Showing posts from July, 2006


...So this is post 100 and in order to celebrate the That Guy's crew, friends both old and new got together in WoW. Here is a log of the latter part of the evening. This post is by no means too long and not at all too hard to follow -

Cunzy1 1 says - No, but you haven’t seen the Krabby’s!
Richie laughs at Cunzy1 1
Quadbee says - I don’t get it…?
Robisgay says - I always wondered what the beginning of that joke was
Cunzy1 1 says - I kind of made it up
Cunzy1 1 says - So the weather?
Chuff_72 says - What up fools!
Dr.Wo 69 snickers at Cunzy1 1.
Chuff_72 blinks at Dr.Wo 69.
Richie laughs at Chuff_72
Quadbee blinks at Cunzy1 1
Cunzy1 1 says - ……..
Richie smirks slyly at Chuff_72.
Quadbee says - So, lets go on a raid?
Robisgay says - You want to go on a raid? Surely we should just hang around here. WoW is a platform not a game
Robisgay says - Self-Gheye
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Quadbee says - Guys let’s go on…

"FCUK me 4 GOLD"

Right well, as you know I play WoW, and I am also a fan of playing later at night so that I can do some solo farming/questing without as many geeks hounding me for Help/Gold/Water/Food. But the downside is that, if you pay a visit to any of the Major Cities, the freaks are out looking for Cybaaaar etc. I have been approached to cyber someone for Gold (freaky WoW prostitute) and frequently I have seen on General Chat things like, Female Gnome Looking for BF. As I stated before I find this sort of stuff sad. I think it is inevitable though, due to WoW being a “Full-time” game as such RL doesn’t get much of a look in, and well people need their “releases”.

Now to make things sadder, I stumbled across this site

Now I want to do something funny so I have registered my Character. Now what I want the reader of that guys to do is suggest a few answers for the following questions:

What do you do for fun?
Favorite things?
Whats the last thing you read?

Personally I was hoping for more questions... an…

Kids are better at it...

Ummm, apparently americans pay money for kids to teach them how to use their Joysticks: Weirdos

Guy Cocker, Cocks Guys

Yeah so GameSpot are giving a Kodos shout out to Scottish Game show videoGaiden. and Guy Cocker's interviewing. Not interesting really, short of the fact that Guy Cocker is the interviewer, and that he has a funny name.

So I suppose i should pad this post out a bit. hmmm Oh yeah. videoGaiden is Scottish and is better than all other video game shows out there, apart from Games master, but then that of course had Dominic Diamond, again Scottish. Are we seeing a theme here people?

Here it is in leet speak.

Scotland pwns The English
Scotland> The English

Whose axe were you grinding?

Whilst digging through bumph for the Big List I found this image. Ahh! The Sims. Here are some of my favourite images from the street I used to have.

If I were to name some of the images like episodes of Friends, I would call them: The one where everyone burned up because there were no exits or furniture only fireworks machines.
The other one where everyone burned up because there were no exits or furniture just fireworks machines.
The one with the baby.
The one when social services took the baby away.
The one with the sad clown (HATE that sad clown).
The one with death.
The one where death takes Mary Jr.
The one where the neighbour soiled the leopard skin in the toilet.
The one with the zombies.
The one where the neighbour was caught red handed.
The other one with the fire.
The one where the firefighters turned up a smidgen too late.

DISCLAIMER If you found any of today’s post offensive, immature, sexist, racist, homophobic, heterophobic, xenophobic, not to your liking, not funny enough, too-in-j…


Yeah, but definitely Would though.

P.S This is sooo borind.

UPDATE: She looked much better in the old picture. A lot less Chyna.

Xbox 360: How to kill and dispose of a baby.

As most people know friends/family can really eat into your game playing time, and none more so than kids. Xbox 360s are now including the below handy guide, printed on every plastic bag, on how to dispose of those pesky kids.

As you are recycling the bag its good for the environment too!

Oh dear!

We here at That Guy's have been working on a project to compile a big list of all the games we have to see how many of them we have completed awarding half a point for completing the game on normal settings and another half point for completing secondary objectives like unlockables, multiplayer skins, medals, 100% etc.

There are over 150 games so far, and growing, but at the moment there are only a handful of games with the completed whole 1 point so morally these are the games we can rant about because we've played them through.

Now, here's the Science/Sad (as if this project wasn't sad enough already) part, these are the games...

