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Showing posts from 2006

WoW, Xmas Gaming sucks...

So the Xmas period is upon us, everyone has got new games for all varieties of systems, and in playing this variety of PS2 RPG's, 360 Shooters, DS throw-away's, and Wii flappers, I got withdrawals. Its buggin me, I quit WoW months ago, but goddamn! It was a good game! Yeah I know, I'm just nostalgic, and possibly rose-tinting the situation. Everything I have been seeing in games recently has been reminding me of WoW and with the Burning Crusade expansion dawning on the horizon, it's on every fucking game site too. So where am I going with this? Bear with me...

I'm worried that WoW has ruined my expectations/outlook on games. WoW was shit, there were hideous people online, gold farmers, 40-man raids, even just parting with Twats... But the world was huge, beautifully rendered and the quests were fun (well later on they were fun once it stopped being, kill 20 X, 15 Y and 10 Z, then return to me) and to be honest the levelling system was all you could want in a game. O…

TGAM Game of The Year 2006: Cunzy1 1

It's been a good year for games with 7 consoles releasing some truly brilliant games. What is my choice of the year? Shadow of the Colossus? Gears of War? New Super Mario Bros? Or have we been bunged a load of cash to say Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter?

No lady and gentlemen my choice for game of the year 2006 is Timesplitters 2, the finest FPS on any format, possibly excluding all the Residet Evils which are RTS anyway.

Why is it so great?
Timesplitters 2 is so great because it had everything and it was birthed during the happy phase of gaming before age of cynicism of advertising, bugged to fuck game releases and mediocre copy catting. Go ahead whack it on now remind yourself how good it is, no gangstas, no Halo health system, no EA trax and no episodic releases.

The story mode (although lacking a strong plot) is still highly enjoyable now, putting the "acclaimed" story modes of Half Life 2, Gears of War and Final Fantasy XII to shame. The levels are excellently designed …

DS-graceful

I have had a DS now for a few months now, and well its bugging me, the games are crap and the wi-fi connectivity crap is even worse. I mean I know in theory its all good, but essentially it means you need to have a bunch of like-minded friends who would genuinely go out of their way to connect up and play with you, and also very likely in a room with and Xbox 360, Wii or PS2.

Gimmicks in games gave always annoyed me, things like Donkey konga, Dance mats, light sensors, because they well, are usually crap. Recently there has a been a splurge of such gimmicks: Buzz, Guitar hero, Singstar. which have been hits, yet i feel that there is no way i would spend nearly as much time, or get as much enjoyment, with these gimmicks as I would with... oh I dunno... a massive Squenix RPG.

And thats whats getting me with the DS all these gimmicks are trying to make me socialize with the socially stunted fucktards that carry their DS's around... Fuck it I want playablity i want... I dont know what …

He heh

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FF FFiction

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We here at TGAM love fan fiction and we’ve even had a go ourselves. Fan fiction is a great way to flesh out some of the worlds that we know and love. Let’s face it Final Fantasy VII won’t be getting a sequel (except the film and DoC) so it’s up to the fans to carry on the story.
The wonderful world of fan fiction can be accessed herebut I’ve isolated some of the best bits right here for your reading pleasure:

OBLIGATORY FAN FICTION DISCLAIMER
Unfortunately, I didn’t write any of the following. The titles for the pieces are given but I haven’t listed the author’s names in case they want to remain anonymous.

