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Showing posts from September, 2007

Dingbat

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Alright Kids,

It's Friday and for a laugh I have created a Video game related Dingbat... Leave a Comment with the solution...

Hint: The answer is not a video games related.

The Oblivion 1000 point challenge. Pt 3

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Poor! Very Very Poor!

I managed to play for an hour yesterday… 1 hour I managed to slam a load of the Mages guild quests… But I’m still on them. I was hoping by this time to have completed the Mages guild and to have progressed within the Fighters guild (maybe arena). Though it’s not all bad, I have the last remaining Arch-Mage missions left which are not huge challenges, if I can get them done in an hour, and maybe complete the Fighters guild and Arena at the weekend then I will be back on track… maybe. Either way I think we can all see the benefits of NOT having friends when taking on a challenge such as this.

The other minor achievement that I got last night, my character is now a Journeyman in Alteration, with Illusion a mere midges baw-hair behind it.

Status:

Level 7

Apprentice, Fighters Guild (10)
Apprentice, Mages Guild (10)
Arch-Mage, Mages Guild (50)
Assassin, Dark Brotherhood (10)
Associate, Fighters Guild (10)
Associate, Mages Guild (10)
Bandit, Thieves Guild (10)
Bloodletter, Arena (1…

Keeping the Torch Burning!

Ha! Look at these two it's all going tits up for them. I blame it on the war we had which now means we won. So now we are two for two. However, as the good ship H.M.S SFC starts to sink with Phorenzik jumping ship leaving MarioMark to desperately plug the holes in the hull with spare copies of Resistance Fall of Man we would like to steal some of their traffic and re-iterate one of the most poignant sentiments so beautifully put into words.

TALK TALK YOU ARE CUNTS

And Google never forgets! Ha! Live on SFC, live on! Special Message to the guy who's job it is to google Talk Talk daily: Hi mate. We don't want to cause any big trouble we just want the traffic so please don't hack our accounts to shut us down. Just send us an email and we'll take this post off. Okay?


Chuff_72 Speaks Again Again!

Chuff_72 is our maniac on the street and he regularly send us stuff to post when we are too busy doing pointless challenges and mixing up T-Virus to destroy the world if Capcom doesn't deliver vidjogames on demand. His stirling efforts have earned him at least a cameo in the TGAM film and he is an unlockable character in TGAM the game.

Anyway, here at TGAM we are dedicated to doing what everyone else already did before us, and doing it twice! Here are some more thoughts on that game what came out recently Halo 3. Take it away Chuffty:

"Dude, just a quick email to tell you how much fucking fun halo 3 is online. I didn't play any of the various deathmatch types or any of that bollocks, and while I checked out some co-op story which was okay, though pretty hard to follow with myself, the Dr and two fellow TFUs, shouting about the Gheys in the trees, most of the time I had no idea where to go apart from follow the little countdown marker thing, AND friendly fire was on, with in…

The Oblivion 1000 point challenge. Pt 2

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OK, Ok, enough grief already, yeah halo 3, biggest selling media opening thing EVER (194 million copies on the opening day, more than any movie or game ever.). I’m still pressing on with my Oblivion quest.

So far it is not going as well as expected due to 2 major hitches:

1. I spent far too long pissing about with character creation.

I rolled the character last night and spent ages choosing a race and the features etc. I opted for a Breton and created a custom “Paladin” class for this venture. For those of you that don’t know, when you roll a new character in Oblivion you have to do a little section where the way you have played it will be judged and a class will be suggested to you. You can then opt to choose this class, choose from one of the 21 pre-designed classes, or create your own class. I created my own class but spent far too long on it…

2. I got fucking ejected from the Mages guild.

Yeah, I was firing though all the stupid Mages guild associate quests, where you have to get recom…

The Oblivion 1000 point challenge.

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After some serious thought I have decided that it may be entirely possible to get 1000 gamer points in 1 week (whilst maintaining a social life)

I have never personally owned Oblivion, all of the playtime that I have amassed is on a friends 360 and his copy of the game. This however does give me a basis for the game mechanics.

This will be entirely an “achievement speed run”, and does not include the shivering isles expansion pack.