Call of Duty 2, Colony Wars Red Sun, Def Jam Fight for NY, Fahrenheit, Grand Theft Auto III, ICO, Jurassic Park Warpath, Lego Star Wars, Mario 64, NHL 2001, Nightmare Creatures, Pokemon Colosseum, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, Star Wars Battlefront, Timesplitters 2 and Tomb Raider 2.

There are some pretty big ones missing from that list and a …

Destroy the techno union chips!

We love lists still. Today, what qualifies as something like the sixth list today:

Excuses people use for playing games other than to fill up recharge times between masturbation:

1) To improve hand-eye co-ordination (Presumably for imporved masturbation)
2) To find true love (= Porn you can touch i.e Masturbation vessel)
3) To learn a different language, although I am suspicious of such claims I have learnt Chargement, Caricamento, Ladt, Laden and Cargando and Falso Crash (thanks Crash Team Racing)
4) To socialise with family online (To cyber your sister/brother and not get charged)
5) To experience things you couldn't in real life (ok)
6) To experience being another gender (To self-gay masturbate over your very own night elf doing a sexy dance)
7) To have fun (ok)

Also as everyoneandtheirdog has "discovered" Girls play games, therefore, girls play games during recharge times between masturbation, therefore all Girl gamers masturbate. Now they don't even have to pause the gam…

The History of Games

This is not a history of games. If you want a history of games and games machines go to Wikipedia or something, this is a rant about “serious” games books, not novellisations or fan fictions (even though Barry x Chris or William Birkin x Yuna fan fics are great).

Pick up any serious book about games and somewhere there will be a history section. It’s a rule laid down by publishers. If you want to write a serious games book it either has to be a history of games or the first three quarters of the book has to be about the history of games and it goes like this:

1) Write something about Egyptians playing games.
2) Write something about Babbage.
3) Write 1500000 pages on computers that look like this even though only two people in the world ever had one and they cost $168933 at the time .
4) Write three chapters on Pong including the fact that Pong. wasn'teven the first game but write three chapters on it anyway.
5) Write two more chapters on Space Invaders.
6) Write epic whole other books …

I am a nice person to know. Know Me. Know my Game. Muthabitch: Jill

Next up in Resident Evil: 101 we have Jill Valentine. Jill is a veteran to the Resident Evil series. She started off in the first Resident evil co-starting with Chris “I need two inventory spaces just for my penis” Redfield, and her performance dominated the series even to this day.

However what many people don’t know is how Jill became an Elite member of S.T.A.R.S: Jill, unlike Claire, came from a sensible house and grew up with loving parents and her brother Vincent. Although the family was close Jill has lost touch with Vincent, he moved to Midgar a few years ago and has recently “sold-out” to cater for emo-twat-game-fans. Jill started out in life unlocking things, anything she could get her hands on Doors, and… umm Locks. She then attended Lock school, excelling in all of her classes, she them moved on to Lock University where she studied for her “MLock” giving her the official title of “Master of Unlocking”.

Jill, realising that the money wasn’t great in the Unlocking Industry, the…

That Guy's a Maniac Con 2006

What started out as one night gaming turned out to be a three day bonanza of hardcore gaming and retro-insulting. For those of you who missed it here are the highlights:

Venue: Fatty Bunter's Institute of Electromedia, Dr.Wo's Laboratory

Games Played:Dog's Life, Bomberman World, Micro Machines V3, Micromachines V4, Guitar HEro, Freedom Fighters, Quake 2, Shaolin, Jumping Flash!, Sonic Rush, Animal Crossing Wild World, Sensible Soccer, Burnout Revenge, Fight Night Round 3, Smuggler's Run Warzones and Forbidden Siren 2 (far too scary, danm demo time outs). Oh my god we were having so much fun we didn't even touch Haunted Maze.... amazing

Highlights:Chuff_72 creaming at Bomberman World as Ninja Bomberman although he did insist on constantly playing his favourite level over and over again as well as wearing fake thumb nails for half of the weekend, Mo yer 4 (AKA Witch Bomberman) despite a shaky start on Quake 2 and Bomberman went on to rule the roost as the Yellow Guy on…

Before UK:R do it.

Look new frag dolls:

And in a UK:R sylee: Wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't,wouldn't, would but only in Yuna cosplay.

N.B. That's USA Frag Dolls which Is why they could all at least pass for dog's dinner.