World Of Warcraft-Kindrel
“Drakken began to thrust faster and kiss Kindrel more forcefully. His tail tightened around the both of them. Kindrel let go of Drakken’s tail and began to dig his nails into his massive arms Drakken raised his lower body up into the air making him and Kindrel arc as he felt himself climax. Then they both ejaculated.”
A blood elf and a paladin going at it is a no…

Second Life: The Review

Yeah so, I quit WoW and all that, and as such I have been quite wary about even considering another MMO. However everyone and their uncle has been going on about Second life and how great it is. NowImust state thatI just stayed away from it anddidn't pay attention to anything about it aswell it's an MMO apparently. But thenI found out it was free, so I downloaded it.SOafter 30Mb downloading, 60Mb installation, and registering,I found that Second life is no more than a glorified Chat Program!There is nothing to this program, admittedly you can change youravatarto an almost infinite degree, which to be honest seemed like dressing a doll, but with more slide bars. Then you go interact with a bunch of online social fuckwits,which to be honest is the bitI hate whenplaying online,Will Fcuk 4 Gold,ROTFLOL, ugh. And yeahthat'spretty much it...I have no fucking Idea why anyone can honestly say that a chat program like this could evereven slightly topple the success of WoW! For one.…

Perhaps the worst Gaming Christmas list ever

Yeah thats right not one game I want this Christmas. Sure there are games I want but not one than I look forward to to buying for myself as a well earned chirstmas present to spend quality time with whilst scoffing mint matchsticks and spicy twiglets after a Christmas meal. Lets take a little looky shall we?

Dear Santa
Here is a kind of open Christmas letter. Don't worry about getting any of it though, I doubt even you could get your merry little hands on some these.

1) Xbox 360.
Still too expensive and there's no reason to buy one now that the Wii and PS3 are technically 'out' in the UK one of them might be better than gears of war or dead rising. Let's face it I'm not going to pay to go online after the free account expires anyway. I know the PS3 isn't technically out but you still won't be able to get one 1-4 months after it officially launches anyway.

2) Wii
If I could get hold of one I can honestly say I don't want to play any of the 'games' …

That guy's guide to...

Hey, are you a gamer?

Have you somehow managed to get a girlfriend?

Xmas shopping getting you down?

If the answers to these questions are yes then look no further than here, it's:

The That Guy's a Maniac guide to buying presents for your girlfriend if you are a gamer/geeky gadget boy.


Ohmibod:

First reviewed in August this year, this is a Vibrator add-on for the iPod and features penetrative vibrator only.


iBuzz:

This is the hottest of the products this year, we reviewed this bad boy in July, however if you check out the new website (Which also details the recent scandal apple have been having with iBuzz's marketing campaign), you will also see that there is the iBuzz2.

This latest update to the iBuzz includes not 1 but 2 attachments allowing guys to use the attachment as well as/or even at the same time as their female partners.

Reviews:

Fanboy#29 + Girl (real, but with 1 eye missing)
"Its like having sex but not as good"

Richie
"Where does that bit go? NO WAY! Really? W…

Xmas Baby!

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Season's greetings! It took me ages to make this but I want a list of all the characters and games by the end of today.

P.S. Merry Christmas*

P.P.S Yes we here celebrate Christmas which is technically homophobic but watcha gonna do?

Explanation/Londonage part 8?

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Soooooo last night Richie and I had the first official That Guy's Reunion funded by all your hard-donated money.
We made the decision to play games for drinks drinking a shot every time we got beaten in Super Smash Brothers, Wario Ware Inc. or Resident Evil DS. This of course was forgetting that we suck at Super Smash Brothers when sober.

We also found an even better drink than Cockspur the unofficial inspirer of TGAM.
That's right, Mount Gay Rum. 2 pints, 2 JD + Cokes and 80% of a bottle of Mount Gay later we did this and then this and then this. At the time it was the funniest thing ever. Now it brings back memories of being quite wasted at about 7 o clock in the evening. Nevermind it's all being charged to the TGAM business account. We then watched Advent Children. I gave a brief lecture on Mo-capping which was pretty much just me saying mo-cap continuosly for ten or so minutes. Also, Richie announced that:

"Owning 12 testicles means that at least you wouldn't be…

Phone bloggage

Mental! Phones have internet...

Phone bloggage

Mental! Phones have internet...

Queers

So this is me and cunzys first actual post together since the whole that guys phenomenon ever started.

thats a wrap people.

wnak

Kingdom Hearts 3!!!?!!!!!