The achievements in Oblivion are split into 6 different sections:
Main Quest
6 Achievements – 360 points

Fighters Guild
10 Achievements – 140 points

Mages Guild
10 Achievements – 140 points

Thieves Guild
8 Achievements – 120 points

Arena
9 Achievements – 130 points

Dark Brotherhood
7 Achievements – 110 points

My plan is to start a “Paladin” class fighter/healer focussing on blade and restoration. Upon leaving the sewers I will then venture to complete the mages guild quest line, which is arguable longer than the main quest line, then promptly move on to the fighters guild …

Dear Capcom#3

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Dear Capcom

Right. This is it. I have written to you on manyoccasions and not a single reply. This is not on, especially considering how many of your franchises only sold so well off the back of our glowing reviews and hard hitting articles on Capcom and Capcomcharacters. But that's it now. You took it too far. Dido is dead. I stuffed her in the boot of my car and drove it off a bridge. I phoned the police and told them you did it. Ha! how do you like that?

This will be you if you do not comply with our demands: But also, it seems that not only are you ignoring our pleas but you are deliberately doing things to annoy us. Case in point? Well Lost Planet for starters. What the Fuck? But also look at Devil May Cry 4. What the fucking fuck is that poor man's homoerotic excuse for a younger, camper much much less cool Dante, that you call Nero?
Are you having a laugh? Did you even play MGS2? No one likes Raiden and no one will like Nero. I've scoured the internet and no one has e…

Next Gen Please

I'm sure I did a post like this before but couldn't find it in the tons of shit we put on the internet in our humble year and a bit at TGAM Towers (TGAM Small Bedsit would be more appropriate, one of those ones with a totally illegal kitchen cum bedroom-lounge, with no official arrangment with the landlord other than you gave them four grand when you first moved in and since then they have managed to avoid fixing the bathroom like they said they would when the 12 year old crack head in a suit that was your "estate agent" showed you round). Anyway we've been part of the 'next generation' of consoles for quite a while and they are totally fucking dissapointing, the short sightedness of developers and marketing people is absolutely fucking astonishing. Why won't someone, anyone do anything about it? Well I found this secret memo on the internet and I think it tells us all a tale or two:



Three Years Ago THINGS FOR NEXT GEN by games making people.
1) Better g…

List of things wrong with Halo 3

Right well, on Friday The second most popular video games blog: www.thatguys.co.uk managed to get a hold of a copy of Halo 3. As such we will do a review of it though whether you read it is entirely up to you, we will not try and force our views upon you.


Gameplay
FPS Action shooter, and it knows it. Strafe. Aim. Shoot. Repeat until done.

There is not variance in the weapons:
Pistol = 2 shots to kill enemy. 1 to remove armour, 1 to shoot in the head.
Shotgun = 2 shots to kill enemy. 1 to remove armour, 1 to shoot in the head.

Equipment is not necessary, throwing the odd shield, rarely helps you out, though these may be more useful in the harder modes

Crouch (L3 by default) has to be held down, and since L3 is one of your movement sticks, it makes crouching and moving very hard, there is also no sniper position.


Story
Makes absolutely no-sense if you have not played Halo 1 and/or 2, it is disjointed all the way through, the plot also seems to be catering for 12-13 year olds. Do not expect anyth…

Thith meanth war......

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On saturday night just gone, I found myself with a free evening. And due to the absolute fantastic quality of British television on Saturday nights I thought I might, you know, play some videogames so I could do a proper post on my video games blog. Now because I'm still feeling like this I ended up playing both Animal Crossing and Animal Crossing Wild World.

Suffice to say everyone was majorly pissed off with me because I haven't been to Gaylando in over 400 days (see a post coming soon) but they are a fickle peoples and after a little bit of talking to everyone my peeps seemed happy, neigh, almost pleased to see me again. Including my virtual stalker target Bunnie.

However, whilst chatting with my love she showed me this "weird" letter (her words):


Now I assure you that this is an image of a letter but a crappy phone camera combined with an old DS resulted in the above image. For those of you who can't make out the text! or those of you who can't read the lett…

Seperate Ways

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We at that guys support anything and everything Japanese schoolgirls say and do, in our eyes they can do no wrong except Richie says they 'struggle too much'. That's disgusting dude.