I am a nice person to know. Know Me. Know my Game. Muthabitch

Right so as you may have noticed this site is quite Resident Evil orientated. I decided its time for our readers which are less Resident Evil-literate to be come more aware of the people/characters/friends/sex objects in it. First up we have Claire Redfield.

Claire Redfield made her first appearance in Resident Evil 2.

Claire who was currently on a 72 hour fuckathon during her spring break gets a call from her brother Chris who was desperately looking for some weed, as he had used up all his “Green Herbs”, “Blue Herbs”, “Brown Herbs” and even his Precious “Red Herbs”. Thankfully the guys that she was receiving Dry Entry Anal Justice from were dealers. She promptly dismounted, grabbed a nearby gun, killed all 4 of them, cleaned up, grabbed the weed, and then stole their motorcycle (Claire was always the black sheep pf the Redfield family, dabbling in drugs, anal sex, and Killing the undead from a young age). Claire arrives late at night in Raccoon City, where she attempts to go eat at a …

Cheerleaders are dancers that have gone retarded

We love lists! Today- 10 disabled characters in computer games! We realise that in light of the DDA disability has been extended to, quite rightly, cover forms of disability that extend beyond the physical, for example, following the new act financial disability has for the first time been considered to be a formal disability. God knows we've all been playing RPGs and been disabled in this way, forced to fight generic blue bad guy for hours on end to get enough gil/rupees whatever to buy a slightly better sword or some much needed potions. But todays post is about celebrating virtual physical disabilities in characters.

1) Captain Ed Shivers- Timesplitters Future Perfect
2) Voldo- Soulblade etc.
3) Con Smith- Killer 7
4) Cloud Strife- Final Fantasy 7
5) Dr. Richard Keller- Half Life
6) Darth Vader- All the star wars games (Most)
7) Bentley- Sly 2
8) Jax- Mortal Kombat
9) Harman Smith- Killer 7
10) Badass Cyborg- Timesplitters 1,2 & 3

Disclaimer for Americans- I know that this list conta…

Game based on the movie based on the blog based on the Games that define our lives.

Geez I leave for a few days and all Hell(bound Angels) breaks loose. But hey good news:

That Guys has finally been picked up by the people that matter, for a game that will actually matter!

Spoiler alert:

So far we can disclose the following information:

C-Spin and Jump
X - Primary fire.
O - Cross
Triange - Double jump
Square - "homofobic" RP-PvE insult.
L1 - Slide Tackle
L2 - Secondary Fire
R1 - Throw Grenade
R2 - Grappling hook
L3 - Dive
R3 - Become undead and play from the Zombies poit of view.
Select - Map
Z- Accelerate

Levels:That Guy's: The official game of the official movie will feature revolutionary new level design including:
An Ice level. It will be all white and a bit slidy and you die if you fall in the water because it is so cold. Expect penguins and polar bears as well as an Xtreme snowbaording section.
A Fire level. Set in a volcano there will be lava and boulders galore!
A Warehouse level. This level is made out of crates. There will be a crane mini puz…

Chuff_72 Speaks!

WoW two guest writers in one week. Chuff and I were discussing the next lot of games to come out. I was lamenting that out of all of them I honestly only fancy bout two of them. CHuff_72 then posted this back. Which seemed to raise some very good points:

"I don't know, I think I'm a little more excited than you about some of the new stuff coming out, my tastes change all the time and I think I'm becoming less demanding in the face of the reality that nothing will ever be as good as you hope it will, the sheer possibilites that the power of the new consoles will have on the games I love already is quite exciting. I love sequals, seriously I just don't understand why people moan about them all the time, I can't wait for the new Conflict game, or Dynasty, or TimeSplitters, what will those games look like? To be honest I don't mind if they're shinier but more, I like the way all those games play, if I want something more progressive then I'll but Mass E…

Chris and the other S.T.A.R.S....

Members tried to warn us, but no-one believed them. After that all this staarted to happen. If you have a riff with people wanna bust, break out before you get bumrushed at the (Wild Wild West) when I roll into the (Wild Wild West) when I stroll into the (Wild Wild West) when I bounce into the (Wild Wild West) Sisqo, Sisqo we going straight to the Wild Wild West we going straight to the Wild Wild West now, now, now, now once upon a time in the west mad man lost his damn mind in the west loveless, givin up a dime, nothin' less........................