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Right so that's KH2 finished, with the secret movie unlocked, so what now? Where does it go from here? I mean they have pretty much exhausted every Disney movie plot, hell! "Pirates of the Caribbean" was pushing it anyway!
I had some thoughts...
Kingdom hearts 3: The Soaps
Sora is joined by Pat Butcher and Ken Barlow to travel the worlds, revisit old plot lines and defeat the heartless in Albert Square (Eastenders), Coronation St, Emerdale, Brookside Close, Chester (Hollyoaks). All the worlds, as it turns out, are controlled by Ultimacia the Time/Space witch from FF8. Mickey has collaborated with Edea to rid Utimacia's taint from all these worlds, expect Cloud, Leon, Yuffie, Cid, Sephiroth and the all the usual Disney characters to help out.

Kingdom hearts 3: Alien Vs Predator
Sora is joined by Ripley and Predator #6 to defeat the Face Hugger Heartless. Malificent has fused with the Alien Queen spawning these "face hugger heartless", these special heartless hav…

Turn Around

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Remember back here when I said this but then I was wrong? Well, it
Hey Richie, hey cunzy, look I know you hate me but I really need a favour
happened again! Twice in one year. Maybe I should try to stay out of my
from you guys, from That Guys. I fucked up. This video project has cost me
K-Hole long enough to remember shit. Do you remember this
everything and I need your help, the fucktards that comment on my blog
from yesterday readers? Well I was wrong again.Miss Bea released the full
lap up everything I write but I know I've made a mistake this time.
thing and it's an absolutely fantastic little skit. EVERYONE should watch it. I
If you could please say one good word about it I'll owe you. Please Richie?
particularly like the guildmates, the setting, the sound and everything about it.
For old times' sake? I miss you Richie xx
Go now watch it. Don't come back all haven't-watched-it-at-all. Go now. Run you fools!
P.S If you could not tell anyone about this letter…

Red Faction II

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TGAM managed to secure an exclusive hands on with Red Faction 2 on the PS2-due out November 15th four years ago. Here is a review.

Red Faction was a good game, a half life for the consoles before half life went to the consoles. Red Faction 2 takes a slightly different tact on the FPS story driven game but you'll recognise some of the elements from the first one.

The game looks nice, it's a bit blocky in places but generally it's ok. The most immediate thing you'll notice is that there is no melee. More often than not you'll run up to a baddie firing until you run out of ammo. You then have to jump, backpeddle or strafe around until you reload. All the while the badguy will be doing the same. The game has some on-rail levels that see you in a tank or a jet fightery thing. These sections are okay but, on the whole, a bit too easy.

The blood in this game is weird. If you shoot someone standing near a wall a spot of blood will splatter behind them. This means that after s…

That special genre of game

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Since the year nothing there has been a distinct difference between what appears on the back of the box and on screen in games. However, right now we are reaching the stage where there ain't no difference no more. Sometimes. Take, for example Gears of War a game I played a leeetle bit too much of the other week there.
(Apologies for all the v links but here we go) In the UK this ad has been on the TV almost as much as the twilight princess advert. Nice yes?. This is a snippet of gameplay. Ok, so obviously there is a difference, but on the whole you get what you were advertised. You can use the chainsaw to cut people up, you get to shoot lots and lots of things, you can run down alleys and the game looks as near to the trailer as it can do without the sexy camera angles. Now look here. Well shit the bed if I don't want to buy it right now! In a previous life, ehem, if I had been a Warhammer player this had me, would of had me, psyched. I want in. It looks really good and the com…

Wochenende

This weekend three things happened of note:

1) Field operative and semi-retired TGAM blogger Richie went to Auchinawa on the weekend. Here is his one line review "Shit. The staff were cunts. Long Story. We ended up leaving" expect a full review and photos when/if Richie returns from his hiatus.