Thatguys: Official members of the Engrish AKB48 fanclub

/Wnak

Aitakatta, aitakatta, aitakatta

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We at that guys support anything and everything Japanese schoolgirls say and do, in our eyes they can do no wrong.

Thatguys: Official members of the Engrish AKB48 fanclub

/Wnak

Fridaaaay!

So STFU and be happy! You get a whole weekend of fun and freedom! Oh you want a benchmark for how happy you should be?

Be this happy


Have a nice weekend!

Colin McRae Outrage

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Contrary to “popular” belief Colin McRae Rally is actually one of the Thatguys preferred series’ of games from Codemasters only slightly preceeded by Dizzy, Micro Machines, SAS Combat and Nitro Boost and CJ’s Elephant antics. So I’m sure you will understand that we are on mourning for the loss of one of the contributors of a mediocre racing game.

R.I.P. Colin McRay

But what really boils our egg (which is wearing boxing gloves) is that heartless SEGA are cashing in on this “gap” in the market with their new Sega Rally Revo, this painful title is due for release at the end of the month and actually features Colin McRae:

(Click for Full screen)

Personally I am outraged, however SEGA are still releasing Virtua Fighter 5… which died a long time ago.

lvl up this profession...

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Right if any of you have ever seen the Pokemon Anime you will have noticed that most of the characters have some kind of twisted goal that they want to achieve in life.

For example:

Brock – Pokemon Breeder
Tracy – Pokemon Drawer
Ash – Pokemon Trainer/Master

Throughout the anime there are characters that are bumped into along the way that have some weird quirk that they inflict on pokemon, such as only training yellow pokemon, Pokemon Cattle herders*, or Pokemon Coordinators.

Well I had a thought

In the Safari zone you are given the option to catch pokemon…


As you can see you are given the opportunity “bait” the pokemon

So…

If you got really good at it, could you call yourself a Pokemon Master-baiter..

RAOTFLOL

*on a sub-note, every time you see beef on screen is that actually a Tauros or a Miltank? Discuss…

SEGA IS AWESOME!

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Yes it is. What prompted this post? Nothing, no really nothing.....*

And if someone just happened to ask me what sega games I am looking forward to, I would have to say Sonic Rush Adventure. Why would someone ask me that? No reason. No really, nothing...*

Also, it might be time for another picture review. Which, is never a bad thing**.





*In jokes. Ignore plz. Seriously. You won't get it unless you know. Maybe you think you know but you probably don't.

**But I am really looking forward to Sonic Rush Adventure. I might be a gamer again despite what I said
here

Another letter to Team Ninja

69 Thatguys Street
Racoon City
T6 4M1


Dear Team Ninja,

Firstly I would like to thank you on your wondrous attention to detail, and on encapsulating everything that anyone could every want from bouncing CG boobs. However, it pains me to say that this is not a letter complementing your hold on the CG boob market, this is in fact a letter of apology. You may have recently received a letter from my colleague, a Mrs Lvl 70 Richie complaining that her phone was broken due to the rage caused by your game being too 'hard'. However, I implore you to ignore the demands set out in my colleague's previous letter because, well she plays WoW and she just isn't used to real time combat systems or skill based games. She spent hours playing DoA4 Online desperately trying to "click" on opponents before endlessly being beaten. In fact, it was only recently that Richie learned that DoA had a game element to it at all. She would just sit watching the rolling demo screens at the menu …

A Letter to Team Ninja

69 Thatguys Street
Racoon City
T6 4M1


Dear Team Ninja,

Firstly I would like to thank you on your wondrous attention to detail, and encapsulated everything that anyone could every want from bouncing CG boobs. However it pains me to say that this is not a letter complimenting your hold on the CG boob market, this is in fact a letter demanding compensation for damaging my phone. If it were not for your bouncy booby game (RE: Dead or alive 4) being to ridiculously hard for the entry level player, then my phone would not have met with a rather unfortunate event, involving a wall and it hurtling though the air.

As such I would like to demand the repair bill for my phone refunded to me (£40), emotional damages (£1000), a nude patch for Ein, damn! I mean Bayman. No! I mean Tengu. NO! I mean Helena… Maybe.