RE: Buttal

We here at That Guy’s are like a family. A weird family, I grant you, but a family nonetheless. There’s nothing I like more than writing stuff that they’ll comment on or even find entertaining counter-culture to the "YAY" games blogs that SATURATE the internet. 95% of them are utter drivel and not worth the time it takes to click a link to get there. What times we have had. The time that Chuff_72 chose the "no" option on the age verification screen on Thrill Kill. The time that Dr Wo 69 woke up from a catatonic stupor to answer the question "What is the administrative centre for Derbyshire?" On Who wants to be a millionaire? and then promptly fell back to sleep (the answer is Matlock btw). The times that Quadbee would beat us on Rally Cross even when he had the worst car. The time that Monfuche threw the pad on the floor and ran in to the bathroom because Silent Hill was too scary, didn’t even pause the game, her fear was that great. We don’t write it for…


Richie hasn't been posting because I fired him for writing homoerotic reviews about games that he fancies the male protagonist in. So in the meantime guest writer Marvin Branagh from Resdient Evil 2 will be helping out here. Take it away Marvin.......

"You must be the new guy Leon right? Sorry but it looks like your party has been cancelled. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I liked to take a minute just sit right thereI'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air in west Philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where I spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good startin makin trouble in my neighborhood I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air' I begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packe…

Read .............

This and try not to come. I hate viral blog referencing but I couldn't just rewrite or steal the article from 8 day old Wired News. That would be bad.

Anyway if you've already come a click to far to reach this page basically Final Fantasy characters will be unlockable in Mario Hoops for the DS. Great news huh?

No because a) It's Mario fucking hoops, why on earth is mario playing basketball? and b) Apart from moogle and cactuar the characters mentioned so far are generic Black Mage, Ninja and White Mage which are a bit pants and a bit too much Final Fantasy 11 for my liking if you know what I mean?

Are Square-Enix that retarded? If you own Cloud, Squall, Yuna, Tifa etc.etc.etc. why on earth aren't you putting them in the game? Unless you secretly know that it will be a shit game and are waiting for the That Guy's Game. In which case we accept but with the following stipulations; Tifa is always naked. That's it OK? Phone us tomorrow and we'll finalise everything…

Deadwina- 10 reasons

TO STAY AT HOME AND PLAY COMPUTER GAMES (With your mates is best but meh!)

Well it appears that videogames may be the subject of yet another witch hunt because parents are doing a shit job of looking after their children. Do not worry though if you are in fear that you are addicted to computer games then carry on gaming because if you live a "normal" life this may happen to you...

1) Stabbed on a bus for no reason whatsoever.
2) Stabbed on a bus for standing up for your girlfriend.
3) Shot by the police for no reason whatsoever.
4) Blown up by terrorists (see 9/11 or 7/7 etc.)
5) Raped
6) Get HIV from nutters who are your girlfriend
7) Beaten to death for having your phone in the pub
8) Shot in a drive by
9) Attacked by Chavs because you were there
10) Get run over by a cunt

So you see it's the cunts/chavs/neds/townies/terrorists/nutters that run the show now. It used to be the case of wrong place wrong time but now its' just wrong time. So yeah, go out if you dare because your …

The (Ughh) Nice Post?

OK so maybe it's my time of the month or something but I was going to do a post using some of the photos of the fattest/weirdest looking geeks from Faces of WoW and do a Robin Cooper Alter Ego style thing having everyone as Female Night Elves or whatever and saying that WoW is for weirdos, goths, geeks, loners, teenage boys, who will Ghey cyber you for gold. I was then going to finish off the post by finding the fattest sessile woman and saying it was Richie. However, whilst looking for the freakiest photos I was compelled by the honesty of all of these people and (dare I say it) I was happy for them? I don't even f*cking blog under my real name and they put up their images for all to browse, judge etc. I think sites like this truly reflect the sentiments of this poem, better than any pro-pro gaming league or other attempt to get gaming into the mass mindset.
It was also interesting to see the images that people chose to upload; some were funny, others very honest and soul-bear…

The Picture Review of Sonic Rush

Reviews are pretty boring and diverse huh? PLEDGE magazine has taken writing reviews about games to the same level of Wnakiness as NME have writing about music. Bloggers have filled the internet with reviews on games for kids, games that have never actually been released, Gayspot have decided to give up reviewing games with Madden in the title and just give them 10/10 after copying and pasting ONM's reviews of any game with mario in the title (Ctrl-H'ing Mario for Madden). Something Awful have even reduced the review to a single sentence.