2) My friend who has little to no interest in gaming, games or gamers had a hands on experience with the Wii at home a full week before many gamers won't be able to get theirs because they are already all sold out through preorder. He said "v.cool. Baseball is ace". He forgot to mention that he is a lucky and ungrateful bastard. How did he get his hands on one? Is it Nintendo's new marketing strategy to give Wiis to people who don't care for games? I can't say but it is sick.

3) I actually played a SpongeBob SquarePants game on the PS2. I think it was Battle for Bikini Bottom but I can't be sure. Long and short of it: It wasn't bad! Excellent multiplayer…

Why you shouldn't put a video on your blog unless you are positive it isn't very dull or doesn't make you seem worse than people assume you are

Serve a justice that dwells in me
Lifeless corpse as far as the eye can see

Yes, yes seeing as there is nothing happening in the UK in terms of gaming this week it's time to go off topic.

You may remember the tenuous 'would' that is Miss Bea Havin from 1990's playstation magazine, Playstation Pro. Well we're not too sure she is Miss Bea Havin anymore.

To save you the jump Miss Bea does well to make you forget how she comes across as annoying, ""Wacky"" and needy yet frigid in writing, and just makes you think she is outright annoying. It's an important reminder to always question what you are posting. Are you posting to please the four 40 something baldies who follow your everyword despite the fact they repulse you or are you posting because you can't bring yourself to put razor to wrist as you and everyone else wants you to? In her latest video of an outake from her latest thing to do instead of topping herself, you could be blamed for thin…

All the cool kids are doing it......

Yes children, it's the new pretending to be a girl in WoW, whining about being gay on the internet or quitting Wireless Mario Kart DS if you are losing.
It's gaming couples sharing Gamertag surnames. Established maniacs the 69's (Dr Wo and Roodypoo) and the 72s (Chuff_ and Wendy) are already doing it.
The Queen and Big Phil. can occasionally be found on EVE:Online under HrH 1!1!! and Pphil 1!1!!, the Beckham's enjoy the occasional game of WoW as Becks 54 and Posh 54 and Kev.Federmeyer and Britney Spears are currently persuing legal avenues to resolve a dispute on who will get to keep 38 as their gamertag. Once Nuts magazine reports it I'll have no problem convincing my boyfriend to become ZaChDinsT1 1!

This also explains why Richie's gamertag is Richie.

Dr Wo 69’s surgery

Yes it’s time for another one off running series feature! Dr Wo 69’s console surgery. With all the hype around at the moment for the new consoles and handhelds it can be easy to think that the future has arrived already! However, as Sony have shown there are many lies abound the internets and many features mentioned in the run ups to launch magically vanish on launch day. So Dr Wo being an actual Doctor and everything is here to answer your questions. Leave any further questions or answers in the comments section and I’ll be sure to update them into the main body of the post. Here we go!

Sony
Bearing in mind that PS2 i-link port just vanished from the third or fourth-gen PS2s. Will you be able to play Playstation 2 link up games on the PS3? For example Timesplitters 2? No, Because for you to do that would entail packing your PS3 up in a suitcase and lugging it round your mates house and, speaking for myself thats too much effort already.

Can you play PSX link up games on the PS3? For exa…

That Guy's A Maniac Con 2: November

As I sit and type I am 3 out of 4 days into the second That Guy's A Maniac Con of 2006 and it was more everything than the first one.

RoodyPoo69, Dr Wo 69, Chuff_72, Cunzy1 1 and Wendy 72 took on the world on Gears of War and Mario Kart DS. Right now Gears is being set up for yet another day of fighting. Next Gen is truly here and it became apparent that Sony and Nintendo have a big job on their hands with the Wii and the PS3. With only two DSes and two Xbox 360s the five of us managed to play Wi-fi, wireless, splitscreen co-op, online co-op story mode and fully online almost at the switch of a button. The Ds and Xbox 360 are slick. It is that easy to "jump in".