Along with this I demand that Cunzy and I feature as characters in the next DoA game, and we each have multiple endings involving us nobbing the DoA girls. Cunzys, can feature him, settling down …

DoA4 + 360 = Broken phone

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Fuck this shit, the game is flawed, you do a move the AI counters it, you try to counter and nothing fucking happens. The manual doesn't even go into detail on how the countering system works, even though it raves on about the countering system being all re-vamped and amazing. Lies.

So I'm fighting some fucked up drunk dickface (dont know his name nor do i care to know it) and he just continuously counters it over and over. OH! great job team ninja, or should i say "team wank-fuck-cock-faecal-cunt". And I am on like the tenth time trying to kill him, well actually just trying to get a move in to prevent getting perfected, fuck you team ninja.

I know at the start of games you are at zero on the learning curve, it is like tossing a coin, 50:50 chance of winning. Team banjo-string just seemed to ignore this.

Yeah so 10th fight with Drunk fuck, and theres nothing i can do He starts som 9 chain combo, which leaves me being juggled, and with nothing to do, except loose my lif…

LOLCATS

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Fuck off cats more like. Here is the definitive LOLCAT and I don't want to hear anymore about it. CLICK FOR THE TRUTH

Pinnacle reached: Richie now re-accepted by Geeks everywhere!

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In the small hours of last night I finally did it! I reached Level 70! After hours and hours of grinding, questing and farming I finally did it, My Mage hit Level 70!



Whats this you say, you thought I had given up? Yeah I had, but after recent negotiations with the editorial staff it was agreed that to save thatguys.co.uk It was required that someone made a sacrifice. And bring back the classic days of Thatguys, much like in heroes when that artist guy has to take heroin to save the cheerleader. And since i am the most 1337 we needed a level 70 sharpish. So i went out and bought the burning crusade, spoke with a nice GM who re-activated "Richie" the fire mage.

News that is six months too late:

Well, I say "hours and hours" I started playing again as Richie not long after the recent announcement of Wrath of the Lich King. which led me into a flurry of WoW research and pranging desires to throw some fireballs. The Burning Crusade, is everything WoW should have been, the…

It's Official: Cunzy1 1 no longer a gamer

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It's true. I recently bought ONM (for the free gifts of course) and the free gift was crap. A keyring made out of hideous cheap-off-the-market-for-a-quid-"lego"-plastic so I decided to get my money's worth I'd actually try to read the magazine.

It was hideous. The writing is by four year old never heard ofs who desperately try to sound like they don't have to give all the games above average marks. Anyway, this is besides the point. They had an article on the hot 100, trying to convince Nintendo fans that there was a reason they have a Wii other than to play Wii Play and Wii Sports or Wario Ware (Zelda can just fuck off). And what games was I interested in? Was it Pokemon Battle Revolution? Well a bit but everyone knows it's just an expensive husk of a game. Was it Mario Galaxy? No. I don't particularly like space as a setting for things and it just brings back memories of playing Super Mario 64 which is sometimes a good thing but sometimes bad too. No…

Games that I am still scared of even though I got quite far but have been stuck on the same bit for about 6 years

Alien Resurrection for the Playstation.














Post-Post Analysis. Oh! I've made so many mistakes here. What I did, was explained too much in the title which, left me nothing to expand on in the 'meat' of the post. Also, the parameters I set myself were way too narrow. If I'd spent a bit more time thinking about it, this post could have even been some kind of list. If I'd gone even further, I could have made some comment about horror games in general and how sometimes the old ones are always the best. I didn't even put an image in. Oh this is all wrong. Sorry guys. Dropped the ball a bit here. I'd say 3/10 try harder? Or maybe 3/10. See Me!

Meta

I hate using the word meta. There used to be a time when we didn't use it. Those were good times! Anyway here at TGAM we try our damdest to bring you the latest news about videogames. By 'latest news' I mean stuff we thought up/dreamt up and by 'videogames' I mean Resident Evil and occasionally Pokemon and by 'our damdest' I mean infrequently and with fluctuating quality.

However, none of you probably remember this post here called Destroy the Techno Union Chips. This was TGAM journalism of the highest quality and we received attention from outside of the three- people-we- already-know readership. That was when we first received virtual affections from the one, the only, Miss Bea Havin from 1990's playstation pro magazine. She even created a new category for us called 'rampaging stupidity'. Sweet.

