best "That Guys" of All Time.

Not one mention of Cunzy, not one mention of Richie, not one mention of that guy that bit me... though he was a maniac.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Well, Seeing that Cunzy aint here at the moment…

I though I’d give you a “Dinosaurs in Video Games” update.

Today’s game is Guitar hero 2. Yeah that’s right Guitar hero 2! I’m sure you are all asking yourselves, “Dinosaurs in guitar hero? How? Where ? As if!” Well they are and they are not… there are 2 separate references to Dinosaurs.

First up we have the two player select screen:

As you can see from the above picture it depicts:

- A Mammoth
- Sabre-toothed Tiger
- Some crazy extinct Ungulate. (antelope looking thing)
- An ancestor of the foxes
- An emu-esque big-bird
- Smaller mammals, cats etc.
- A Fighter jet dropping a bomb on them all.

When I first saw this I was admittedly shocked to see some obscure extinct animals just on a 2 player co-operative sceen. But then I realised that this may be a graphical representation of one of the songs, which brings me nicely onto the next instance of “Dinosaurs” in Guitar hero 2:

One of the bonus tracks: Fall of Pangaea, by Valient Thorr

Admittedly when I saw this track name in there I should have spewed a load into my underwear straight away. However my ejaculate was suppressed as Pangaea nowadays is rarely used properly, it is usually used in Sci-fi or Fantasy as the name of some country on a different planet/reality. For those of you who don’t know what Pangaea is, it is the name given to the “Supercontinent” millions of years ago when USA, Russia, Africa, Europe Australia etc were all joined together in one big happy land-mass. Anyways back to me attempting to fertilise my boxers… I never really listened to the song as, well, the song is rather “Metal” and the lyrics can sometimes be inaudible.

Check out the Lyrics:

before the dawning of mankind
other creatures roamed this land
they were from a far off time
and they brought with them a plan
from a dying portal in the sky it came, a grey transporter set the sky
ablaze in search of sanctuary to the earth they came all life before
this point had just been washed away asteroids and comets ripped right
through the atmosphere laid waste to all the dinosaurs its a cycle its
a cycle thats been going on since before this world began, even though
they cause destruction they’re vital they’re a vital part of reality,
the spores in side were alive, when the dust settled over the oceanbed
they watched it they watched the natural process of evolution in the
raw, lifeforms grew in the water and this is what they saw they saw
volcanoes, Earth was a wreck, the cooling of the lava produced a side
effect they saw amoeba combine with light, they saw the first thing
crawl on land and try to walk upright they saw the dolphin, they saw
the ape, the combination of the two would help the world take shape
(they bred them) on the beaches, it was called Pangea population spread
so fast it caused an imbalance, but that couldn’t stop em even then,
let’s get on the road, i got somethin to show, pull up yr roots, and
pack yr bags, let’s go!
let’s get on the road, i got somethin to show, pull up yr roots, and
pack yr bags- let’s go to the mountain and then you will see the place
where Pangea Ma-jor used to be the tectonic plates moved where workers
had mined the shift in the continents divided mankind Tidal waves broke
the goddamned thing in half, 7 pieces that wouldn’t last spread like
germs, thats the human virus form seeds were planted here on earth,
young mothers then gave birth they remembered the men from the sky,
named them gods and never questioned why?
climb up the mountain and see for yrself, the ice caps are melting away
from the shelf the earth is evolving, you must have forgot, the life on
this planet has only one shot.
Tidal waves broke the goddamned thing in half, 7 pieces that wouldn’t
last earths been silent many times, u seem to forget:
we are temporary
you are temporary
we’re all temporary

As you can see the lyrics do site some rather humorous palaeo-references. The whole song almost seems like an evolutionists “The end is nigh” sign… “The mass-extinction is coming”

Richie Signing out.

P.S. The song is really long, and fucking hard to play. Wnak.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Position Vacant, Guest writers requested.

Position - Guest Writer

We at are currently recruiting new and original talent to "Audition" for the post of contributer.

Job Description
The role is vaired but mostly involves ranting in written form. Where possible, throw in Video game, Resident evil, anime, Final Fantasy, and sexual references.

Skills Required
- Semi-literate in English.

- Strong background in Resident Evil.
- Hatred for gamer blogs.
- No concept of teamwork.

June 6th 2007 onwards

Position Based In
Front of your PC

Pay Rate

Please mail an article with subject of your choosing to Articles can range from 1 - 5,000 words, pictures are optional. The favoured articles will be printed and will go down in Thayguys history for all to remeber.

Note: Dependant on quality. Certain candidates may be requested to join as a Contributor

OK, We leave...

Yeah, I'll probably be back in a couple of weeks 'cos I'm going to E3! WootWell this is a different post to any other that I have written here. You may have noticed that since our one year birthday we haven't made any posts. That is because Richie doesn't make posts and well because I... I don't know how to say this.... but I. I'm going to leave the blog.

My reasons? Well for the last time. It's time for a list:

1) As one of the only women writing on the interwebs about games I have faced nothing but persecution from people. One commentor said "You make me feel sterile". As a women and I blogger I could clearly translate this L337 as "You are sterile". Now I can take jiggery-pokery like the next person but when people make assumptions about my reproductive system and it's functionality then I say No! You can't tell me that. It's my ovaries and uterus and nothing but a spot of untimely blood or a doctor is going to tell me about them.

2) I'm happy in "real life" so I don't need a blog to keep whinging and whining about the injustice inherent to the system. I have a loving cat and 4 bottles of Gin. I'm totally leaving because I am so happy with my life and not because I don't have anything to say and everyone else is doing a better job of saying it. At all. That's not the issue I 'm just really happy. On my own. Frigging myself off to Trisha whilst sobbing into my Irish Tea at 10 in the morning. Just super happy...........

3) Everyone on the internet is a nerd anyway. Goodbye nerds

So this is goodbye. I might come back here every day whilst holding down F5 to see if my dramatic statement drums up anymore readers. But I probably won't. I just want to say thank you to everyone who have left such wonderful messages. I'm just so super happy in real life though. Goodbye Homophobes x