Massive props to *$ophi£*, loco1116, A Pissed Monkey, minging mic, Chuff 72, Pixel princess, Dr Wo 69, Nev569, Oneflyer, Puppet Master, Captain Birdseye, Captain Japseye, Headshot888, Wendy 72, Brutus6, Roody Poo 69, gamensound, hustler 10, stomper 28, DaSmoef, Venom 58, ozzybear, Zachariah 123456, Rickzz01, Na2Ral…

Like the British but retarded

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Yes, dear friends it's AMERICANS.

Americans are stupid, which is fine, and even many Americans admit it themselves especially American bloggers. It's not offensive that's just what they are. English people have their quirks too as do the Scots as I am reliably informed by lazy boy Richie.

However, of all the offensive things in the world, America is guilty of the top two. Now I promised I wouldn't do this, but as a voice of authority to literally handfuls of people on the world's 1436966th Technorati ranked blog I will use my seat of power to right these wrongs:

1) 2nd most offensive thing of all time.
Buying American Football games. Why do you go so retarded after American Football games? As a sports game it's rubbish with more pauses and menu screens than Menu Fighter 4: Pause the Menu Master they are like football games requiring less skill and more patience. Myself and Quadbee played Madden back in the early 90s and we're still stuck on the same match not b…

Sexism in games

Following our research into these twoposts we have become aware of the massive tenuous sexism in games. Here’s a brief list, I’m sure you can think of more. When we get enough we’ll get a petition going and then we’ll send it to the European Union Justice Comissioner.
I think you’ll agree that this inherent sexism changes the way we all think about games.

1)Half Lives
Our hero Dr.Freeman is a silent physicist. What kind of message is this sending you young men? That you can only be a hero if you stay quiet and work in science? Outrageous.

2) Beyond Good and Evil
The main heroine is an attractive lady who wears green lipstick. Her sidekick is a male pig. What message is this sending our children? That you can only be a heroine if you are hot and use green make up or that all male sidekicks are pigs? Think of the children.

3) Tomb Raider
Lara wears a lot of man clothes with the exception of when she wears a dress to steal something in Tomb Raider 3? and when she is naked in the shower at the e…

Cunzy1 1’s International Periods of Gameplay Chart

Now that we are getting properly old it is increasingly hard to find time to play games. Previously we used to divulge in SESSIONs, MISSIONs and the odd HIT would catch us out. These days a daily SKIT would be nice. The day before yesterday I was struck by a HIT and boy did I suffer the next day. Whaddya mean you don’t know what I mean?
Cunzy1 1’s International Periods of Gameplay Chart

0.01 minutes-1 hour; A SKIT
From the daily tasks of Brain Training, Nintendogs & Animal Crossing or a quick mission on Timesplitters, the Skit is a good way to live your life and keep playing games in the interim. The Skit is the favoured length of play time for casual or busy gamers or those with partners who take ages getting dressed to go out/have a shower/sleep in till 12 on weekends.

Between 1hour-4hours; A SESSION
Be it a Half Life 2 episode or good old multiplayer Micro Machines, a Session is a good way to spend an evening solo, with friends, lovers, housemates or workmates.

Between 4ours-6hours;…

Chuff_72 Speaks Again!

With Richie ummm predisposed and my (creative) juices running on low after yesterday's excitment we bring you Chuff_72 again. Having been a stalwart commentor, adding more shit to this blog than Richie or I could on a daily basis sometimes the Chuff_meister just has to let it all out. SPEAK Chuff_72. SPEAK in a nearly-not-very exclusive UK Gears of War review. Kinda.

Gears of Motherfuckin' War
I really really want to go home, fuck work, I want to sit down and play Gears on Xbox Live all day, I've got the itch! I'm just sitting at my desk fidgeting... DAMN IT I NEED A HIT!!! So glad I never played WoW it would probably fuck my life up, I neeeed to shoot some people in the face, stick a chainsaw in someone's gut or shotgun someone's legs off.

Last night was completely awesome, the Dr (Ed. Dr.Wo long time Maniac and gamer) and I played for about 5hrs, the last 1hr or so was spent with a bunch of northerners, and we managed to start some banter straight off the bat, …

Super Princess Peach 2: PMS adventure.