Richie brought homo-erotic reviews to the internet and now I give you one picture reviews.

Sonic Rush Picture Review

iBuzz - Really?

Yeah so what you are seeing pictured is essentially a vibrator, sex toy thingy. This however has one small difference, you see the headphone jack? Yeah! I t plugs into your iPod, I reckon this contraption actually gets folk off in time to the music? Now when I found this I was a little sceptical so I had to check out the site, and yeah it exists! Check it out for yourself. pay attention to the flash add in the bottom corner where it has the iPod silhouette Ads and then zooms in their groins.So my question to you is - What songs would be best?

Review - Super Dragon ball Z

Right well I promised a review of this bad boy A while ago, but it was postponed till Friday 14th July. I have now bought and played this title. This title was intensely anticipated as it is a Dragon ball Z game which was created in collaboration with the original Streetfighter II bloke. This game was originally released in Japan for the arcade machines and it was called Dragon Ball Chou. The Streetfighter II elements are quite evident in the game, the signature “Kamehameha” beam move is the same button input as Ryu’s Hado-ken, and they even gave Goku (the main protagonist of the series) a “Dragon Punch” with the same controls. And that’s is where the coolness ends. The moves don’t translate well to Dragon ball Z, pulling of a combo, feels to contrived, the other Dragon ball Z games seemed to have created a system which is more suited to the universe, with rapid, punches and kicks, rather than the SF II system of Light Punch/Kick, Medium Punch/Kick and Heavy Punch/Kick. Along with a f…

The future of Games?

What will gaming in the FUTURE be like? In like the year 2010?

Some kind of crappy flailing game to do with Arse-sassins is our prediction. Some media progresses but gaming will always be geared around pleasing folks who wear Metallica T-shirts and the like.

Sad really.

Radio is WNAK

Right well apparently there is a Radio site called WNAK.

Excuse me while i mop the tears of laughter!


News just in. That GuyerChuff_72 has just been busted by MR.GAME during a not-so-undercover operation. Tell it like it is Chuff...

I just got busted in the name of That Guy's, trying to take a picture of the top ten in GAME, according to the resident retard it is apparently company policy, "because". Anyway I think it was something like this;
1. Cars
2. PotC Dead Man's Chest
3. Over the Hedge
4. The Wild
5. Stormbreaker
6. Winnie the Pooh
7. Trolls
8. Licenced Nikelodeon game
9. Licenced horse game
10.Sonic Advance Battles 2 (or something, yay Sonic Team)

This is proof. Empirical proof that Mr.Game is up to something ITS A FUCKING COVER_UP. Commendable Chuff but don't give up now. This war has just begun!
Look at those charts and lament.

I am not Sweet!

We've just had brilliant news! On the back of our 69th post (see post 69) we've been offered the chance to make a That Guy's film by a big Hollywood Studio (That's all we are allowed to say).

The title is That Guys's A Maniac - The Official Movie which is a brilliant title!


It's going to be much better than Stay Alive and has been described as a bastard child of Dude Where's My Car/Road Trip/Freddy Got Fingered/Hackers/Lawnmower Man/Final Fantsy Advent Children/Rainman and Lolita.

Here is the cast list

Cunzy11 - Cunzy11
Richie - Richie
Anonymous - That bird what played the Empress in Never Ending Story
Chuff_72 - Freddy Prinz Jr.
Dr.Wo. 69 - Angelina Jolie
ChunkySalsa - Steve Buscemi
Quadbee - Stiffler
Guy Cocker - Ben Affleck
Ed Federmeyer - Ed Federmeyer
Sherry From Resident Evil 2 - Kate Beckinsale
Marlene From FFVII - Tatu
Monfuche - Sienna Guillory dressed as Jill Valentine

It's going to be set in post 2005 Earth where an evil alien has come down t…


Cunzy: So we made it this far. Not bad girl? Our 69th post what an auspicous occasion! It's been tough, real tough but we made it. What was your favourite post?

Richie: My favorite and possibly most neglected ones is Geekonator2000, I feel that, that one should be continuously expanded on... But i fucking hate the Londonage posts what the hell was i thinking?

Cunzy: Yeah that was a good one! I think my favourite post was this one. Because of the high quality of the comments and nothing at all to do with that filthy picture. No sir! I'm still writing my post to Mr.Game by the way!