Anyway just over a year on and this post continues to be the most popular post on the whole blog with as many as 14! Yes One-Four comments. It turns out…

How much do you love your iPhone?

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Physically?

Well with the new iBrate application, your iPhone can now show you some lovin too, for some literal “Phone sex”

The application offers… Nothing really, vibrate or don’t vibrate

However iBrate v2.0 is said to include the following:

Removable waterproof silicon sleeve, variable speed settings, a pulse mode, music playback, a bluetooth remote control, lube, clitoral stimulator, callback function.

Omastar Comics #9

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This week Omastar tells us about the time he fought racism, real racism, not the internet kind.

Alas, that stupid kid getting in the way just as you were about to finish off the bad guy. That's how it always goes dude. ALWAYS

Lara Croft: Sold

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Yeah sold, like the veritable female object she is. SCi need some cash so they are thinking about selling her on. Of course, soulless money grubbing EA have already expressed their interest. They are possible already ejaculating their tainted devil seed it into their boxers, at the thought of twisting, mangling and destroying our beloved gamer icon. I know Eidos have not done their best with her, but if I owned Lara I would feel a responsibility to not allow EA to get their hands on it. Fuck it… I’d probably sell it to an indie for half the price, purely in the hopes that here already mangled polygons do not get violated any further with EA. Aside from her turning up in every EA game as a bonus character, she already has a game lined up...Tomb Raiderz Urban:Set in WWII on the beaches of Normandy, Lara Croft has to street race her way around the globe with her skateboarding sidekick Tiger Woods to retrieve the EA Trax stolen by John Madden and the Evil Fifas.Features:

- Her boobs will b…

Resident Evil 5 Racism?

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You've no doubt read the story now. The new RE5 trailer came out and showed Chris (from Resident Evil) or a Chris look-alike in Africa just walking around thinking about buying some beads 'n' shit. Then you see some zombie zombieness and afterwards, footage of Chris taking them out a la Resident Evil 0-4. Oh, yeah but most if not all of the zombies are black. So this inspired all of these cunts to talk about it and the nasty gaming community came out of their A-Holes to be racist to everyone and the anti-racist and race awareness part of the blogosphere mobilised and put up a bit of a fight. Good points were put forward by both sides blah blah blah.......
What none of these idiots (some of them are real idiots and others are self confessed intellectual idiots) picked up on is that it should be Resident Evil 6 not Resident Evil 5. For fuck's sake guys focus on the real issue. Capcom you still ain't wrote me back and to be honest it's getting near to "stash D…

The Pokemon Drinking Game [Prison rules version]

Sometime soon, not today, maybe not even this year, but before the end of the world Richie and I are going to liveblog playing the ultimate pokemon drinking game. Drinking? Pokemon? Game? I hear no-one say. Yes that's right. Oh you want to play too? Here's the rules:

1) Equitment
You have to pronounce equipment as equitment and skeleton as skellington and vehicle as vericle. It's all part of playing the drinking game. Anyway to fully enjoy the Pokemon Drinking Game you need the following:


Every single episode of Pokemon the animated series including the films and the Pikachu films (You can illegally download all of these from the internet. I strongly advocate that you do because when 4Kids or Nintendo or whoever finally decide to release all of them in your region there will be 2.5 episodes per DVD and it'll cost £15 each, even then they'll release only half of them).A whole week (7 days, preferably 8) with no other commitments. It might be advisable to send your bett…

[PlanetEarth]: LFG Need Healer

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If you were in the UK this summer you may have noticed that there was in fact no summer, we have lost “seasons”, we have expelled so may fucked up gasses into the atmosphere that we have effectively killed summer. It is this writer’s humble opinion that we have in fact fucked-up the whole world, beyond fixing. Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Seas drying up, and all sorts of other weather related extinction events happening on bigger and grander scales. This of course makes things like wars, oil, Jihads, Politics, Religion, PS4, the 9th WoW expansion, Nintendo doing a global release of a title, the end of Lost, the iPod-killer and the Spice girls re-uniting, all redundant.

And so what does our government do to try and stop this issue… it encourages us to use less carrier bags from the supermarket. Yeah nice.

The whole problem is that there is too many of us, and we have reached a point in our social evolution to the point where no-one cares, we work 9-5, then eat our tea in front of Coronation St…