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We at Thatguys, being the front and foremost of all games news, have just got word from Mr Nintendo about a new title for the DS. It's a sequel to, the now reaching cult status, Super Princess Peach, we don't
have all the details as yet but Mr Nintendo has told us personally that we can publish the information so far, in a Thatguys Exclusive.

Super PMS Peach.
Due to the success of the "Emotion" system set in place in the original Super Princess Peach, the next
logical step was to take Peach's emotions to the next logical step.


Super Menstrual Emotion Advanced Routine (S.M.E.A.R.). Super Princess Peach 2: PMS adventure
will work in conjunction with the Nintendo DS internal calendar. The Player will be given a chance at the start of the game to set the "Time of the Month" and for one week every 28 days Peach's emotions will be
enhanced to scary new heights. She will have enhanced anger and sadness and will be able to decimate all foes in her path (if they d…

Bullshit

Okay, okay, rarely do we get it wrong here at TGAM but back here when I said:

"So it's nearly time to say goodbye to the DS because it seems that Nintendo has had enough of Europe again."

That was bullshit. Nintendo love Europe it's just Mr.GAME who doesn't want us to be loved by Nintendo so he cunningly tells us that Mr.Nintendo doesn't write to us anymore when secretely Mr.GAME is keeping all the letters in a box. One day when Mr.GAME is out to lunch with Nickelodeon we're going to sneak upstairs and find the letters in that shoe box he has under his bed. Then we will cry tears of joy. Mr.Nintendo did love us all this time*

*This sudden change in stance has absolutely nothing to do with the authors discovering FUCKING DINOSAURS in Sonic and The Secret Rings, FF III + FFXII: Revenant Wings for the DS, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles on the Wii or anything like that. We are impartial at all times here. Yes sir.

Technically Speaking 2

We here at TGAM aim to give you the best blog service on the internets. Unfortunately, sometimes the internets fights back.

You may have noticed that many of the images aren't uploading or appearing. We apologise for this and we'll get our technician on it ASAP. In the meantime if you want to see any of the images then email us at www.hotmail.com and we'll do out best to explain the images in less than 100 words.

Apologies dear friends and Foes

Cunzy11 & Richie

Serious games source, Serious

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So we seriously stumbled upon some new serious games review blog site. And apparently it is so serious we had to seriously review it seriously. So we went to the newest and most serious article, which was this serious article on Super Princess Peach. The article seriously depicts some serious issues about the serious title Super Princess Peach, these serious issues include Feminism in games, Masculinism in games, and how certain blogs who perceive themselves as serious, can actually do an obvious article on a game which has been out for months, with perhaps the worst grammar ever seen in the blogsphere (excluding www.thatguys.co.uk) .

Note: old news:
In case anyone does not know Super Princess Peach is a DS game where Princess Peach takes on the role of the hero to rescue Mario. She makes her way though the levels as usual, and is helped by her emotions, crying raises and lowers the water level in a level etc.

Serious games source takes the stand point that Super princess peach is sexist…

That Guy's A Maniac Award- November

In our long running but not very consistently written "That Guy's a Mania" series we have nominated many a maniac, you may remember good ol' Xzin or Brice Mallen. True maniacs both, in their own seperate ways. But now after a 3 month hiatus we bring you November's Maniac of the Month: Isaiah "Triforce" Johnson

Not only is New-Yorker Isaiah a maniac because his middle name is "Triforce" but he is one of a number of maniac gamers taking to the streets in order to be the first in line for the new consoles. What makes I."T".J so mad mental? He has been queuing for a week for a Wii (story picked up here by the Beeb).

""I had to get it first," said the 29-year-old, who shook hands with Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime after buying the console. "

And he got to meet long time Maniac and Dear friend of ours big Reggie sans-amies! Queuing for a week has some serious implications like Urination issues, food issues…