Richie: Lets not forget our commentors, we've had at least 5, Dr Wo, Chuff, Chunky Salsa, Quadbee. Do you remember the time that possibly a girl made comment on this post?

Cunzy: Yeah! She was all like "Cunzy is a dick and Richie is god". I never suspected that it was you at all and I still don't! LOLLERCAUST! Favourite comment?

Richie: It has to be this one for the "Have at you Snak…

The Amazing Leet Translator

Wow! Now instead of having to look it up on Wikipedia, you too can add a L337 signature to the bottom of every fucking forum you are on!
Just type your text into the left hand box and your L337 will appear in the right hand box.

Hey Wii is funny!

Funny things that can be done with the Wii's name:

- Wii-tard
- Wii-tarded
- Wii-d
- Pot-Pour-wii
- Care to come round for some Wii and Scones
- Vitamin-wii
- Bachelors deg-wii
- Courtn-wii Cox
- Grand P-wii
- Easy as A. B. Wii, 1. 2. Wii, Doe. Rae. Wii
- Amput-wii
- H. I. Wii
- Wii-nis
- Hepatitis-Wii
- Rup-wii
- Wii-nal Dialysis
- Wii wii
- Wii laddie
- Wii Willy Winkie
- Lavat-Wii
- Wii-ness extra cold
- I need a Wii
- Can I see your Wii
- Can I touch your Wii
- Can I drug you and then put my Wii on you?
- Hap-wii-ness
- Eev-wii
- Wii-ndows Xp
- Wii-nal colony
- Dry entry Wii-nal Justice
- Final Fantasy Thr-wii
- Wii-3PO
- I can smell your Wii from the other room
- Can I put my Wii in your X-box?
- Wii-sa Gonna die?
- Son-wii. Wii S Wii
- Rich-Wii and Cunz-Wii-11
- Guitar Wii-ro
- War-wii-oWare Inc.
- Super Smash Bros Mel-wii
- Resident Wii-vil

Sony's New Ad Campaign...

In an attempt to appease the recent surge of Girl Gamers:

Sony PSP apology.

For those of you who dont know, Sony recently released this Ad:

And there was a shed load of controversy about the racial connotations behind it. Well apparently Sony have now apologised for this and withdrawn the advert.

However the Guardian Gamesblog (See link on sidebar) has given me an idea: Controversy Sells, The guardian was talking about whet next campaign they will come up with next, offending religions? Well lets leave the racial offendingness aside, How else could Sony market this “Pretty Shit Product”?


The Dinosaur Games List!

Here they are! With my got/need status

Animal Crossing GOT
Animal Crossing: Wild World NEED
Deathtrap Dungeon GOT
Demo One Awesome T-rex thing GOT
Dino Crisis (not 3) GOT
Dinosaur Hunting (not yet released) NEED
Disney’s Dinosaur NEED
Evil Dead Fistful of Boomstick GOT
Jurassic Park GOT
Jurassic Park 3: Dino Attack NEED
Jurassic Park 3: DNA Factor NEED
Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis GOT
Jurassic Park: Warpath GOT
King Kong NEED
Parasite Eve 2 GOT
Siberia NEED
Siphon Filter GOT
Star Fox Adventures: Dinosaur Planet NEED
The Lost World: Jurassic Park NEED
The Lost World: Jurssic PArk Arcade NEED
Timesplitters GOT
Tomb Raider 1, 2 & 3 GOT
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter NEED
World of Warcraft NEED
WWF Smackdown 2 GOT
Zoo Tycoon: Dinosaur Digs NEED

There is also Power Rangers Dino Thunder which I refuse to include in this list and about 140000 other Jurassic Park spinoffs. Jurassic Park seems to have gone the way of the star wars... although Juras…

AMAZING Dinosaurs in Games Review!!

I fucking love (Non Avian) dinosaurs! Seriously! If I had to choose my top 5 fantasy mates it would be dinosaurs. If I could have sex with anyone dead or alive it would be dinosaurs ALIVE! And there is nothing I like more than dinosaurs and other extinct organisms in computer games. I mean serious dinosaurs NOT this shit or this shit.

Here we go. Top however many I get to Greatest Dinosaur Games of ALL TIME

1. DINO CRISIS 1 & 2
Not 3 though because it has fake dinosaurs. Who would bother with making a game called dino crisis and then rendering fake dinosaurs. Anyway, you get to fight dinosaurs and pick up files bout dinosaurs like a Michel Benton book! The second one is better because you can run and shoot AND YOU CAN’T EVEN DO THAT IN RESIDENT EVIL 4! SPOILER Also, after being chased by T-rex through most of the game fucking Giganotosaurus eats it because it is bigger and some people still don’t even realise that T-rex wasn’t the biggest. Capcom are proper 1337 vertebrate palaeonto…

Video Game comics

Right well I have been quiet for a while as I have been trying to write a definitive guide to Web-comics, and well…


There’s to many of them, I can’t even hope to try review/rate them, as there is a shed-load of shitty ones out there. I mean how do you review them? It’s like games, some of them are quite pretty yet are not funny/interesting/good. And some of the shitter looking ones are actually funny. You get my analogy?

Anyways here is a few web comics we have come across

God Mode Online
VG Cats
Little Gamers

And here’s an archive of pretty much EVERY web comic you can ever hope to find/read:

The Web Comic List


Penny Arcade is perhaps the most ridiculous web comic on the internet. The site is broken and the strips are lame. Their humour can be described at best as Canadian (see Something Awful for Canadian-o-rama). Also they clearly have copied this site. Putting a penny arcade cartoon on your site has become the new sticking two moist fingers into your anus.

Girls (attractive and British) cannot and do not play games. It is a lie made up by guys who pretend they are girls online so that they can cyber for gold/gil/bells.

WoW sucks. The only way to progress through this game is to spend a lot of time on this game, sure, this is true of all other games with the exception that other games are challenging. I bet there are more people at LvL60 on WoW than haave completed Super Mario Brothers 3. Because SMB3 involves things like jumping and not hanging around a hub. All the people who play RPGs are fat ugly goths or ex-goths anyway.

Anime, and anime games, are stupid. Drawing a shit cartoon with a s…

The death of MMO

Awesome site!

Basicly it is a list of reasons that people have quit WoW, I dont think I have found one invalid one!


My personal favorite:
Its said that 1 cigarette takes away 5 minutes from your life. Waiting for your raid to buff up takes 20 minutes. The conclusion is to stop WoW and start smoking.

Wnaky WNaky Wnak

From here

"One of the criticisms that’s always been levelled at the ... [virtual world reporting done by Wallace and others] is that it takes these things too seriously. “It’s only a game,” is the constant rejoinder whenever we call into question the things that go on in these virtual spaces and how they are managed by the companies that run them... But, as we’ve maintained all along, it is not in fact only a game. These places are models for the kind of society we’ll live in, in the not-too-distant future. They’re worth paying attention to — close attention, since much of what happens in them has a direct bearing on the way we will live... [T]he societies that are developing in these places point the way toward the societies of the future, whether online or off. To a great extent, if you want to know how we will live tomorrow, look at the way we live now in a place like Second Life."

In the immortal words of UK:R is it because you are shit at Tekken? If virtual societies are …

GameFAQs - Best. Series. Ever.

First off I have to apologise that this is a bit late especially if you want to enter, but GameFAQs yearly contest has started. In the past few years they have pitted Video game characters vs. other Video game Characters, and the most popular (most voted for) wins.

This year however they have decided, instead of Characters vs. Characters, to do Series’ vs. Series’ i.e. popular franchises up against each other. Anyway from the extensive list I decided that after all the eliminations that Final Fantasy will win.

Unfortunately I checked my entry today and, low an behold apparently Mega Man is more popular that Suikoden. Damn, already fucked up at the 1st hurdle.

Have at you snake

Here was me thinking our site was shit

Also look what I found on Richie's computer. Disgusting, dude she is like 8.

That Guy’s a Maniac Award… July

This month the “That Guy’s a Maniac…” Award goes to:

“Brice Mellen”

Right Straight up, he's blind! This kid (17) has been kicking ass at fighters and killing the non-sight impared gamers. Now apparently he does it all through listening... Quite a feat. However I really fucking like his attitude, He freaks out people by facing away from the screen, Brilliant!

What I like the most is that he is gonna train for Video Games Design. As much as i am a fan of pretty games, most of the titles nowadays are beautiful yet souless, hopefully this guy will breathe some fresh air into game mechanics, if you get what i mean.

Good luck in Design Brice, and Congrats you are a Maniac

Merry Go Round, Broken Down

Yes Kids! Once again, I get on my high horse and complain about things I have no right to be complaining about because I probably couldn't do any better. Today it is my favourite subject. Crates and Barrels!

I wrote the funniest article ever here until some cunt wrote serious shit over the top of it. The only bit that is still mine is the bit under sources. This is what the regulator says after destroying the best piece of games related writing to ever appear on the internet :

(Rework of page to remove subjectivity (sarcasm) and make conjecture obvious as such. Also reworked some phrasing to improve flow.)

Mother Fucker! How dare you judge me! Also by "Reworked" he means "make boring like the rest of this shitty Wiki written by people who masturbate over pictures of broken PCs with bits coming out". Well, Mrs. Humorless here is my original article that you so callously deleted.

First Use of Crates and Barrels Appears in: Every Game Ever Description Barrels and crates…

New Wii Lunch Title Announced!

Today Nintendo announced WWi: Childbirth. The game, aimed at the female market, comes with a foetal attachment. Players then insert the controller, (umbilical chord) nunchuck and foetal attachment into the appropriate body cavity and then have to give birth within a time limit. On screen is a vaginal tearometer as well as an oxygen gauge for the baby. If the oxygen gauge reaches critical, players then have to wave the foetal attachment to get the baby to "wake up" or press the A button (ABORT) on the controller. If the vaginal tearometer reaches critical then players can attempt to stitch it up with a Wi-Fi connection to a special version of Trauma Center: Under the Knife.

The Foetus attachment comes in a range of colours to match the range of colours for the controller. Whether or not a blue version has been considered is unknown at this point.

This revolutionary game will give women who haven't yet had children an excuse to actually experience how painful childbirth is,…

Porn Made Defunct as of 20/07/06!


There is no point in porn any more! There is game soon to be released called Battle Stadium D.O.N. This will end any need for sexual stimulation ever again!

BS D.O.N. Is a cross over game for 3 Shonen Jump franchises, Dragon ball, One Piece and Naruto, please see the side bar for torrent links to episode of One Piece and Naruto, and Find Dragonball for yourself, just dont watch the original Japanese, the voices are highly irritating.

Umm yeah, expect reviews soon, along with guides on how to masturbate at the same time as playing.

Fuck you sex! we dont need you any more!

P.S. Dragonball is divided into 3 series':
Dragonball - 153 episodes. + 3 Movies
Dragonball Z - 264 episodes. + 13 Movies
Dragonball GT - 63 episodes. + 1 Movie



"You don't need to know the rules. Just touch and go"

What an excellent Tag-line for a page called touch generations. If a computer game themed carry on film was ever made Nintendo would be Barbara Windsor, forever accidentally saying filthy things innocently.

Saying that, there is nothing better than putting Jill in a corner and touching her up as the zombies get closer and closer.

Oh, oh did I just type that?

Guitar PISH, more like

I have had this "game" for well over a month now and well, despite what ANYONE says, this means you Gamer Blogs. The game is PISH*. The songs are repetitive, in theory it is just really fast space invaders with an incredibly awkward controller, and the unlockables suck. Reasons to hate guitar hero:

1) The controller makes you look Stupid, no adult holding a Fisher-Price Guitar can look dignified.
2) If you play it too long you get “guitar hero eye” where everything distorts due to looking intensely at the moving fret board.
3) The crowd goes “BOO”, and that bugs the shit out of me.
4) Anything above hard mode demands a definite lifestyle choice, where all you ever do is play guitar hero, practicing every fucking hammer-on and pull-off (hehe, pull-off).
5) Girls are better at it than me.

P.S. Guitar hero doesn’t suck It’s a great game (Do me Harder Red Octane! HARDER! cum in my armpit) , I and just suck really bad it.

*Pish - Scottish vernacular for rubbish/crap, deri…

Game Over. Continue?

And so with the inevitibility of FPS including barrels, or any RPG having an ice level, England have been knocked out of the world cup. And I am happy. Not because I am one of those pseudo-neomen of the 0's who is so secure in his sexuality that he would rather go shopping with his girlfriend than watch football, or one of those people who complain about the world cup taking over everything.

Respectively I would say to those people:
1) Give up mate because she isn't putting out even if you do pretend to give a fuck about whether her shoes match her toe-ring. The women of the 0's are characterised by only putting out to sleezes they meet whilst "finding themselves" in Cambodia. They aren't interested in knobbage that doesn't give them a great story to tell when they meet up with their similarly boring-but striving to be interesting girlfriends for their weekly lunch.

2) If you don't like football its because you were either a) Really bad at sports at scho…